bukatyne: @OP:

I doubt feminism makes people rude and bitter and without feminism you could still be this way

Since you have known your error and want to change, the following would help:

Love your self, develop a healthy self esteem and be confident in yourself. Most rude people have low self esteem and have demons they are fighting within. Being confident will help you acknowledge the fact that you are not perfect and needs someone to complement you

Learn how to be polite and humble to everyone no matter their station in life. Your character to random people matter a lot. I don't mean you should be a walk over: you can assert yourself without being rude

When you get a man or if you have one, learn to treat him the way he treats you (I want to assume you would choose a resppnsible man). Learn to also study and understand him so that you can respond accordingly to him as an individual. Different things make different men tick so know what makes yoir own man tick.

Also realize that there are some things he can do better than you; tap into it freely and vice versa. I am not talking of generic gender roles. Learn to make him feel loved and proud to be with you. Learn to talk to him respectfully and air your grievances with love

Learn to be yourself without pretense and always put him in your shoes when relating with him.

It is well

Excellent post.

This "OP's" problem has very little to do with feminism.

Interesting thread.
Why are people refusing to believe the OP is for real?
Is it becaude she is denouncing feminism as a waste of time?
I bet most of those against her would have been praising her to the high heavens if her thread was about the benefits of feminism.

coogar:

i am starting to believe you.
where in NC are you? durham, greensboro or charlotte?

Greensboro. Have you been here before?

Re-Learning:
I am a 35 year old single female from America. (Well, from Africa, but my ancestors were brought over years ago on a slave ship....okay, getting off course). I came across this forum last night while Googling some relationship advice and I really didn't know what Nairaland was. I thought it was a typical American thread site. I read a post that someone put up about her husband slapping her after something she said and he was mad at her for 3 days. Oh boy, so I started reading the comments. What I thought I was going to read were the typical comments such as:

-girl, you need to leave him. He don't respect you.
-you need to divorce him RIGHT NOW
-you don't need to have your kids around that man because any man that will put his hands on you will hit your kids.
-you deserve better than that low life. There are a thousand other men out here.
-it doesn't matter what you said, he needs to learn how to control himself.

Instead of those comments I was reading words of wisdom from women that were more forgiving, humble, focused on keeping a happy home, praying for her husband.

Re-Learning:

And as a woman living here....who grew up here....I am finally seeing through 4 and 5 generations of smoke. And I want different. That's all

Ok, I'll bite.

So after finally seeing through generations of smoke, what you've learned from it all is how to date, marry and keep an abusive loser? What a great antifeminist lesson to learn! Wish you all the best with your newfound epiphany.

Re-Learning:


Greensboro. Have you been here before?

I have lived in the US too and not sure I ever heard any America write or speak like this. The sentence construction is so not American especially for someone that was born in the South

Bros, abeg give it up. Discuss feminism if you want but no need to form all these stories!

ileobatojo:





Ok, I'll bite.

So after finally seeing through generations of smoke, what you've learned from it all is how to date, marry and keep an abusive loser? What a great antifeminist lesson to learn! Wish you all the best with your newfound epiphany.

Ileoba take it easy . Everybody doesn't have to be cold and anti-men as you are ! I know this open heart confession of a repented sister pains you to no end but if you imbibe a little humility you might actually learn a thing or two.

That is why I really love women who have not lost their head in the mad rush to be pro feminist. Women who have stubbornly refused to be masculanized by feminism. Those are the women that still makes sense.

@ OP another point is that you need to see your husband as one who is there to complement you not to compete with you.This kind of mindset will help you to always see him as a friend and not an enemy.

Re-Learning:


Trust me, I know that the civil rights and abolitionist played a huge role in making the world a better place. I live in one of the most diverse cities over here that is still strung with racism. I went to a college that is known internationally for helping with the Sit-in movement. The same college Jessie Jackson came out of.....that Martin Luther King visited. I know that the women's movement was needed because women couldn't even own land here so if her husband died she was out of luck. But I also know that our government helped to amp this up bc during World War II, most men were out for war and they needed production to continue at home. They needed taxes to still come in so they helped to hype up this propaganda for women to fill the roles of men. And it has gone too far. And as a woman living here....who grew up here....I am finally seeing through 4 and 5 generations of smoke. And I want different. That's all

I get your point relearning but my point was rather than always cast aspersions on the evils or by products of this movemens let's remember the real reasons why these movements existed in the first place . Let's just for a moment imagine life if some people had not struggled for some of the liberties we take for granted today.

Yeah like all this movements, there are radical or extreme elements but as bukatyne has explained its left to us as individuals to learn to take the pros and cons of these movements and apply them in our individual lives . Yeah racism had to be fought and still exists but some people still play the race card even when its obvious they are not willing to take the blame for making something of themselves. Like bukatyne explained I also dont see how feminism might be the major cause of attitude problems.We must also realise that there are diiferent models that have sprung out of the intial feminist movement and the more radical arm is probably what would espouse gender hatred.

I am quite familiar with feminism and studied various course units on the topic, my final year project was even on feminism in Islam and its faaar wider and broader than what 'some' posters on NL make it out to be.Infact it's in no way linked to wanting to be a man. (Okay there were some extremists but you have that even in religion)

coogar:

i am starting to believe you.
where in NC are you? durham, greensboro or charlotte?

G'boro. Have you been to NC?

Nashville:

I have lived in the US too and not sure I ever heard any America write or speak like this. The sentence construction is so not American especially for someone that was born in the South

Bros, abeg give it up. Discuss feminism if you want but no need to form all these stories!

Busted!!

damiso:

I get your point relearning but my point was rather than always cast aspersions on the evils or by products of this movemens let's remember the real reasons why these movements existed in the first place . Let's just for a moment imagine life if some people had not struggled for some of the liberties we take for granted today.

Yeah like all this movements, there are radical or extreme elements but as bukatyne has explained its left to us as individuals to learn to take the pros and cons of these movements and apply them in our individual lives . Yeah racism had to be fought and still exists but some people still play the race card even when its obvious they are not willing to take the blame for making something of themselves. Like bukatyne explained I also dont see how feminism might be the major cause of attitude problems.We must also realise that there are diiferent models that have sprung out of the intial feminist movement and the more radical arm is probably what would espouse gender hatred.

I am quite familiar with feminism and studied various course units on the topic, my final year project was even on feminism in Islam and its faaar wider and broader than what 'some' posters on NL make it out to be.Infact it's in no way linked to wanting to be a man. (Okay there were some extremists but you have that even in religion)

Greatest problem with feminism is that most feminists enter marriage with a combative mood.They see their husbands as a competitor who must fall for her to rise. They fail to understand that marriage is complimentary. it is a union of two good people united in a single mission. To most feminists. IT IS ALL ABOUT CONTROL NOT EQUALITY!

dinachi:

Ileoba take it easy . Everybody doesn't have to be cold and anti-men as you are ! I know this open heart confession of a repented sister pains you to no end but if you imbibe a little humility you might actually learn a thing or two.

That is why I really love women who have not lost their head in the mad rush to be pro feminist. Women who have stubbornly refused to be masculanized by feminism. Those are the women that still makes sense.

@ OP another point is that you need to see your husband as one who is there to complement you not to compete with you.This kind of mindset will help you to always see him as a friend and not an enemy.

Give it up Dinachi baby. You've been busted once by Nashville. Don't you get tired of logging in and out as different monikers every other minute?

You are now a 35 yr old cargo. Oh Dinachi. How far can you go.

Google is your friend

ileobatojo:





Ok, I'll bite.

So after finally seeing through generations of smoke, what you've learned from it all is how to date, marry and keep an abusive loser? What a great antifeminist lesson to learn! Wish you all the best with your newfound epiphany.

That's not what I'm saying at all. In my post you'll notice that I said I don't agree with the violence but what was different about the responses were the genuine response from those that have husbands that told the lady to pray about and USE HER FEMININITY to change the situation. I'm learning that you don't have to use your mouth, loud talking, head rolling, ways to correct the situation. Humility is not even a term used. We have just as much PRIDE AND EGO as a man. And again, I'm learning that you can't combat pride with pride. It only causes a pride war because he is now busy trying to keep his manhood.....and at the end of the day, the situation wasn't made better in the household....you just proved that to BIG EGOS can start tearing down the family.

dinachi:

Greatest problem with feminism is that most feminists enter marriage with a combative mood.They see their husbands as a competitor who must fall for her to rise. They fail to understand that marriage is complimentary. it is a union of two good people united in a single mission. To most feminists. IT IS ALL ABOUT CONTROL NOT EQUALITY!

So which 'google' did you use to come about this definition o jare? I'm asking so that Dami can know which google to browse for your own definition of feminism like you sent her. Cos it's obvious you're not using 'normal google' so please clarify. Thanks.

ileobatojo:

Give it up Dinachi baby. You've been busted once by Nashville. Don't you get tired of logging in and out as different monikers every other minute?

@ Chillis. if you can't make any reasonable post without using different monikers to attack me then that''s your loss.

I know that many other reasonable women are learning from these posts, I mean those that want to be married and stay married.

dinachi:

Since you want to run away, it is understandable.

I am not running away, but the way you keep going on and on about feminism being the antichrist and then give this

dinachi:

Greatest problem with feminism is that most feminists enter marriage with a combative mood.They see their husbands as a competitor who must fall for her to rise. They fail to understand that marriage is complimentary. it is a union of two good people united in a single mission. To most feminists. IT IS ALL ABOUT CONTROL NOT EQUALITY!

As the definition remember I said academic. Its obvious you have no clue what you are on about.

I don't have the strength to educate you on your misconceptions so that's why I said Google is your friend.

Re-Learning:


G'boro. Have you been to NC?

Guy, you don comot the "before" you wrote earlier? That gave you away. For your information, I have been to Charlotte severally and got job offers from Bank of America and Wachovia about eight years ago. Just about seven hours drive from Nashville! This ya Engrish sounds more Naija than American!

Anyway have fun!

Nashville:

Guy, you don comot the "before" you wrote earlier? That gave you away. For your information, I have been to Charlotte severally and got job offers from Bank of America and Wachovia about eight years ago. Just about seven hours drive from Nashville! This ya Engrish sounds more Naija than American!

Anyway have fun!

I thought I was the only one that saw that.

I read " have you been here before"

OP, pls let's go back to your previous thread

damiso:

You certainly have no clue on what feminism is.
Like you told me, Google is also your friend.
Not responding to you anymore.

Since you want to run away, it is understandable.

Re-Learning:


That's not what I'm saying at all. In my post you'll notice that I said I don't agree with the violence but what was different about the responses were the genuine response from those that have husbands that told the lady to pray about and USE HER FEMININITY to change the situation. I'm learning that you don't have to use your mouth, loud talking, head rolling, ways to correct the situation. Humility is not even a term used. We have just as much PRIDE AND EGO as a man. And again, I'm learning that you can't combat pride with pride. It only causes a pride war because he is now busy trying to keep his manhood.....and at the end of the day, the situation wasn't made better in the household....you just proved that to BIG EGOS can start tearing down the family.

We are saying the same thing jare. If married to a loser and a wife beater, you have now learned to use your femininity i.e. cook his favorite meals, wear black bra and red pant and be humble and submissive so as to remain Mrs forever.

Like I said, good luck.

Nashville:

Guy, you don comot the "before" you wrote earlier? That gave you away. For your information, I have been to Charlotte severally and got job offers from Bank of America and Wachovia about eight years ago. Just about seven hours drive from Nashville! This ya Engrish sounds more Naija than American!

Anyway have fun!

I really don't know how I can prove who I am. If you think I'm a regular on the site so be it. Again, I appreciate everyone who is leaving advice

@ Re Learning. My dear you may need to ignore some posts to get good answers. There are those who are here to only propagate feminist ideologies. They are the Wannabe nairaland Feminist bigots.

I am Barack Obama and I approve this message

If you want an example of how corporations capitalize off of feminism please look at the video and read the article attached. If after watching this, you feel that this corporation cares one moment beyond cashing in on more dollars, you are sadly mistaken. And this video does not shove it down your throat. It is very subtle things. Women can be just like men.....and when we are stop calling us names like pushy, arrogant, etc. In the meanwhile, I see women in the states that frown upon "Homemakers" and women that stay hime with their children.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/12/10/_pantene_labels_ad_campaign_when_is_it_ok_to_use_feminism_in_advertising.html

ileobatojo:

We are saying the same thing jare. If married to a loser and a wife beater, you have now learned to use your femininity i.e. cook his favorite meals, wear black bra and red pant and be humble and submissive so as to remain Mrs forever.

Like I said, good luck.

funny you, no be small black bra and red pant.

The sentence construction of this American worry me bad .

What you will see glorified in America are women who
- don't take no mess from there husbands
-make 6 or 7 figures a year
-don't need no man to "do their thang"
-will tell you like it is if you say something out of line
-constantly says "YOU CANT TELLLLLLLLLL ME WHAT TO DO"

What you will no longer see glorified here are women who
- allow the men to lead their household
-decide to live on what he makes and cut back on the higher lifestyle
- stay home and raise her children so that she can teach them boundaries instead of being taught by the wicked world at a young age.
-learn humility and respect and know that it's about her and her family, not just her.
-learn how to use her femininity to change a situation instead if a nagging mouth and pride which would only make matters worst.

Nashville:

Guy, you don comot the "before" you wrote earlier? That gave you away. For your information, I have been to Charlotte severally and got job offers from Bank of America and Wachovia about eight years ago. Just about seven hours drive from Nashville! This ya Engrish sounds more Naija than American!

Anyway have fun!

You are something funny. I was born and raised in the US and you are determined to make me Nigerian. Lol....maybe you know where my ancestors are from. That's great because I don't. It's caught up somewhere in those slave records. Can you perhaps tell me what tribe I'm from? I've always wanted to know.

Re-Learning:


You are something funny. I was born and raised in the US and you are determined to make me Nigerian. Lol....maybe you know where my ancestors are from. That's great because I don't. It's caught up somewhere in those slave records. Can you perhaps tell me what tribe I'm from? I've always wanted to know.

Dinachi? Sounds Igbo to me….

Re-Learning:
What you will see glorified in America are women who
- don't take no mess from there husbands
-make 6 or 7 figures a year
-don't need no man to "do their thang"
-will tell you like it is if you say something out of line
-constantly says "YOU CANT TELLLLLLLLLL ME WHAT TO DO"

What you will no longer see glorified here are women who
- allow the men to lead their household
-decide to live on what he makes and cut back on the higher lifestyle
- stay home and raise her children so that she can teach them boundaries instead of being taught by the wicked world at a young age.
-learn humility and respect and know that it's about her and her family, not just her.
-learn how to use her femininity to change a situation instead if a nagging mouth and pride which would only make matters worst.

My joy in all these is that you are retracing your steps. It is not too late to make a change. Please ignore those who are only out to seek attention. They won''t make any meaningful contribution to the discussion at hand because they have no useful opinion. Hold your head high and do the needful, you will be alright.

dinachi:

My joy in all these is that you are retracing your steps. It is not too late to make a change. Please ignore those who are only out to seek attention. They won''t make any meaningful contribution to the discussion at hand because they have no useful opinion. Hold your head high and do the needful, you will be alright.

You're a blessing Dinachi