Queenisha:

na wa o
all these cheating people on nairaland and their advisers.

Well my advise will be to confront him about that voice mail from his mistress and gather all evidence needed to prove your point and after he admits it, you  release your own bomb shell so you can both start the healing process.
I believe in honesty,without that,the marriage is just a sham.

_{my opinion}

Okija_juju:

@ Poster

Take this little secret with you to your grave.
Maybe you can tell him when both of you are prolly 90.
Shit happens.

rampant:

my own opinion too,how can she live wt d man when she's harbourung this kind of secret,let her talk abeg and free herself,if not her conscience will judge her till she finally lands in her grave

Queenisha:

That marriage will be filled with secrets after secrets.
Put yourself in that man's shoes.
He also cheats and she cheated once.
They ought to come clean to each other and then start afresh to build a loving relationship if not,this act could haunt her forever and the other man may not be keeping it a secret and she and her husband may hear of it someday.

KarmaMod:

If the husband can keep such a secret, why can't she osisi?

Queenisha:

Men?
Don't mind them
The wife here has a powerful weapon which she needs to use.
She knows he's cheating too so they both need to tell each other the truth.

Okija_juju:


I have, and I wouldnt want to ever know.
Dont tell me.
Some thing are better left untold.

Hannibal:

What if the husband denies the accusation??
Are u sure the voice message hasn't been deleted?

The Sly:

You would never catch me dead spewin' some sorta advises in threads like this no more. . . . . .
Do what u gotta do. . . . . . . . . .and Good luck.

Queenisha:

She has to have concrete, solid proof beyond a voicemail message that may no longer be there.
If he doesn't admit it,I won't be saying mine but before I get him to talk about it,I'll have an air tight proof.

Queenisha:

after giving people advice that turned catastrophic,now you're no longer talking.
They'll soon come after you _{in the spirit realm}

Hannibal:

Whats the point in confessing something as HUGE as this??
Telling/not telling her husband will not stop the cheating IF their bedroom activities don't improve.
So they should just accept their fate as intimate strangers!!!

The Sly:

Pray for me abeg!

Queenisha:

Unless they want to sentence themselves to a life with "other bed fellows" otherwise they ought to give the marriage a chance at healing and it starts with honesty.
If not, they should just go their separate ways.

Hannibal:

This is why i think pre-marital sex is very necessary!!
Whats the point in keeping a wife that ain't sex compatible after spending millions on a grand wedding.

If they had subjected themselves to various trials, these problem would have been exposed before marriage. . . . .
Now, a well-brought up girl has been reduced to a cheating tart all because she didn't do the right thing at the right time.
Ladies. . . . . . .Food for THUNK!!!!

Hannibal:

This is why i think pre-marital sex is very necessary!!
Whats the point in keeping a wife that ain't sex compatible after spending millions on a grand wedding.

If they had subjected themselves to various trials, these problem would have been exposed before marriage. . . . .
Now, a well-brought up girl has been reduced to a cheating tart all because she didn't do the right thing at the right time.
Ladies. . . . . .  .Food for THUNK!!!!

Dbisi:

I had a problem with my husband about 2 months before our wedding, he suspected and accused me of having an affairs he later found was not true and this was after we have dated for 5 years. That broke my heart because i was a very decent girl and[b] infact he disvirgined me after 4 years into our courtship[/b] after i had graduated from UI. He did apologise though and even though i tried to stop the wedding he begged me and made the whole world beg me i was no longer interested but it was too late. When we got married i realised i never enjoyed sex it is always pain and i tried to see if something was wrong with me, i tried to forgive him and free my mind and yet i still never enjoyed it. One day i listened to a voice mail a girl left for him of how much she enjoyed him and how he should not because of marriage forget her as he was too sweet on the bed, this broke my heart because i trusted him and now i realised its not as if he doesnt know how to make love it was my problem. Though i regret it now and feel quilty, i slept with an ex who never slept with me as a single girl and i must confess i enjoyed it, now i can't say what my problem is, i never did it after then and i still don't enjoy sex with my husband. I feel so guilty and i wish i could confess to him and ask for his forgiveness. Is it wise to do this and please if you have ever had like problem what can i do to enjoy sex with my husband. Please, this is a marital and serious and real issue will appreciate genuine and helpful advise.

Orimili:

@poster

Everyone here is giving you bad advice for something as big as that. You can try to take it to your grave, but it's not going to work. One way or another, both of you are going to know about the affair. It is going to be extremely disastrous for you if you allow him to find out about it from some other means than yourself. You have to tell him what happened.

Will he be angry? Yes, he will be, but not nearly as angry as he will be if he found out from his friends, or anyone else, including the guy that you had an affair with (yes, I have seen this happen). At least if you tell him, there is a chance that the both of you can work things out. If not, and he finds out, your marriage is over, as you didn't respect him enough to tell him. Not saying anything is equally as damaging to your marriage, as the both of you are going to grow very distant from each other as the guilt builds up.

You have a choice of either taking your hits now, or taking even harder hits later. There is no easy way out of this, and I suggest that you take the responsibilities or your actions. You made a mistake, and your marriage is on the line. You have to fix it.