Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? - Family - Nairaland
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| Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by paradoxqueen: 2:04am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Hello, To start with I am a white American woman and my husband is Nigerian. We have been married for almost a year. Anyways my husband claims to be frustrated with me disobeying. Frustrated enough he left and went back to Nigeria but returned after a little more then a week. Now most of the time i don't think in my mind think to just obey him. What he says or we talk about well to me is only his opinion. I don't see anyone as authority to obey. I see people as people with opinions. My personality also contributes to this problem because i am spoiled, spontaneous, and well my husband says i think too much of myself... I say he doesnt think enough. I am not a disciplined person... I have lived my life doing what i want when i want and how i want. Then other times i will very clearly purposely obey him. However.i only do this if he has upset me so that we may both be bothered and these times i clearly intend to anger him and frustrate him. Now i have a problem that he wants me to obey him. I have several problems with this.... 1. I can't obey... I can Try.... But its not in me. 2. When we married our vows were messed up so i feel that is my escape clause that prevents me from really having to up hold to the martial vows. But most of all I just can't obey him. I could name many reasons why i won't or can't but i know myself well enough to know there is no situation with anyone i am going to obey.... Its just me... Now my real problem is he is threatening to terminate the marriage if i don't obey... And i know he will. I don't want the marriage to end but i don't want to obey him. And its probably easy to say obey him if i don't want it to end but i can't obey i don't know how and i don't even knowmost of the time when he expects me to i think he is just giving an opinion as no one not even my father would ask let alone demand me to obey. So does anyone have anything they know i can do or any way i can alert.his mind on this obey thing? 1 Like |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by PapaNnamdi: 2:15am On Oct 05, 2014 |
*cleans face with handkerchief* phew wat an epistle  d bible says... obedience is better thannnnnn........... anyways, i hav no idea whatsoever i just came to read comments. u remind me of someone though with a similar scenario, 1 Like |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 2:22am On Oct 05, 2014 |
If your husband was raised in Africa, then you'll ve to do everything with an African finish. When you do that, you would've obeyed him n ve done every other thing he craves. But, as you pointed out that you don't ve to do what people want before but just what you want. This and other things that white people do are not obtainable in Africa especially for a female. You'll find it hard doing them and worst if you see yourself (white) as superior because of colour. I wish you well 2 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by paradoxqueen: 2:22am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Lol i don't attend church so i can't finish the Bible verse. Do you know what the person has done? Lol |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by braine(m): 2:53am On Oct 05, 2014 |
African men love to be 'worshiped'. Well, you have do your best to please him. 3 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by paradoxqueen: 3:05am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Why i mention i am white is not out of superiority its because if someone reading knows much about Americans they know black American and white American carry a different culture/view/raising. |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 3:35am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Woman's submission to the man is the hallmark of African mentality,irrespective of the woman's opinion at times. Please for the sake of the marriage,first obey him,when he's in a lighter mood,you can then air your view. God didn't say the man shall be the head of the family for fun,he has reasons for that,which is submission of the woman to the man,when opinion differs. 5 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 3:36am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Which village are you typing from?  5 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by SpcAgtOko: 3:55am On Oct 05, 2014 |
The problem is you, not him. Humble yourself enough and respect him enough to let your own selfish desires go. |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by paradoxqueen: 4:01am On Oct 05, 2014 |
But why would i follow his desires? He is not my maker. 10 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 4:29am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Night fliers |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by chii8(f): 4:45am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Nlders no dey sleep ni.... Anyway jst wanna change my baby diaper n read comments small 5 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by ednut1(m): 5:01am On Oct 05, 2014 |
marriage died d day women began to believe dis gender equality BS. madam op. i wont be surprised ur huaband has anoda wife in naija dat obeys 6 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by DWJOBScom(m): 5:25am On Oct 05, 2014 |
I read your post and thought it intelligent and smart - you were able to highlight the reasons for being who you are.........BUT He's not just an African he's a man with an ego, in marriage or any business partnership there must be a leader to be obey, followed and supported , it makes marriage/partnership work. Make him your friend - see him as that doting friend you will do anything for - that friend that can take anything from you and you just smile anyway........see him as such. It has nothing to do with your personality - just obey and as time goes on both of you will connect 4 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by DesChyko: 5:32am On Oct 05, 2014 |
He probably thought he could get the 'African Woman' in his mother from you, but he couldn't. You should probably learn how a woman does her thing in an orthodox Nigerian home. 1 Like |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by kreamidiva(f): 6:21am On Oct 05, 2014 |
You met hubby in September and by December, you were married. You didn't take time to know who he really is. Your various topics were centred on difference in culture and all that yet you were quick to marry him in less than 4 months. Please obey him o. If you had taken time to date him, you would have found out that he is someone that likes to be obeyed and as such you would have decided whether to go ahead and marry him or not. Goodluck as you obey your husband. 2 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 6:22am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Sincerely, i blame your husband. Why didnt he see this during your courtship? 9 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by chymystique(f): 6:29am On Oct 05, 2014 |
paradoxqueen: Ma @ d bolded above all i ve to say is that you can't eat your cake and ve it.. African men loves their wives being submissive Since you claim to love your husband I don't see any reason why u should make that statement "I don't want to obey him" I understand your reasons though but I think its too flimzy for you to let it come between you and your hubby. Bend your principle a little to accomodate. IMO if you TRY to obey him once you will realise that its not hard or impossible for you to do. You might even realise you enjoy it.. You can as well talk things with him ltr on maybe you might reach a compromise 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by ephemm(m): 6:31am On Oct 05, 2014 |
I smell fabrication This story does not add up A spoilt person will never admit to being one etc 5 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 6:57am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Nairaland feminists will soon come and tell you to continue disobeying him. 5 Likes
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| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 7:02am On Oct 05, 2014 |
paradoxqueen: Then forget about the marriage. if a woman finds the very thought of being under the authority of a man detestful, she shouldnt even think of marriage. Men prefer respect to love anytime, anyday, anywhere! 4 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 7:21am On Oct 05, 2014 |
That is the major reason interracial marriage don't normally last,and many Africans don't marry white because of this,two captain can't be in the Same ship. For your relationship or marriage to stand you must be submissive, that's African culture for you..Make him feel like the man in charge but you can air your view any other time, at his own convenient time that's respect and mind you African culture have every thing to do with respect so you better learn 2 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by adanduka: 7:47am On Oct 05, 2014 |
OBEY! 1 Like |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 7:54am On Oct 05, 2014 |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by ifyalways(f): 8:00am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Make him obey you na. Surely, that can't be difficult for you?  Dorostory |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by SAMBARRY: 8:06am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Only you know what you want. If you still want to be in the marriage, do what he wants even if you are not ok with it and go ahead and do whatever you want to do behind him and if you don't want the marriage again or you think you are tired of his domineering behaviour. Walk away. You know yourself better than anyone. So its up to you. After all you walked into marriage with him with liberty and whatever you want to do should be at your discretion. Moreover didn't kanwulia tell you African men are for African women. If you think you cannot submit and you're not ready walk out alive before you leave with crutches and if you want to continue with him submit even if it is fake. next |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by imsuboi(m): 8:07am On Oct 05, 2014 |
you need deliverance  1 Like |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by dBard: 8:21am On Oct 05, 2014 |
Submission to ur husband is not , like ppl always opine here, an African thing rather general, check ur culture. Ur married now , which means there is no more you n me but us...u don't think for urself but f d oda person, not holding on to ur own opinion but working twds d colle tive good. Marriage is not a business where opinions are shared n deliberated on in everything. Somethings u defer t him , in some he'll defer t u..it's not dat western b.s of 50/50. You cannot continuously emasculate ur man n expect all t be well..esp. an African man that was probably brought up wit a sense of responsibility twds d running of d home , to b in charge. Did u even bother , btw, to understand d culture n mentality of d person u were getting married to  The choice is yours.. P.s..if ur looking f empathy, hold on a while, d resident 'feminists without a cause', will soon b running thru. 2 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by cococandy(f): 8:41am On Oct 05, 2014 |
paradoxqueen:with everything you typed there,tthe problem is from you. The difference in culture isn't even your problem because even if you marry your fellow white man with that kind of attitude both of you won't last long in the marriage. A married person can't just do as they wish with no regard for their partner. It's recipe for disaster. If you want your marriage to last you better dump the single-only-me-do-as-i-want attitude. It's not all about you. It's about both of you. I'm going to take wild guess and assume your husband is a regular sensible person. So why on earth would he want you to do things that are not right just to prove that he's the head of the family? I don't see any reason. Do you hope to have kids,raise them and stay together at least until you're both old? Better dump your selfish attitude and work together with him to build your family. Marriage is team work. You can't stay married with a single person's mindset 11 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 9:20am On Oct 05, 2014 |
He already got his papers and you are still disobeying him? Im joking.... On a serious note though, a wife submitting to her husband isn't just an African thing, this has always been the role of a wife irrespective of culture, religion or race. You need to learn to be more respectful to your husband. Forget what you grew up doing or not doing, this is marriage and it will take the co-operation of 2 people to make it work. If you keep acting the way you did when you were single and free, u might end up being single and free again. Learn to compromise. Im not saying if he asks you to bark like a dog and hop around the house like rabbit, you should just do it with no questions asked. Im talking about just showing respect as the man of the house. If he says something and u don't completely agree with him, instead of acting like you on some debate competition, give your opinion without sounding like you are trying to overthrow him. 4 Likes |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by Nobody: 9:23am On Oct 05, 2014 |
cococandy: @bold My thoughts exactly.  1 Like |
| Re: Husband Wants To End Marriage Because I Don't Obey.... What To Do? by hollandis(f): 9:53am On Oct 05, 2014 |
paradoxqueen:Then good luck .I know you are feminist ,but you are heading the way for divorce 3 Likes |
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