breadplanets:
Wowww this is the *bestest* thread on nairaland. Just what i need. Ive been reading from d first page to d last since day before ysterday. E no easy o. God will help us all. Im about to get married. I'll cm back with my plenty kweshions soon. God bless u all.

I wish you the best.

Chrisbenogor:

True that about the dealing with inlaws, however men generally have not spoken of their own experiences on this thread or how they see things which can sometimes be really different from how women perceive it.

Now to cheating.....Cheating is wrong I could not totally agree more.
However it happens as can be seen on this thread. When it does however I do not think it is just enough to say oh he/she cheated on you, it was wrong. In my small experience when someone you really care about cheats on you, asides from the anger you feel sometimes most people cannot help but feel a sense of inadequacy on their part led to their partner straying. This can sometimes be true, however at other times not so true. I am talking about getting to the root cause, why it happened and not if what happened was bad. Unless that root cause is dealt with as with a marriage then I think it is a set up for further disappointment.

I think not cheating for a both couples has to do with discipline but most especially for men. Men don't like to talk about their challenges, there are some men here who have gone through these things and fashioned very good ways to deal with it, others could not be bothered about it - they do it because they can, others have fallen and learned from their mistakes and vowed not to do it again, others have decided to live with it.

This is really a difficult topic to talk about without ruffling feathers of impatient people, its like trying to explain how a ghetto neighbourhood would be very prone to vices, explaining what kids go through from starting off life without many options but to go into drugs or violence. Its not a justification for going into it, however if something is to be done about it a proper understanding of the problem is important to fashioning a solution.


So I will try and leave the floor open for men to try and open up, this is not about being self righteous because many men with even bigger things to loose have fallen prey to cheating on their wives. For instance As a man

1. What are the factors that could lead you to cheat?
2. How do you handle it when you find yourself in situations that lead to it?
3. If you have had this experience before or a near miss, could you share how you handled it?

This list by no means exhaustive, but its a start.

Women lie Men lie,Isn't that true? As a Man,what could make one cheat varies from one person to the other. Either as a result of the inadequacies of a partner to the way an opposite sex friend treats u when u are around her(this particularly gets guys to think about what it is to be with this kinda friend).
As Men we have this idea that a certain friendship with a female who isn't ours won't get 'septic' until it does. We play with fire a lot until it burns those we truly care about.
Have I ever cheated? Yes(emotionally) in previous relationships but not my present one though I have been tempted to. There is always this other woman out there u wish was yours not cos she is gorgeous but she thinks exactly d way u do. Shld this make us cheat? Nah I don't think so.

Didn't want to go in this direction buh some wives n gfs are culpable when their man cheats cos they drive them to it with nagging and un found suspicion.

sparkymummy:

I wish you the best.

thanks love

O.k.. 3 - 5 days countdown n am trying to kip it all 2gda amidst all...
Was hoping f a relatively quiet wedding but present estimates 500+ guests.
Are dre any advices I can get here on organization.. drinks, food , service.

I think Ive covered all d bases but still wake up wit mild panic attacks.

Any advice that'll help will b appreciated.

dBard:
O.k.. 3 - 5 days countdown n am trying to kip it all 2gda amidst all...
Was hoping f a relatively quiet wedding but present estimates 500+ guests.
Are dre any advices I can get here on organization.. drinks, food , service.

I think Ive covered all d bases but still wake up wit mild panic attacks.

Any advice that'll help will b appreciated.

it is usual to have that pre-wedding blood rush, which experts says it is normal. However, make sure you call them( those in charge of handling the section you mentioned 48hours to the D-day),just relax. Happy Marriage in advance.

Pls how does one deal with a fiance that does not like talking about issues that comes up every now and then. For example i do or say something to annoy him after i apologise and i want to explain why so n so happened he will say *that one has gone*. And i feel like talking about it he would say i like over stressing issues. Like this morning i was annoyed with him n when he tried to explain himself i told him that one has gone, just to see his reaction and he was just too happy to let it go like that. Abeg wetin i fit do o. Cos i feel like any issue we dont tackle properly now might crop up in future by then it might cause more damage. Please helpppp!!

Hello, everyone. How weekend? @Godmystrenght, how are you oh! Just checking up on you. Read the pages av missed n I realised you have been mute. Hope you r fine. The Lord is your strength sis!

@breadplanet. If not the fact that you mentioned he was happy when you too said he shld let it go,wld av said you shldnt worry too much about it.some men no like too much story even me wey be woman,I can't shout so most times I d say abeg, forget it,that one Don go or I don hear n truly l let it go,it's when I don't answer that he will be worried. Communication is key in a relationship so I think you have to find a way of making him listen.oda aunties will soon come n dissect the question for you.

breadplanets:
Pls how does one deal with a fiance that does not like talking about issues that comes up every now and then. For example i do or say something to annoy him after i apologise and i want to explain why so n so happened he will say *that one has gone*. And i feel like talking about it he would say i like over stressing issues. Like this morning i was annoyed with him n when he tried to explain himself i told him that one has gone, just to see his reaction and he was just too happy to let it go like that. Abeg wetin i fit do o. Cos i feel like any issue we dont tackle properly now might crop up in future by then it might cause more damage. Please helpppp!!

Whenever he is in the mood at night and wants to do something just tell him 'that one has gone' I believe this time he will want to talk about it

But seriously Breadplanets, this might really cause a big problem in the future. It is always good to tackle issues, talk about things in other to clear doubts, assumptions and suspicions. If he doesn't want you to talk about it, next time allow him to talk about it, in fact cry if possible.

mamateniola1 thanks. Its the communication i really want to establish now. Ilovenigeria we are not yet married nau so d doing sontin at night is out of the kweshion hehehehe..... I so much love tackling issues when they come up immediately, haaa who said getting married is easy? If he were to be my boyfriend i know i wont bother my pretty head but as it is.... God help me!

breadplanets:
mamateniola1 thanks. Its the communication i really want to establish now. Ilovenigeria we are not yet married nau so d doing sontin at night is out of the kweshion hehehehe..... I so much love tackling issues when they come up immediately, haaa who said getting married is easy? If he were to be my boyfriend i know i wont bother my pretty head but as it is.... God help me!

God will see you through. If this is the only problem you have with him then it's not that bad.

breadplanets:
mamateniola1 thanks. Its the communication i really want to establish now. Ilovenigeria we are not yet married nau so d doing sontin at night is out of the kweshion hehehehe..... I so much love tackling issues when they come up immediately, haaa who said getting married is easy? If he were to be my boyfriend i know i wont bother my pretty head but as it is.... God help me!

I don't like talking too much about issues either....
And once I say something is gone, it's actually gone FOREVER!
If he means the 'it has gone', just let the guy be jare
no time for long stories

It isnt everytime una go dhey die d matter now.. Marriages nowaday suffer 4rm grudges, unresolved issues and lack of communication.. I think in d west b4 d final phase or commencement of divorce couples are booked 4 compulsory councelling sessions 4 3months or so.. Dats is 2 tell u communication is gud and pls do wait till u're married already b4 u rectify d probs.

Thanks aluta and mutaino... For me we must talk o. No b tmrw now person go dey carry face for something we happen for 1860 hehehehe..... Thanks guys.

@breadplanets; My hubby is also like that. He runs from the slightest confrontation and very quick to say "oya sorry, e don do, I no get strenght for wahala". All in a bid to "jump and pass". For lil issues, I let go. But for very significant ones, I tell him I'm really serious and we need to talk about it.

If he's still running, I wait till we go to bed and I table the issue. At that moment he knows there is no sweeping under the carpet and we get to trash it out.

Its not such a big deal anyways as attribute helps to temporarilly "quench" the fire for not so big issues. If I married someone like me who took every little issue so seriously, the home will be a war zone. So chill, you guys will be fine.

By the way, congrats on your forthcoming wedding. Yea yea, I remember you from the wedding thread. Welcome to da club.

Godmystrenght; You've been quiet on here. How are you these days? Hope you are much better now?

Phema:
@breadplanets; My hubby is also like that. He runs from the slightest confrontation and very quick to say "oya sorry, e don do, I no get strenght for wahala". All in a bid to "jump and pass". For lil issues, I let go. But for very significant ones, I tell him I'm really serious and we need to talk about it.

If he's still running, I wait till we go to bed and I table the issue. At that moment he knows there is no sweeping under the carpet and we get to trash it out.

Its not such a big deal anyways as attribute helps to temporarilly "quench" the fire for not so big issues. If I married someone like me who took every little issue so seriously, the home will be a war zone. So chill, you guys will be fine.

By the way, congrats on your forthcoming wedding. Yea yea, I remember you from the wedding thread. Welcome to da club.

Thanks sweets..... I guess u are right about d home being a war zone if we are alike in this case. Thanks everyone.

Double post

dBard:
O.k.. 3 - 5 days countdown n am trying to kip it all 2gda amidst all...
Was hoping f a relatively quiet wedding but present estimates 500+ guests.
Are dre any advices I can get here on organization.. drinks, food , service.

I think Ive covered all d bases but still wake up wit mild panic attacks.

Na marriage jitters
I pray your caterers are reliable
Happy married life

Godspearl:
Family and inlaw trouble can b so annoying,My hubby's family had a meeting and my hubby's immediate broda talked abt me dt I don't usually participate wheneva they have party dt I jst come like a guest.I wasn't bodad cuz I knew its d wife dt told him all dt jst bcuz wen my brodainlaw was graduating from seminary I dint help her personally wit cookin I sent my maid to help... fast forward yesterday my brodainlaws wife called dt she wants to do a surprise bday party fr her husband.(d husbands bday is july 30 bt she wants to do d party 3rd august) which falls on my hubby's bday. What shld I do as I don't want dere wahala again.

Show her the middle finger.#Not literally
She's tryna push you over the hedge.
Imagine the nonsense.Tell her assuming she doesn't know your husband birthdate.
So you should postpone your husband's own to attend her own husband own.

On the contrary sha you may agree depending on her person to do a joint party to celebrate both una husbands.If she says no.Refer to above advice.

Abeg, me I get problem. In fact, am the problem.
.
.
I have always been a introvert, AKA a loner. I started by drowning myself in the world of *make believe* TV when I was still very small. Then, I graduated to reading novel and other literature. It got to a stage where I can't eat well, if am not reading something.
Now am addicted to my phone (nothing fanciful). This addiction is not just about the internet. I have downloaded a lot novels and other academic materials on my phone.
While eating, am with my phone
In a meeting with other people, I still sneak one or two looks at my phone.
In bed, with my wife, (during bedtime) I am still with my phone....... This is the major problem now.
My wife is threatening to move into her own room, if I continue like this.
How do I help myself, to break this addiction before I wreck my young marriage. Can anyone help, with useful tips?? Please.

^^^ Get a Nokia or any other phone without internet capability, insert your Sim and do away with your smartphone, laptop or tablet for two weeks.

Let your wife help in checking urgent and important emails at home after office hours not to be tempted into using it.

If you stay away from these gadgets for two weeks, you will achieve good progress in breaking this addiction.

During these two weeks, if you will watch TV, watch programs that will interest both of you so u can analyse, discuss and laugh over it together.

On weekends, don't stay indoors for too long, go out with her and use your phone only when there are calls or text messages.

Keep to this for one, two, three...... weeks and you will put this addiction where it belongs.

It is well.

bellong:
^^^ Get a Nokia or any other phone without internet capability, insert your Sim and do away with your smartphone, laptop or tablet for two weeks.

Let your wife help in checking urgent and important emails at home after office hours not to be tempted into using it.

If you stay away from these gadgets for two weeks, you will achieve good progress in breaking this addiction.

During these two weeks, if you will watch TV, watch programs that will interest both of you so u can analyse, discuss and laugh over it together.

On weekends, don't stay indoors for too long, go out with her and use your phone only when there are calls or text messages.

Keep to this for one, two, three...... weeks and you will put this addiction where it belongs.

It is well.

Sir bellong you took that straight out of my mouth.

So na like this this thread die.

^^^^Since there was nothing to talk about the focus shifted to investigative work on cheats..


So the thread was abandoned for CSI NL

pickabeau1:
^^^^Since there was nothing to talk about the focus shifted to investigative work on cheats..


So the thread was abandoned for CSI NL

Why are you against this thread eh pickabeau, always analyzing the reason for the thread, abeg post your challenge let people help you. No shame here.

egopersonified:


Why are you against this thread eh pickabeau, always analyzing the reason for the thread, abeg post your challenge let people help you. No shame here.

Errm........you better check ur steps.
I don't have any problem against your thread
Its you lot who r looking for cheats calling others justifiers

Pickabeauuuuuuuuuu Lol

My friend before before

A leopard cannot change its skin sha

Kimoni:
Pickabeauuuuuuuuuu. Lol

My friend before before

A leopard cannot change it skin sha

Oga mi....wetin I do oooo

pickabeau1:



Oga mi....wetin I do oooo

I just dey hail you ni

Kimoni:



I just dey hail you ni

OK....me self hail ooo
Let's go to Boys room

breadplanets:
Pls how does one deal with a fiance that does not like talking about issues that comes up every now and then. For example i do or say something to annoy him after i apologise and i want to explain why so n so happened he will say *that one has gone*. And i feel like talking about it he would say i like over stressing issues. Like this morning i was annoyed with him n when he tried to explain himself i told him that one has gone, just to see his reaction and he was just too happy to let it go like that. Abeg wetin i fit do o. Cos i feel like any issue we dont tackle properly now might crop up in future by then it might cause more damage. Please helpppp!!

A lot of men are that way, they prefer to scurry to safety than tackle it head on. Just like Phema said, I have learnt to let stuffs that doesn't really count slide but when is time to talk, i don't mind doing the talking by myself, the ears and the results is all I need. If you start talking about every little thing, then marriage won't be fun at all.

Hello house, hope everyone is good... What's up with Godstrength, hop she is good.. Its been long I saw her post on NL.. My regards to her ooo.. Wish a very beautiful week ahead. May God bless our marriages.