I am not a fan of stereotypes, so in general I often avoid people who like to use labels. That particular trait has and I believe will continue to serve me well.

I love black men; in fact I love Nigerian men . When I was shipped to Britain at 18, I knew within a few years that nothing but a cocoa brown of the naija variety would cut it for me . Some of my friends were keen on white men because they wanted biracial kids and they supposedly make better husbands. I was having none of that, it had to be a nucca and a naija nucca for that matter, it didn’t matter if he descended from the east, west, south or sahel. All I wanted was a naija man with his usual special brand of swag and ‘toasting!’ Certain lines are particular to Nigerian men, I have not heard non-naija men use those lines

If I am interviewed today and asked what mould of men I consider Nigerian enough to be married to if I wasn't married to my true Naija hubby of course , my first answer would be King Sango of the old Oyo Empire, he may have been arrogated all sorts of mythical powers but any man who could marry women as strong as Oba, Osun and Oya was no weakling and certainly didn't need to demand respect from his wives. From contemporary times, I can only think of the Late Rev. Oludotun Kuti, husband of Mrs Olufunmilayo Kuti and father of Olikoye, Fela and Beko Kuti. Rev Kuti in particular is ultra-special because he made all his marks in education while his wife Mrs Kuti was all about politics, a mean feat for their times. The other man that comes to mind is Dr Ekpo, the husband of Margaret Ekpo; in fact the history of NCNC as a political party would not be complete if the names of these two women’s were omitted, what Mrs Kuti did in the West, Mrs Ekpo did in the East. Two strong Nigerian men married them and did not stop them from achieving dreams; the fear of their wives stealing their thunder apparently did not come into play.

The history of Babangida’s regime as terrible as it was will not be complete without mentioning Maryam’s mark. She is behind the creation of the ‘Office of the first lady’, maybe someone here can convince me that Babangida simply could not control his wife. We can't possibly have forgotten Stella and Turai so soon; strong women even if their strength was to our detriment. I have heard many oral accounts of the rifts between Awo and Akintola being largely fuelled by their wives, might have been hearsay but mama HID and late Mrs Faderera Akintola were no pushovers even if the office first lady was non existent.

The truth is that Nigerian women have always been strong and independent even if there are good and bad kinds. That some women are all about money is not new, many of our musicians sang about it, I remember the apt descriptions of some women as a kid as being 'Olorunsogo' women, but the men who coined the that term also described their opposites as 'Surulere' women.

Has the world changed so much that some of our men only want ‘yes’ women as wives? So much so that strong women can only be described as rude and disrespectful. I can’t think of anywhere else where Nigerian women in particular are bashed as they are here on NL. Some of these men need to start taking responsibility for their behaviour. You are what you attract after all.

ochon they want to know where you are

Sister ask google!!!

naijababe:


Has the world changed so much that some of our men only want ‘yes’ women as wives? So much so that strong women can only be described as rude and disrespectful. I can’t think of anywhere else where Nigerian women in particular are bashed as they are here on NL. Some of these men need to start taking responsibility for their behaviour. You are what you attract after all.

Good post, that is, until you attempted to sneak this in. We know strong women when we see strong women. Strong no be for mouth. No be person wey shout pass na im strong pass. I grew up around strong women, in th home, school, church, etc. We also grew up seeing rude, disrespectful, cantankerous women and we can tell the difference. Your post seeks to equate strong to disrespectful, sorry, that aint gon fly. We love strong women, how else would we have strong families. Strong women can be rude and disrespectful but those are not requirements of being a strong woman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Czb4rImsph0

Yes, the world has changed. Every one has started growing wings. Oba, oya and Osun were strong and respectful to their husband Sango; so were the other women you mentioned. Strong in today's world has a new meaning entirely.

Any normal man will be satisfied with a strong and respectful woman. But what do we have nowadays? Obnoxious ídiots growing wings and using feminism as a mask to cover their crassness. That's why it seems like men want a "yes" woman. Men can't even be men again. You want men to be men? then give them a chance to be men.

"I'm strong and independent. .I am a grown woman I can do whatever". yeye people.

Using the video i posted as an example; this is what we now considered as strong. Don't be surprised if the girl doesn't get charged with assault and the guy does.

freshdude2:
Good post, that is, until you attempted to sneak this in. We know strong women when we see strong women. Strong no be for mouth. No be person wey shout pass na im strong pass. I grew up around strong women, in th home, school, church, etc. We also grew up seeing rude, disrespectful, cantankerous women and we can tell the difference. Your post seeks to equate strong to disrespectful, sorry, that aint gon fly. We love strong women, how else would we have strong families. Strong women can be rude and disrespectful but those are not requirements of being a strong woman.

Fresh, you are my person oh, but it seems to me you missed this part. I deliberately used good and bad examples in my OP.

The truth is that Nigerian women have always been strong and independent even if there are good and bad kinds.

@ BABE3, you need to tell me the meaning of this new strong! It is a worrying trend I swear.


The woman in your post is not a strong woman by my definition. She is crass and everything a respectable woman should not be

naijababe:
@ BABE3, you need to tell me the meaning of this new strong! It is a worrying trend I swear.

The woman in your post is not a strong woman by my definition. She is crass and everything a respectable woman should not be

by your definition, yes. However, her strong friends will disagree with you.

Sango's wives were strong, yes, but as soon as sango says 'ha', they freeze. Men are humans as well; you can't keep trampling in their egos and person with "I'm strong and I can do whatever" and still expect them to be "the real man" you want. So don't be surprised if men want to settle for a 'yes' woman.

What is the new strong? Being strong, rude and crass.

BABE3:


by your definition, yes. However, her strong friends will disagree with you.

Sango's wives were strong, yes, but as soon as sango says 'ha', they freeze. Men are humans as well; you can't keep trampling in their egos and person with "I'm strong and I can do whatever" and still expect them to be "the real man" you want.

What is the new strong? Being strong, rudr and crass.

Damn!!! I must be getting old.

naijababe:


Damn!!! I must be getting old.

Food for thought; compare kids in the 60s/70s/80s to the kids now in terms of how respectful and polite they were. Now, compare the women in the 60s/70s/80s to the women now.

Times have changed.

There's nothing wrong with strong independent women.The examples you gave were strong women.
However,did you look beyond just the public image they exhibited?
These women worked WITH their husbands.They organised their programmes along with their husbands.
The problem with the ladies of nowadays claiming to be strong,independent women is that they come off more as rude and obnoxious and selfish just to prove they can do their own thing.

Do a bit of digging to find out how Dora Akunyili's husband was in her programme.Do the same for Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala.These are strong women.

BABE3:




Food for thought; compare kids in the 60s/70s/80s to the kids now in terms of how respectful and polite they were. Now, compare the women in the 60s/70s/80s to the women now.

Times have changed.

The good old days, that expression is loaded with rose tinted glasses. In my books, the only thing that is changing is the use of 'our' knowledge. Humans remain inherently the same.

thorpido:
There's nothing wrong with strong independent women.The examples you gave were strong women.
However,did you look beyond just the public image they exhibited?
These women worked WITH their husbands.They organised their programmes along with their husbands.
The problem with the ladies of nowadays claiming to be strong,independent women is that they come off more as rude and obnoxious and selfish just to prove they can do their own thing.

Do a bit of digging to find out how Dora Akunyili's husband was in her programme.Do the same for Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala.These are strong women.

Y'all are still missing the point. Nigerian women good or bad are strong women, the wise among them know so much more can be achieved by their strength, you and I already know this but the question is do the men need to look inwards?
As I said before, you are what you attract.

naijababe:


The good old days, that expression is loaded with rose tinted glasses. In my books, the only things that are is changing is the use of 'our' knowledge. Humans remain inherently the same.

I'm talking about what we accept as the new normal (be it good or bad).

Being black wasn't normal decades ago in America, so was being Gay. Now, they are.

Kids being loud and rude wasn't normal years ago, now it's no bigge for a kid to talk back to adults.

Baby mama-ism.used to be a thing of shame, not anymore.

we keep pushing the boundries. As the boundries are being pushed, we should expect consequences, good or bad.


And what do you mean by Nigerian women are strong? Do you mean strong asin hustlers/laborers?

*space booked for sale*

BABE3:


I'm talking about what we accept as the new normal (be it good or bad).

Being black wasn't normal decades ago in America, so was being Gay. Now, they are.

Quit playing girl

Kids being loud and rude wasn't normal years ago, now it's no bigge for a kid to talk back to adults.

Baby mama-ism.used to be a thing of shame, not anymore.

we keep pushing the boundries. As the boundries are being pushed, we should expect consequences, good or bad.

Now you are just winding me up, I don't any where the above is considered normal

And what do you mean by Nigerian women are strong? Do you mean strong asin hustlers/laborers? [/quote]

Go getters, opinionated, works hard, will do anything to keep the family together..........you get the idea

naijababe:


Quite playing girl

Now you are just winding me up, I don't any where the above is considered normal

And what do you mean by Nigerian women are strong? Do you mean strong asin hustlers/laborers?

Go getters, opinionated, works hard, will do anything to keep the family together..........you get the idea

Baby mama-ism is not normal ke? That's the new trend. It's not as stigmatized as before.
I now agree that you must be old or you're just in denial.  

naijababe:


Fresh, you are my person oh, but it seems to me you missed this part. I deliberately used good and bad examples in my OP.

Lol @ my person. Actually, I did miss that part. But you get my point. Today, strong is equated with belligerent, that's why I quoted just that part of your comment. Forgive my oversight.

We name okonjo, Dora et al because they had husbands who worked with them as a team until they got to where they are/were.

On the other hand we have men who won't encourage or let their wives further or even finish their education. Of course they always have "good reasons" for such decisions and 'woe' betide the wife who decides to go ahead and do otherwise.even though they might be the next kema if given the needed support.

We can blame the other party as much we like, but the truth remains that just as there are rude and obnoxious women in existence today,there are also men with fragile balls who everyone has to be careful in dealing with because everything seems to emasculate them. It has to be their way or they feel they are not being man enough.

cococandy:
We name okonjo, Dora et al because they had husbands who worked with them as a team until they got to where they are/were.

On the other hand we have men who won't encourage or let their wives further or even finish their education. Of course they always have "good reasons" for such decisions and 'woe' betide the wife who decides to go ahead and do otherwise.even though they might be the next kema if given the needed support.

We can blame the other party as much we like, but the truth remains that just as there are rude and obnoxious women in existence today,there are also men with fragile balls who everyone has to be careful in dealing with because everything seems to emasculate them. It has to be their way or they feel they are not being man enough.

Strong words but not completely untrue. That's why I asked if some of these men need to look inwards

freshdude2:
Lol @ my person. Actually, I did miss that part. But you get my point. Today, strong is equated with belligerent, that's why I quoted just that part of your comment. Forgive my oversight.

Forgiveness nor be by mouth o

BABE3:

Baby mama-ism is not normal ke? That's the new trend. It's not as stigmatized as before.
I now agree that you must be old or you're just in denial.  

Maybe in Peckham or Brixton where it equates to more benefit money and a council flat, even that is not true anymore, thanks to George Osborne. In my neck of woods, it remains something to be really ashamed of.

naijababe:


Strong words but not completely untrue. That's why I asked if some of these men need to look inwards

Just one example

https://www.nairaland.com/1990775/family-issues#27898395

There are thousands littered all over the place.

naijababe:


Forgiveness nor be by mouth o

Maybe in Peckham or Brixton where it equates to more benefit money and a council flat, even that is not true anymore, thanks to George Osborne. In my neck of woods, it remains something to be really ashamed of.

We clap for single mothers nowadays. That's the blatant true.
Let some people catch you saying saying baby mamaism is thing of shame.


No need for long story though. The society always finds a way to balance itself, no matter the level of chaos. Strong men; weak women. Weak men; strong women. Balance.

naijababe:


Y'all are still missing the point. Nigerian women good or bad are strong women, the wise among them know so much more can be achieved by their strength, you and I already know this but the question is do the men need to look inwards?
As I said before, you are what you attract.

Nigerian men need to look inwards but it's not to improve themselves to meet good women, which are in short supply, it's to take control of the society. What I mean is, this present generation is confused. We don't know what a functional society is and how to make one so. We need the men to run the society as they once did.

freshdude2:

Nigerian men need to look inwards but it's not to improve themselves to meet good women, which are in short supply, it's to take control of the society. What I mean is, this present generation is confused. We don't know what a functional society is and how to make one so. We need the men to run the society as they once did.

Trust me, some of them need to improve themselves. I really don't want to get into ping pong posting but some of the posts written by some men on this forum are serious cause for concern

freshdude2:

Nigerian men need to look inwards but it's not to improve themselves to meet good women, which are in short supply, it's to take control of the society. What I mean is, this present generation is confused. We don't know what a functional society is and how to make one so. We need the men to run the society as they once did.

which men again? Aren't men and women equal? Why can't women run the society too? The men are finally letting women take some control (what women have always wanted), and it's still a problem?

naijababe:


Y'all are still missing the point. Nigerian women good or bad are strong women, the wise among them know so much more can be achieved by their strength, you and I already know this but the question is do the men need to look inwards?
As I said before, you are what you attract.

The men who are on the same level with good strong women don't need to 'look' inwards,they are inwards already.I'm afraid the men you intend to address won't even look.

cococandy:
We name okonjo, Dora et al because they had husbands who worked with them as a team until they got to where they are/were.

On the other hand we have men who won't encourage or let their wives further or even finish their education. Of course they always have "good reasons" for such decisions and 'woe' betide the wife who decides to go ahead and do otherwise.even though they might be the next kema if given the needed support.

We can blame the other party as much we like, but the truth remains that just as there are rude and obnoxious women in existence today,there are also men with fragile balls who everyone has to be careful in dealing with because everything seems to emasculate them. It has to be their way or they feel they are not being man enough.

You are right on point.it's about a balance.
Incidentally,there are four classes;the weak women,the strong women,the weak men and the strong men.
The strong men don't have a problem with the strong women.I guess Op speaks more about the weak men who have to deal with the strong women.It might be a long thing!

thorpido:
You are right on point.it's about a balance.
Incidentally,there are four classes;the weak women,the strong women,the weak men and the strong men.
The strong men don't have a problem with the strong women.I guess Op speaks more about the weak men who have to deal with the strong women.It might be a long thing!

Thank you! Finally, you get it oh! Honestly, it bothers me for my daughter and nieces o

BABE3:


which men again? Aren't men and women equal? Why can't women run the society too? The men are finally letting women take some control (what women have always wanted), and it's still a problem?

Men and women are equal to the degree of having equal rights not privileges. Whether we want to agree or not, men do the majority of the work of building and protecting society as such they have the privilege of leadership. Removing quota system of involving women in leadership positions in politics or business or industry, how many women are in leadership on merit and not just because a quota for women is to be filled?

It is not beans to be a man my sister. Gba f'Olohun.

naijababe:


1. Trust me, some of them need to improve themselves.

2. I really don't want to get into ping pong posting but some of the posts written by some men on this forum are serious cause for concern

1. Yeah, I meant they need to improve themselves to be worthy of leadership not to improve themselves for the sake of attracting better quality women.

2. There are always going to be iimbeciles on both sides, let's not bother about those ones today.

naijababe:


Thank you! Finally, you get it oh! Honestly, it bothers me for my daughter and nieces o

Your daughter and nieces have the feminised west to blame. All power has now been given to women. Fact.

Perhaps, it's time to teach your nephews and their friends to be manly?