How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. - Family - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. (72659 Views)
How My Late Aunt Maturely Dealt With Her Cheating Husband.........ladies LEARN! / Check Out A Post Of How A Wife Dealt With Cheating Husband: cheaters learn / Can You Catch A Cheating Husband By His Smell Alone? (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) ... (20) (Reply) (Go Down)
| How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 8:59pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
I need advice on how to cope with a cheating husband. I have always suspected that my husband was cheating on me but confirmed it recently when i found some condoms were missing from our home n his bank statement showed payment for a hotel when i was away on a short trip .when i confronted him his stories ranged from his friend took it to i was mistaken in my counting n to i went to the room but changed my mind n left without doing anything. but his behaviour showed he was sorry for about 2 weeks then back to normal. problem now is i cant bring myself to trust him n my love for him is reducing daily.when he comes home late from work or doesn't take my calls all i can think about is that he is with another woman. To be honest it's killing me slowly cos i find myself calling him n quarrelling with him constantly. I dont think i can leave him cos he cheated on me cos lets face it most men do i just need advice on how to cope with my emotions cos i m soo unhappy n its affecting every area of my life . Sometimes i feel like paying him in his own coin but i m a one man kind of babe. I just want to concentrate on my kids now but how do i cope with being suspicious all d time n being jealous n bitter n a whole lot of emotions thats killing me. 23 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by San2ski(m): 9:12pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
Just Take A Deep Breath And Believe That You Are . . . . . . . Wrong because you could be. My babe exactly does this (and worse) when actually I was hung out with my guys gambling somewhere in Mile 3. 56 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Chiefpriest1(m): 9:26pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
There are basically three kinds of cheats, the serial cheat, the occasional cheat and those who stray once in a while. More than 95per cent of nigerian husbands would fall into this category at a point in their life. Your decision would be informed by the category he falls, but I want to believe he just strayed since this is the first time you ve 'caught' him. Matters like this require patience. Some kids who have never had a relationship talk more of getting married will soon be here to advice you to divorce your husband. Fact is that most men cheat and many of those who are not cheating probably havent had the chance. Depending on the kind of man you married (you know him better than everyone here), I guess what you should do is to have a heart to heart talk with him. Dont be confrontational. Ask him if hes willing to swap his happy family with whatever pleasure he's getting outside. Appeal to his emotions without being judgmental. The intention is to break him, make him 'confess' , apologise and promise that it wont happen again. If he does this, forgive him and try forgetting, though it might be difficult. If you see him as your last bus stop, you ll do everything to make the marriage work. I am not advising you to start asking yourself unnecessary questions, but you might need to check if you haven't shifted attention from your husband to your children. Women tend to do that alot, forgetting that they met the man first before the kids started coming(marriage counsellors know this). Whatever it is, dont hate him, dont get violent. Dont let the devil take charge. He ll come around and things Will be normal again. 343 Likes 34 Shares |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 9:36pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
I feel your pain. (well not really). I won't go around asking you to pray for him because quite frankly, it does not work. He will come around when he does (if he does) If this was not within his character then you have to consider the following: 1: Where is all this coming from: are you recently married? was he under pressure to marry? are you both careers parents, have you had a disagreement in the past.. one that you stood your ground over a matter he was sensitive about, is he experiencing pressure or stress from work? has he recently been promoted? do you cook for him? are you paying for your family's upkeep (the one he married you from?) . contrary to the general assumption that a cheater is born a cheater.. cheating usually has its roots. A Man does not marry you if he intends to cheat on you. there are usually several dynamics to his behavior which you may have blissfully ignored over time. 2: How far gone is his behavior: Has his cheating become a habit or is he just venturing for the first time.. if he is venturing there is a good chance you can consider the above signs is question 1 above and try to right what went wrong. If it has become a habit. hanging out with friends late into the night. Friday nights out till Saturday morning, payment alerts to guest houses and hotels, stops providing allowances, instagram, BBM, badoo female friends.. then you may have to deal with this behavior with you and your kids interest in mind. Does he still provide at least for the kids if not you? Do not get emotional and try to confront him or report to his family (it only makes it worse and isolates you more). Take it logically, start improving your looks as well as your financial position (Self-improvement). cheating husbands are usually in debt and at risk of going broke or loosing their jobs i.e if they are not millionaires. You need to understand that as long as you present a weak position, he will only get bolder with time. seek to empower yourself and carefully guide your kids expectations (they are not fools, they can see what is happening) What are your thoughts @OP.. can things honestly be salvaged, how much do you want your man back 29 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by baybiemee: 9:36pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
I understand what u r going thru. U both need to talk, it helps a lot. Tell him how you are hurting. Please don't quarrel with him because u won't achieve anything. Tell him u love him so much. Just keep treating him as he won't even expect, be nice to him, believe me he will do a u- turn. 14 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 10:09pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
voltron: Thanks every1 for ur comments . U r on point on the quoted sections this all started with late nights and too much porn at the time my fear was it will lead to adultery which it has. I have a great paying Job n not dependent on him but pretend to so as to appear submissive.I look great if i should say so.I m more than capable of takin care of my kids by my self.I have confronted him and reported to family so too late for that. i guess i am just angry cos the general advice seems to be men cheat just pray he will change thats why i decided to come here for advice. d pain n hurt cant just disappear i guess what i need to know is how to deal with it.how to ignore wat his cheating is doing to me. presently i have asked for a std n hiv test before sleeping with him without protection. its d emotional part i need help with. 5 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 10:14pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
baybiemee: I dont know about this part i refuse to do it because its like encouraging bad behaviour. i feel it will make him think no matter wat he will be forgiven. 38 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 11:14pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
happywife: an std test is well in order, my wife's friend in PH had a similar issue; suspected but never knew her husband had been taken anti-retroviral drugs claiming them to be supplements until she went for a HIV test herself. sad but these things happen and you need to think first about yourself in this case. Yes there is always the pain and hurt but that is what makes us human and it is a good sign showing that you are psychologically and emotionally receptive. otherwise it would become a case manic depression with tendencies to dislocate from reality and occasionally resort to violence. Here is what I can suggest. Take time out to refocus your energies with you kids at least once a week, deliberately get involved in their daily activities... they will become your courage when you lack it and your joy when you start feeling hurt. You want to as much as possible reduce the emotional effect it is having on you. Do not give chance to depression because that leads to a sense of hopelessness and ultimately amplifies the pain you are feeling. Do not discuss it with friends. don't get me wrong, you are not dodging the issue; you are gathering your strength. This will let you come home with a feeling of empowerment not regret. What you do not want is people reflecting your emotions on themselves and taking action for you by making rash suggestions. remember, it is your problem not theirs. Also do not become cold to him as well, especially when having conversations. try to be as lively as possible without being patronizing. ask about work and friends. The male psyche is easily broken down when they are confused about reactions they expect and do not get. The most important thing is Family above every contrary thought otherwise detrimental to Family - however there is a line between reaching out to him for the sake of family and ignoring when it is too late to try. always have a plan B without him.. review it regularly. Relationships with our kind becomes a burden when the woman does most of the emotional work. I wish you the very best in managing the situation. you won't be the last to succeed where others have failed. You may want to avail yourself of this article in the mean time http://www.webmd.com/men/features/why-men-cheat 26 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nekk: 11:22pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
Madam, I must say that we are in the same shoes, I read your stories over and over again to be sure I wasn't the one that typed it. Am so following this story because it will help me heal, I feel myself dying slowly of pain. God men are mean. 11 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by ohaleoghene(f): 11:10am On Nov 17, 2014 |
voltron: this your story gave me a bite in my tummy. so the husband knew he had HIV,was taking drugs and yet did not tell his wife so she could at least start her treatment too. men this one shake me. I think it takes only a discipline married man not to cheat. talking from experience 12 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 11:22am On Nov 17, 2014 |
This Op sef is even funny. She is asking how she can keep coping with the cheating without feeling bad or getting mad about it. How is that possible? Women who do that successfully are cheats. they cheat in return so they dnt feel bad about it. Seems she sees herself as log of wood with no feelings or emotions. Keep tolerating o till you get HIV and Hepatitis. 22 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by bennyrazz: 11:36am On Nov 17, 2014 |
I find this your story too big to swallow. You noticed missing condoms from your condom stash?? and it wasn't used by hubby on you it was used on his mistress. Really its funny cuz hubby thought you were not counting?? why can't hubby buy condoms outside? why would he have to take from your stash? could he have brought another woman into your house while you were away?? so many questions begging for answers. Supposing your story is true, you should have where to report him to. The major issue with marriage these days is money & cheating partner. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by kandiikane(m): 11:37am On Nov 17, 2014 |
Lool, you don't need help. You have accepted your fate or abi na destiny so one cannot help manage your emotions for you. Cry if you want to cry, scream if you want to scream but just don't confront him about it. If you do, that's you being a hypocrite.  4 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by RiffRaff: 12:02pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
why do people even bother getting married sef? Y is it so Hard for some men to kip their d-ick in their pants? All these Family section sob stories are so sad.. Na wa oh. When @KillJoy said piple shouldnt get married some piple were spewing sentimental nonsense. @HappyWife You are already on the right track. Like the average Niaja Women u have accepted that all Men Cheat and u are willin to live wit it for the sake of ur children. U have found the perfect solution to ur own problems. Just know one thing for sure... Life can neva be d same. Nobody ever forget betrayal and to live wit it is even worse.. Welcome to Misery. For how long will u have him taking STD test? How will u know if another mistress wit HIV is now in d picture? Let me kuku help u in ur line of thinkin. Keep tabs on him so that u can know who and how many of them he is screwin. That way u will be more informed on what to do always. U will be sad, unhappy, miserable and would snap @ anything. Please no matter what u do, dont take out ur anger on the kids. Dont let whateva s-hitstorm happening in ur marriage affect them. I wish u great strenght in this endavour, u are the kind of Woman every Nigerian Man pray for. 27 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by fuzzywuzzy: 2:37pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
RiffRaff:Really? Do you truly think this is possible? Even if she doesn't constantly snap at them or beat them up out of frustration they will still be affected because the woman raising them is unhappy, unfulfilled and despaired. When she should be laughing and playing with them she is dying inside and struggling to accept the betrayal and humiliation of having to open her legs to a philanderer every once in a while. Of course the inner rage and turmoil is bound to spill out sooner or later and affect the way she raises the kids. 3 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 8:28pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
fuzzywuzzy: my Dear. believe me wen i say m not ur average woman. i will never snap at or beat my kids for wat ever reason m not the type of woman dat built her life around a man. i worked very hard to get to where i am n i know wats important in my life. right now my kids r d most important. 2 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 8:31pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
Thanks 4 all d info advice guys i ve decided since my husband has adopted d married but living single life i will do same. 2 can play this game.may d best man/woman win . m out. 17 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by roWzayy: 8:38pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
Im in d same shoes as well.my hubby is a cheat in disguise he claims to love me but yet still cheat,when I was pregnant he went outside to sleep with anoda girl I found out thru his chat with his friend imagine how many he might have slept with wen I had my baby n d process of trying to heal back#d worst is dat d men he hangs out with re all cheating on their wives*my fear now is when will he stop and my prayer is let him not come n infect me with std or Hiv(God forbid) 3 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Farouksenior: 8:44pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
happywife: Erm.. One more ting ..pRay too.# 1 Like |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Katier00(f): 8:49pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
happywife:dnt do that dear, divorce him 6 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 8:56pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
Katier00: I have never believed in divorce. and that will not make me happy either 11 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by zeb04(f): 8:56pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
roWzayy:  keep praying.God might decide to have mercy1 Like |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 8:58pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
13 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 8:59pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
jennykadry: hard to believe but i swear its my story my life at d moment. just pray u never ve to be in my position i use to be one of those foolish women that say my husband can never cheat on me.fools paradise. 10 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by happywife: 9:00pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
zeb04: please leave God out of these matters. 16 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 9:01pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
happywife: Dont worry. I will NEVER FIND MYSELF IN SUCH A SITUATION. Aku ko 2 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by zeb04(f): 9:02pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
happywife: what now? |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Katier00(f): 9:04pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
jennykadry:why are you calling me names, you just heard the woman, she wants to start xtra marital affair because her hubby is doing so, that is not life, why not leave , fall in love again and maybe that will be the right man instead of cheating 7 Likes |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by mutter(f): 9:11pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
There are some men that would never repay good for good, but I believe that most men appreciate a good thing. However many of us are not properly prepared for marriage. We get allot of advice on how to look for a "qualified man" but hardly any advice on how to keep him and sometimes no advice on how to keep him happy. If you have am man that is happy and contented, and if he is a good man he would be rushing back home to your arms. Some questions you need to ask yourself. - Are you a man in the day and a woman at night? If you go through the day being commanding, bossy and ill mannered the man will not be so keen on the metamorphosis metamorphosis at night. Does women out there are seducing them, pretending to be good humoured and understanding.. in order words a consolation to a masculine nagging wife at home. Men are mentally and physically aroused by a humble and submissive woman. This does not mean you have to crawl or be the fool. But you have to be good mannered and respectful and considerate of his wishes. - Do you make him want to rush back home? How often do you call him to say I love you, cant wait to have you back home? - Do you show appreciation? Everyone needs to be appreciated. he needs it too. Praise him often, tell him what is so great about him and how glad you are to have him as a husband. He will certainly reciprocate with appreciating you. Do you express your love physically? This is very important. Cuddle him, hug him, kiss him. Body contact is very important, even if you just stroke his arm as he passes by.Before he goes out in the evening hug him and tell him what you are looking forward to . He will certainly rush back home to you. - Do you ever bother to ask him what you have done wrong or what he would like you to change? Even in a business, one has to evaluate and access. He might surprise you with what he has to say. Things you might never have thought mattered. Then don`t go on the defence but take it serious and walk on it. Do you make efforts to make the nights a highlight. Or is it just the same old routine? 42 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 9:14pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
Katier00: Why should she leave? She wants to open her legs so let her be. I don't believe this story anyways 1 Like |
| Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by fuzzywuzzy: 9:31pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
jennykadry:Am starting to doubt this story myself....what I still don't understand is why anyone would get up to concoct this type of thing. 1 Like |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) ... (20) (Reply)
Is This Girl Really 15 Years Old??!?! / Wife Calls Husband's Side Chick On The Phone. See What Happened / My Husband Broke Up With Me Because I'm Yet To Conceive. Losing My Mind.. Help!
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 101 |