Religion section is the most funny section on nairaland

Weah96:


Alfa lives in the apartment down the street from mine. In Demon City, Purgatoria.

wonderful neighbourhood

This thread belongs to the Joke section

Well, this is one way to liven up this all but dead section.

vooks:
Why do they cast spells if they are atheists?
That was a warning curse.

Am happy that somebody is seeing what many can't see. They are casting spells and somebody wants to believe that they just athiests.
Alfa is evil and he knows that deep down in his evil soul.

philfearon:

Are you alright? Have u seen Alfaseltzer before?

I never seen him physically but I have in the spirit. If you don't believe spiritual things then you have no business in this thread. Alfa knows where he belongs and am gonna make him confess.watch out.

Lastmessenger, do you need any help from us in doing battle against AlfSeltzer? If you do, you can always count on me and a few other super heavyweight prayer warriors.

lastmessenger:

I never seen him physically but I have in the spirit. If you don't believe spiritual things then you have no business in this thread. Alfa knows where he belongs and am gonna make him confess.watch out.

Has he ever said he doesn't belong in hell? I thought he preferred it.

You are "preachin' to the choir" here.

@ op, this is your final warning.
Stop spreading lies against the anointed one of Satan.
Stop calling me evil. Yahweh already confirmed that he is the evil one.
I didn't do you anything but don't think that I won't if you continue your evil lies.

In the name of Satan, ruler of Earth, the King of the world, the Chief of the Serfs, I command the forces of darkness to bestow their infernal power upon me. Save me, Lord Satan, from the treacherous and the violent.

texanomaly:
Well, this is one way to liven up this all but dead section.

mynd44 did a swell job at that. Seun, see your life.

lastmessenger:

I never seen him physically but I have in the spirit. If you don't believe spiritual things then you have no business in this thread. Alfa knows where he belongs and am gonna make him confess.watch out.

Abeg describe him for us. then we can verify if your dreams are real.

dorox:
Lastmessenger, do you need any help from us in doing battle against AlfSeltzer? If you do, you can always count on me and a few other super heavyweight prayer warriors.

Sign in bro.the battle is already won.

PastorAIO:


Abeg describe him for us. then we can verify if your dreams are real.

He always come in the form of a dangerous animal. Sometimes he comes as a big python and the other time he came as a dragon vomiting fire. He showed himself as a human when I dealth with him with the sword of the spirit but am not about to describe him cos skeptics like you will never believe.

AlfaSeltzer:
@ op, this is your final warning.
Stop spreading lies against the anointed one of Satan.
Stop calling me evil. Yahweh already confirmed that he is the evil one.
I didn't do you anything but don't think that I won't if you continue your evil lies.

In the name of Satan, ruler of Earth, the King of the world, the Chief of the Serfs, I command the forces of darkness to bestow their infernal power upon me. Save me, Lord Satan, from the treacherous and the violent.

Rev9:7-11
7The locusts looked like horses ready for battle; on their heads they had what seemed to be crowns of gold, and their faces were like human faces.8Their hair was like women's hair, their teeth were like lions' teeth.9Their chests were covered with what looked like iron breastplates, and the sound made by their wings was like the noise of many horse-drawn chariots rushing into battle.10They have tails and stings like those of a scorpion, and it is with their tails that they have the power to hurt people for five months. 11They have a king ruling over them, who is the angel in charge of the abyss. His name in Hebrew is Abaddon; in Greek the name is Apollyon (meaning “The Destroyer”).


I will hurt you for five months.I have deployed the destroyer.

lastmessenger:

I never seen him physically but I have in the spirit. If you don't believe spiritual things then you have no business in this thread. Alfa knows where he belongs and am gonna make him confess.watch out.

Am done talking to you Schizo...I just hope yours doesn't escalate into something else!!

philfearon:

Am done talking to you Schizo...I just hope yours doesn't escalate into something else!!

I think you are a drug addict. Your only hope is in this present life. Why don't you pm Alfa and talk to him in private

lastmessenger:




I will hurt you for five months.I have deployed the destroyer.

This is some funny s)hit. Let him kill you na, so you can enter heaven. Why are you so committed to staying on earth?

Surely this guy is Alfa playing around...

texanomaly:
Surely this guy is Alfa playing around...

I have been accused of many things.

Lastmessenger,
Tell these Satan spawns to bring it on, bring all those hexes and watch creatures bowing to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords

In the name of Jesus King of Kings....
Psalms 35:4 (ESV)
4 Let them be put to shame and dishonor
who seek after my life!
Let them be turned back and disappointed
who devise evil against me!
5 Let them be like chaff before the wind,
with the angel of the LORD driving them away!
6 Let their way be dark and slippery,
with the angel of the LORD pursuing them!

AlfaSeltzer:
@ op, this is your final warning.
Stop spreading lies against the anointed one of Satan.
Stop calling me evil. Yahweh already confirmed that he is the evil one.
I didn't do you anything but don't think that I won't if you continue your evil lies.

In the name of Satan, ruler of Earth, the King of the world, the Chief of the Serfs, I command the forces of darkness to bestow their infernal power upon me. Save me, Lord Satan, from the treacherous and the violent.

Weah96:


This is some funny s)hit. Let him kill you na, so you can enter heaven. Why are you so committed to staying on earth?

Is a shame to be killed by the evil one. The only person who can take my life is the almighty God. The creator of heaven and earth. The father of all spirit and life.

lastmessenger:

Rev9:7-11
7The locusts looked like horses ready for battle; on their heads they had what seemed to be crowns of gold, and their faces were like human faces.8Their hair was like women's hair, their teeth were like lions' teeth.9Their chests were covered with what looked like iron breastplates, and the sound made by their wings was like the noise of many horse-drawn chariots rushing into battle.10They have tails and stings like those of a scorpion, and it is with their tails that they have the power to hurt people for five months. 11They have a king ruling over them, who is the angel in charge of the abyss. His name in Hebrew is Abaddon; in Greek the name is Apollyon (meaning “The Destroyer”).


I will hurt you for five months.I have deployed the destroyer.

This is funny. You are deploying my own Lord Commander against me?

Rilwayne001:


This thread belongs to the Joke section

Is that all you gat to say?

vooks:
Lastmessenger,
Tell these Satan spawns to bring it on, bring all those hexes

In the name of Jesus King of Kings....
Psalms 35:4 (ESV)
4 Let them be put to shame and dishonor
who seek after my life!
Let them be turned back and disappointed
who devise evil against me!
5 Let them be like chaff before the wind,
with the angel of the LORD driving them away!
6 Let their way be dark and slippery,
with the angel of the LORD pursuing them!

And these words shall come to pass. It has been sealed forever.

AlfaSeltzer:


This is funny. You are deploying my own Lord Commander against me?

Just wait and see what will happen to you.

Macelliot:

Is that all you gat to say?

for someone whose god understands only one language, I think he said a lot.

AlfaSeltzer:


This is funny. You are deploying my own Lord Commander against me?

alfa, don't think so!

---

REVELATION 20:1-3.
20 And I saw an angel
coming down out of
heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain.
2) He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and
bound him for a
thousand years.
3 He threw him into the Abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were over, after that he will be set free for a short time.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation%2020:1-3

---

This will happen at the end of the world.
By then, satanists will no longer exist, only satan will exist, but he will be in abyss. After his release, he will go to PARADISE(afterlife) to deceive the people to make more followers for himself, because his formal followers in the first world(earth) are no more, but this time, he will be caught unaware by the King of kings and LORD of lords. satan's jugdment for the last time lies in the hand of thy Eternal Living Almighty Lord YHWH.
Shallom!!! Peace!!!

Macelliot:

Is that all you gat to say?

O yes my chief, funny threads should be posted in the Joke section and not here.....Guess the dude moderating this section is fast asleep


I guess the OP is of the same family with malvisguy always seeing beasts and dragons in their dreams....yeye people

Macelliot:

alfa, don't think so!

---

REVELATION 20:1-3.
20 And I saw an angel
coming down out of
heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain.
2) He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and
bound him for a
thousand years.
3 He threw him into the Abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were over, after that he will be set free for a short time.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation%2020:1-3

---

This will happen at the end of the world.
By then, satanists will no longer exist, only satan will exist, but he will be in abyss. After his release, he will go to PARADISE(afterlife) to deceive the people to make more followers for himself, because his formal followers in the first world(earth) are no more, but this time, he will be caught unaware by the King of kings and LORD of lords. satan's jugdment for the last time lies in the hand of thy Eternal Living Almighty Lord YHWH.
Shallom!!! Peace!!!

This is a good story line for a sci-fi movie.

Rilwayne001:


O yes my chief, funny threads should be posted in the Joke section and not here.....Guess the dude moderating this section is fast asleep


I guess the OP is of the same family with malvisguy212 always seeing beasts and dragons in their dreams....yeye people

You can't understand.....

AlfaSeltzer:
@ op, this is your final warning.
Stop spreading lies against the anointed one of Satan.
Stop calling me evil. Yahweh already confirmed that he is the evil one.
I didn't do you anything but don't think that I won't if you continue your evil lies.

In the name of Satan, ruler of Earth, the King of the world, the Chief of the Serfs, I command the forces of darkness to bestow their infernal power upon me. Save me, Lord Satan, from the treacherous and the violent.

Ogaa..shut your trap

You are no different from the OP....madFellaz