Seems you guys used each other. Well it's good you divorce the man and be on your way. Do this ASAP before you get pregnant again,you don't want ties that will bind you for life. I hope you learn from this and not do yourself in next time you have challenges.

All the best.

veave:
Ojukokoro...
You are not wise as coogar said. Your mates know when it is time to run away but you did not. Aristo girls do not want the whole package they know when to bail, but alas you were too greedy, thinking he will leave madam so you can get everything. Babe, i have no advice for you. Deal with your problems and PLEASE remember to be kind to the third wife when she comes just as the first wife was kind to you.

gbam

[quote author=veave post=28851132]Ojukokoro...
You are not wise as coogar said. Your mates know when it is time to run away but you did not. Aristo girls do not want the whole package they know when to bail, but alas you were too greedy, thinking he will leave madam so you can get everything. Babe, i have no advice for you. Deal with your problems and PLEASE remember to be kind to the third wife when she comes just as the first wife was kind to you

madam you are the one that is foolish, how dare u compare me to an aristole? do men that pick aristole told them they wanted marriage? where in my post did i mention i want everything? when he marries a 3rd wife my relation with her will be none of ur buisness. did i force u for an advice? even as i am a second wife i can bet my as. s that my life is better than yours so fu.-ck off.

Floodgater:
You say he married you for kids but you married him for comfort which makes the two of you or would you rather he married you for love when you didnt either, you see you cant eat your cake and have it. I am not blaming you though cos of your age but i want you to know and work on your SELFISHNESS to better yourself and avoid future problems. The reason you want to leave this man is not that you have realise your mistake but cos of what people are saying. I advice you leave this man and take time to know and go for what you want, more importantly work on yourself or you forever be jealous, miserable and possibly become evil in that marriage. Make peace with atleast your sister if not her hubby, what about other family members?

Ive made peace with my sister n her huby, we are good now other family members are my extended family.

i realised my mistake even before the marriage but i just had to continue because of the time n trust hubby had on me because really he was suppose to marry some else before he met me. i taught after the marriage it would be easy on me but people still see me as greedy without realising that if i was greedy as speculated i would av ate and run.

You married another woman's husband and you expect us to clap for you?
I won't judge you for marrying for money since most people have reasons for which they get married.but If you must marry for comfort, leave the ones that are already taken.

sherina10:


Ive made peace with my sister n her huby, we are good now other family members are my extended family.

i realised my mistake even before the marriage but i just had to continue because of the time n trust hubby had on me because really he was suppose to marry some else before he met me. i taught after the marriage it would be easy on me but people still see me as greedy without realising that if i was greedy as speculated i would av ate and run.

cococandy:
You married another woman's husband and you expect us to clap for you?

I won't judge you for marrying for money since most people have reasons for which they get married.but If you must marry for comfort, leave the ones that are already taken.

he insisted on marrying her. you can hardly blame her for getting involved with a married man. all the parties were happy with the arrangement initially until the OP felt stigmatised.

her decision for being a second wife isn't the problem here, it's the fact that she wants to eat her cake & have it. she's enjoyed the perks attached to being a second wife, she should also endure the stigma that comes with it.

coogar:


he insisted on marrying her. you can hardly blame her for getting involved with a married man. all the parties were happy with the arrangement initially until the OP felt stigmatised.

her decision for being a second wife isn't the problem here, it's the fact that she wants to eat her cake & have it. she's enjoyed the perks attached to being a second wife, she should also endure the stigma that comes with it.

Mmm he forced her
She didn't have a choice

cococandy:


Mmm he forced her
She didn't have a choice

Naaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
She had plenty choices
op just wants to play smart

alutacontinua:



Naaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
She had plenty choices
op just wants to play smart

that was tongue in cheek.

He's a nollywood producer and it's suitable for nollywood tins

next

luvablesam:


Who d hell is 'Adebayo Salami' n. How does he relate to the story?

@OP.. Its wat u signed up for. By d way,dunt be too smart. I put it to u dat, u went into d marriage for ur own selfish reasons(u needed help to finish school and u were broke after ur sis threw u out) n now u wanna leave cos u achieved ur aim.

He didn't use or lie to u @ OP, U lied to and used Him.

Enjoy your man, life is short.

Greensaint:


U got it rung. It should be bollywood, Hollywood & Nollywood, in that order.
We are expecting part 3 with the third wife.

.

hahahaha.......fake, fake story we see here all the time, some might even be men, kanwulia is good at dishing hard truth to such stories.....

[quote author=sherina10 post=28861547][/quote]


Honey... you were an aristo choper. any lady that goes out with a man knowing he is still married to his wife is a runs girl. God gave you an opportunity to leave when he said he reconciled with his wife. But no, you did not. You still stayed. Change your ways honey... and the third wife? i see her at your door step already...



FYI. There is no way the life of a second wife will be better than the life of a single happy woman... don't deceive yourself with the material things at your disposal. If you were a bit patient, you wouldn't have been in this mess. We are SINGLE but we are HAPPY.

The world would be a better place and people would lead more prosperous and peaceful lives if they would learn to shield and block their ears from what people say or how people percieve them.

All I see here is someone who wants a change of state not because of hardship but because of what people think of her.

Sherina... Go on and leave the marriage.

And after that I hope you would not get into another marriage with maybe a murderer or armed robber just because "you don't like the way people look at you when you say you are single and divorced".

When would you do one single thing for your own personal happiness instead of what the inconsequential people on the outside you give control over your life think?

sherina10:

Ive made peace with my sister n her huby, we are good now other family members are my extended family.
i realised my mistake even before the marriage but i just had to continue because of the time n trust hubby had on me because really he was suppose to marry some else before he met me. i taught after the marriage it would be easy on me but people still see me as greedy without realising that if i was greedy as speculated i would av ate and run.

i doubt if you will ever be happy there seeing that the man's lifestyle is not helping. What do you want? If you want to remain there, sing it long enough for people to join in by not paying attention to the talks ie stand for what you want. Experience has shown that no matter how good or bad what you stand for people will accept or see you as that if stand tall and confident enough. If you choose rather to quit, know that you have made a mistake and must not pay with all your life. Make the decision to move out and take charge of any aftermath, do not fear the unknown or tommorrow. First make plans on how to survive without him (work/business), save and be quick with your exit as delay may be dangerous. I hope your sister support and assist you. You can start afresh in a new town. Gently and apologetically let your man know you want to quit whilst still there or from a safe haven if he can be dangerous, you know him better. Ask God for forgiveness and forgive yourself too, know that he has benefitted from you as well but try and be at peace with this man even it takes time. Goodluck.

Having read your story, I made the following deductions:
You married a good man and he made you comfortable
You no longer wish to be a 2nd wife.
My opinion:
You need to look before you leap so that you dont lose all you have.
Are you aware that many ladies are still single and seriously searching even at 30+?
Do you know guys will normally not marry a divorcee especially if she already has a kid?
Consider your looks: why was it that you did not attract single guys while your hubby was wooing you? Do you think you can attract other single guys? Apart from your looks, what other things do you have as assets that can attract guys? How will you avoid players? Just think about these before you take your decision.

veave:



Honey... you were an aristo choper. any lady that goes out with a man knowing he is still married to his wife is a runs girl. God gave you an opportunity to leave when he said he reconciled with his wife. But no, you did not. You still stayed. Change your ways honey... and the third wife? i see her at your door step already...



FYI. There is no way the life of a second wife will be better than the life of a single happy woman... don't deceive yourself with the material things at your disposal. If you were a bit patient, you wouldn't have been in this mess. We are SINGLE but we are HAPPY.

excuse me, dont decieve yourself from your own little world. I dont know where you drew conclusion from that im not happy, i had it all or are u hurt that i want to eat my cake n have it as speculated? sorry its not such a mess as u think.

sherina10:


excuse me, dont decieve yourself from your own little world. I dont know where you drew conclusion from that im not happy, i had it all or are u hurt that i want to eat my cake n have it as speculated? sorry its not such a mess as u think.

If you were soo soo happy with your life, you would not bring your sob story to us on nairaland... honey, you cannot eat your cake and have it either that is were sacrifice comes in. if i were you, i would go and shop for different types of beautiful jalabia, socks and scarf and start going to the mosque. Dress appropriately because you are married to a muslim so that he can start respecting you. As far as he is concerned you are still an infidel in his eyes... Madam do the right thing and stop disturbing us biko...

a pause to think, she was in a fix at a point in her life, got desperate and went for the available option? She did not have a mother/father figure to consult for advice or beckon to her estranged inlaw? At 23 she is still relatively young not to talk of 21? What av come to observe in lyf is, those who dont have adequate family(not dependents) support and grooming tend to be reckless and ruthless, more often than not in lyf's changing decisions, cause they have no one to share experiences with them. @sherina you a christian, follow your bible, do what feels right. In my opinion, consult ur elders in your church, to the man who helped you, at most you owe him a child if truly you are not happy with the union anymore. We make mistakes which at making ammends we discover ourselves.

veave:





If you were soo soo happy with your life, you would not bring your sob story to us on nairaland... honey, you cannot eat your cake and have it either that is were sacrifice comes in. if i were you, i would go and shop for different types of beautiful jalabia, socks and scarf and start going to the mosque. Dress appropriately because you are married to a muslim so that he can start respecting you. As far as he is concerned you are still an infidel in his eyes... Madam do the right thing and stop disturbing us biko...

come on, your siggy says different... Lol

OP na you know what you want now so help yourself, you knew what you were getting into, why complain now?

blublahd:
come on, your siggy says different... Lol

read it again honey

veave:






read it again honey

point being, you can and she cant?

blublahd:
point being, you can and she cant?

Sweedy, read it again. From the beginning

@sherina10,what has d man done to u?Nothing;his wife nkò?Nothing. know that some pple will also be seeing d man as a betrayer for marrying you and his first wife for a fool for accepting you & treating u nicely.
The grieviances u stated is nothing.Its like looking for trouble where there is none.What do u want to do wit his personal belongings?For d fact that he's not putting them in your house does not mean he wil neva put them there.Just continue being good&patient.
As for his friends not visiting him in your house,remember he has a place they are used to.They barely know u.
Take it easy on yourself,i can't see any problem here.Love them as they have love u and watch how things will continue improving.
As per pple looking at u somehow,what concerns u wit their looks &opinion.If u had married a rich single man & u are frm a poor background,thats how u wil b percieved,so let dem continue looking @ u somehow while u continue enjoying your family.
You must be contented,just as d first wife accepted u & treat u nicely;Respect her & treat her wit kindness too.Never wish that she's out of d picture so u can be d only one.May God continue to grant u mercy & guidance.

veave:





If you were soo soo happy with your life, you would not bring your sob story to us on nairaland... honey, you cannot eat your cake and have it either that is were sacrifice comes in. if i were you, i would go and shop for different types of beautiful jalabia, socks and scarf and start going to the mosque. Dress appropriately because you are married to a muslim so that he can start respecting you. As far as he is concerned you are still an infidel in his eyes... Madam do the right thing and stop disturbing us biko...

my life? sweetie im 100% happy with it even beyound my expections, dont take things too personal or did anyone snacthed your husband from you which made you single again? if that is the case sorry about it but you should know that your husband was also vulnerable. About bringing my sob story to nairaland to disturb u sorry about it but i didnt force you to read/comment but since you already did move on with your life.

sherina10:


my life? sweetie im 100% happy with it even beyound my expections, dont take things too personal or did anyone snacthed your husband from you which made you single again? if that is the case sorry about it but you should know that your husband was also vulnerable. About bringing my sob story to nairaland to disturb u sorry about it but i didnt force you to read/comment but since you already did move on with your life.

Sweedy there is nothing personal about your matter abeg. Nne i am not married yet, and when i do it definitely would not be another woman's husband. Again when i i finally do honey, i will wait patiently for predators like you with my cutlass, bows and arrows. You are a very wicked girl, this is how you want to pay the poor man and innocent woman for all their sacrifices by backing out of the deal... you better open your legs and start shooting out babies if you don't want Amadioha to strike you dia. Mtchwww... yeye geh...

He told you they had separated but later on you found out he is still very much in love with his wife and they are not at all separated and you are just a baby-making machine, hiding behind the second wife title My dear you cant play victim, you made a choice and now u have to live with the consequences. Whether u decide to stay or leave, remember you will still have to endure the consequences of the decision you make. So you decided to ask for serious advice on NL, madam are you okay?

veave:



As far as he is concerned you are still an infidel in his eyes... Madam do the right thing and stop disturbing us biko...

Wrong notion please. When people repeat lies continually it becomes the truth.

No muslim has a right to call another person an infidel or Khafir. Because only God can judge you and know who belongs to him. No one holds the moral high ground to look down on another and call them names because no one is even sure of making it to Paradise.

So Stop repeating this false assertion.

onegig:


Wrong notion please. When people repeat lies continually it becomes the truth.

No muslim has a right to call another person an infidel or Khafir. Because only God can judge and who is of him. Stop repeating this false assertions.

My colleague doesn't have the same opinion as you do.
He is an Alfa and has called all non muslims 'to our face' infidels.
Not just him. His friends too.
Our superior who is also a Muslim did not caution him neither did he ask him to apologize to us.
So what are you trying to tell me again?

veave:



My colleague doesn't have the same opinion as you do.
He is an Alfa and has called all non muslims 'to our face' infidels.
Not just him. His friends too.
Our superior who is also a Muslim did not caution him neither did he ask him to apologize to us.
So what are you trying to tell me again?

That your colleague does that doesn't make it right or true. And that he is an Alfa or whatever does not bestow him authority on a religion. Mistake you are making is judging a religion by the acts of a few people.

What kind of work environment are you even in that a colleague calls another such a vile word and he doesn't recieve a query?

You can challenge him when you resume and repeat what I told you and see if he would say such ever again. There's a clear difference between what religion stipulates and what some people choose to act. And mind you its not my opinion. Its the written down understanding of the religion.


I don't want to derail this thread. Take Care.

onegig:


That your colleague does that doesn't make it right or true. And that he is an Alfa or whatever does not bestow him authority on a religion. Mistake you are making is judging a religion by the acts of a few people.

What kind of work environment are you even in that a colleague calls another such a vile word and he doesn't recieve a query?

You can challenge him when you resume and repeat what I told you and see if he would say such ever again. There's a clear difference between what religion stipulates and what some people choose to act. And mind you its not my opinion. Its the written down understanding of the religion.


I don't want to derail this thread. Take Care.

I don't work there anymore... was supposed to say former colleague. okay lets not derail the thread... take care too...