carefreewannabe:


Aisha2, don't get me wrong but you have decided to come to this thread too. Why don't you answer the questions?

Am not a mad woman to be repeating the same thing over an over again abeg.

aisha2:


Am not a mad woman to be repeating the same thing over an over again abeg.

I have not been following the other thread constantly so I don't know what your answers would be but I guess that the answer to the first question would be no. Anyway, I respect it if you don't want to answer it. Happy Friday.

Each person has a background which determines their behaviours and thinking
Ascribing those norms as a standard of right thinking-ness for everyone else is what should be condemned

aisha2:


They are on their own abeg. They left a thread calling others ill mannered and came to do this one for whatever reason. Abeg limit it to these women they don't speak for anyone but themselves

pickabeau1:
Each person has a background which determines their behaviours and thinking
Ascribing those norms as a standard of right thinking-ness for everyone else is what should be condemned

Apologies, but what's all this about a background being an excuse for poor judgment/bad behavior? I don't care what your background is, just have common decency and be civil/non-confrontational. In fact, be friendly. Especially with guests. Or isn't that the hallmark of the traditional African culture? Hospitality( which pretty much includes allowing your guests free reign of your property) ?

.....
I think I will watch out for how chill my partner is with random guests before committing o. This is serious.

pickabeau1:
Each person has a background which determines their behaviours and thinking
Ascribing those norms as a standard of right thinking-ness for everyone else is what should be condemned

True and I concur...But I would like to ask a question though and that is where the lines of etiquette and culture or should I even say manners be drawn? Eg If you do me a favour as a friend that I know is no biggie to you and I don't say thank you will it be wrong or 'holding another to your high standards' if another friend takes offence that I did not say thank you simply because I and you friend A sees no biggie in it?

Be I no be kitchen klux clan last night na hubby still fry dodo for the kids before I got back from work and I gladly tucked into my share with his legendary egg sauce I even invite people to come over and cook stuff that I don't know how to so I can learn from them..Life is not that hard jare so this is not even territorial for me or about gender or about the kitchen but etiquette not juston the part of a host but a guest as well.

SirShymex:


Lol. Freaking darn kitchen! The same kitchen folks will tell you to feel free and get whatever you want from it. Heck, all modern houses have open-plan kitchens that's connected to the living room (I live in one).

You seem to get it
In our home, the kitchen table is a gathering point for family, guests, gist, name it
Kids do their homework at the kitchen table
I make my beads at the kitchen table
My husband plays his Guitar at that that same kitchen table
Some evenings we all sit at that table and watch netflix, Youtube and Sky on TV
Same place where the Fridge is
For us its just a leisurely room
Every week I put cut fresh flowers in a vase
I havent measured it, but its almost the same size as my living room
Somedays I dont even sit in my living room . . yesterday I didnt sit in my living room at all before retireing updtairs for the night.
If I am in the kitchen and a guest comes to the door, they come to the kitchen to sit down and I tell them to open the fridge and take whatever they want
Last week our pastor signed a form for my son at that same kitchen table
The problem that we have is that people like to box other people into their own experiences
Its either right or wrong . . No different is allowed which boxes us all up. . .Yet the world continues to evolve.

Even the kitchens in Nigeria are free for all. I dont have a problem with it. I have more of a problem with people coming through my front door in the first instance. If I have let you through my front door, then I have given you permission to use my WC, kitchen and use my spoons and glassware. You dont need special permission for that.

In my home, my bedroom is my sanctuary. For that, you will need permission to enter

Lets learn to accomodate other peoples views. We could also learn a thing or two from each other. its not always black and white . ..but many shades of grey.

bukatyne:


would you like if this lady (not known to you) wakes up the next morning and jumps into your kitchen without you permitting/inviting her to do so?

Can they walk, run or crawl into the kitchen? Are flying and teleporting into the kitchen allowed?

Here women dont want trespassers in their kingdom

BoboYekini:
Apologies, but what's all this about a background being an excuse for poor judgment/bad behavior? I don't care what your background is, just have common decency and be civil/non-confrontational. In fact, be friendly. Especially with guests. Or isn't that the hallmark of the traditional African culture? Hospitality( which pretty much includes allowing your guests free reign of your property) ?

.....
I think I will watch out for how chill my partner is with random guests before committing o. This is serious.

in my experience so far

In the West-- kitchens are open and no biggie
Some even allow use of cars as i noticed there was a comparison of car to kitchen

Here - kitchens are temples and are forbidden to everyone but the hostess
Some even dont allow their husbands to take meat from pot of soup.

The hostess was out of line
She did not like the girl frend and had a superiority complex

Hosts should be accomodating
You allowed them in

damiso:


True and I concur...But I would like to ask a question though and that is where the lines of etiquette and culture or should I even say manners be drawn? Eg If you do me a favour as a friend that I know is no biggie to you and I don't say thank you will it be wrong or 'holding another to your high standards' if another friend takes offence that I did not say thank you simply because I and you friend A sees no biggie in it?

Be I no be kitchen klux clan last night na hubby still fry dodo for the kids before I got back from work and I gladly tucked into my share with his legendary egg sauce I even invite people to come over and cook stuff that I don't know how to so I can learn from them..Life is not that hard jare so this is not even territorial for me or about gender or about the kitchen but etiquette not juston the part of a host but a guest as well.

carefreewannabe:


Well said!

Some people have manners, others don't. That's why some people are welcome visitors, and others avoided.

Exactly. Granted, there are quite a few peeps I can think of who're all too familiar with the path to my/our kitchen, but we're talking about a complete stranger turned guest here.

It's all about the dynamics of the relationship, really.

Morning peeps,

I can see the thread has gained momentum; would like to see more opinions pouring in

Please, if you are not interested in the thread, stay away... it is ridiculous saying... 'I am not interested in the thread bla bla' and go ahead to type a thesis. Please today is Friday

Any guest unknown to the hosts who wakes up the next morning to start cooking without the host's permission is ill mannered and lacks courtesy... This is my opinion and is very self explanatory...

Now to the posts...

bukatyne:
Hi NL peeps,

I decided to create this thread in as a result of a previous thread to view various people's opinions (opinions cutting across gender, tribe and religion) . Check this thread for full details https://www.nairaland.com/2102329/should-allowed/7#30019304

There are two yes or no questions below:

1. If you and hubby went to one of hubby's friend house whom you have never met, will you enter their kitchen the next morning making breakfast without hubby's friend's wife giving you permission?

2. If hubby invited a friend (known to you) who brings along a lady, would you like if this lady (not known to you) wakes up the next morning and jumps into your kitchen without you permitting/inviting her to do so?


Thanks.

Please note that hubby can be replaced with boyfriend/fiancée etc. etc.

Methinks it depends on where you live. If it's in the Uk or abroad anywhere I don't think I would mind. I would probably have said to them the night before please help yourself to bla bla bla in the fridge/kitchen in the morning if I don't really want to wake up very early. I guess I also want to have rapport with someone before I want them to have unrestrained access to my house.

BUT in nigeria things are different, I would def frown upon it. I won't tell her to stop but my body language and some passive aggressive comments I make will let her know I'm not pleased .

Me personally, unless I've been told I can help myself I will hold myself, and really I would not go and stay in a married couples place that I've never met before as a 'girlfriend' in nigeria. It's better to keep yourself out of situations like that, it's unseemly. Heck I would not have stayed anywhere with my 'boyfriend' in anyone's house but his.

chaircover:


You seem to get it
In our home, the kitchen table is a gathering point for family, guests, gist, name it
Kids do their homework at the kitchen table
I make my beads at the kitchen table
My husband plays his Guitar at that that same kitchen table
Some evenings we all sit at that table and watch netflix, Youtube and Sky on TV
Same place where the Fridge is
For us its just a leisurely room
Every week I put cut fresh flowers in a vase
I havent measured it, but its almost the same size as my living room
Somedays I dont even sit in my living room . . yesterday I didnt sit in my living room at all before retireing updtairs for the night.

My dream kitchen when i build my own house

Whenever I have guests over, I always tell them to feel free in my kitchen.
I recall an incident where I had aguest over and she wouldn't eat till I got back from work late at night, very tired. SheKd be waiting for me to come and prepare a meal for her even when I told her several times that she should make her meals and feel free.
Different strokes I guess

1. NO, I will not go to cook in a stranger's kitchen without their permission.

2. YES, If my guest is hungry and I haven't woken up, they're free to grab something in the kitchen or even cook for themselves.

Let's be friendly and hospitable to our guests.
Saying 'she looked at me with bad eyes' is funny because maybe that's how the person is. Not everyone conforms to our notion of 'normal'.

Its so easy for some men here to type and say its no big deal about it,now here is for the men.


Now assume its vice versa, your wifey invites and old male friend whom you know very well cause he arrived very late at the airport and to late to get an hotel to spend the night. With your consent you agreed for him to spend the night in your house.

Next morning you wake,have your bath and breakfast,ready to go out only to find your car key missing,you ask wifey and she says " oh honey Jide took it out,will be back soon. Dint want to disturb your sleep "

WHAT WILL YOU DO

Hug your wife and give her a pat on the back and say " no problem honey "

rebella:
Whenever I have guests over, I always tell them to feel free in my kitchen.
I recall an incident where I had aguest over and she wouldn't eat till I got back from work late at night, very tired. SheKd be waiting for me to come and prepare a meal for her even when I told her several times that she should make her meals and feel free.
Different strokes I guess

You know that really upsets me sometimes, when I have guests and they refuse to make themselves at home, cook and eat and they are sitting there hungry & waiting for me to come back and cook no matter how late. Why would you sit there hungry? It makes me question myself maybe I have not been accommodating enough.

These are mostly guests from Nigeria. So when they come, I make a big big deal about showing them where everything is and calling them several times during the day to ask them if they have eaten. The foods that they eat that I don’t stock I go out and buy it for them. I don’t have one single food warmer in my house so we cook and eat on demand.

I can’t count the number of times that we have had guests and I am not even in the county talk less of me even being there to cook for them.

@soonest dear, your prayers will be answered even far beyond your expectations.

@chaircover, its so annoying , my guest caught me frowning once when I brought work home and the first thing I had to do was make her dinner.
I was tempted that day to let her starve.
I feel they may belong to school of thought that the kitchen is sacred and belongs to the woman of the house, so they are trying not to overstep their boundaries.

@ rebella My dear we are learning everyday
At least now I will understand better when people sit till 6pm in hunger waiting for me to come and cook beans that I don’t even eat instead of going to the kitchen and cooking what they fancy, how they fancy it.

I used to think that some of them were just being lazy . . .at least I now have some understanding of why they do it.
I’d still rather they just went into the kitchen and sorted themselves out though

At the first question : No, I will not enter her kitchen.

At the second question: I will be surprise at her kind of person,everyone has different upbringing. But i will not be angry,it even means she is hungry and wants to help herself out.

She can feel free,to cook what she likes, she can even cook for everyone if she likes, that means lesser things to do

For those seeing this as an issue of civilization or whatever,just remember that people are different. Cultures are different and all that.

Living in the west where modern houses are open floor plans doesn't make one more civilized than a nigerian resident whose modern house has a separation between living room and kitchen.
That seperation is probably what turns it into a private arena. Just saying.

Ehen so gentle gentle with the jabs.

It is definitely not an issue for me.

It may not be a big deal to you too for a guest to saunter into your kitchen and make themselves a meal, but then it may be a huge deal for your host if you go into their kitchen even if you're related.
In order to avoid friction in your host's house and maybe have them complaining about you to their hubby or whoever when you've gone be sure they are cool with it.

When you reach your own house, you can be civilized all you want.
Do I have an open floor plan where any guest who walks into my house is privy to my kitchen space? Yes I do.
Would I mind if they walk over and spend some time with me in the kitchen or even cook? No I don't.

But it doesn't mean I expect the same from them.
So just in case,I hold off for a bit and find out if it is ok by them before I go ahead.

oge4real:
1. No; I may help unpack the dishwasher and make myself toast and a cup of coffee. Depends on her attitude when I offered to assist in cleaning up after dinner the previous night. That is usually when you can assess how protective a woman is towards her home/kitchen.

2. No; I will not mind if she makes some coffee and toast for her and her hubby or even if she accesses the fridge for fruits/ snacks. I will definitely be shocked if she brings out pots and pans to begin making a proper meal for the whole house. However, I'll not verbalise my concern coz she must be worth it for us to accomodate them overnight in our home instead of a hotel.

Thanks

pickabeau1:
Kitchen Klux Klan

LOL

Good to know our women are claiming back their kingdom

So the message here is that it is easier to sleep in an African woman's home than enter her kitchen

Hope you read the OP

Your wife can enter your friend's kitchen she has not met before without their permission like '...'oh, nice to meet you Mrs. P, please feel free to make breakfast etc. etc.'

Read the OP.

CoCoLav:
No, I cannot enter someone's kitchen to cook. I cant even pass my boundaries (that is, the room allocated to me for the night).

Second question, I cant really say until I am in that situation. I might be a bit surprised but I definitely wont scream at the person. At the end of the day I might just shrug it off as not a big deal.

Thanks

BoboYekini:
Apologies, but what's all this about a background being an excuse for poor judgment/bad behavior? I don't care what your background is, just have common decency and be civil/non-confrontational. In fact, be friendly. Especially with guests. Or isn't that the hallmark of the traditional African culture? Hospitality( which pretty much includes allowing your guests free reign of your property) ?

.....
I think I will watch out for how chill my partner is with random guests before committing o. This is serious.

Please read the OP, I am tired of repeating myself...

chaircover:


You know that really upsets me sometimes, when I have guests and they refuse to make themselves at home, cook and eat and they are sitting there hungry & waiting for me to come back and cook no matter how late. Why would you sit there hungry? It makes me question myself maybe I have not been accommodating enough.

These are mostly guests from Nigeria. So when they come, I make a big big deal about showing them where everything is and calling them several times during the day to ask them if they have eaten. The foods that they eat that I don’t stock I go out and buy it for them. I don’t have one single food warmer in my house so we cook and eat on demand.

I can’t count the number of times that we have had guests and I am not even in the county talk less of me even being there to cook for them.

@soonest dear, your prayers will be answered even far beyond your expectations.

Amen! Thanks

chaircover:


You seem to get it
In our home, the kitchen table is a gathering point for family, guests, gist, name it
Kids do their homework at the kitchen table
I make my beads at the kitchen table
My husband plays his Guitar at that that same kitchen table
Some evenings we all sit at that table and watch netflix, Youtube and Sky on TV
Same place where the Fridge is
For us its just a leisurely room
Every week I put cut fresh flowers in a vase
I havent measured it, but its almost the same size as my living room
Somedays I dont even sit in my living room . . yesterday I didnt sit in my living room at all before retireing updtairs for the night.
If I am in the kitchen and a guest comes to the door, they come to the kitchen to sit down and I tell them to open the fridge and take whatever they want
Last week our pastor signed a form for my son at that same kitchen table
The problem that we have is that people like to box other people into their own experiences
Its either right or wrong . . No different is allowed which boxes us all up. . .Yet the world continues to evolve.

Even the kitchens in Nigeria are free for all. I dont have a problem with it. I have more of a problem with people coming through my front door in the first instance. If I have let you through my front door, then I have given you permission to use my WC, kitchen and use my spoons and glassware. You dont need special permission for that.

In my home, my bedroom is my sanctuary. For that, you will need permission to enter

Lets learn to accomodate other peoples views. We could also learn a thing or two from each other. its not always black and white . ..but many shades of grey.

Chaircover,

I hate to be a spoil sport but you have been going round and round in circles since the last thread.

Others have dropped their opinions and this thread is for you to do same and not tell us how your kitchen operates.

Dami gave a wonderful scenario of her mom who had to sleep in someone's house she never met. Imagine you were her in that scenario, could you have entered the Arab's kitchen to cook the next morning without permission?

Simple yes or no.

Funny how the people saying those that mind are KKK etc. have not told us if they will do same as in an unknown host's house... or how they are 'reserved' and wouldn't do such.

Timbuktou:
Can they walk, run or crawl into the kitchen? Are flying and teleporting into the kitchen allowed?

Just answer the kwestion and leave the entry mode for mathias

pickabeau1:
Here women dont want trespassers in their kingdom

Women 'cherish' their kitchens, men 'cherish' their cars

Hope you don't mind when a colleague of your wife's decide to drive it out without your permission as the perfect host.

fem29:


Methinks it depends on where you live. If it's in the Uk or abroad anywhere I don't think I would mind. I would probably have said to them the night before please help yourself to bla bla bla in the fridge/kitchen in the morning if I don't really want to wake up very early. I guess I also want to have rapport with someone before I want them to have unrestrained access to my house.

BUT in nigeria things are different, I would def frown upon it. I won't tell her to stop but my body language and some passive aggressive comments I make will let her know I'm not pleased .

Me personally, unless I've been told I can help myself I will hold myself, and really I would not go and stay in a married couples place that I've never met before as a 'girlfriend' in nigeria. It's better to keep yourself out of situations like that, it's unseemly. Heck I would not have stayed anywhere with my 'boyfriend' in anyone's house but his.

Thanks

Cococandy you said it all.
It’s not a matter of right or wrong . . .It’s a matter of different and that is what I am trying to get across and I gave a true working example of what happens in my home which works for me, but is different to some other peoples.
Does that make me less of a Yoruba woman?
Does that make me ill mannered?
Buky wants to prove that she is right . . .Yes she may be . . but that right line ends outside my own front door and that is what she needs to understand.

LadyX:
1. NO, I will not go to cook in a stranger's kitchen without their permission.

2. YES, If my guest is hungry and I haven't woken up, they're free to grab something in the kitchen or even cook for themselves.

Let's be friendly and hospitable to our guests.
Saying 'she looked at me with bad eyes' is funny because maybe that's how the person is. Not everyone conforms to our notion of 'normal'.

Without your permission?

Then why would you not do that in a guest's house?

Not saying, it 's bad, want to understand.