Ewuro4:


Very wrong. I have no right throwing him out of the house unless he voluntarily leave ( and he's still entitled to 50% with equity just so you don't know) I see where cococandy meant about hating western culture.

You men are very dangerous.

You have your house or pay the rent, Piackebeau moves in with you as hubby. One day he says he is No longer interested in the unon and he wants to leave.

What would you do from this point.

damiso:


That's why I said empty threats naa if you want to leave why don't you just leave without announcement? People that want to leave just do it so all that her 'announcement' was childish.

That said it's not about who leaves the house .It's more one person choosing not to act as childish and immature as the next person. They sha slept in that house till the next morning.


I agree with your last sentence a bit sha. I know he too gave her 'transport fare' to add melodrama to it too joor.

I know couples fight (me and my husband have had our fair share) but one person knowing when to diffuse tension or soft pedalling for the other helps..Humour helps as well.If hubby gives me transport money(won't happen though just saying) the next morning after an argument I will tell him I will use it to buy a top because this is my house. What's your own sef so you too are taking what I said seriously (I agree that individuals and relationships differ though) He too could have also said in a joking manner ' so madam will you be here when I get back'

Me I am not blaming the husband because i know some people hate being threatened but I think he could have also not gone down her melo dramatic route.

That said there seems to be underlying issues that they both need to go throw.

Whether you call it empty or not
The woman said I no do
The man said OK..dey go Na

Why are u blaming d man for granting her request

damiso:
I agree with your last sentence a bit sha. I know he too gave her 'transport fare' to add melodrama to it too joor.

I know couples fight (me and my husband have had our fair share) but one person knowing when to diffuse tension or soft pedalling for the other helps..Humour helps as well.If hubby gives me transport money(won't happen though just saying) the next morning after an argument I will tell him I will use it to buy a top because this is my house. What's your own sef so you too are taking what I said seriously (I agree that individuals and relationships differ though) He too could have also said in a joking manner ' so madam will you be here when I get back'
Me I am not blaming the husband because i know some people hate being threatened but I think he could have also not gone down her melo dramatic route.
That said there seems to be underlying issues that they both need to sort out.

As couples even when you fight, there should be boundaries you should never cross. there are some things you should never say unless you are not interested in that marriage again.

Just as one person get crase so does the other person

Well I must say you got what you deserved

Nonso23:


Don't jealousy him too much abeg.
You will live long too

Amen. You too.

raumdeuter:

You have your house or pay the rent, Piackebeau moves in with you as hubby. One day he says he is No longer interested in the unon and he wants to leave.
What would you do from this point.

This is not near op case , you guys are fabricating lies to it. What if the house is paid for esp in Naija?

Pickabeau is my brother not ma husband you sound funny buddy. I'm going home jare.

pickabeau1:



Whether you call it empty or not
The woman said I no do
The man said OK..dey go Na

Why are u blaming d man for granting her request

Because sometimes in marriage its not always about being right or having the upper hand or having the last word or ego or power tussle or mind control etc. .

I also don't think its good to throw the D word around but you know what very early in my marriage I said some things that I now look back and am not proud of (e.g I once told hubby I would have been better off in Nigeria if he did not bring me to come and suffer in the UK ) amongst some other silly imature things. You know what he choosing to overlook my silliness at those times was him being the bigger person and moving forward because the marriage meant more to him than my silliness at the time .

damiso:


Because sometimes in marriage its not always about being right or having the upper hand or having the last word or ego or power tussle or mind control etc. .

I also don't think its good to throw the D word around but you know what very early in my marriage I said some things that I now look back and am not proud of (e.g I once told hubby I would have been better off in Nigeria if he did not bring me to come and suffer in the UK ) amongst some other silly imature things. You know what he choosing to overlook my silliness at those times was him being the bigger person and moving forward because the marriage meant more to him than my silliness at the time .

That is hubby
Moreover you never said u wanted out
Dealing with relocation is different from saying no marriage


My point is that this is not the first time this woman sharpens her tongue on this man

The man don tire

Nonso23:


Amen too.
If it is paid then you look for the surname written on the receipt. That is the legal owner shikena.

It's called common Law entitlement , pets inclusive .. Regardless of whose names on the receipt.

damiso:
...he choosing to overlook my silliness at those times was him being the bigger person and moving forward because the marriage meant more to him than my silliness at the time .

Oh come oooon.

So no matter what the woman does the man always has to suck it up and be the bigger person. But tomorrow you people will be arguing for headship and equal partnership ish.

Marriage is just unfair to men.

pickabeau1:

That is hubby
Moreover you never said u wanted out
Dealing with relocation is different from saying no marriage
My point is that this is not the first time this woman sharpens her tongue on this man
The man don tire

Ok o Mr Pickabeau

I don taya

OP you need to apologise for the threat .Believe me we all have one thing we want to change about our spouse but that's the irony you can't change another human being to what you think they should be not even your children.Be the bigger person I was talking about and apologise.

Try not to issue threats and ultimatums when discussing issues.Some people don't respond well to 'talks' which aim to highlight their flaws (even though I know uv admitted yours).Sometimes written communication in a non accusatory way might be a good way to pass thoughts across.

5minsmadness:

Oh come oooon.

So no matter what the woman does the man always has to suck it up and be the bigger person. But tomorrow you people will be arguing for headship and equal partnership ish.

Marriage is just unfair to men.

I did not say the man I said one person. Who told you that I have not had instances where I have been the bigger person too?

women generally tend to be the ones asked to suck it up and 'make the marriage work' abi is it not being the bigger person that makes people ask someone to 'pray' for a cheating spouse.

Oga you must have me down for someone else argue headship ke 'to your tent o israel' everyone should do what works for their marriag
e.
Besides uneasy lies the head that wears the crown so is the 'head' not meant to sacrifice more

Well said damiso

damiso:


Ok o Mr Pickabeau

I don taya

OP you need to apologise for the threat .Believe me we all have one thing we want to change about our spouse but that's the irony you can't change another human being to what you think they should be not even your children.Be the bigger person I was talking about and apologise.

Try not to issue threats and ultimatums when discussing issues.Some people don't respond well to 'talks' which aim to highlight their flaws (even though I know uv admitted yours).Sometimes written communication in a non accusatory way might be a good way to pass thoughts across.

Nice one

pickabeau1:

No I would not

But if her mouth is driving me to High bp levels I will leave the house and move to another house of mine

a man tells his WIFE his whorres are better than her yet somehow she's the one with acidic tongue?

You people think only women know how to talk?
Those words alone can kill a woman for ever yet you only saw the woman's mouth.

Remember too she said he never agrees to his own faults because every time she tries to communicate it ends in a shouting match even when she has agreed to work on her fault.

Was she shouting to herself? So it is plain that they both shout at each other and say hurtful things to each other.

Don't make it a young-women-have-acidic-tongues issue Biko. This man is just as mouthed as any foul mouthed person ever.
Add unrepentant philandering and pride to it.
Recipe for disaster

5minsmadness:

Lol!
No be me talk dat one. The babe is lying Jo, that's not what happened and oga is not the type that lays his matter on social media. He used my handle and left in a fit of anger. Me I no join mouth again let them settle their issues.

\
Ask him what he bought the condoms for.
Children's decorative balloon party?

Sometimes, I just dunno what marriage is about again sef
What nonsense?

cococandy:
a man tells his WIFE his whorres are better than her yet somehow she's the one with acidic tongue?

You people think only women know how to talk?
Those words alone can kill a woman for ever yet you only saw the woman's mouth.

Remember too she said he never agrees to his own faults because every time she tries to communicate it ends in a shouting match even when she has agreed to work on her fault.

Was she shouting to herself? So it is plain that they both shout at each other and say hurtful things to each other.

Don't make it a young-women-have-acidic-tongues issue Biko. This man is just as mouthed as any foul mouthed person ever.
Add unrepentant philandering and pride to it.
Recipe for disaster

Ok

5minsmadness:

In fact I have a similar issue going on now, not sure if to open a thread about it since they are quite alike. Too many ladies watching 'Mr&Mrs'! Africamagic no be real life oh!




Wait oh op, is your name B****a?

LoL somebody's been watching Telemundo

I havent read the whole thread, but my initial reaction was to laugh when I read the about about transport fare.

Couples flexing . . its happens in some new marriages, they then both learn what they can do and cannot do, get over it and then settle down to marriage.

Threats are only worth their weight if you are able to carry them out. . . if not then please dont do it or someone will get hurt.

The handing the transport money made me laugh; the guy has humor. I would have turned round and told him that I didnt come to his house in public transport, so am expecting an expensive car to take me back home and ask him for the rest of the money.

You know even when couples "fight" they can still be friends and people should always try that approach first.
I know its easier said than done, but it is achevable, and after many years of being married and having gone through so much together, you do get to that point where you can "play fight" without injuring each other in the process and still getting your point accross with humor.

So there is cheating involved . .
You threatened to leave and he called your bluff . . not looking good
You also mentioned begging . . begging is not your first point of call.
He can beg you today and this evening go back to his ways.
What you should be concentrating on is him realising that cheating is not an option and do what you mean
No point threatenng him if you wont do it.

What U need to do is take a deep breath and look at the whole picture logically and then decide what you want to do. You can only do that with a clear head.

chaircover:
So there is cheating involved . .
You threatened to leave and he called your bluff . . not looking good
You also mentioned begging . . begging is not your first point of call.
He can beg you today and this evening go back to his ways.
What you should be concentrating on is him realising that cheating is not an option and do what you mean
No point threatenng him if you wont do it.

What U need to do is take a deep breath and look at the whole picture logically and then decide what you want to do. You can only do that with a clear head.

Pls madam chiarcover there was no cheating involved. The man in question is a proud (very proud) man and the op's issue with him was his inability to take correction. The argument spiralled out of proportion and madam said some very bad things that pissed oga off and he responded in kind. This lead to the threat to leave and the transport fare saga. I know I said I wont talk but abeg this one don too much and a lot of people respect your advice.

bukatyne:


I knew there was more to the story

I asked some of my colleagues and they all said he was tired of the marriage.

Giving her Tfare was OK to show that he was calling her bluff. But to lock her out and involve gateman in their fight?

No way

I still don't get how he collected the keys from her gave it to the gate man then she ends up hanging around the gatehouse sotey one elderly lady saw her to advice sef. This is the part of the story that i am stuck on did he ransack her bag to get her keys? did he say give me my house keys and she handed it over only to hang at the gate house. How come she is outside the house?

andromida:

I still don't get how he collected the keys from her gave it to the gate man then she ends up hanging around the gatehouse sotey one elderly lady saw her to advice sef. This is the part of the story that i am stuck on did he ransack her bag to get her keys? did he say give me my house keys and she handed it over only to hang at the gate house. How come she is outside the house?

I doubt he locked her out, he left her in gave her keys to the gateman and asked that he lock up when she leaves

aisha2:

I doubt he locked her out, he left her in gave her keys to the gate man and asked that he lock up when she leaves

Oh i see thank you for clarifying because i kept wondering why not just collect the keys from the gate man.

She should just enjoy the tfare on her favorite ice cream and watch telemundo .

5minsmadness:

Pls madam chiarcover there was no cheating involved. The man in question is a proud (very proud) man and the op's issue with him was his inability to take correction. The argument spiralled out of proportion and madam said some very bad things that pissed oga off and he responded in kind. This lead to the threat to leave and the transport fare saga. I know I said I wont talk but abeg this one don too much and a lot of people respect your advice.

If you found condoms in your wife's pocket what will you think?
Sometimes it's our actions that determine how people react

chaircover:


If you found condoms in your wife's pocket what will you think?
Sometimes it's our actions that determine how people react

Well, I feel if the issue of cheating bothered madam that much that would be the first thing she would have mentioned here.

Anyway both of them seemed to have made peace at whatever price.
5minsmadness, if indeed you are the husband, I advice that you listen to her and shun pride, pride brings only barriers aches and pains in marriage nothing else. If there is any cheating please stop, forget what is said on nairaland, its you who wont get to enjoy a peaceful home.

damiso:


Not holding brief for empty threats (OP threatening divorce at sign of conflict is a no no) but its THEIR house naa oga.

She said I am not interested in the marriage(agreed wrong ) not I want to go back to my father's house.. That transport fare gesture kinda signals 'this is more my house than yours'.

To me, the Tfare might have been calling her bluff

But actually collecting her keys and telling the gateman to lock the gate when she leaves

Na waya

aisha2:


Well, I feel if the issue of cheating bothered madam that much that would be the first thing she would have mentioned here.

Anyway both of them seemed to have made peace at whatever price.
5minsmadness, if indeed you are the husband, I advice that you listen to her and shun pride, pride brings only barriers aches and pains in marriage nothing else. If there is any cheating please stop, forget what is said on nairaland, its you who wont get to enjoy a peaceful home.

I need to go and read the whole thread
I must be missing sonethings