itops:


I NO FIGHT.O, it just got to me that most of you men jump at topics like this to give selfish reasons why you should remain eternal cheats.

now my point is, our forefathers as you stated out and have been congratulated with 2 bottles of orijin are definately not older than GOD our creator who from creation , created just EVE FOR ADAM..if God sactions our forefathers attitude of subjecting women to household appliances by marrying as many wives as they like, why did he not add MARY AND ELIZABETH TO ADAM at creation when he (GOD) gave EVE TO ADAM.

i hate it when men thinks they are wiser than GOD.

What about king Solomon,david, saul and the rest... They have more than one wife na...

itops:


I NO FIGHT.O, it just got to me that most of you men jump at topics like this to give selfish reasons why you should remain eternal cheats.

now my point is, our forefathers as you stated out and have been congratulated with 2 bottles of orijin are definately not older than GOD our creator who from creation , created just EVE FOR ADAM..if God sactions our forefathers attitude of subjecting women to household appliances by marrying as many wives as they like, why did he not add MARY AND ELIZABETH TO ADAM at creation when he (GOD) gave EVE TO ADAM.

i hate it when men thinks they are wiser than GOD.

I wouldn't want to turn this into a religious argument, but why is it that around that same time of Adam and Eve, Abraham and many others had multiple wives. Abraham slept with Hagai, Sarah's handmaid despite not being married to her. Yet God made a covenant with Abraham and made him the father of many nations. How else can you describe Sarah's maid if not as a side chick?
David had multiple wives and concubines yet the Bible records it that he was a man after God's heart. Solomon had 600 wives and uncountable concubines, yet God blessed him beyond measure. The problem is that you are quoting the Bible selectively. If God did not sanction the marriage of many wives, he would not have blessed those men like that

Not only that you are looking at things from the narrow angle of the Christian religion. What about Muslims who can marry more than one wife. Don't they also believe in God?

we all on this thread are suffering from joebelessenesse influenza (the biological name of the OP).... so, Am walking away (in Craig David's voice)

Justfollowit:


Bwahahahaha

O'boy, you are not on my level at all

You do not even come a feet close to it

Go play with your mates

Okay.

Truckpusher:
What you wrote got nothing to do with the question that was raised .

Maybe you need an interpreter .

It was a reply to a question by another commenter (Truckpusher . . .you), always read thoroughly before commenting, it will do you a whole world of good #my2cents

Hope you get it, or u might need to call back the interpreter you were gon' hire for me.

shitshappen:
I am a Christian, I believe in the bible as the word of God. And Jesus as the son of God.

I know the problem with our society was the day we accepted the white man's way of life, don't get me wrong. It is not in the blood of an African man to be with one woman. Centuries of practicing polygamy is now having a toll on us. We want to be faithful, we want to show you we love you, and the kids we had together with you.
But sometimes we also want to be with the other woman, they complement you. You are not perfect and we know that , that other woman sometimes make your own imperfections easy to bear.
Ask me one thing I want to change about christianity, it is that dictate of one man one woman. Now you know why I said I'm a Christian who believe in bible,who believe in christ Jesus.
I might be wrong, I might be right. I just know that men are not hot-wired to be with one woman, check the Patriarchs

.


If you truly believe the bible then you will know God in his wisdom created ONLY ONE woman for Adam. You talk about the other woman complementing your spouse, then its OK if she gets another man to compliment you!

it nor concern me...

Those hoes aint loyal also...Wish there was a meter or dvd that you can play back and watch what our so called girl friends do behind our back ans still cry foul if the man should do anything...

Shift.

This explains everything about the main chick Vs side chick dilemma;

http://targetdex..com/2015/02/main-chick-vs-side-chick.html

Owliver:
I still haven't understood the concept of this "self worth" of a thing. Am confuse

sorry cant explain further....u guys should jux pray during the fun of side chicks u wont lose that person that would complete nd elevate ur life..nd get one that would destroy it...

mollysteeze:
Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had (well at least some), the "other woman" has now become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet. People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

Well Maybe.

However, no matter how much shame I would feel, I knew myself before I got married, my values remain my values, knowing my self-worth is what shapes every corner of my life and that is the core of me. To change now or later would be to deny who I have been for 26 years. While I am never an advocate for divorce, I have realized people do not change overnight.

A year back, my friend's boyfriend told her he was confused who to pick between her and two other girlfriends. Well she fought for "her man". Trouble is today they are married, and he's still seeing one of the other girls, who he has now rented an apartment for in Nigeria, and he's here half the year.

I've realised, the people who complain about there husbands or fiance throwing some other woman in their face mostly had an inkling they were cheats while they were dating. They were the ones who fought of five other girls to get their man. But the question is, if when you were dating there were five of you, why do you think today he would be satisfied with one. I have no doubt in my mind, everyone has an idea of things their partners are capable of in their subconscious, the trouble is a lot of us convince ourselves to believe some other truth that better suits our wants.

My mama has taught me, life is too short to jump into something you can't tolerate all your life, the sole reason for sharing your life with someone and giving up your freedom should be because they make you happier than anyone else in the world. Do not compromise your values or one day you would wish you had not.

But then, on the flip side, if you like smelling some other girls perfume on your man and having your kids run into daddy and "Aunty Bintan, the side chick" at the hotel near their school then go right ahead.

When you became self centered, egoistical and opinionated and stopped giving out that crazy sex we like.

mollysteeze:
Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had (well at least some), the "other woman" has now become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet. People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

Well Maybe.

However, no matter how much shame I would feel, I knew myself before I got married, my values remain my values, knowing my self-worth is what shapes every corner of my life and that is the core of me. To change now or later would be to deny who I have been for 26 years. While I am never an advocate for divorce, I have realized people do not change overnight.

A year back, my friend's boyfriend told her he was confused who to pick between her and two other girlfriends. Well she fought for "her man". Trouble is today they are married, and he's still seeing one of the other girls, who he has now rented an apartment for in Nigeria, and he's here half the year.

I've realised, the people who complain about there husbands or fiance throwing some other woman in their face mostly had an inkling they were cheats while they were dating. They were the ones who fought of five other girls to get their man. But the question is, if when you were dating there were five of you, why do you think today he would be satisfied with one. I have no doubt in my mind, everyone has an idea of things their partners are capable of in their subconscious, the trouble is a lot of us convince ourselves to believe some other truth that better suits our wants.

My mama has taught me, life is too short to jump into something you can't tolerate all your life, the sole reason for sharing your life with someone and giving up your freedom should be because they make you happier than anyone else in the world. Do not compromise your values or one day you would wish you had not.

But then, on the flip side, if you like smelling some other girls perfume on your man and having your kids run into daddy and "Aunty Bintan, the side chick" at the hotel near their school then go right ahead.

@OP:

I am sure We are not talking of the same Nigeria

There has always been side chicks, second wives and mistresses.

Infact, I would say that women are less tolerant of the other woman now.

How many women did you know left their husband's because of the other woman in the past?

You are only 26 years, therefore your requirements, rules and regulations are still high. Please I will like you to come back again in five or 10 years to comment on this post

Why should African men accept monogamy?

Justfollowit:


Ermmm

The reality is most men are bound to cheat or marry more wives. We all agree with that it is unfair on us. Some women (feminist) would advocate that women are also susceptible to these vices therefore there is no problem if a woman behaves likewise. Sounds fair but it is extremely stupid.


it and it is going to create more problems and I doubt if the society at large will survive it.

I don't like it, most women don't. Until we come up with something practical, I guess we are stuck with cleaning up their mess.

That is why I tell any female who care to listen

Know thyself and Be Independent

I doubt feminism tells women it is ok to cheat because men do.

Debbielam:

sorry cant explain further....u guys should jux pray during the fun of side chicks u wont lose that person that would complete nd elevate ur life..nd get one that would destroy it...

you think we all dumb? Hahaha. If a dude plays my game smartly he's good to go. Meanwhile, when married one should desist from such as promised during vow... But its hard cos we polygamous in nature. Its natural even with other animals. Its just nature

989900:


It was a reply to a question by another commenter (Truckpusher . . .you), always read thoroughly before commenting, it will do you a whole world of good #my2cents

Hope you get it, or u might need to call back the interpreter you were gon' hire for me.

A reply to another commenter ? Don't you think it is more appropriate to quote the person involved directly than making it ambiguous by quoting someone else? - Now , you gonna need a teacher and not an interpreter. I already called him back I'm hiring a teacher for you.

ebonylady4real:


dat makes women not hot-wired to be with one man balance?

A woman is labelled a w.h.o.r.e if she tries to be flirty like the Man, but do u know it gives d guy this deep cool feelings that "he is the man" when he is flirty?

ivyT:
I don't know wot to say

I tire

Maybe the grammar too much for u.
U do well on thread like "davido, wizkid etc"

The fact that you are dating or fckucking doesn't mean that it's exclusive.. You can't force nor imply exclusivity without another party's consent.

Here are few questions for the Op,
?...what attracted the side chic to your husband?
.....Can that which attracted one side chic capable of attracting others?
Your guess is as good as mine,YES the power of MONEY...most side chics are there for the money
Most ladies in Naija are slaves to Money,They just lack CONTENTMENT

To whom it may concern,

1 LAW


Nigeria will still remain nigeria, men will keep on having side chick



And women will keep on fighting for there men.

2 LAW


Even after marriage, men will still have side chick



And the wife will still fight for the man.



COURSE BE ON THOSE WHO WANT TO CHANGE IT.





















VOTE CHANGE

Truckpusher:
Is there any gain in treating your woman like a trash because she eats from your palm?

What if it is the other way round , would you feel good about it?

a clap for your self righteousness, I have made my point.

The truth is that Women want to eat dr cake & have it...you want to date a ladies man yet wanna have him all to yourself. You think sey other women come sell groundnut ba? Even if your man vows to be with you alone ds other women will break ds wall & tempt him to also taste of him...you shouldn't worry yourself about side-chik but make sure you're d major share holder...if you refuse you'll either get heart broken or end up with a dunce dat you yourself will gradually lose interest in @d end of d day. If you dont wanna worry yourself with a side-chik den go for d Man no woman wants & give yourself peace of mind.

The 'side chick' no dey compulsory. At times na the women dey cause the wahala by themselves. Na true say man sabi eye babes for corner o, but i still believe say if the madam package her attitude well, the oga go maintain
#trueYarns

women who know their worth don't put up with the rubbish. side kick my asss

OP, I completely agree with your views and i am somewhat enlightened by your post.
There are many factors contributing to this kind of situation and mostly only known to those in the affected relationship/marriage.

Truth is; if just 50% of our ladies today reason at just 50% your level; there probably won't be any need for this thread - but nay!

I speak to a lot of couples regularly and some of my observations are as below;

Complete truthfulness is something that most ladies today don't practise but they preach and also want from guys.
If you are not truthful to yourself you can't be truthful to another - and trust we can say is becoming a lost virtue.
You can't by any means deceive your partner into marrying you and you want the relashionship to remain the same after the truth is revealed later. Absolute trust becomes an issue and on that many other issues will follow.

The level of ignorance displayed by a larger part of this generation is really annoying and alarming, especially on relationship and marital fronts.
People can always change and an angel today can be the devil tomorrow BUT the situation must be properly understood so that the right solution can be implemented, we can always bring a derailed situation back on track only if we know and rightly take care of the root cause.

Proper home training is lost and this is essentially the main problem BUT people can always regenerate as long as we have a good standard to measure up with. Who are our mentors these days If you want to be a Queen you should get coaching from someone who knows about royalty.

Trust and happiness; if you make your partner have these in you - he/she will worship you for ever.

I read this book recently and i recommend it for couples and anyone in a relationship - it will greatly improve things for you.
"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

My simple advise is - if you are not happy in any relationship/marriage; try to change/improve the situation and get necessary help needed.
But if after doing all possible and the situation is unchanged - simply change the relationship before the relationship changes you to a stranger to yourself.

If you are however afraid of the consequences of change - maintain status quo without complain.

mollysteeze:
Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had (well at least some), the "other woman" has now become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet. People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

Well Maybe.

However, no matter how much shame I would feel, I knew myself before I got married, my values remain my values, knowing my self-worth is what shapes every corner of my life and that is the core of me. To change now or later would be to deny who I have been for 26 years. While I am never an advocate for divorce, I have realized people do not change overnight.

A year back, my friend's boyfriend told her he was confused who to pick between her and two other girlfriends. Well she fought for "her man". Trouble is today they are married, and he's still seeing one of the other girls, who he has now rented an apartment for in Nigeria, and he's here half the year.

I've realised, the people who complain about there husbands or fiance throwing some other woman in their face mostly had an inkling they were cheats while they were dating. They were the ones who fought of five other girls to get their man. But the question is, if when you were dating there were five of you, why do you think today he would be satisfied with one. I have no doubt in my mind, everyone has an idea of things their partners are capable of in their subconscious, the trouble is a lot of us convince ourselves to believe some other truth that better suits our wants.

My mama has taught me, life is too short to jump into something you can't tolerate all your life, the sole reason for sharing your life with someone and giving up your freedom should be because they make you happier than anyone else in the world. Do not compromise your values or one day you would wish you had not.

But then, on the flip side, if you like smelling some other girls perfume on your man and having your kids run into daddy and "Aunty Bintan, the side chick" at the hotel near their school then go right ahead.

Truckpusher:
A reply to another commenter ? Don't you think it is more appropriate to quote the person involved directly than making it ambiguous by quoting someone else? - Now , you gonna need a teacher and not an interpreter. I already called him back I'm hiring a teacher for you.

meh

1. You have comprehension issues (and I mean seriously, no disrespect).

2. Probably sight issues/amnesia too, 'cause you were the commenter I was responding to (and I liked your comment though).

3. You need to let your senses of perception and discernment, work faster than your typing.

shitshappen:
I am a Christian, I believe in the bible as the word of God. And Jesus as the son of God.

I know the problem with our society was the day we accepted the white man's way of life, don't get me wrong. It is not in the blood of an African man to be with one woman. Centuries of practicing polygamy is now having a toll on us. We want to be faithful, we want to show you we love you, and the kids we had together with you.
But sometimes we also want to be with the other woman, they complement you. You are not perfect and we know that , that other woman sometimes make your own imperfections easy to bear.
Ask me one thing I want to change about christianity, it is that dictate of one man one woman. Now you know why I said I'm a Christian who believe in bible,who believe in christ Jesus.
I might be wrong, I might be right. I just know that men are not hot-wired to be with one woman, check the Patriarchs

I don't tink ANYBODY is 'wired' to stick to one person. Even an honest married woman will admit dat once in while u see a hot dude, if u don't control urself u start to desire him (u r human). In d olden days only men where allowed such freedom to explore their sexuality because women were being supressed then. So don't tell me because our forefathers married plenty wives and our 'foremothers' married only one man, dat it means dat its only men dat are wired to desire multiple partners no! Human needs are insartible be u male or female. Its only d fear of God dat keeps us in check. So my dear, if u r redy to stick to ur wife, she sticks to u, if u want to stray pls allow her do d same cos wat is good 4d goose is good for d gander. We women too are wired to love 'fruit salad' (who no like better thing), but its just dat desire to be morally upright & not break d rule of God dat mkes us behave ourselves. So don't gimme dat crap about only men being d ones wired to desire 'oda good pleasures'

akinsadeez:


lemme look at this from an African perspective.

Considering the bolded, it seems we now indulge in a form of historical revisionism. What I mean is that during the times of our fathers and grand fathers, the other woman as you have termed it, wasn't actually just 'the other woman', she was the other wife or wives. Back then our fathers not only dated other women, they often married them and the whole house still lived harmoniously. My grandfather for example, had 4 wives and it was the accepted norm then. But now when we look back with our rose tinted glasses, we assume, like you have done that having other women has always been an unacceptable practice which is now being tolerated rather than the opposite.

In fact, I would posit that the so called paradigm shift has actually been the vilification of the 'other woman'. Education and religion has now made us to see a one man one woman marriage as sacrosanct and any woman outside that union as the devilish meddlesome interloper. This was never part of the values our mothers had in the African setting.

Excellent rebuttal.

SLIDEwaxie:
a clap for your self righteousness, I have made my point.

O yeah! You made a dumb point and you expect everyone to run along with that mentality ?

Most of these women you call liabilities and such should be treated like trash actually put more into the family than the career women.
The value they add to your generations unborn by staying at home raising your kids while you work your asss off can't be bought with that same money you've been chasing all over the world .FACT

Go figure ......