mulanbaba:
i hear what everyone is saying and yes its the first time he cheated thats why i am breaking apart, so much because i wasnt expecting it and that its with my best friend so, its a double sword on me. its weighing me down. i havent told my family because they dont like him so they will use this to make me leave him. Maybe i will forgive him someday i dont know. i am currently seeing a counsellor so yeah i hope to snap out of this two.

as for my best friend i cut her out already maybe one day i will ask her why,but for now i am more concerned about myself and healing. he is very remorseful but i dont know if its because he was caught or not!!

he asked his friend to plead on his behalf instead his friend is now propositioning me and suggesting divorce lawyer for me and that he will help me financially!!! so now i see how easy to be betrayed by a friend thats why i havent told folks to come and escalate things. I am just hurting and needs like mind to say my feelings to cos i clearly cant talk with his friend since he doesnt have my hubbys interest at heart two. SMH. Humans are really deceitful indeed

OP pls don't let this issue scatter your home pls! People have been envious of your marriage since and through the foolishness of your husband they have found a hole in the fence! Pls you and you alone have the power to close that fence, you alone have the key to close the door of perdition that has been opened. Pls he is miserable without you abeg pls let this matter rest. We are waiting for whatever conditions you want and he will keep to them biko.

5minsmadness:


OP pls don't let this issue scatter your home pls! People have been envious of your marriage since and through the foolishness of your husband they have found a hole in the fence! Pls you and you alone have the power to close that fence, you alone have the key to close the door of perdition that has been opened. Pls he is miserable without you abeg pls let this matter rest. We are waiting for whatever conditions you want and he will keep to them biko.

Did They force him at gun point to cheat on her?

Does he even realize the gravity of what he has done

Men sha . . . Please tell the guy that there is God ooom

I know OP is a kind woman and will forgive him. But he needs to learn that his actions have consequences, and be prepared to live with them.

bukatyne:


Perhaps the OP didn't lay her bed well with God?

You all are the hypocrites; the title of This thread is apt.

I'm no longer surprise my sister. I have seen and heard it all.

No wonder people pity you when you have a female child and celebrate when its a male.

Wedon:


I'm no longer surprise my sister. I have seen and heard it all.

No wonder people pity you when you have a female child and celebrate when its a male.

We will get There someday.

@mulanbaba why did you suggest swinging? for a happy marriage with a lot of kinky sex going on it seems odd to me especially as he refused swinging then went ahead to have an affair with your friend. If you find my question invasive don't answer forgive my asking just that I feel curious.

5minsmadness:


OP pls don't let this issue scatter your home pls! People have been envious of your marriage since and through the foolishness of your husband they have found a hole in the fence! Pls you and you alone have the power to close that fence, you alone have the key to close the door of perdition that has been opened. Pls he is miserable without you abeg pls let this matter rest. We are waiting for whatever conditions you want and he will keep to them biko.

Please keep quiet.

Please I am begging

You were just saying women are weaker because they do not take rresponsibility for their actions.

Are men weaker here too?

I wished Satan slapped anyone who roped him into What he has no idea about.

The devil made the husband chike the best friend; made the bestie agree; made them pick a arena for f.ucking; made thehhusband remove his clothes; made the husband sleep with the bestie; made them continue till the OP caught them

I am very sure the jealous and wicked people sent the Devil to the husband ba?

Please

Please

@OP, you said u suggested "swinging" but he kicked against it. Hmmmn

Are u hurt cos he cheated with your BF or u hurt cos he cheated?

It seems to me like u subtly encouraged your hubby to " cheat" abi what else could be your reason for suggesting swinging

I'm not blaming you, just saying. Don't push for something u can't handle.

If he's apologised and is truly sorry, I say forgive him. All the best.

bukatyne:


Please keep quiet.

Please I am begging

You were just saying women are weaker because they do not take rresponsibility for their actions.

Are men weaker here too?

I wished Satan slapped anyone who roped him into What he has no idea about.

The devil made the husband chike the best friend; made the bestie agree; made them pick a arena for f.ucking; made thehhusband remove his clothes; made the husband sleep with the bestie; made them continue till the OP caught them

I am very sure the jealous and wicked people sent the Devil to the husband ba?

Please

Please

bukatyne i will not engage you on this thread for personal reasons.
feel free to carry the day here.

I have not mentioned the devil or the devil's work in this thread. I have placed the blame squarely on the husband and am pleading for liniency.
if you wish you can twist my words here anyhow you want. I promise you i will not respond on this thread.
take care.

5minsmadness:


OP pls don't let this issue scatter your home pls! People have been envious of your marriage since and through the foolishness of your husband they have found a hole in the fence! Pls you and you alone have the power to close that fence, you alone have the key to close the door of perdition that has been opened. Pls he is miserable without you abeg pls let this matter rest. We are waiting for whatever conditions you want and he will keep to them biko.

Chai! this guy! So can you take this your advice if you found out your wife cheated with your best friend? SMH.

Op, you found the right word to use for this issue; HYPOCRISY.

Wedon:


Did They force him at gun point to cheat on her?

Does he even realize the gravity of what he has done

Men sha . . . Please tell the guy that there is God ooom

I know OP is a kind woman and will forgive him. But he needs to learn that his actions have consequences, and be prepared to live with them.

She is. she is very kind and accomodating and the husband was exceedingly foolish in this his misadventure. She is the victim here and not at fault in anyway.

OP, i can not say i understand what you are going through as i have not been through such, but i'm sure it must hurt real bad. If you didn't have kids, i will say, take a trip and try to clear your head for some days. Can your mum or any close relative come over to help with the kids? So you can even have sometime to sort yourself out? You can not afford to be 'useless' with your kids around and you should not leave them entirely to your maid.

The worst thing you will do to yourself is to listen to those people you call your friends who want to make you feel like you are the one pushing your hubby out. You did all you could, was the best wife to him and the best mother you can be to your kids, yet he strayed. If your throwing him out will mean "pushing him into the arms of the other ladies", then so be it! Know that these ladies are not in your shoes. Only you know how hurt you are, so no one can dictate to you how to act out your frustration.

Cry if you must, curse if you wish, scream all you can. . . Do whatever you think will help you exhale, but please, don't hurt yourself. What will that achieve? You leave your beautiful kids for this wicked world to take care of? Your hubby will marry another woman who will most likely not care for them the way you would.

Forgiving your husband is solely your prerogative. The decision to take him back or not is entirely yours to make. He honestly deserves any measures you mete out to him, except of course physical abuse. There is really no need going to report him to his family or his friends as that won't solve any problem.

Do get yourself tested for STIs, just incase. . .

Dear Lord, may your children not lose themselves in this thing called marriage. Amen!

Sophyrocks:


Chai! this guy! So can you take this your advice if you found out your wife cheated with your best friend? SMH.

Op, you found the right word to use for this issue; HYPOCRISY.

"This advice" simply means the yam and the knife is in her hands. she can do and undo. Hubbie made a mistake and is extremely sorry for it.

mulanbaba:
Wedon,Sophy and free
at least you guys understand where i am coming from. my husband hurt me a lot and i need to take neccessary steps of healing instead of acting as if nothing happened like my friends are suggesting.
he cheated with my best friend!!! both of them were acting so normal infront of me that had i not seen a whatsapp arriving on his phone while he was showering i wouldnt have believed anyone who came and told me such

i then went to the bathroom and asked when was the last time he spoke to my friend and he lied saying three weeks, which was a lie because i saw his call logs that they were talking three times a day 20minutes at a time and that he had her pictures as well so i was definately pissed and shouted and screamed.

i probably looked like a mad woman that day

Oh dear! Humans are very wicked. Chai! I already told you what i would have done if it were to be me. I dnt think i will look at my husband as tthe same man i married any longer. He would just appear to be one of those men on the streets. my threshold for tolerating this is non existent. I no fit commit murder abeg. Please do whats best for you and your kids. Your parents will eventually have to hear this. I dnt think you can hide it for too long. And please get yourself tested for any std.

Although this might nt be related but NEVER intoduce SWINGING into your marriage in the name of spicing things up if you want its foundation to remain strong. There are vices that are detrimental to marriages and swinging is one of them.

5minsmadness:

"This advice" simply means the yam and the knife is in her hands. she can do and undo. Hubbie made a mistake and is extremely sorry for it.

Nope. Your advice doesnt sound that way. Yu made statements as 'Give it a rest' implying that its a minor thing she can just stitch off like it never happened. Your comment implied that its so easy to forgive a spouse who cheats with a best friend. Guy, just admit you will send your wife parking immediately once you find out.

Sophyrocks:


LOL. That threat doesnt carry weight for all women. The Op said she doesnt care about the bolded. By the way, women have been remarrying since time immemorial so whats the fuzz about another woman coming in. If a man is a community man serving all women around him or is abusive, then whoever thats coming in to fill in the gap will merely continue to eat the s.hit she ran away from. Too bad for the next woman. No biggie. Its the Op's call.

talk is cheap. Women should divorce their cheating husbands. It is only a foolish man that sleeps with married woman cuz there is nothing beneath there to enjoy. The whole juice as turned sour even her bosoms naa sleepers. If she doesn't care about her husband getting another wife, why is she ranting here? stop talking, work the talk. How is she even sure her next husband would not turn out worse? Womanizer, batterer, smoker etc

Sophyrocks:


Nope. Your advice doesnt sound that way. Yu made statements as 'Give it a rest' implying that its a minor thing she can just stitch off like it never happened. Your comment implied that its so easy to forgive a spouse who cheats with a best friend. Guy, just admit you will send your wife parking immediately once you find out.

If that is how that advice sounded to the female mind then i humbly apologise. What happened is virutally unforgivable. he slept with her best friend. (That on its own was super dumb in itself...best friend can easily turn around tomorrow and tell wife even if she hadnt found out through his phone)

Op's marriage has been an inspiration to many. Many would be happy, even gleeful to see it finally fall. Hubbie made a mistake and is extremely sorry. he is completely at fault. And now others are cashing in on the couple's misfortune. the vultures are looming waiting to pick the bones. No matter how hubbie tries, it is only with wifey's permission that this marriage will be salvaged. it doesnt make the matter "minor" in any way. It is a big deal. If wifey is hurting then hubbie caused it and will be willing to do anything to take that hurt away. all she has to do is give permission.

Sophyrocks:


Nope. Your advice doesnt sound that way. Yu made statements as 'Give it a rest' implying that its a minor thing she can just stitch off like it never happened. Your comment implied that its so easy to forgive a spouse who cheats with a best friend. Guy, just admit you will send your wife parking immediately once you find out.

@bolded; for a first time offence? no i wouldnt.
But then this is not about me.


is that what you would do?

Sophyrocks:


So you remember God now? LOL. Nigerians! There are consequences for cheating in both s.exes. But nigerians have deceived women far too long in believing there are none for men. So when men cheat and they get cheated on, they are the ones who shout the loudest and tear their boxers. LOL. Just accept that as long as men cheat and cheat with women, women will continue cheating.

cheating with gateman, gardener, houseboy abi

Errrm , pls what is 'swinging'

bennyrazz:
talk is cheap. Women should divorce their cheating husbands. It is only a foolish man that sleeps with married woman cuz there is nothing beneath there to enjoy. The whole juice as turned sour even her bosoms naa sleepers. If she doesn't care about her husband getting another wife, why is she ranting here? stop talking, work the talk. How is she even sure her next husband would not turn out worse? Womanizer, batterer, smoker etc

So who says thwere has to be a second husband

You men think the world revolves around you, that a woman cannot suvive without a husband! Well that's where you are wrong.

I will rather stay a single mother for the rest of my life than stay with a cheater.

And if you think men don't desire married women, you must be living in delusion.

bennyrazz:
talk is cheap. Women should divorce their cheating husbands. It is only a foolish man that sleeps with married woman cuz there is nothing beneath there to enjoy. The whole juice as turned sour even her bosoms naa sleepers. If she doesn't care about her husband getting another wife, why is she ranting here? stop talking, work the talk. How is she even sure her next husband would not turn out worse? Womanizer, batterer, smoker etc

Like i said, its the Op's call. You didnt read her post. She needed someone to talk to. Same way men act when their wives cheat too. They always lament and want to talk to someone. We have read similar stories from men who lamented and what advice do you all give them? No be divorce? Infact this thread would have gotten to 20 pages by now if it were to be a man in this issue. You all would have told him to send his wife parking. So why is it an issue if a woman decides to divorce her husband? Why are you pained that a woman might want to divorce? It seems divorce hurts you men than it does to women. You all are so afraid of women divorcing y"all.

If your wife cheats on you with your best friend, what makes you think the next woman would be better than your wife since women cheat nowadays?

5minsmadness:

@bolded; for a first time offence? no i wouldnt.
But then this is not about me.


is that what you would do?

Liar liar pants on fire . . .

I don't know any nigerian man who would stay with a cheating wife. I doubt if you'll be the first.

bukatyne:


Perhaps the OP didn't lay her bed well with God?

You all are the hypocrites; the title of This thread is apt.

women are their greatest enemies, imagine the op's friend was even the one dividing her friend's home. And husband's friend that was sent to wife to beg too is even suggesting a divorce to wife? what a world. To me o, the problem with this marriage as to do with keeping unfriendly friends. Wife's friend is interested in her husband, husband friend too is interested in husband's wife. How funny? The devil knows what he's doing.

bennyrazz:
cheating with gateman, gardener, houseboy abi

Look at you! They have gone higher class now. Men in higher places, politicians, name it. Its your fellow married men they cheat with now o. As you dey eye another man's single chick, one married man dey eye your wife.

5minsmadness:

@bolded; for a first time offence? no i wouldnt.
But then this is not about me.


is that what you would do?

LIAR!!!!! LIAR!!! LIAR!!!

Chi mooo.. Which kind lie be this?

bennyrazz:
women are their greatest enemies, imagine the op's friend was even the one dividing her friend's home. And husband's friend that was sent to wife to beg too is even suggesting a divorce to wife? what a world. To me o, the problem with this marriage as to do with keeping unfriendly friends. Wife's friend is interested in her husband, husband friend too is interested in husband's wife. How funny? The devil knows what he's doing.

There it is . . . 'The Devil'!!!

Smh.

Wedon:
Liar liar pants on fire . . .

I don't know any nigerian man who would stay with a cheating wife. I doubt if you'll be the first.

Are you really Ujujoan?

You suggested swinging??

Ahh... You opened a zoo gate for a curious monkey

You're this depressed for cheating, what if he gambled with family's life savings?? Pick yourself up madam, and take care of your children.

You're right, the hypocrisy in our society boogles mind. Give him a second chance and explore your fantasies together.

J

Wedon:
Errrm , pls what is 'swinging'

Hubby and wife consenting and swinging on one or more other couples " jangilova" lol

Organised sex orgy, free for all, strictly for married couples. You bannng my wife, I bannng your hubby while u watch and vice versa.

Wedon:
Errrm , pls what is 'swinging'

Sleeping with other couple.

Your kinkiness pass my jurisdiction

Too selfish

ifyalways:
J
Hubby and wife consenting and swinging on one or more other couples " jangilova" lol

Organised sex orgy, free for all, strictly for married couples. You bannng my wife, I bannng your hubby while u watch and vice versa.

Huh? See me thinking it's one of those positions. . .