What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

4. Your past - your husband will not be interested in knowing how many boyfriend(s) has slept with you especially when you're not a virgin when he married you.

dapsy4u2:
4. Your past - your husband will not be interested in knowing how many boyfriend(s) has slept with you especially when you're not a virgin when he married you.

Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
Unnecessary detail
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past,destroying yourself with your own mouth.
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them with your man?
What for?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

Until he finds out by himself of course and hell breaks loose.

The balance is between asking for people who are psychologically stable and people who are not hence we have to protect.

babyosisi:


Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

What if he later founds out?
My type of Man will never use it against a woman no matter what, but if he founds out outside it might be more disastrous than ever. What do u think she should do about telling him.

Mynd44:
Until he finds out by himself of course and hell breaks loose.

The balance is between asking for people who are psychologically stable and people who are not hence we have to protect.

If he finds out or has chances of finding out,then you come clean.

hopeforcharles:

What is he later founds out?
My type of Man will never use it against a woman no matter what, but if he founds out outside it might be more disastrous than ever. What do u think she should do about telling him.

Whether you will use it against her or not is not the issue
The main issue is,what purpose will those details serve in the first place?
Nothing
So why share all of those?

babyosisi:


Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
Unnecessary detail
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past,destroying yourself with your own mouth.
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them with your man?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

It still depends though. If you know the chances of him finding out from other people is very high, you should tell him by yourself.

I know a man who's wife aunt called and told him every gory detail about his wife-to-be less than 2 days to the wedding. And the past was gory indeed. The husband just got out of the chair he sat in and thanked her but he was not angry because she had already told him earlier.

Wisdom is needed in these things, don't ever say never

babyosisi:


If he finds out or has chances of finding out,then you come clean.

Believe me, if you have had a past that is capable of destroying the future, tell him. If he is balanced enough to accept, cool. If he wants to end it right there, sorry.

Keeping it a secret and having him find out later and then you come out clean is....well, worse

babyosisi:


Whether you will use it against her or not is not the issue
The main issue is,what purpose will those details serve in the first place?
Nothing
So why share all of those?

We are talking about no more surprises, especially now that we are married, I don't want to start hearing tales how that and this happened, remember the igbos do make enquiries about a girl before they marry her

The summary of the whole thing is to talk less.

Mynd44:

It still depends though. If you know the chances of him finding out from other people is very high, you should tell him by yourself.

I know a man who's wife aunt called and told him every gory detail about his wife-to-be less than 2 days to the wedding. And the past was gory indeed. The husband just got out of the chair he sat in and thanked her but he was not angry because she had already told him earlier.

Wisdom is needed in these things, don't ever say never

Yes
If she was doing ashawo in the same town or her ashawo runs was public knowledge then yes but if she was a student at IMSU and did her runz in Ibadan,what is she revealing that for when it's in her past
There are also women who have revealed those same details and the that was the end of a good relationship.

babyosisi:


Whether you will use it against her or not is not the issue
The main issue is,what purpose will those details serve in the first place?
Nothing
So why share all of those?

So the poor man who is not emotionally balanced will not be blind sighted on a Saturday evening after watching his favorite football team lose and some basket mouthed fòol starts running his mouth

hopeforcharles:

We are talking about no more surprises, especially now that we are married, I don't want to start hearing tales how that and this happened, remember the igbos do make enquiries about a girl before they marry her

And those enquiries will reveal who she slept with on campus and everywhere else?
As long as a man is not a virgin himself,the yoking is equal
Everyone has a past

babyosisi:


Yes
If she was doing ashawo in the same town or her ashawo rims was public knowledge then yes but if she was a student at IMSU and did her runz in Ibadan,what is she revealing that for when it's in her past
There are also women who have revealed those same details and the that was the end of a good relationship.

You still don't get it...

What's my own sef?

Bye

I beg to differ...I don't agree with Number 3.

You cheat on your spouse, you tell them, otherwise, every other day in the marriage would be a lie. If confessing sounds like a difficult thing to do, then stay away from the crime.

It's one of those things that doesnt just go away, and confessing it to God alone isn't enough; you have to confess it to the other party who you swore to be faithful to.

^^^^
This is the message we should preach, not deceit through silence.

Mynd44:

You still don't get it...

What's my own sef?

Bye

Good night

Gaborone:
I beg to differ...I don't agree with Number 3.

You cheat on your spouse, you tell them, otherwise, every other day in the marriage would be a lie. If confessing sounds like a difficult thing to do, then stay away from the crime.

It's one of those things that doesnt just go away, and confessing it to God alone isn't enough; you have to confess it to the other party who you swore to be faithful to.

^^^^
This is the message we should preach, not deceit through silence.

That is just my opinion
Try finding a woman who cheated and confessed and the marriage still continued
Men can get away with confessions of cheating,not women
If you were lucky not to be caught,repent and move on

And please, if a lady was once a prostitute, she should let him know too. A man has the right to know these things before committing his life to you.

kilode100:
The summary of the whole thing is to talk less.

Gbam!
I ji ya

Gaborone:
And please, if a lady was once a prostitute, she should let him know too. A man has the right to know these things before committing his life to you.

Do you know the clients of those prostitutes are men
Are they revealing those?
How many girls here can tell us their fiancé or husband has confessed to patronizing and paying for prostitutes?
But you want the prostitutes to confess abi
Some things are better left alone
Old things are passed away
I hear many boys in boarding schools engage in homosexuality
How many men here have confessed to their girlfriends and wives that they were one of those boys?
Are you are
Men take a lot of their past to their graves,ladies should too

babyosisi:


That is just my opinion
Try finding a woman who cheated and confessed and the marriage still continued
Men can get away with confessions of cheating,not women
If you were lucky not to be caught,repent and move on

I get your point, but the cure for such bias will never be lying.

I believe every Nigerian woman knows there's a slim chance of such a marriage going on if she confesses; I also believe the knowledge of that should be one of the things that deters her from entertaining such indiscretion. If she chooses to do the crime(adultery), she should be ready to do the time (confessing and probably losing her home).

There's a proverb that goes, "He who decides to swallow a coconut, should first make sure he has a trustworthy anus". I believe it is instructive here.

Gaborone:


I get your point, but the cure for such bias will never be lying.

I believe every Nigerian woman knows there's a slim chance of such a marriage going on if she confesses; I also believe the knowledge of that should be one of the things that deters her from entertaining such indiscretion. If she chooses to do the crime(adultery), she should be ready to do the time (confessing and probably losing her home).

There's a proverb that goes, "He who decides to swallow a coconut, should first make sure he has a trustworthy anus". I believe it is instructive here.

It is not lying
The person sinned, is remorseful and repented
Where is the lying in it?
Living in it is lying

s.m.h..
Marriage (relationship) is about openness and trust.
Quoting the bible, wen Adam met Eve, the good book says 'they were both naked(openness) but not ashamed (trust)'.
From experience(both personal and otherwise), I've come to realize that the more someone opens up in the course of the relationship (especially prior to marriage), the greater the trust.
The problem comes wen d person throughout the relationship 'clams up' about him/herself and then wen settled in marriage suddenly decides to reveal all. Don't blame anyone if the husband(in this case) treats it with suspicion, as anyone is wont to do in such a situation.
In such cases, like they say, wisdom is profitable to direct.

Openness breeds Trust and fosters Intimacy in marriage.

Mynd44 point is also an issue, What if you get found out
Funny, it is far more probable that a woman's indiscretion will come to light than a man's.


Finally, don't know wen marriage started becoming like politics where emotional manoeuvering and manipulations became the order of the day

Relax, enjoy your marriage, all these ish are just unnecessary headaches.

#nuff said..... peace

babyosisi:


Do you know the clients of those prostitutes are men
Are they revealing those?
How many girls here can tell us their fiancé or husband has confessed to patronizing and paying for prostitutes?
But you want the prostitutes to confess abi
Some things are better left alone
Old things are passed away
I hear many boys in boarding schools engage in homosexuality
How many men here have confessed to their girlfriends and wives that they were one of those boys?
Are you are
Men take a lot of their past to their graves,ladies should too

See see see, you are derailing your own thread. I thought we were talking about WOMEN here? I stuck with your topic by not talking about things a man should disclose too

If you want that, then edit the tiitle and original post to accommodate them.

dBard:
s.m.h..
Marriage (relationship) is about openness and trust.
Quoting the bible, wen Adam met Eve, the good book says 'they were both naked(openness) but not ashamed (trust)'.
From experience(both personal and otherwise), I've come to realize that the more someone opens up in the course of the relationship (especially prior to marriage), the greater the trust.
The problem comes wen d person throughout the relationship 'clams up' about him/herself and then wen settled in marriage suddenly decides to reveal all. Don't blame anyone if the husband(in this case) treats it with suspicion, as anyone is wont to do in such a situation.
In such cases, like they say, wisdom is profitable to direct.

Openness breeds Trust and fosters Intimacy in marriage.

Mynd44 point is also an issue, What if you get found out
Funny, it is far more probable that a woman's indiscretion will come to light than a man's.


Finally, don't know wen marriage started becoming like politics where emotional manoeuvering and manipulations became the order of the day

Relax, enjoy your marriage, all these ish are just unnecessary headaches.

#nuff said..... peace

Honey,if a woman wants to cheat,for the most part the man will never find out
Men cheat foolishly with neighbors and house girls and co workers
Women who cheat are calculated and sleek
You will never know

babyosisi:


That is just my opinion
Try finding a woman who cheated and confessed and the marriage still continued
Men can get away with confessions of cheating,not women
If you were lucky not to be caught,repent and move on

True.....
They resent the woman, can't touch her nor have real feelings for her anymore and yes this is a personal experience.

babyosisi:


It is not lying
The person sinned, is remorseful and repented
Where is the lying in it?
Living in it is lying

And part of repentance is sometimes restitution, which in this case would involve opening up to your spouse.

You don't steal your neighbour's phone and ask God for forgiveness while holding on to it. You return it, and then, you and God can talk. Anything else won't fly.

Lemme perch here. I can forsee its going to be an interesting and interactive thread

Mynd44:
Until he finds out by himself of course and hell breaks loose.

The balance is between asking for people who are psychologically stable and people who are not hence we have to protect.

Find out what??
Is he without a past??
What has my past got to do with my future??


Until Women know when to draw the line BTW foolishness and love,they will always be at the receiving end.

While 1 and 2 make sense, 3 and 4 are ridiculous. So it's ok for a woman to cheat as long as she is not caught. What kind of morals are we teaching our children? And it is ok to be a runs girls as long as you can find a mugu man somewhere who cannot trace your past? Smh. What useless advice.

Gaborone:


I get your point, but the cure for such bias will never be lying.

I believe every Nigerian woman knows there's a slim chance of such a marriage going on if she confesses; I also believe the knowledge of that should be one of the things that deters her from entertaining such indiscretion. If she chooses to do the crime(adultery), she should be ready to do the time (confessing and probably losing her home).

There's a proverb that goes, "He who decides to swallow a coconut, should first make sure he has a trustworthy anus". I believe it is instructive here.

Before these assertions are made, we need be clear...how many women do u know of who 'confessed' of their own volition
(p.s..dis isn't m v f , lemme clear that up first).
In 'MOST' cases, the woman confesses After she's been found out and sometimes after some CIA like interrogation from the man.. no need to go do so much research, threads on NL alone can buttress my point.
How many relationships can survive after that? But most times, you won't get to hear that part from d women, especially wen dey busy playing the victim.


I know relationships personally that has survived indiscretions from the woman and they still going on strong.

Outside that I agree with the rest of your post.