9jatatafo:


[b]We all have secrets [/b]and some secrets should be secret provided it don't affect the relationship. I don't care how many men my wife dated before I met her but she has to be sincere to me the moment we started dating and I will do same.

babyosisi:


Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
Unnecessary detail
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past,destroying yourself with your own mouth.
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them with your man?
What for?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

babyosisi:
What things should you keep
3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

babyosisi:
What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

babyosisi:


Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
Unnecessary detail
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past,destroying yourself with your own mouth.
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them with your man?
What for?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

LuvSwollenPussy:

True write up but I disagree with this point. Faithfulness and conscience are not same. Your repentance isn't complete without confession to d cheated fellow..even God doesn't term that a complete repentance. If repentance was just enough, bill and hillary clinton won't be together today. Bill cheated with a worker in d white house(monica lewisky) but confessed to his wife..of course she was hurt but forgave him afterwards. Later when the trial of his impeachment came up in court, his wife stood by him as opposed to what ppl expected. Many ppl dnt knw their spouse as much as outsiders know them until they get disrespected publicly for their spouse's action

I remember my mum used to warn me at tender age that if I do anything wrong I should confess and prepare my mind for the consequence b4 d offended fellow finds out by him/herself. You'll gain more honor dat way..and dat I should bear in mind dat not all offenders are simple and forgiving as she is.

benedictac:


I don't see any reason why I should be telling him for no reason, but if he ever asks I will tell him the truth.

naijababe:
You do runz in Ibadan and got married in Calabar but chose to keep your Ibadan runz a secret? Is the distance between Ibadan & Calabar that much that you are certain your intended will not find out?

We should treat people how we want to be treated, tell him so he knows what he is getting into with both eyes open. I'm a firm believer in sharing info on a need to know basis, your husband does not need to know all your friends' and family's secrets but he needs to know all of yours.
If you are going to do the crime, best be prepared to do the time.

Idrismusty97:
Don't also tell him your last abortion shattered your uterus.

babyosisi:
What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

1stCitizen:


Marriage should not be built on fraud. Any information that you feel may impact the decision on whether or not to sign the dotted lines should be revealed to the other party to enable them make a decision with a clear mind. Anything outside that is fraud and should not be encouraged.

There are many that can handle what you just wrote and there are many that cannot. Let them make the decision for themselves and not you.

Any marriage built on fraud will go down in disaster. Some in 1 month, some in 5 years and some in 20 years. Choose your timeline. God does not bless fraud.

babyosisi:
What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

BABE3:


I wasn't giving an advice. I was airing my thoughts. I never said anyone "should" or "must" do anything in my post.

BABE3:


hmm. I hear that all the time. Do we all have secrets or its just something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better about our secrets?

tivta:
There is nothing hidden under the sun, better open up before marriage otherwise be prepared for whatever happens. I love my self for ALWAYS been open,thankfully that's what my current girl shares in come on with me. I always make sure I know your past to avoid embarrassment, why? Cause have never done any thing so criminal enough to hide. Men, run away from women who hide things, they can kill...

bukatyne:


Do you think the outcome would have been same If it was Hilary that cheated?

bellong:
Madam,

Coming clean is the right foundation for every relationship. There is nothing hidden that shall not be exposed, either now or later. It is better you suffer the shame early than suffer a lifetime pain of agony.

It is unwise advising people to keep secrets from potential spouse. If issues later happen, same people would blame the victim for not coming out clean.

You have aborted before in Japan and it affected your womb, because you married in Nigeria, you decided to keep it to yourself. Your end torture will be greater than if you had confessed.

In any relationship, honesty, sincerity and openness are the foundational keys to success. Anything outside these is deceit and the relationship becomes a disaster waiting to happen.

If you know that what you are doing may ruin your future relationship, why continue in it or attempt doing it?

I don't advise keeping shut. However, wisdom and discretion are the principal things.

@story one, what gives you the impression that your husband doesn't know about the sorry tales?

babyosisi:
What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

TooNoisy:
While 1 and 2 make sense, 3 and 4 are ridiculous. So it's ok for a woman to cheat as long as she is not caught. What kind of morals are we teaching our children? And it is ok to be a runs girls as long as you can find a mugu man somewhere who cannot trace your past? Smh. What useless advice.

babyosisi:


Whether you will use it against her or not is not the issue
The main issue is,what purpose will those details serve in the first place?
Nothing
So why share all of those?