LuvSwollenPussy:

Hmm. I keep asking myself too. Only Bill can answer that o..only him knows himself.
Hilary showed her virtue-worth especially in a place like the USA where such is uncommon and she got herself honor..kudos to her.

babyosisi:


Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
Unnecessary detail
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past,destroying yourself with your own mouth.
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them with your man?
What for?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

Timbuktou:


I know virgins who are more adept at giving blowwjobs than veteran hookers; virgins with loose rectums. Dey dia dey mumu yourself. All of it only boils down to what this thread encourages; speak not the truth.

BABE3:
No relationship can truly grow if you go on holding back. If you remain clever and go on safeguarding yourself, only personalities meet, and the essential centers remain alone. Then only your mask is related, not you. Whenever such things happen, there are four persons in a relationship, not two. Two false persons go on meeting, and two real people remain world apart.


That's why it's hard to find a TRUE relationship of any kind. Different masks, hidden secrets, all built on a false foundation. We all know the thing about lies; you tell one lie, you need 200 lies to cover it up.

Then again, the ultimate goal of most is to get/remain married or attached to someone. To most, that goal surpasses the importance of a meaningful and true relationship.

Ploutos:
In.ZA, ronald4lif, Evi.na, King.lekan

Your thoughts.

Hmmmm!! Interesting stuff!

I want to play the "devils advocate" here by agreeing with the OP to some extent. Her first point is right on track. Why would you want to tell your hubby silly gossips by another woman talking ill of his parents.

Whether they are true or not, those details should stay with you. Revealing them to your hubby might just bring about repugnance and hostility towards the person. Trust me we don't need all that negative vibe around us.

First off, the information might be an entire farce and if not, of what importance would that information be to her hubby? A virtuous woman would rather stay away from her friends mum, as such company only reeks of silly and negative gossips.

Point two isn't out of place also. Yeah it sounds somewhat controversial, but I think certain things should be rather left unspoken. The family integrity should be kept intact. Certain issues wouldn't make any difference if left undisturbed. I would like to lay emphasis on the part where the OP said;
[/b]

Again I ask the question, of what good would such information do to your hubby? Well except you are sharing an information so as to learn from past experiences, sharing something that paints your parents terrible is totally wrong.

The bible categorically states honour your father and mother......." It didn't of course put any clause to that. So honour your parents in absentia.

Her third point, hmmmm highly controversial I must say. But of course like I said earlier, I would play the devils advocate and agree to an extent also.

I do not in anyway support infidelity or any sort. Plus I believe in openness, trust and sincerity. Therein lies the foundation of a true christian marriage. But for the sake of this discuss and considering the fact that not all are devout christians.

I would like to say if a woman happens to cross that line, the first place she should seek counsel would be through her pastor. He would be able to guide her as to how to go about telling her husband.

But then again looking at the OPs angle to it. The truth might end the marriage. The deed has been done and that cannot change. If they have kids, they would probably be subjecting them to a broken home.

If you ask me, raising children in a broken home has dire effects on the kids, their beliefs, ideologies, etc, as they grow up. So ask God for forgiveness and move on for your kids sake.



Cc:Babyosisi
[/b]

9jatatafo:


How I wish God can just open your records in the book of life and we will see how clean you are

babyosisi:


Honey,if a woman wants to cheat,for the most part the man will never find out
Men cheat foolishly with neighbors and house girls and co workers
Women who cheat are calculated and sleek
You will never know

babyosisi:


That is just my opinion
Try finding a woman who cheated and confessed and the marriage still continued
Men can get away with confessions of cheating,not women
If you were lucky not to be caught,repent and move on

Gaborone:


I get your point, but the cure for such bias will never be lying.

I believe every Nigerian woman knows there's a slim chance of such a marriage going on if she confesses; I also believe the knowledge of that should be one of the things that deters her from entertaining such indiscretion. If she chooses to do the crime(adultery), she should be ready to do the time (confessing and probably losing her home).

There's a proverb that goes, "He who decides to swallow a coconut, should first make sure he has a trustworthy anus". I believe it is instructive here.

kinglekan:


[b]
Hmmmm!! Interesting stuff!

I want to play the "devils advocate" here by agreeing with the OP to some extent. Her first point is right on track. Why would you want to tell your hubby silly gossips by another woman talking ill of his parents.

Whether they are true or not, those details should stay with you. Revealing them to your hubby might just bring about repugnance and hostility towards the person. Trust me we don't need all that negative vibe around us.

First off, the information might be an entire farce and if not, of what importance would that information be to her hubby? A virtuous woman would rather stay away from her friends mum, as such company only reeks of silly and negative gossips.

Point two isn't out of place also. Yeah it sounds somewhat controversial, but I think certain things should be rather kept unspoken. The family integrity should be kept intact. Certain issues wouldn't make any difference if left undisturbed. I would like to lay emphasis on the part where the OP said;

"So don't go around painting your parents and siblings in a terrible light"


Again I ask the question, of what good would such information do to your hubby? Well except you are sharing an information so as to learn from past experiences, sharing something that paints your parents terrible is totally wrong.

The bible categorically states honour your father and mother......." It didn't of course put any clause to that. So honour your parents in absentia.

Her third point, hmmmm highly controversial I must say. But of course like I said earlier, I would play the devils advocate and agree to an extent also.

I do not in anyway support infidelity or any sort. Plus I believe in openness, trust and sincerity. Therein lies the foundation of a true christian marriage. But for the sake of this discuss and considering the fact that not all are devout christians.

I would like to say if a woman happens to cross that line, the first place she should seek counsel would be through her pastor. He would be able to guide her as to how to go about telling her husband.

But then again looking at the OPs angle to it. The truth might end the marriage. The deed has been done and that cannot change. If they have kids, they would probably be subjecting them to a broken home.

If you ask me, raising children in a broken home has dire effects on the kids, their beliefs, ideologies, etc, as they grow up. So ask God for forgiveness and move on for your kids sake.



Cc:Babyosisi
[/b]

kilode100:


True.....
They resent the woman, can't touch her nor have real feelings for her anymore and yes this is a personal experience.

Gaborone:


And part of repentance is sometimes restitution, which in this case would involve opening up to your spouse.

You don't steal your neighbour's phone and ask God for forgiveness while holding on to it. You return it, and then, you and God can talk. Anything else won't fly.

babyosisi:

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.

Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

TooNoisy:
While 1 and 2 make sense, 3 and 4 are ridiculous. So it's ok for a woman to cheat as long as she is not caught. What kind of morals are we teaching our children? And it is ok to be a runs girls as long as you can find a mugu man somewhere who cannot trace your past? Smh. What useless advice.

TooNoisy:
While 1 and 2 make sense, 3 and 4 are ridiculous. So it's ok for a woman to cheat as long as she is not caught. What kind of morals are we teaching our children? And it is ok to be a runs girls as long as you can find a mugu man somewhere who cannot trace your past? Smh. What useless advice.

Mynd44:

Believe me, if you have had a past that is capable of destroying the future, tell him. If he is balanced enough to accept, cool. If he wants to end it right there, sorry.

Keeping it a secret and having him find out later and then you come out clean is....well, worse

Mynd44:

It still depends though. If you know the chances of him finding out from other people is very high, you should tell him by yourself.

I know a man who's wife aunt called and told him every gory detail about his wife-to-be less than 2 days to the wedding. And the past was gory indeed. The husband just got out of the chair he sat in and thanked her but he was not angry because she had already told him earlier.

Wisdom is needed in these things, don't ever say never

Gaborone:


I get your point, but the cure for such bias will never be lying.

I believe every Nigerian woman knows there's a slim chance of such a marriage going on if she confesses; I also believe the knowledge of that should be one of the things that deters her from entertaining such indiscretion. If she chooses to do the crime(adultery), she should be ready to do the time (confessing and probably losing her home).

There's a proverb that goes, "He who decides to swallow a coconut, should first make sure he has a trustworthy anus". I believe it is instructive here.

lastpage:


Crap!

There is NO SECRET UNDER HEAVEN as they say!

Just imagine after keeping that secret for years, only for your Hubby to "find Out" accidentally or otherwise, BY HIMSELF!

That means whatever integrity you have tried to build over the years, is destroyed and wasted.... moreso, h enow begins to wonder "what else" he is yet to find out?

Basically, you have destroyed the TRUST within your own household..... and most likely your marriage is a goner at that point.

For me, l will rather "confess" and be scolded or even suffer the consequence, than try to hide it.
Any 'reasonable man' who actually loves and trust you will, in his own quiet time (after the anger and disappointment has subsided) realize he is better-off with the Devil he knows, than the Angel he does not know or trust.
It might even serve as a point of 're-connection and stronger bond' between the two partners.

The TRUTH will always preserve you, in the long run.
Confessing to "God" while not confessing and seeking forgiveness from the "victim", hiding it in a corner of your heart while you profess love to your husband/wife is nothing but filth in the sight of God and reeks of hypocrisy!
You cant mock God, which is how it pans-out

Marriage is based on "absolute trust", not some "make-believe, half-truth smartness" .......because unless you dont do it, it will one day come to light!

But then, not all men are reasonable.........
So, telling fellow women in this "blanket form" to lie and deceive their hubby, is just border-line wickedness, IMO.

The elderly women (figuratively) should teach the younger ones and impart good values in them.... but if they dont have any good value to impart, they are better-of keeping quiet so as not to infest the younger ones with their own corruptibility and malfeasance.

Having said allthe above, a serial cheat needs not confess because your confession becomes meaningless, once you keep repeating the same thing over and over. You are better-of bailing out and staying with the person you prefer to cheat with.
No be by force except you are one of the greedy types who want to "Still have their Cake,.... after Eating it"!

Marriage as defined and prescribed by God and our Forefathers, is supposed to be the most blissful thing for humans and l feel sad when l see what some have turned it into, due to their "Arrogance, Greed and Selfishness".

We need to retrace our steps, parents..... especially Mothers, need to impart good values in their daughters (if it is in them as well, ab initio), fathers need to inculcate discipline, responsibility and love in their children, especially Male children so that when a man from such home, meets another woman from another home with similar moral values, their Union would be lasting because it is based on "solid foundation", ...
.......not all these ones that "teach their gender or younger ones how to "cheat and survive" in their marriage!


Yea, my ten cents.

Lastpage!

babyosisi:

It is not lying The person sinned, is remorseful and repented Where is the lying in it? Living in it is lying

delishpot:


Kai, that aunty na winch o. See how persons enemy dey cone from his/her own blood?

hopeforcharles:
Therefore with all said and typed i hereby declare this thread a Failure.
Open- ness breeds sincerity and trust in a relationship People please dont follow all you read in Nairaland. Peace
these are times when i need that red thread close stamp.

Setaje:



Sorry o that is just one in a million men. Honestly I have come to the conclusion that people hate the truth. Especially when it comes to body count and past relationships. I always say that if u never met a woman a virgin u can never no how many men she has slept wiv. That is a fact. The world is too big to count. Even if someone from somewhere no her wiv 5 to 10 guys, the others wey the person no no nko!. An average Nigerian girl who is not a virgin and the ones claiming no sex before marriage even when she no be virgin. Is either doing it because her body count don pass her age, or because of religion. An average Nigerian girl who is not a virgin will tell u she has slept wiv 3 to 4 men all her life. She will never add the mistakes, use and dump, the rape, the one night stand and the sugar daddies. Never ever!. Chances are u might never no any of the men or u might see just one or two of them. So it's her words against yours. If it's past it should remain there and never be said.


Secondly I blame all this on deceit. A lot of people both male and female are not honest. I mean u meet a guy or a lady, u think he/she is the right one. U do things lovers do and suddenly one starts loosing interest and stops trying. The other cheats. Then no money, hatred sets in. Etc. Finally break up. U meet another one, the same thing. Ok o u decide to be celibate. U eventually marry and find out this men and women are not different from the old ones. They just have a ring on the finger. Life itself is a gamble. A very big and terrible gamble. We have been told that if u do something this way. U are bound to get a reply that way. Only for u to do the right thing and see your whole world crashing in front of u. That brings me to virgins. By all means necessary keep it but do not think u are entitled to a good man. This is what virgins say when their men finally betrays them. Virginity is for yourself and right to brag. Choosing a man is by your brain. The value of a woman is known by a man and your sex life or past relationship which u value might mean nothing to the man u eventually marry. If life was fair. Hoes shouldn't be getting wifed. Virgins should marry virgins and good things should only happen to good people.

VintageCocktail:
Nananana....extreme openness breeds contempt , resentment and the likes

Wonder how many guys that have told their wives the number of cult killings they have engaged in while in the higher institution, the number of abortions they have sponsored, their favourite ashawo and number of ashawo and brothels they have visited.....the rituals they are planning on etc


You don't spill until it is absolutely necessary, spill at your own expense.