NifemiOlu:
On a scale of 1-10, how can you rate his hustling for jobs?

he was so serious initially but as the yes go by without positive result he got totally discouraged. That it is man know man.

Awwwwwww
Eyah

cococandy:
Pls stop listening to those friends. And what neighbors are you even giving face to say such about your husband to your face?

Your problems should be between both of you. Sadly he's not here as he's the person who needs the most advising and encouragement.

He needs to sit up at least for your child's sake.

they never talked about him, they only laugh at me for selling food.

Thelish,what of his family?Do they know about his predicament and is he getting any support from them?

ArchEnemy:
that is okay
Don't give up then.. just encourage him with the job application stuff. You could even make contacts for him.God uphold your home

Thank u sir.

thelish:
he was so serious initially but as the yes go by without positive result he got totally discouraged. That it is man know man.

If you divorce him, it won't change your status. You'd still be there for the children except that he will be left out.
Some men take things for granted when they have wives who do it all but in your case, talk to people he can listen to. If he now fails to yield, you may not necessarily divorce him by law, you can divorce materially and physically. Your status remains at it is.

ArchEnemy:
that is okay
Don't give up then.. just encourage him with the job application stuff. You could even make contacts for him.God uphold your home

Thank u sir.

thorpido:
Thelish,what of his family?Do they know about his predicament and is he getting any support from them?

they are aware but none seems to help. my mum is still trying her best to secure him one, but not through yet. she has been a mother to him and stood by us as well .

ArchEnemy:
that is okay
Don't give up then.. just encourage him with the job application stuff. You could even make contacts for him.God uphold your home

Thank u sir.

NifemiOlu:


If you divorce him, it won't change your status. You'd still be there for the children except that he will be left out.
Some men take things for granted when they have wives who do it all but in your case, talk to people he can listen to. If he now fails to yield, you may not necessarily divorce him by law, you can divorce materially and physically. Your status remains at it is.

thank u sir. I appreciate

Beremx:
....And your life would be better if you divorce him? Please remain in the marriage and build it.
May the lord see you through

amen. thank u

jaybee3:
Have you asked him what interests him or you are trying to project your ideal man on him?

A man should not be lazy and that's a no no for me but he might genuinely need all the help he can get.

If it helps, divide your responsibilities and ensure you take care of your portion so you can at least force him to sit tight

thanks jaybee. like your suggestion. I will try my best

thelish:
they never talked about him, they only laugh at me for selling food.

ok

yorubadelta:
Since 2008 no job, no one should fault you for being frustrated.. however there are other things he can do for a living.. have u suggested any business ideas to him?

He stood by you in your worst, therefore you should also support him .. never lose faith in him.. build him up with kind words

standingby me, was just like finding him when I needed someone who will show me love and care , as my family was frustrating me then. I was homeless n lack love. it was at this crucial time, I met him and he gave me all d love that I lack from my family. I have suggested by no capital to start. thank u my dear.

If he is lazy and finding work is that easy, how come you are jobless too? Una no get job una born pikin? People and their mentality !

limamintruth:



Please dont ooo.
He needs your words of encouragement more now than ever cos of the serious challenge he is presently in.

thank u. am trying my best. But d question is for how long?, that is my fear.

Goldenboy007:
If he is lazy and finding work is that easy, how come you are jobless too? Una no get job una born pikin? People and their mentality !

will I blame you?,NO. even if I can't get a job, but at least am doing something to put food on the table. hope I have never begged my son's fees from you before? who says my child is a burden to me pls read through before posting. thank u

thelish:
please I need advice on my marriage. my husband is lazy and always dependents on people for survival. Am tired of supporting a man who is not ready to stand. At a time, I had to start selling food for us to cope n pay our son's school fees. we are both graduates. He got depressed and discouraged after applying for several jobs. he graduated since 2008, and still jobless till now. I don't know how I can cope any longer. please matured people of nairaland should advice me. chair cover, efemenaxy, greatgod2012, its a pity osisi is not around anymore, cococandy, tallesty n many more I can't mention. thank u all.

This thread will help you: https://www.nairaland.com/2414762/spiritual-warfare-deliverance-casting-out

thelish:
will I blame you?,NO. even if I can't get a job, but at least am doing something to put food on the table. hope I have never begged my son's fees from you before? who says my child is a burden to me pls read through before posting. thank u

I used same mentality you used to ask the question to reply you. You want to divorce your husband because he doesn't have a job. Oh you want people to praise you ? The truth is bitter young lady ! Our lives are consequences of our decisions ! I am only sorry for the innocent child !

Divorce can't change your situation or can it??

I think you should encourage him, he's clearly depressed from many life disappointments. . He needs support from you to be able to try again...

If you guys can raise a lil capital, he can at least start something and stop waiting for jobs to come.. or he doesn't want to just do something?

All the best dear, this will pass.. I know how you feel..

There are 101 businesses/jobs your husband can do to raise at least N80,000 per month.



He should stop the hopeless hope on office or government jobs. The money is not in those fine buildings you see around. The money is in the streets.


He should also not despise the days of little beginnings. Most of the school owners out there started as private school teachers (some earn as little as N10k).

Lastly, tell your hubby to stop depending on relatives; 99% of promises from relatives always end in failure. They don't care about you (lol).

Goldenboy007:


I used same mentality you used to ask the question to reply you. You want to divorce your husband because he doesn't have a job. Oh you want people to praise you ? The truth is bitter young lady ! Our lives are consequences of our decisions ! I am only sorry for the innocent child !

my child doesn't need ur sympathy cos he is living a far better life than u can imagine. he looks like one whose father works in chevron lol.

MarvellousGod:
Divorce can't change your situation or can it??

I think you should encourage him, he's clearly depressed from many life disappointments. . He needs support from you to be able to try again...

If you guys can raise a lil capital, he can at least start something and stop waiting for jobs to come.. or he doesn't want to just do something?

All the best dear, this will pass.. I know how you feel..

Thanks so much dear. God bless

Acidosis:
There are 101 businesses/jobs your husband can do to raise at least N80,000 per month.



He should stop the hopeless hope on office or government jobs. The money is not in those fine buildings you see around. The money is in the streets.


He should also not despise the days of little beginnings. Most of the school owners out there started as private school teachers (some earn as little as N10k).

Lastly, tell your hubby to stop depending on relatives; 99% of promises from relatives always end in failure. They don't care about you (lol).

thank u sir. exactly what I want him to know. he should stop depending on them n stand on his feet.

thelish:
my child doesn't need ur sympathy cos he is living a far better life than u can imagine. he looks like one whose father works in chevron lol.

Now you are talking, his father will work in Chevron and I say a big amen to that. Be more patient madam, no man is happy if he can't play his role in an household. For better for worse..Shikena ! Oya I apologize for using harsh words on you.

thelish:
my dear, I know that was a mistake on my part , but I thought by now, everything should be settled cos he had great potentials in him . I love this man to pieces cos he is almost a perfect husband if not for this delay in his job. I don't even know if I can actively cope without him but current condition is frustrating me to think otherwise. I feel pity for him at times, at the same angry with him.

Young men, be wise.

People say men change when they come into money. They begin to look at other women, they forget how their first loves stood by them when they had nothing. This topic gives you a glimpse into what may be the cause of such a "change". I don't know if OP and her husband have had any major fights, but I can guarantee that he must have thought that there are things would not do if he were rich, and that is the root of the afore-mentioned "change".

We see here that this wonderful, loving and hard-working woman is at the end of her rope and can no longer stand to be married to this man who she has described as angelic. If they were merely dating and had no kids, this man would be single by now.

Young men, pay heed. You're only as lovable as young bank balance. #peaceout

thelish:
thank u. am trying my best. But d question is for how long?, that is my fear.

I understand your plight dea.
He acts that way cos he is so demoralized by his series of unsuccessful job search.

Remember your vow to him was for better & worse (and not for good moments only). Consider this as the worse that can ever happen and hold unto the faith that this difficult phase is only temporary.

I believe he'l soon get the job he seeks in no distant time. May God in His infinite mercy see you through to immeasurable favour iJn.

Tell him to hustle thro other means while applying for white collar jobs. If u can sell food he shld learn hw to drive n drive keke, taxi, bus etc for ppl. He shld realize he has a son dt must b feed daily n other bills to pay. He shld learn some handwork or even go into farmin

Divorce is a no no, u married him jobless bc u love him soo he is ur cross nw. Pray dt God sees u guys thro this tryin period

Timbuktou:


Young men, be wise.

People say men change when they come into money. They begin to look at other women, they forget how their first loves stood by them when they had nothing. This topic gives you a glimpse into what may be the cause of such a "change". I don't know if OP and her husband have had any major fights, but I can guarantee that he must have thought that there are things would not do if he were rich, and that is the root of the afore-mentioned "change".

We see here that this wonderful, loving and hard-working woman is at the end of her rope and can no longer stand to be married to this man who she has described as angelic. If they were merely dating and had no kids, this man would be single by now.

Young me, pay heed. You're only as lovable as young bank balance. #peaceout

Thats not fair bro. Didnt she agree to marry him in his 'unemployed' state? How many ladies of today will agree to start from nothing with a man & attain the success together?

Every individual, be it male or female, has a breaking point as to how much burden they can bear from others. Or why do you think most men now abhor dating/marrying 'broke' ladies they term 'liabilities'.

Or how would you feel if your spouse places all her needs in addition to that of the kids & that of maintaining the home upon you (especially if you are not earning much sef as salary)?

Definitely one will feel over-burdened, depressed & subsequently somewhat disdain towards the source of his/her stress.

Goldenboy007:


Now you are talking, his father will work in Chevron and I say a big amen to that. Be more patient madam, no man is happy if he can't play his role in an household. For better for worse..Shikena ! Oya I apologize for using harsh words on you.

no prob, its one of those things. thank u

limamintruth:



Thats not fair bro. Didnt she agree to marry him in his 'unemployed' state? How many ladies of today will agree to start from nothing with a man & attain the success together?

Every individual, be it male or female, has a breaking point as to how much burden they can bear from others. Or why do you think most men now abhor dating/marrying 'broke' ladies they term 'liabilities'.

Or how would you feel if your spouse places all her needs in addition to that of the kids & that of maintaining the home upon you (especially if you are not earning much sef as salary)?

Definitely one will feel over-burdened, depressed & subsequently somewhat disdain towards the source of his/her stress.

The answer to this question is in bold in my comment. She married him for potential's sake, plus I suspect she must have been pregnant at the time. Had she known he would never make it in life, you think she'd have tied herself to such a destiny? . Can a woman marry a man knowing he'll never be rich, definitely, but what portion of the female demographic would that be?

First of all, no man should think providing for his wife is liability. That's his job. I don't believe in soliciting help from one's wife. Those men have the wrong orientation or have given up on their own potential to be able to carry the responsibility.

Proud and lordly.

Only if one is incapable. However, there's also the practice of cutting your coat according to your size which is becoming increasingly difficult in today's world. Why should the wife of a public school teacher be buying lace material of #150k? The security man in my compound earns #20k and has four children and his wife worships him, his apartment is just a little bigger than most provision shops.

thelish:
please I need advice on my marriage. my husband is lazy and always dependents on people for survival. Am tired of supporting a man who is not ready to stand. At a time, I had to start selling food for us to cope n pay our son's school fees. we are both graduates. He got depressed and discouraged after applying for several jobs. he graduated since 2008, and still jobless till now. I don't know how I can cope any longer. please matured people of nairaland should advice me. chair cover, efemenaxy, greatgod2012, its a pity osisi is not around anymore, cococandy, tallesty n many more I can't mention. thank u all.

Now that you can't cope any longer, what are your plans? Divorce him and be a single mother? Would that make you richer by any means? Or marry a richer husband so you won't wallow in poverty again? Na so rich men booku for town Or what solution are you looking at exactly?

I honestly feel for your husband cuz there are many like him. Graduates who are constantly roaming the street looking for non-existing jobs. You mentioned he applied severally but he couldn't get a place, so he is not entirely lazy like you are painting him. My advice is for both of you to reassess your lives and face reality.

For him, If white collar jobs are not forthcoming, he needs to look elsewhere. Maybe do some manual jobs to raise capital and then start a business. You need to gently have that discussion with him, he is already getting depressed or even depressed already, he needs you most now.

And for you, the grass is not always greener elsewhere. There is something you have in your marriage that these neigbours of yours laughing at you desperately desire, but they won't tell you that. If you make the mistake of living your life to please your neighbors, too bad for you.

Since your food business is doing well, try and raise more capital to expand your business. TFC started this way as well. Catering for parties, then she expanded to Fast foods and the business grew so big that even the hubby had to resign to join his wife. So I really don't know why you are feeling low that you are selling food as a graduate you need to get your priorities right. Believe in that little business of yours, focus on it and very soon, it will be big enough to more than cater for your family's needs. Even Shit business is good business nowadays. ask Otunba Ghaddafi - RIP to him.

Op, your hubby can help you in whatever business you find to do. You can sell food together and make cool cash so there's really no need to say your husband is lazy and depressed since he is not handicapped. And pls stop listening to those clowns making jest of your labour, except they provide you with better alternatives.
I detest lazy men too so I feel you should just talk to your hubby, there are so many men operating restaurants in Nigeria and making cool cash, maybe you and your husband can consider this as a joint venture.

And pls don't talk down on your husband for whatever reasons cos I'm sure he is not happy with his current state.
And you mentioned divorce, guess you are kidding.
Please, talk to him with love and respect and find a solution to your issues, Nigeria is filled with 40 year old bachelors eating mama-put from Monday to Sunday so cooking is actually lucrative Think hard, I'm sure you will find a way.

Timbuktou:


Young men, be wise.

People say men change when they come into money. They begin to look at other women, they forget how their first loves stood by them when they had nothing. This topic gives you a glimpse into what may be the cause of such a "change". I don't know if OP and her husband have had any major fights, but I can guarantee that he must have thought that there are things would not do if he were rich, and that is the root of the afore-mentioned "change".

We see here that this wonderful, loving and hard-working woman is at the end of her rope and can no longer stand to be married to this man who she has described as angelic. If they were merely dating and had no kids, this man would be single by now.

Young men, pay heed. You're only as lovable as young bank balance. #peaceout

is that how u saw it? if my love for him was based on money, I won't even date him talk more of marrying him. am not boasting but I knew how my pocket money was for the both of us in school. we share my ATM n every other thing. That is to tell u how much I love him. he was driven out from his final exams, I had to borrow to pay for him to go back to the exam hall. so my dear, my only concern n fear is, for how long will these last? which I believe every human do have some fears at times. Am ready to stand by him. I just want him to put more effort n forget about past failures which are weighing him down. Even when I suggest he should hustle with our car in the evenings, he will not. if I can swallow my pride to sell food then why can't u do same. It takes two to tangle. NB we have not had any fight for almost a decade now, just normal minor disagreement here n there.