prinwa:
no it was arranged.

prinwa:
it wasn't , I knew him before he traveled.

prinwa:
I kind of agree with you.

prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.

prinwa:
Hi
I am a lady in my late 20, I have been married for 5years now. My husband come back once in a year, I am getting tired of the loneliness and lack of sex, though I have never cheated on him. I just feel I made a huge mistake. I have 2 kids for him, and I try to keep myself busy in order to avoid temptation. My husband. Doesn't have another wife apart from me, recently I asked him about our papers and he said he doesn't want us to come and live there permanently , but we can visit and go. I want to be together with my husband. I am really getting tired of the whole situation. My children are growing up with out him and it is making me unhappy. I need your advice please.

lolaxavier:


It shows you know nothing about relationships. Don't you know what it means to be without the physical affection of your partner, husband for that matter. He comes home only once in a year. He probably would spend just a month or two before going back. Do you mean a lady in her 20s will now enjoy sex just for that period. Besides, it goes beyond sex. His presence would mean a lot to the family.

BluStreak:
I feel your pain @OP. Nothing can be as traumatising as having your partner Oceans away when you are legally bound together. It becomes even more burdensome when you respect your dignity and marriage vows (which is fast eroding in today's Nigeria) and choose not to step out on your partner or form an unholy liaison with the opposite sex. It doesn't all have to be about s#x but the very basic ingredient that marriage is built on which is companionship. This very type of companionship cannot be provided by ones kids or relative. So I really do feel your pain prinwa. May God intervene in your situation and also hold you together not to loose it. I'll remember you in my prayers. Amen thanks alot I really appreciate.

Brandnew2:

What are intimacy gadgets for?

lolaxavier:

Get a life.

prinwa:
it wasn't , I knew him before he traveled.

Phema:


Does he have his papers? Is he living abroad legally? If not, he won't be able to take you and the kids over.

If however, he is living there legally, not doing badly financially and still refuses to take you guys, then something is definitely fishy. Another paper wife maybe?

Have you been able to visit him within these 5 years?

prinwa:
he has his permanent resident. No he doesn't have another wife.

prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.

TV01:

And you have every right to expect and demand that in marriage.

There may well be a case of shakey foundations - were things fully disclosed, discussed understood and agreed? Having said that, situations change, and your expectations are reasonable and legitimate. I really feel for you.

You need to engage your husband directly on this - preferably face to face. If his next visit is imminent, plan towards it. State exactly what you have above. Tell him about your needs, your desires - all rightful - and the frustration, temptations, and of course welfare of your children.

As much as I hate involving 3rd parties, it may be an idea to discuss first with your parents and then possibly have a fuller meeting with his, and sit down with hubby whne he's back. I hope they don't have any entrenched attitudes in favour of this kind of arrangement or bias due to support they recieve from him.

If it is not imminent, I think he should be impressed upon to bring his next trip forward as soon as possible. There are a number of worries here;

It could genuinely be difficulties regularising his papers. You need to know the steps required, the action being taken and timelines. It could be it's easier for him to live there and fund your staying at home.

The initial effort to establish or stabilise a family can be huge. But this begs questions about how he is satisfying his intimacy needs? And emphasis should always be on the kids, kids, kids. The earlier they are over there, the better they adapt.

He may well think bringing you to Europe may change the dynamic of your relationship. The truth is, men are at the mercy of their wives here and he may have seen some scary things.

And be willing ot think creatively and ahead. Is there a case for him returning home?

Whatever the case, it's best that you are exactly clear on the situation, then you can plan accordingly and hopefully look forward to the time you'll be together.

I commend you for the sacrifices you have made for the union and wish you and your family all the very best.


TV

cococandy:
Didn't you discuss this before marriage?

So he means you guys will continue like this indefinitely? Pls call family meeting on his head. Let his and your parents talks sense into him.
If he's sure he has no other family over there, why won't he want you guys there?

He wants to be married and live like a bachelor. I'm sure he won't be happy if you fall into temptation but he's not helping you and your relationship at all.

Blonchilli:
Marriage and relationship counsellor

prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.

spikezz:



lolz
i kno yuh r just bein' sarcastic
be deceiving ha ok!

marriage counsellor ko
haz she sorted ha own
marriage dat she cums online 24/7
2 be givin silly advice

wu no know ha story 4
dis nairaland

Brandnew2:
@Prinwa you can get the companionship you need from friends either male or female. Do you have any?

prinwa:
he has his permanent resident. No he doesn't have another wife.

spikezz:


hehehe
abi, dey encourage am o
afterall diz site iz all she lives for

shez onli offline wen shez
snoozing buh in a few hrz
she go wake nd resume duty
ha old cargo husband no get time for am
datz y she wan die pon diz site
dabota lawson pt.2

skyfullofstars:


Will she also get sex from her friends? I've been apart from my husband for 7 months and the urge is so strong, I don't know what to do. Should I also have sex with my friends?

damiso:
TV's advice was spot on.

Just to add to that when having that heart to heart conversation try to leave out too many emotional outbursts( I feel you and I know that it is an emotive issue and you might have to pull at his heart strings ) but try to adopt a goal/resolution approach to the issue.

Try to get him to commit to realistic timelines as well and not just vague ' I will do it'. i.e . lets works towards the end of 2016 beginning 2017.

Finance might also be a factor and you might have to be prepare yourself maybe take a cut in what he provides at the moment so he can save toward reuniting the family.If you have your own income sef volunteer to contribute towards the costs no matter how little I.e little little stuff like paying for administrative and documentation on the Nigerian end. That way he wont have the excuse of affordability.Visa and residency costs can be really high especially if he has to employ the services of an immigration lawyer.

It is well with you and your home.

prinwa:
no he is not in Uk.

prinwa:
Thanks alot he will be home in December, I think it is time to involve. His elder brothers and my parents. I appreciate this advice and others I have gotten here.

Brandnew2:

Get a phone and a toy.

skyfullofstars:


I don't wanna touch myself, I want to be with a real man. A toy will not serve its purpose.