TV01:

And you have every right to expect and demand that in marriage.

There may well be a case of shakey foundations - were things fully disclosed, discussed understood and agreed? Having said that, situations change, and your expectations are reasonable and legitimate. I really feel for you.

You need to engage your husband directly on this - preferably face to face. If his next visit is imminent, plan towards it. State exactly what you have above. Tell him about your needs, your desires - all rightful - and the frustration, temptations, and of course welfare of your children.

As much as I hate involving 3rd parties, it may be an idea to discuss first with your parents and then possibly have a fuller meeting with his, and sit down with hubby whne he's back. I hope they don't have any entrenched attitudes in favour of this kind of arrangement or bias due to support they recieve from him.

If it is not imminent, I think he should be impressed upon to bring his next trip forward as soon as possible. There are a number of worries here;

It could genuinely be difficulties regularising his papers. You need to know the steps required, the action being taken and timelines. It could be it's easier for him to live there and fund your staying at home.

The initial effort to establish or stabilise a family can be huge. But this begs questions about how he is satisfying his intimacy needs? And emphasis should always be on the kids, kids, kids. The earlier they are over there, the better they adapt.

He may well think bringing you to Europe may change the dynamic of your relationship. The truth is, men are at the mercy of their wives here and he may have seen some scary things.

And be willing ot think creatively and ahead. Is there a case for him returning home?

Whatever the case, it's best that you are exactly clear on the situation, then you can plan accordingly and hopefully look forward to the time you'll be together.

I commend you for the sacrifices you have made for the union and wish you and your family all the very best.


TV

well said!

AdaEkube:
Madam of all places this is where u decided to bring ur problems to.Most of them advising you r not even married and r desperately searching,some don't hv an international passport let alone applied for a visa to travel anywhere. this is something u should talk to God about,Mk Him d number one person in your home,pray for ur hubby,dats wat wives do.next time he's in town u discuss with him,tell him how u feel and u guys would settle dis with one understanding.Marriage ain't roses like dat,there are sacrifices u make to keep it going.

You make the most sense.

Doh I feel your pain but just be a little patient because of your two kids. Everything will work itself out soon.

ozycy:
Guess he's very comfortable without you guys there. Or is it that he can't foot your bill if you join him der. Madam you dey try ooo. Yankee hubby tins

She hasn't said anywhere the hubby is based in Yankee
dunce

prinwa:
Hi
I am a lady in my late 20, I have been married for 5years now. My husband come back once in a year, I am getting tired of the loneliness and lack of sex, though I have never cheated on him. I just feel I made a huge mistake. I have 2 kids for him, and I try to keep myself busy in order to avoid temptation. My husband. Doesn't have another wife apart from me, recently I asked him about our papers and he said he doesn't want us to come and live there permanently , but we can visit and go. I want to be together with my husband. I am really getting tired of the whole situation. My children are growing up with out him and it is making me unhappy. I need your advice please.

first I think you are a good wife so will advise you to stay that way. Secondly you said your husband is married to only you.
Your marriage have no problem. So please don't creat problem for your self.
Your man is there working to give you and your children a better life.
The only way u can help the marriage is to find a way to help and support your marriage

Brandnew2:

I'll strongly suggest you should stay married for better for worse.
How do you get lonely with 2 kids tho'?

You and the 33 people that liked your post are obviously children. What can kids do that your husband should, stating with sex?

Op, my candid advise is for you to investigate very well if ur husband has another wife or he's in a very strong relationship in wherever he is.You never can be too sure. Your findings will definitely inform ur next decision to make.

supereagle:
Most of this people living in US particular keep one wife in Nigeria and another one in US. Those who are free bring in their wife without delay after marriage here in Nigeria, if you see anyone keeping a wife here and he doesn't want her to to join him overthere is a sign that there is a wife in US.

or maybe the man don't have enough money or good job to relocate his family. The process of moving a family overseas is expensive. some Nigeria prefer leaving their family back home while they work in US. My uncle works and live in US but his family and wife is back home in Nigeria. he always visit during the holidays

innervoice:


Your kids are already growing up without their father.
Our ladies are as gullible as some white ladies who fall for scam marriages.
Your man lives abroad and MOST men who live abroad and have wives back home live their lives abroad like the marriage never took place in the first place. Is that your marriage an arranged marriage?

from the story I don't think he has another lady wherever he is. The fact that he tried getting his family over proves that.

innervoice:


It was arranged or it wasn't?

Are you deaf?

prinwa:
I never wanted to marry obodo oyibo husband, I have always wanted to marry someone in Nigeria. And he never told me it was going to be like this. Most times I feel I rushed into it.

OP u see what you hav caused urself..when they say do nt jump into relationship, be patient and time to study each other ..u would hav find time to investigate about him..the reason why you marry him is bcoz he is a readymade husband, financially ok .u never bothered abt maybe he is travellin out..now u are feelin lonely..i wil advice u that u better carry ur cross..just gba fo olorun..and watch over ur children..dnt go and be sleepin around oo..it dangerous..dnt invite problems to ur peaceful home..just be prayerful.always use prayer to support ur husband ..do not adulterize .. .u children ar hs prototype..just c them as if u ar with ur husband..

kaorama:


Lecturer. What do u need that for? Some people think upside down.

In your senses, you feel it's smart to offer advice without background knowledge of the problem. That shows your level of smartness. The OP did as I said and now she's getting better advice from wise people. Dear, get therapy, motherly love or Jesus, you need at least one of these.

Cheri Kam Bia marriage.... One chance .

People get mind sha. How can I see my kids once a year..no matter the sweetness of any Fanny am Swindling.

The guy is living double life.

Brandnew2:

I'll strongly suggest you should stay married for better for worse.
How do you get lonely with 2 kids tho'?

Lol this is an asinine quote if I ever saw one.

Do u expect her to talk to her kids about her day like adults, or take them for a romantic walk? Or maybe she should hold them in the night when she longs to touch someone or better still run to them when house and office duties start to swamp her.

I didn't even mention the most crucial part sef.

Keep ur faith together things must surely change some day .

prinwa:
I kind of agree with you.

hmmmm, please think twice before taking any steps that may put your marriage in problem.i urge you to discuss this issues with his family members mostly his parents and see how it goes

Okay

This is really touching. You go to bed every night without your man and you have married neighbors around you.

If you have being patient with him all these years, I request that you apply more caution. I appeal to you that no matter how challenging your situation is now, never submit yourself into the arm of another man. If you start, you would not be able to end it. You will end up ruining your marriage and the life of your children. Just be patient and pray to God for financial uplifting. Part of the truth about his financial situation, you already know and that was why the embassy refused your visa application.
Lastly, never you consider your marriage to him as a great mistake. The Lord will see you through and eventually unit both of you together. Patient is golden

[

You are a second wife just move on, I'm sorry

Jorussia:
OP,i quite understand your feelings.this scenario is very common here in benin city.You are very lucky that your husband comes home every year, as there many women here in benin, whose husbands have not come home for than 5years and they have endured. I know of a young pretty law graduate,whose husband has been away for about 2years now,and she has endured it.A lady in my church, waited for almost 10years for her husband, who should be in Nigeria anytime soon.I don't support long distance marriage, but i urge you to continue to pay the sacrifice of endurance to keep your marriage.

Good morning Jorussia
Same thing happen to our co-tenant in benin - city, the lady waited for good whole 17yrs before her husband finally relocated to Nigeria. But the lady was tempted along the line and the whole issues was resolve base on Benin Traditions. So they are happily living together for good since the lady husband relocated.... My advice for Her is to keep praying and trusting God for Miracle.

1st don't and don't divoice !!!!!!!

prinwa:
Hi
I am a lady in my late 20, I have been married for 5years now. My husband come back once in a year, I am getting tired of the loneliness and lack of sex, though I have never cheated on him. I just feel I made a huge mistake. I have 2 kids for him, and I try to keep myself busy in order to avoid temptation. My husband. Doesn't have another wife apart from me, recently I asked him about our papers and he said he doesn't want us to come and live there permanently , but we can visit and go. I want to be together with my husband. I am really getting tired of the whole situation. My children are growing up with out him and it is making me unhappy. I need your advice please.

Do some feasibility studies before is next visit or vacation. Telling him to come back without helping him with how or what to come back to might make things worse. if what he does is kind of a professional job then you advice him to plan to search for jobs whenever his around or otherwise make a plan as to how much exactly he could race as capital for a legitimate biusness with good turnover. if you dont come up with these your story could continue like that and I pray the devil won't gain control. Both of you should work these together think of how much capital you need for what. White in our country also do this. They came with something in mind the moment they achieve that they move. Of he eventually get the papers then good for his travelling in and out. Too bad to miss ones children early days. I hope you guys make the best of decision.

dozzynet:


Heart to Heart talk with your hubby is what you need at this stage of your marital life. It seems you stay around Amakohia/Akwakuma axis,right?

. Thank you all for the advice. I really do appreciate.

lolaxavier:


It shows you know nothing about relationships. Don't you know what it means to be without the physical affection of your partner, husband for that matter. He comes home only once in a year. He probably would spend just a month or two before going back. Do you mean a lady in her 20s will now enjoy sex just for that period. Besides, it goes beyond sex. His presence would mean a lot to the family.

Pls tell him again

My dear printable, it could be that he doesn't want you to see how he's suffering over there or he doesn't want you to suffer. I believe he loves you and don't go outside for sex. Be strong and be patient

prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.

Women are so insatiable. Please,accept his offer of you and kids only visiting him,as time passes he may change his mind. Just be grateful.

this is sad. you should try to at least communicate more when he's not there. maybe you can find new ways for that to give you a better sense of whether he sees himself with you long term. write each other, send him pictures and ask him to send you pictures of his everyday life as well.

Women we nor get sense asweardown... Ur hussy get wife for abroad jawe

Chi why you go talk like that na?
E no good walai

yollychika:
Women we nor get sense asweardown... Ur hussy get wife for abroad jawe

If he truly love you and his kid's he should be man enough to ask you to travel to where his so as to have a firm family. A lady at your age should have her hubby by her side always not only to spice up your sexual life always' but his your kid's do need a parental steadfast love. I just pray that God should touch your hubby and also touch the friends around him to kindly advice him to bring his family together under one roof.