Acidosis:
I keep warning people on Nairaland not to allow ex boyfriends/girlfriends interfere in their relationships.

It is not about trust, its about commonsense. An ex should not even be on your contact, BBM, Facebook or Whatsapp. Do not keep pictures of exes, and don't allow anyone of them (dead or living) come near your home.

Sir, your marriage is 15 years plus. Why on earth would a woman leave you, your home and a job of 200k/driver/car for a meagre 40k?

Sir, your wife must have gotten N40k in cash, and N300k in KIND. Whoever tells you otherwise can kill you.

How can you book flights on 3 occasions for a 40K job? Nawaooo!

I don't know what to tell you, many Nairaland women will blame you on this so get ready to act like a man.

You got that part of the story wrong. She left that job when they relocated to Lagos.

Last year when I moved to Lagos from where we were she left a job that pays her two hundred thousand naira plus car and driver on the reason that the family should stay tougher.

Women and their Wahala!

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Both of you are jokers
What kind of marriage is this

Imagine o
One month now and all you can say aboutur wife's whereabout is that " She should be in a brother or sister house there in the east"

All your own na to book flight and send money. SMH

Roseey0:
Both of you are jokers
What kind of marriage is this

Imagine o
One month now and all you can say aboutur wife's whereabout is that " She should be in a brother or sister house there in the east"

All your own na to book flight and send money. SMH

You actually believe this fake story?

Everybody see?

@Decker you see?

Another reason to marry a virgin. No ex- boyfriend!

Don't you guys have intimacy issues?


Just asking.

A wrong foundation was laid in this relationship, this is the consequence, for the woman to leave her family and job to see another man is very unfortunate.

The man should let her go.

These hoez aint loyal

natasha:
So because your wife is now gainfully employed she has left you? Because her boss is an ex means she has left you? Does it mean every married woman who puts her dreams and goals on hold, to build up a home, raise her children till they are old enough to be in boarding school and then decide to return to work are automatically dating the men in their office?
Only GOD knows what you put the woman through to the point where she has to take a Job so far away in the east and the fact that she is desperate enough for an income Of her own that she takes an offer with an ex shows that you never treated her right the last 16 years.

God knows when women go back to their ex's its because their husbands havent turned out to be the angel he pretended to be.

Dude search yourself, you may get all the satisfaction from the comments of unmarried hormonal men bashing your wife but at the end of the day, they are not the ones who sacrificed with you the last 16 years. They are not the ones who sleep with you at night even when you are ill or when not in the mood. They are not the ones who bore and cared for your kids.
Not every woman will leave a 200k + job and relocate to be a housewife only to return to a 40k monthly job if she hasnt been through hell and back due to failed promises.

Perhaps, you are the type of man that she has to write letter to request money for pads, cosmetics, hair, maggi etc perhaps you are the type of dude she has to justify why she wants to make her hair monthly, perhaps, just perhaps....we only have your words of how wonderful a husband you have been.

Enjoy the bashing and insults your other half recieves from this public forum....I hope you find the succor you so much desire
Lord deliver us from Sons of Saul!!

You don't know nothing. People cheat on angels all the time, men do that and women also. If you rationale is that for every woman who cheats, her man must have pushed her to it then I say.... Well I don't know what to say.

Man i feel ur pain. Take things easy and think before you act. Dont be emotional. Pray for wisdom as you might make decisions you will end up regretting.
I believe she is only remorseful because she has been caught and not because she is genuine.
But before i go further, have you hurt her by cheating in her with your ex? I ask due to the way you kept booking her tickets up and down the place. I feel you are trying to buy her trust and respect by doing anything she commands you to do. If so then na 1-1 be score. Despite this she has no right to cheat on you.
I will suggest you let her stay in the east for a while and reflect on her action or inaction. Dont rush her back home yet. Try to understand why she did this. Is she still in love with the guy?? Like you yourself asked rhetorically..you can provide for your family and does this,; what if you are not able to provide in the future? Will she stay or leave.
Let her stay with those siblings of hers at the moment for like 6 months. While you visit your parents and siblings as well as your inlaws and intimate them on the goings on. I believe within 6 months you will know whether you want the marriage or not.
Goodluck man!

OGGfS2000:
Thanks for your advice. two weeks before she left we agreed that she will stdyart a business thgs eais January. that makes me think the hole job issue was arranged to deceive me.

He dumped you and avoids you!

Oyind17:
I live close to my ex bf, I don't greet him not to talk of going close to him.

Ask your wife to stop working with him. You are the man of the house.

What the fuc are you on about? The biach is begging to come back! Maybe the ex chopped wipe mouth....

Ujoan:


The story doesn't quite add up . . .

I can't seem to reconcile between a woman who would give up a great income and career for her family, with the one you are describing now!!!

Perhaps something happened along the line for her to think the marriage was no longer worth her sacrifice . .

The fact is that your marriage is heading for the rocks, and if you want your wife back, you have to make the effort here.

She left you because she wanted another option, not because she is so much in love with her ex. The question here is that, why does she 'need' a second option

Did you ever cheat on her or mis-treat her?

MrMcJay:
Most of the posts by ladies on this thread are rationalizing the irresponsible behavior of the wife. Some even went forward to blame the man for his wife's unfaithfulness.

Truly, these bit.ches aren't loyal!

Asin ehnnn.. just shocked by d responses of d ladies in this thread.. May God help us all..

natasha:
So because your wife is now gainfully employed she has left you? Because her boss is an ex means she has left you? Does it mean every married woman who puts her dreams and goals on hold, to build up a home, raise her children till they are old enough to be in boarding school and then decide to return to work are automatically dating the men in their office?
Only GOD knows what you put the woman through to the point where she has to take a Job so far away in the east and the fact that she is desperate enough for an income Of her own that she takes an offer with an ex shows that you never treated her right the last 16 years.

God knows when women go back to their ex's its because their husbands havent turned out to be the angel he pretended to be.

Dude search yourself, you may get all the satisfaction from the comments of unmarried hormonal men bashing your wife but at the end of the day, they are not the ones who sacrificed with you the last 16 years. They are not the ones who sleep with you at night even when you are ill or when not in the mood. They are not the ones who bore and cared for your kids.
Not every woman will leave a 200k + job and relocate to be a housewife only to return to a 40k monthly job if she hasnt been through hell and back due to failed promises.

Perhaps, you are the type of man that she has to write letter to request money for pads, cosmetics, hair, maggi etc perhaps you are the type of dude she has to justify why she wants to make her hair monthly, perhaps, just perhaps....we only have your words of how wonderful a husband you have been.

Enjoy the bashing and insults your other half recieves from this public forum....I hope you find the succor you so much desire
Lord deliver us from Sons of Saul!!

For her to keep her husband in the dark about who her employer is reeks of ulterior motive. Btw how do you believe that she is paid only 40k yet used flight here and there? Talking about sacrifice, you sound as if her staying with her husband should be regarded as a great favour. This kind of woman doesn't get satisfied with anything and in most cases there is nothing anyone can do to please her type.

Man think of your kids, what will happen without their mother, just forgive her for your children sake, what she did is very bad.

But your kids life is more important, and that is your gain

Hello, sorry about everything. I hardly comment on forums like this, but if you ask me, you started it. Your beloved wife told you she got a new job and asked if she can take it, you said "if she wants" You didn't act well there. As the head of your home, you are suppose to make quality decisions on issues like this. Secondly, you never said you caught her doing anything only that she works for her ex politician boyfriend which from every indication shows she still feels something for him. My Advice: Book same flight for both of you and go straight to your wife, sit her down and ask her what she wants! Since you said she was begging you, I believe she still wants her marriage to stand. Never should you end your marriage or divorce your wife. Settle the whole issue; if it means her leaving the job,fine you both can decide and make your marriage work again. If you can successfully stay with a woman for fifteen years, it means she really loves you. 15 years is not 15 days. Work your marriage Mr man. For more counsel or question, please send me a Pm. God bless you

OGGS2000:
my wife of fifteen years left me in Lagos to work for her ex boy friend in the east. It all started one evening she got a call that she should come to take a job at the state capital. She asked me if she can go I said if you want. She did not tell me the relationship she has with the caller she said its from someone she gave her CV. She asked me to book flight for her because she will go in the morning and I did. Two days later she called that I should book flight for her to come back and I did. A day later she called that they called that she should come and resume the next day, I made another flight booking for her. When I travelled for Christmas holiday I saw she was very happy but was surprised to hear that she was paid only forty thousand naira as her salary for the month. Last year when I moved to Lagos from where we were she left a job that pays her two hundred thousand naira plus car and driver on the reason that the family should stay tougher. This got me thinking that there must be other reason for the relocation. I got a call yesterday and I was asked why I left my wife to and work for her Politian ex boyfriend if am tired of the marriage. I called her to know the relationship she has with the man that gave her work she confirmed he is her ex boyfriend. I told her she can not marry two men at a time. she has chosen to be mistress to a politician she should pack out of my house.
She is begging that I should forgive her. my problem now is if she can do this when I can pay my bills comfortably, what will she do if situation changes tomorrow.

So every married person with intimacy issue should cheat? Is that what you just said?

holyfather:
Don't you guys have intimacy issues?


Just asking.

Ujoan:


Honestly, you may just be paranoid. Nothing says a woman cannot work with her ex . . . I imagine the ex now has a family of his own. The most important thing will be to draw the line, what is and is not allowed!

You wife is alone now with the kids in school . . . she probably thinks now is the time to return to the career she once sacrificed for them.

People gossip a lot down here in the east, especially when they know a woman is not living with her husband.

You should have asked the caller why he was calling you, did he catch your wife with the politician? or he just wanted to be an amebo!

another proof that not every lady is born with a brain. This is an example of one lady you shouldn't touch with a 2 mile pole not to mention marrying. If you are married, i can only imagine what your husband might be going through. Justifying glaring adultery. If you aint married yet, please change.

newpaparazzi:
Even though I didn't want to comment on this thread, I will to actually state what I discern as acts of stupidity and unfaithfulness in your home.

1. I feel your wife of 15 years had been having an affair long time before now. She left her first job to have more time with the man & gave the excuse that she wanted to stay with her family. But are you that dull/stupid to detect that? If I may ask, what job do you do? How often do you give her sex? It seems you didn't satisfy her sexually all along. It appears you dont stay with her at home spending adequate time with her. She told you lie concerning the 40k job. There was no job anywhere. She moved to be with the man. That's all.You even spent200k to finance her infidelity. Haba, are you this stupid? Did she show you any appointment letter? Are you even sure she lives with her relatives as you claimed? She told you she collected 40k salary and you believed her. High level of foolishness. So you think she can spend 200k to make only 40k in return? Are you that dull? Sorry to be this blunt with you. But I like to know your response to the points I raised here.

2. Even if the job she got pays 300k per month should you allow her to relocate to far away east? Who does that? ONLY S.TUPID MARRIED COUPLES! Yes, those couples that wish to hand over their family to the devil to break. It's a completely stupid idea for you to be in Lagos and your wife will be that far away. Is your body or her body firewood? By that singular decision all in the name of "I want to make her happy", you have requested for infidelity from both parties even if you both had been faithful till now.

My advice: get real evidence of her infidelity and take your decision. But I will advice that you should forgive her on the condition that she is truly sorry and promise to stop.

Without any iota of doubt, you are a bad advisor. You have been spilling insults like water all through your best kept to yourself advise. Now, run along and play with your mates at the Barney shop

OGGS2000:
my wife of fifteen years left me in Lagos to work for her ex boy friend in the east. It all started one evening she got a call that she should come to take a job at the state capital. She asked me if she can go I said if you want. She did not tell me the relationship she has with the caller she said its from someone she gave her CV. She asked me to book flight for her because she will go in the morning and I did. Two days later she called that I should book flight for her to come back and I did. A day later she called that they called that she should come and resume the next day, I made another flight booking for her. When I travelled for Christmas holiday I saw she was very happy but was surprised to hear that she was paid only forty thousand naira as her salary for the month. Last year when I moved to Lagos from where we were she left a job that pays her two hundred thousand naira plus car and driver on the reason that the family should stay tougher. This got me thinking that there must be other reason for the relocation. I got a call yesterday and I was asked why I left my wife to and work for her Politian ex boyfriend if am tired of the marriage. I called her to know the relationship she has with the man that gave her work she confirmed he is her ex boyfriend. I told her she can not marry two men at a time. she has chosen to be mistress to a politician she should pack out of my house.
She is begging that I should forgive her. my problem now is if she can do this when I can pay my bills comfortably, what will she do if situation changes tomorrow.

You have not mentioned an affair o. Cos u keep saying her politician ex boyfriend.
She took a job for her ex so what? Dose that mean she is currently sleeping with him?
Men shar

All these people advising to forgive have u stopped to think? What if there is actually nothing to forgive? The only thing was she didn't tell her husband jersey her ex that gave her the job.
That she is working with her ex does not mean she is having an affair o.
Men ona can jump into conclusion too fast

U dont seem to understand the draw/power of an ex...especially one with a big mandingo

cococandy:
40k job all the way in the east?
They didn't tell her the salary before she moved or what?
Honestly she could have found a 40k job in Lagos if she wanted to (I think). Which makes me believe she's more interested in the adventure of living away from you.
When she comes back, pls try to get to the root of the matter. Why is the woman who was willing to leave a better job with perks to be with her family now suddenly running from that family for another job with almost no compensation?

Like someone said, you need to be more involved in your wife's life. It's almost as if you guys don't communicate.

OGGS2000:
I want to get something straight here, some comments here suggests that nothing is wrong for a married woman to go to her Ex and make request for jobs or favour behind the husband. Or she can do that as a revenge for a cheating husband though am yet to be accused of that. If am accused of that I will not be here. because the other woman will fill the space.

Bros as a pure Igbo dude...
1,forget her, no forgiveness in marriages ..
2, change the school of your kids, better relocate them to another boarding .
3, as she can quit her job and go for 40k, she has been planning it for long, and 40k is the official salary, but she should be earning more than that...
4,once there is always there, I also have a lot of married ex and I know how to behge when they re 1 mile from me, not talk of working with him.....
5, if she can sideline you and work this out, then she has been playing you for ing without you knowing .....



In conclusion.. Forget her and !I've on with your life, she now has feelings for the guy again.. And been a politician ur life is at risk here

Bros as a pure Igbo dude...
1,forget her, no forgiveness in marriages ..
2, change the school of your kids, better relocate them to another boarding .
3, as she can quit her job and go for 40k, she has been planning it for long, and 40k is the official salary, but she should be earning more than that...
4,once there is always there, I also have a lot of married ex and I know how to behge when they re 1 mile from me, not talk of working with him.....
5, if she can sideline you and work this out, then she has been playing you for ing without you knowing .....



In conclusion.. Forget her and !I've on with your life, she now has feelings for the guy again.. And been a politician ur life is at risk here

OGGS2000:
thanks for your advice. the family has been doing well and lovely. The children were away on boarding school and when the woman starts to nagging about staying at home every day, you will be willing to let her do what ever it is to make her happy. actually for the one month she has spent there I have spent over two hundred thousand naira. I was doing this to make her happy but didn't know she has a different plan for me.

chai....i feel 4 u. U were totally relax n unsuspecting because it has bn 15 yrs of trust, forgetting what a woman can do at any tym.
Let her confess n be forgiven.
It seems ur work is draining u, n u no longer take good care of her on d bed regularly? (though, not an excuse 4 her to mess up )
Gentle man, May God help u, n may HE have mercy on ur so called disgraceful wife.

Oyind17:
I live close to my ex bf, I don't greet him not to talk of going close to him.

Ask your wife to stop working with him. You are the man of the house.

sorry to ask, bt is ur husband aware dat ur ex lives near?

OGGS2000:
my wife of fifteen years left me in Lagos to work for her ex boy friend in the east. It all started one evening she got a call that she should come to take a job at the state capital. She asked me if she can go I said if you want. She did not tell me the relationship she has with the caller she said its from someone she gave her CV. She asked me to book flight for her because she will go in the morning and I did. Two days later she called that I should book flight for her to come back and I did. A day later she called that they called that she should come and resume the next day, I made another flight booking for her. When I travelled for Christmas holiday I saw she was very happy but was surprised to hear that she was paid only forty thousand naira as her salary for the month. Last year when I moved to Lagos from where we were she left a job that pays her two hundred thousand naira plus car and driver on the reason that the family should stay tougher. This got me thinking that there must be other reason for the relocation. I got a call yesterday and I was asked why I left my wife to and work for her Politian ex boyfriend if am tired of the marriage. I called her to know the relationship she has with the man that gave her work she confirmed he is her ex boyfriend. I told her she can not marry two men at a time. she has chosen to be mistress to a politician she should pack out of my house.
She is begging that I should forgive her. my problem now is if she can do this when I can pay my bills comfortably, what will she do if situation changes tomorrow.

Thank your star
That you were not even poisoned

Am sorry to say, if am in your situation I will let her Go.simply because re level of ungrateful is to higher.you trusted her from the first place that is d reason for not scrutinized the job.but yet she disappointed you.that is woman d for You. Am sorry to say, if am in your situation I will let her Go.simply because re level of ungrateful is to higher.you trusted her from the first place that is d reason for not scrutinized the job.but yet she disappointed you.that is woman d for You.

OGGS2000:
thanks for your advice. the family has been doing well and lovely. The children were away on boarding school and when the woman starts to nagging about staying at home every day, you will be willing to let her do what ever it is to make her happy. actually for the one month she has spent there I have spent over two hundred thousand naira. I was doing this to make her happy but didn't know she has a different plan for me.

/
In other words, she was unemployed and did not leave N200k salary to go take N40k/month salary as you falsely stated in your original post.

There is a lot of missing links in your story.
/

who knows the things she must have already done with the politician ex boyfriend and im sure its not just 40k that shes being paid...there's more to the story that you her husband doesn't know.... there must be some juicy exclusive offers involved and probably an on going affair as well....investigate properly. good luck!

This is one reason i cant marry a non virgin. They sleep around and tell u virginity does nt matter. Oga, this is just only 1 of the numerous ex she sleeps with. Enjoy ur decision of marrying a 2nd hand.

I hate this kind story in the morning like this. You self look for your ex-girlfriend, abi you no get?