That is to bad coming from the wife, perhap they are brothers not even neighbour or stranger, i pity the man because he will be going through alot of problem but what if reverse is the case, i just wonder how some people behave

mutiply:
I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

Gbam!!

A wise woman does not even try to come in between blood brothers. Infact she should be the one complaining that u are not doing enough for ur brother.

Let me tell u something today, if u think the reason u got a better job is for u and ur family alone then u don't know anything. most times, God factors other people into ur blessings and that's why he opens way for one. So that through you, the blessings can spread to others. And mind u, ur brother's situation will not continue like that. So whatever u do now is what people will remember you for.
Scripture says don't be weary of doing good, for in due time, u will be rewarded.

My brother, women wey dey stab their husband, an like this we dey sabi them ooo

Miami11:
Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

WRONG!!!!

Mindfulness:
Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

I beg to differ! Even that is her only bad trait, then she chose the mother of bad traits. It tells me one thing , she's a woman without a heart that can help others. Females like her even scrimp out on helping their own relatives!

From the OP's post, he still handles his business at home perfectly. Were his actions affecting his home economics? No!

So the wife should quit bitching and being so selfish. It might be her hubby's turn to be dead broke tomorrow what would she be about then? Guess she'll be beating a hasty retreat to the door.

Myopic piece of s&it!

Call me a woman hater or whatever name best suit my kind of person, i dont care but my preaching remains, "invest more in your siblings and family members than girlfriend or wife (especially the one you married less than 5-10 years ago)". She is such a bad woman and her type prefers to sit at home doing nothing while you toil up and down to make money and at the end, she still wants to be the decider/regulator on how you should spend your hard earned money.

I dont know for you, but i think you need to put things straight to her irrespective of how she reacts to it/feels about it. Let her know you are using your money wisely and she cant do anything against how you spend your money helping your people...SIMPLE!!!

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Am a woman too,and am so infuriated right now.
So what?, I repeat and so what if you decide to help your siblings. Look here it's none of her business.

You can buy your brother a car, even a house if you are capable. She shouldn't interfere with whatever plans you have for them, if she's only going to try and put a stop to it.

She even has the impetus to call your elder brother to return the used electronic you gave him, oh my gosh. If she can act this way with you, while rendering help to your loved ones, how much more outsiders

I for can never marry a man who doesn't assist people who needs it, due to the way I was brought up.

My dad paid my friend's school fees while I was in high school, my mums renders help as much as she can to whomever she meets, whether they ask for it or not. As long as she notices you are broke, she helps you anonymously and mind you we aren't even financially buoyant, Now tell me how much more your siblings

I don't know why, but am so angry over what I just read. She had better call your brother back and apologize.

If your blood can't come to you when in need, then that's a shame.

Peace

It's not just me then, tbh I am really vexed at this story, she even had to call the brother, OP dey feck up sha, see insolence na.

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godsluvee:
Oh Lord, why is this woman disgracing us like this. The heart of man is truly wicked

My sister, she's disgracing herself not us, these are the kind of women no mother wants for a daughter-in- law.

Ladies like these are the kind that becomes defensive just at the mention of their mother-in-laws name, they love to paint a bad image of their husband's family,whereas they have their own issues.

freecocoa:
OP as long as you aren't neglecting your own immediate family then I'm afraid you married the wrong woman like you put it.

I honestly don't understand women who have a thing against their men helping his family, his family fa.

The nerves, she even called your brother to bring back some stuffs, OP e be like say your wife no get respect for you o.

My sister...i understand your thoughts...with a 6months old marriage.....you sometimes are beclouded with whether there is respect or not coz it all should be sweet lov for atleast first 1-2 yrs..

Miami11:

What is her explanation, maybe she wants you to do something like open your brother a business so he can become self reliant than giving him monthly handouts, am sure she has an answer, am just trying to help you put the marriage in place, so you people don't break up, have a heart to heart conversation on this issue.
You are already married it is up to you to find solutions to a peaceful home.

COME. WHY ARE YOU SUPPORTING THIS WOMAN EHN?

I dont have much to say buh i pray God give you wisdom to go bout the situation positively

Miami11:

What is her explanation, maybe she wants you to do something like open your brother a business so he can become self reliant than giving him monthly handouts, am sure she has an answer, am just trying to help you put the marriage in place, so you people don't break up, have a heart to heart conversation on this issue.
You are already married it is up to you to find solutions to a peaceful home.

wow, you are really trying hard to make an excuse for her, are you sure you don't have the same behaviour as her?

makabulchi:

Get her busy...set up a small biz 4 her

She works with a finicancial institution and she is also comfortable and busy as well..

Atlantian:
Time for you to get a mistress outside. Person no go die cos of wife.

U try and u deserve a gold medal for being the world best adviser of the century.

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without

informing her. That way, peace will reign.

Hear ye! Hear ye!!

I don't understand, can't u help your brother quietly/secretly without your wife knowing about it? Since u already know the tension it causes. Must you continue helping him openly? A simple transfer into his account solves all your issues sir.

Mindfulness:
Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

this is one predicament i hate and pray not to encounter in my life, unless Baba God want to write married and divorce on my heavenly certificate.

yemi16:
I Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth (Mattew 6:3)

yemi16:


Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

hmmm... my bro things like this only wisdom will help. I always tell ppl, human beings don't change in their natural xters despact change is constant. my bro be ready to live with ur wife's inbuilt xter for ever she will never change n no amount of prayer can help it only wisdom will.

I'm nor married bt in my mid 30s, count urself lucky n privilege for God's blessings but I need God's hands to come into ur family n extended family, ur wife is not born again(if she's a xtain) non have d fear of God. remb d virtuous n contentious woman's parable king Solomon talked about. so pray 1st for God's fear upon her lifw, every other thing will b made easy n u'll experience peace, joy, love n happiness in ur marriage.

lastly, while u do d above, keep every assistance u render to ur siblings, mother, dad, or friend's away from ur house. make them official, confidential/secrete n elliminate every trace ur wife can lay jher hands. even if she ask... 'honey, for some time I've not seen ur siblings or u sending money to ur bro.' tell her u stopped to please her because u love her genture will tell disclose if she has changed.

May God continue to give u wisdom n don't stop helping ppl o...even if they pay u back negatively because u never can tell how ur own uncomprehended blessings r coming. don't think its ur hard work. just try helping ppl n c how things goes with u for d next 1-2yrs.
so stay bless, remain positive n continue in what gives u joy even at d detriment of soneonce joy.

godbless u!

gidjah:
Is she a working class too?,does she encourage you to go see your own people?is she ove more concerned about her own kindreds than your own?does have a receptive attitude?how does she relate with your friends(if you have any)?....she is just a self centered type ,she musnt know about all you do concerning your people,show her family the necessary attention needed, but try keeping her away from what you do about yours,most women are like that o.you saw the hand writtings on the wall but you foolishly ignored it sir,you were supposed to dig into that one area critically and get it solved, but you no allow toto give you sense, i am married just like you and knows what that kind of special attitude can amount to in any woman,its better she naggs than she displays that kind of habit, such kind of habit can destroy a home completely, it is about the worst attitude in the life of a woman.you must start working on her, if you are a christian get her neck deep in church activities the way i did with wifey, and of course she on the fast lane of change .you too must support her in the church activities by studying with her and all those,...if u be islam you should be able to plan for the second wife, her head go correct big time,(but i doubt if you pactices islam)na christian ladies dey mostly put up this stupid character,just because thir men aint permited to marry more wives.God go help u bro

Real funny!

xtervaganza:
I'm seeing far too many stoopid advisers here and it upsets me deeply.



Why would you hide your intention of helping your bro from your wife? Why? Is it because you fear her or respect her?


If you fear your wife then you're a big old fool (sorry to say) and you're a poocee too.


If you claim to respect her by not telling her b4 you help your fam then you're stoopid again and it means she does not respect you in any way.


When you get home today, sit her down and tell her you'll continue to help your brother for as long as possible and let it be the last time she will be angry at you helping your family.



Let her know she will see hell the next she queries your good deed

Hhhhhhmmmm.....a new twist to it and really tot provoking too....!!

You are the cause of what is happening to you u are luck she told you the truth about her first marriage so if want to help any body both your family members please and please keep the transaction away from her be secretive on that,u will have ur peace back

yemi16:


My sister...i understand your thoughts...with a 6months old marriage.....you sometimes are beclouded with whether there is respect or not coz it all should be sweet lov for atleast first 1-2 yrs..

I can understand but if we are being totally honest, you ignored the signs for real.

When someone says they left a partner because he was helping his family, then you have to think it through, anyways, you already married her so you just have to do your part to make it work, which includes letting that woman(I'm sorry to refer to your wife like that but she has pissed me off )know, your family is a very important part of your life and should be treated as such, you have to put your foot down, she needs to readjust.

It's not even just about helping family alone, a little kindness here and there hasn't killed anyone.

until she stabbed you in the neck and u are certified dead,it is only then a lawyer can say if you married a wrong wife.this is how the other idiot waited for the second stab before returning the wife from hell back to the sender.be4 it is too late,reasses your choice and either affirm your choice or dissaffirm it.

why will a man remain married to an unkind woman.the one that killed her hubby showed definite murderous instinct/traits and the idiotic hubby ignored it.

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yemi16:


My sister...i understand your thoughts...with a 6months old marriage.....you sometimes are beclouded with whether there is respect or not coz it all should be sweet lov for atleast first 1-2 yrs..

Listen, am a woman and I would be honest with you.
The one person who needs to be more concern about the success of your marriage is your wife.

Obviously you are the only one carrying this marriage matter on your head.

I know you want a peaceful marriage, but you are too soft.

They say majority of the problems that happen in marriage happen because either partner still act as though he/she is still single.

You are married bro- even though you are two you are now ONE flesh. Do you always carry her along before making your decisions? Did you tell her before your brother came to pick those things? or you just felt you don't need to afterall you bought them with your money.

Please in as much as it is paramount you help others in need, try and understand your wife, make her see reasons with you,don't let it show in your attitude that you can do anything you like so far it's your money even though that's true,it doesn't make it right. She will change with time

That's what marriage is-helping one another to improve in their areas of weakness(everyone has one)

Saraha1:
To avoid problem in your marriage, stop telling your wife things relating to your brother.Be more secretive when you intend to help your relative.

That is curing the symptoms and not the disease. One sweet day....

Yemi16, i get your point. I know, we(women) can be annoying sometimes. I'm not in support of the way she goes about it, she shouldn't stop you from helping your blood, but there are few things ,i would want you to know;

1) The first five years of marriage is usually very difficult. This period, a lot of things happen and if you guys aren't careful, those stuffs can lead to divorce.

2) I think, you guys lack serious communication. why would you decide to give out those old electronics to your brother without communicating with your wife? I mean, who wouldn't panic? if you had communicated with her then this wouldn't have happened. In marriage, decision taking should come from both parties. don't play "the man" card in your home. Seriously, i think you owe her an apology for not telling her of your plans. Its a simple logic, it should have been like this "Dear, since we are moving, i think it would make sense if we get new set of electronics so i can give the old ones to bros" This is understandable! No woman will say no to this, we love new things.

In order for peace to reign let her know, you re sorry! then make it clear that you will continue to help your brother till he gets a job. She's your wife and i think, you owe her that explanation. Don't assume she understands, carry her along. Act like you really need her opinion.

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

Can you get this book "No more two" by Gbile Akanni. I'm sure it will answer a lot of questions.

Recherche:


He said he replaced those with new ones, what else does she want, come on.

He can give his brother money be it in the open or wherever, and so what.They are brothers for crying out loud. He should be able to help his family without feeling restricted by whoever.

She should respect herself please.

My immediate elder brother helped our big brother to pay his children's tuition fees, till he got his feet back on the ground and no one complained and now he is so successful.

No condition is permanent, she needs to stop fussing over unnecessary issue and focus more on enjoying her marriage. Haba

Ideally you are correct; but with women like this you have to develop some workable solutions. Honestly some women are not that easy to deal with. Believe me I've seen some things in this life.

Mindfulness:
Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

this is one predicament i hate and pray not to encounter in my life, unless Baba God want to write married and divorce on my heavenly certificate. Any daughter of eve that will bring enmity in my family, HOLY GHOSSSST ! FIRE.

mager man, u are already see signs as u are saying,nest time if u want help yr brother don't tell yr wife again,becaref wit her,maybe yr wife has hand 4 stop yr brother 4rom where yr brother is working, yr wife is a black winsh, but u never get wife,becaref again wt her, sothat she may no stop yr working2·