snapscore:
I was going through the thread and I really learnt a lot from it!
So I guess I would add mine. The list is incomplete.
The most important characteristics I look for are righteousness and character, followed by family lineage, not sure if beauty or wealth would come next.
Now in terms of religion and character
I would like someone knowledgeable and practicing. If not knowledgeable enough but able to accept the truth when presented to him.

*Shouldn’t be ladies man. I cannot blame a man for being handsome but I can blame him for being flirty and keeping female companions. This is one of my biggest turn off.

Respect*- Respectful and polite doesn’t just mean to greet people anyone. But someone with principles (like me) and tolerate and able to relate with people in respectful manner. For example, I cannot stand someone who curses, someone who says every four letter swear word. I understand sometimes people need to take out their frustration but there are alternative like say flying poatatoes or flip flops or whatever. I would not want my kids to pick up these habits. I have seen kids use curse words and I am left to wonder where they picked it from.

*Not be arrogant- I can’t stand it!
*Not stingy
*Family oriented- If or when I do have a family, I would like someone who understands that work isn’t everything. I would like someone who does not mind taking off to spend with family.
*Hardworking- Should be goal oriented- knowing what he wants in life and work towards it.
Shy- Shyness is a beautiful thing
Intelligent &Mature
Education level- University level... I dunno
Finance/employment/type of job – As long as it’s halal based
Social status- I don’t think I have a preference but as long as we can afford our needs and wants.

Family heritage/ nobility - This is the next thing I look for after religion and character. Some characteristics are passed on to children. What type of family are they? What are they known for? Are they understanding? Are they the type would get offended when I speak English or greet them in English? Are they the type to get upset at me when me and my husband have decided on a matter that they aren’t pleased with.

*Should not hit women or get easily angered.
*Shouldn’t be the type to hold grudges or keep malice
*Should believe in communication and opening up feelings. If I have asked you why you are upset twice and you just shu enu jo ...I probably won’t ask again
*Understands that I do not believe it is an obligation to cook or clean. Not the type to be going out every weekend or inviting friends every weekend- realistically speaking some nurses have only a day off during the weekend. If I happen to be working in the hospital and hubby invites six of his friend over without informing me, he should know that I am under no obligation to start cooking a variety of dishes. I deserve my weekend as much as he does
[/b]*Understand that I do not cook amala, eba, ewedu and co. I may do it for him but I don't eat them.[b]
*Jealousy is natural but being possessive is not
*Confident
Caring and sensitive
Preferably, likes the gym and believes in living a healthy lifestyle. I would love to workout with my husband and raise healthy kids.

Coccoh:


Wow!! An ilu oke person wee nt gree on this one oo

snapscore:


What is ilu oke?

Coccoh:


Those that come from Kwara, Osun, Oyo and the likes. Its ilu okere

snapscore:


Ohh....okay.

What does it mean in English though? I know ilu means town. I am not sure what okere means.

Coccoh:


I think the okere means uptown..... lagos and ogun should be downtown

snapscore:


Oh okay.

Jazakallahu Khyran for the explanation.

I will just limit my search to those from downtown like myself

Coccoh:


Wa anta fajazakillahu khayran. Berra for u my sister cos the rate at which those people up dere take amala and ewedu serious ehn, its not here at all.

snapscore:
I was going through the thread and I really learnt a lot from it!
So I guess I would add mine. The list is incomplete.
The most important characteristics I look for are righteousness and character, followed by family lineage, not sure if beauty or wealth would come next.
Now in terms of religion and character
I would like someone knowledgeable and practicing. If not knowledgeable enough but able to accept the truth when presented to him.

*Shouldn’t be ladies man. I cannot blame a man for being handsome but I can blame him for being flirty and keeping female companions. This is one of my biggest turn off.

*Honest

Respect*- Respectful and polite doesn’t just mean to greet people anyone. But someone with principles (like me), tolerates and able to relate with people in respectful manner. For example, I cannot stand someone who curses or abuses, someone who says every four letter swear word. I understand sometimes people need to take out their frustration but there are alternative like say flying potatoes or flip flops or whatever. I would not want my kids to pick up these habits. I have seen kids use curse words and I am left to wonder where they picked it from.

*Not be arrogant- I can’t stand it!
*Not stingy
*Family oriented- If or when I do have a family, I would like someone who understands that work isn’t everything. I would like someone who does not mind taking off to spend with family.
*Hardworking- Should be goal oriented- knowing what he wants in life and work towards it.
Shy- Shyness is a beautiful thing
Intelligent &Mature
Education level- University level... I dunno
Finance/employment/type of job – As long as it’s halal based
Social status- I don’t think I have a preference but as long as we can afford our needs and wants.

Family heritage/ nobility - This is the next thing I look for after religion and character. Some characteristics are passed on to children. What type of family are they? What are they known for? Are they understanding? Are they the type would get offended when I speak English or greet them in English? Are they the type to get upset at me when me and my husband have decided on a matter that they aren’t pleased with.

*Should not hit women or easily get angered.
*Shouldn’t be the type to hold grudges or keep malice
*Should believe in communication and opening up feelings. If I have asked you why you are upset twice and you just shu enu jo ...I probably won’t ask again.
*Understands that I do not believe it is an obligation to cook or clean. Not the type to be going out every weekend or inviting friends every weekend- realistically speaking some nurses have only a day off during the weekend. If I happen to be working in the hospital and hubby invites six of his friend over without informing me, he should know that I am under no obligation to start cooking a variety of dishes. I deserve my weekend as much as he does
*Understand that I do not cook amala, eba, ewedu and co. I may do it for him but I don't eat them.
*Jealousy is natural but being possessive is not
*Confident
Caring and sensitive
Preferably, likes the gym and believes in living a healthy lifestyle. I would love to workout with my husband and raise healthy kids.

onegig:


Why do you sound like someone from Nairaland's past?

It's good you have these long lists.

However, you know why we most times have challenges in today's marriages? It is because we take offence at the slightest things that doesn't go with our rule book.

When we were courting he never had a used singlet on, never wore the same dress twice agreed his mum would never stay with us for a single day, I can't cook fresh meals, she has to always look se.xy, his breath was always lovely and so on but now the opposite is the case...These little things that doesn't tally with our ideals amounts to bigger things that shreds up the marriage in the end.


You don't want a family that you would greet in english and they would take offence? I know it's an example but what if they consider greeting them in English that disrespectful? And it's not like they are being stoic and archaic but they just feel that way? What would you do? Stick to your guns or call it quits?

Truth is compromise goes a long way. Yeah, there are certain things that are truly not acceptable like a man cheating and so on but I can assure you, he would "bleeping" (i used the f word) go against many of those things you listed up there unconsciously and you would definitely do things he considers unacceptable. Humans aren't robots and even machines do fail. For me not to annoy or piss you off sometimes would be boring as hell in a marriage.

Do you have an heart to close your eyes to such minor things and learn to just forgive every second and move on ?

Wait , did i just read gym? Chai. Daily living in Nigeria is enough, i don't know how those who are a bit overweight manage it. And you want to add to those rigours?

But in all, a girl can dream and imagine. Wish you get all those qualities


As for reviving the thread. It is all good but peeps say we talked too much without taking actual steps to achieve all those noble ideas. I can assure you that less than 10% of all those who made "mouth" on this thread few years back are married( yeah we know it's destiny and God's time) but nonetheless if you bring them back today, they still have lots of excuses and their ever changing lists of qualities to give e.g. Mr busar up there



Edited.

onegig:


Why do you sound like someone from Nairaland's past?

It's good you have these long lists.

However, you know why we most times have challenges in today's marriages? It is because we take offence at the slightest things that doesn't go with our rule book.

When we were courting he never had a used singlet on, never wore the same dress twice agreed his mum would never stay with us for a single day, I can't cook fresh meals, she has to always look se.xy, his breath was always lovely and so on but now the opposite is the case...These little things that doesn't tally with our ideals amounts to bigger things that shreds up the marriage in the end.


You don't want a family that you would greet in english and they would take offence? I know it's an example but what if they consider greeting them in English that disrespectful? And it's not like they are being stoic and archaic but they just feel that way? What would you do? Stick to your guns or call it quits?

Truth is compromise goes a long way. Yeah, there are certain things that are truly not acceptable like a man cheating and so on but I can assure you, he would "bleeping" (i used the f word) go against many of those things you listed up there unconsciously and you would definitely do things he considers unacceptable. Humans aren't robots and even machines do fail. For me not to annoy or piss you off sometimes would be boring as hell in a marriage.

Do you have an heart to close your eyes to such minor things and learn to just forgive every second and move on ?

Wait , did i just read gym? Chai. Daily living in Nigeria is enough, i don't know how those who are a bit overweight manage it. And you want to add to those rigours?

But in all, a girl can dream and imagine. Wish you get all those qualities


As for reviving the thread. It is all good but peeps say we talked too much without taking actual steps to achieve all those noble ideas. I can assure you that less than 10% of all those who made "mouth" on this thread few years back are married( yeah we know it's destiny and God's time) but nonetheless if you bring them back today, they still have lots of excuses and their ever changing lists of qualities to give e.g. Mr busar up there



Edited.

onegig:


Why do you sound like someone from Nairaland's past?

It's good you have these long lists.

However, you know why we most times have challenges in today's marriages? It is because we take offence at the slightest things that doesn't go with our rule book.

When we were courting he never had a used singlet on, never wore the same dress twice agreed his mum would never stay with us for a single day, I can't cook fresh meals, she has to always look se.xy, his breath was always lovely and so on but now the opposite is the case...These little things that doesn't tally with our ideals amounts to bigger things that shreds up the marriage in the end.

You don't want a family that you would greet in english and they would take offence? I know it's an example but what if they consider greeting them in English that disrespectful? And it's not like they are being stoic and archaic but they just feel that way? What would you do? Stick to your guns or call it quits?

Truth is compromise goes a long way. Yeah, there are certain things that are truly not acceptable like a man cheating and so on but I can assure you, he would "bleeping" (i used the f word) go against many of those things you listed up there unconsciously and you would definitely do things he considers unacceptable. Humans aren't robots and even machines do fail. For me not to annoy or piss you off sometimes would be boring as hell in a marriage.

Do you have an heart to close your eyes to such minor things and learn to just forgive every second and move on ?

Wait , did i just read gym? Chai. Daily living in Nigeria is enough, i don't know how those who are a bit overweight manage it. And you want to add to those rigours?

But in all, a girl can dream and imagine. Wish you get all those qualities

As for reviving the thread. It is all good but peeps say we talked too much without taking actual steps to achieve all those noble ideas. I can assure you that less than 10% of all those who made "mouth" on this thread few years back are married( yeah we know it's destiny and God's time) but nonetheless if you bring them back today, they still have lots of excuses and their ever changing lists of qualities to give e.g. Mr busar up there

snapscore:


I don't know. If you mean contact17 then yeah I am the same person. If you means someone else, I guess we just share similar thoughts on things.


ok

If they consider greeting them in English disrespectful or speaking to them in English disrespectful, then we are going to have a problem because I do not speak my native language fluently.

onegig:


More like deols or so...

Saw your responses. My initial post wasnt a criticism of your ideals. Just wanted you to talk more about them. They are personal opinions and i truly can't object to any of them.

As for the swearing. Language is subject to change ....wtf sounded very offensive like 20 years ago but now means almost the samething as "oh my God". That's just a sidenote jare. I am not an advocate for swear words.. you can't find me using them except i am trying to rile someone up.

Since you have a clear cut idea of what you want and how you want to go about it. What's holding you back from getting hitched? Studies or finances or what exactly?

Why don't you try to learn more? And basic greeting shouldn't be a problem if you at least speak it albeit not fluently. Seems like the least of things you can do to make them feel at home with you.

Abuzayd2020:
Salaam alaykum Warahmatullah wabarakatuh.. ..

snapscore:


You are the second person to tell me this.



I knew you weren't criticizing but I thought you were trying to 'revive' the thread by opening it up for discussion which was the reason I responded.



Okay. I understand.

snapscore:



I am not prepared to get married.

1)Marriage is a lot of responsibility and I am not ready for it.
- I am not ready to start thinking for two and caring for two. I barely even care for myself properly.
- I am also not ready to get emotionally attached: this itself is a responsibility of its own- to be open to idea that once you open your heart to someone and start to 'love' them, you also open your heart to hurt.
- Most of the time I am almost convinced it's better and easier to live my life as a single and focus on something else.

- Yeah studies is also one but I don't think it's a big one. I think being mentally prepared is more important.

2) There is the fear of uncertainty
- Will it really work out?
- Will I be a good mother and wife?
- Will I be happy? Happiness is one of my most important values
- What if we start fighting all the time?

I guess I feel this way because I haven't met the one that makes me think it's worth taking the risk and getting married.

Lastly, I honestly feel marriage is overhyped and society makes one feel that he/she has to be married to be complete. I think people should be more open to the idea that marriage isn't for everyone and not everyone will get married. At the end of the day wealth and children are only adornments of this world and only some will be adorned with it.

onegig:



I think everyone passes through that stage where you feel it's a lot of burden and you are scared you are going to be personally responsible for another person and always put them into consideration while taking decisions and that you lose your freedom and that little privacy.

But with time you would realise that there's more to life than living single and it is much more interesting when you have someone you can share such pains and happiness with. It is a natural human instinct to want to share and no matter how distracted you are with work or education. You just want somewhere or someone you can just go to that's without judgment and is constantly there for you. That's what marriage gives.

As for the fear...it's normal but that fear shows you have a conscience. A conscience that you may not be good enough or fulfil your own responsibilities in a marriage. And that alone is enough. There is no one out there who has that perfect skill on marriage or someone who is sure that their marriage would come out perfectly and that fear is what makes us strive to be better people which is all that matters in a marriage.

Marriage is not overhyped. Maybe people who put it on social media and carry it around like it's all in all are the ones that make it seem overhyped. I for one believe it protects both parties. Sex is something natural and at one point or the other you would yarn for it. Just imagine the chaos we would have in the world when people don't have defined partners and it's a free for all. Or just imagine the lives of kids who would be brought into the world if nothing truly connects their parents. You can just take a look at the mess the baby mamas and papa facade we have now is causing and imagine if that was actually the standard practice. Not everyone would get married, that is for sure but those should be exceptions and not the norm.

All these are aside the religious injunctions which emphasizes marriage. You are an health practitioner, so i don't even need to talk about the health implications of such.

snapscore:


Honestly speaking, family and friends can also do this as well.



I agree with the bolded.



In an ideal world, when you do not marry, you have basically given up the right to have biological children. An ideal Muslim wouldn't be involved the whole baby mama and papa thing. Rather, as Muslims, we can always adopt (taking care of the child) or establishing mahram relationship through breastfeeding (getting a close relative to breastfeed the baby).



I got a little lost here.

snapscore:
Would you ever consider marrying someone against your/their patents wishes?

busar:
parents right?