Hi everyone,

Am not an active nairalander although have been a guest for over 8 years. And am not an active supporter of people coming here to ask for advise but there is a saying a dead body is just another corpse except the person is related to you. Now I have issues that can affect my life and am humbly here asking for advise from people who were ones in my shoes and probably who are more experienced to see the handwriting on the wall. Please don't mind the long epistle for those who really have something to contribute.


I met this lady I will call her Adaobi I met her when I was in my 2nd year in the Nigerian defence academy. She was a friend to my cousin sister so during their passing out from secondary school to fulfill my words I went to greet my sister and I saw this Ada of a girl. Instantly I was captivated by her IQ and beauty and again she cleared all the medals and was the best graduating student. It goes by me saying when I got home on September pass that year, I asked my cousin sister about her and the rest. ....... Just what you are thinking. Anyway I didn't ask her out we became very good friends even though she's of IGbo tribe and am a full blooded Yoruba. We were close that my sister was jealous I was just 20 and she was 16 so asking her out was a capital No. Fast forward, the year she finished secondary school her mum contacted cancer and she was to get exposed to chemo-theraphy or what do they call it and Ada was so disturbed but even though phone was not allowed nothwithstanding I was always there to stand by her. She was so lucky because her mum survived it though she had to retire herself and become a full time housewife and apart she had fibroid issue again. So Ada got admission the year she finished secondary school to study Chemical engineering and when we chatted I realised she didn't know what she want from life. Shes also the only child of her parents so I couldn't blame her even her mum that should have helped talk to her about career is on the sick bed and her dad trust Igbo men I dnt need to tell u before u guys know he's into business. Anyway, we chatted a lot over the issue of her career and I told her God saved her mother from death why won't she save some other mums who ain't as rich as them but is suffering from same illness I advised her to go into the medical field and she agreed even though she was already in the university studying chemical engineering at 16. The truth is we were so in love with ourselves. To cut the long story short. She took jamb and the next year God engraved Ada and she got admitted to study medicine and surgery in an Eastern uni and that year I asked her out and she gave me a resounding yes I do. It goes by me saying she's my first and only love. And we lived so happily ever after

Fast forward, I am among the cadets who passed out of the academy this year and during my convocation and gala night I invited my love to come celebrate since my mum is coming and I see it as an avenue to introduce them even though they've spoken on phone countless times. Thanks to ASUU strike she was home during the ceremony. That night their driver brought her mother and my sweet Ada and immediately I introduced them to my family my mum fell in love with her. Even me I must confess she's so sweet to be with. So charming. Her mum met me too and I liked her a lot so mission 1 was successful both families were in love.

After the gala night, my mum gave them an invitation for my pop and even though HV given Ada one before but she was so happy my mum invited her she hugged my mum and I was so happy about my choice of woman. Because I lost my dad at a tender age and since then its been my mum and my fear has always been I dnt want a lady that won't respect or take my mum as her own.

Fast forward again 2 days after the gala night was my pop and my made sure my clowns and some other cadets I can trust made my mum and future in-laws very comfortable.after e program we entered the hall for my commissioning and pipping and only my mum was entitled to pip me of the 2Lt rank. Fast forward immediately I became an officer I went to hug my swthrt even b4 my sister and she was even the one holding my sword throughout we snapped and we were just so happy. And my mum was to wait for me in my cousins place since there will always be enough after party in vivianna, empire and other lounges in Kaduna by my coursemates. But I begged Ada's mum and I made sure she was there with me since I dnt drink, smoke or go out with women.

Fast forward again after the program and all the parties, I went to my uncles place where my mum and sister harbour and I was surprised mum gave me a car as a token for making her proud because I was in a private uni before but due to financial instability with my mum I had I was happy for my choice but to my mum its a sacrifice so when things became stable for her she decided to get me d car on my pop for a thank you keepsake. The mistake I made that is now about changing my live started there


After I was giving the car it was a Toyota Camry popularly called muscle by we Yoruba's. After the car I decided to take my relationship with Ada to the next level and I got some cheap ring that day and decided to propose to my 20 years old gf she was already going to her 400l then. I guessed I was yo forward anyway she I took her out that night to a cinema in barnawa Kaduna and after the play inside my new car I proposed to her and she gave me a perfect yes and for the first time in my life I had my first kiss with her. I told my mum and she thank God for z grace so far and she advised me to go see his dad. The advise was the big issue but what is about ruining my happy life z me going. Monday evening I went to their house in and parked outside, her mum was so happy seeing me and before long her dad came back and my car was blocking him from entering. Trust Igbo's and their pride he was just talking that who will come and block him in his own house etc. I apologised and he looked at me up and down like who are you.anyway we entered and dz man started questioning me that why will I bring my mothers car etc. I was just 23+ since my betday z 24.and again I am just tall and lanky. No muscle or little fat so I can be confused for a teenager. Anyway, I told him its my car and he started asking me about where I work to own such a car etc I was so confused because he sounded so hostile etc buh Ada came to my mercy and told him dz So so so so. His my friend HV been telling u about and his an officer in the army etc. The man was like so where u get the Ar if u just pass out. He was just talking about the car. Oboy and I wanted to tell him am not related to Evans but how will I. Afterwards the mum came and she served me some rice etc. On the dinning table the man started questionning me again where am from and I told him south west. There and then he started telling me about his Yoruba friend who are cheaters, wife beaters. Etc. Oboy the man na tribal bigot o. I was feeling so uneasy and i told him been a wife beater is not about tribe. Its about the individual man. As the man heard this he flared up and starting telling me her daughter can't marry Yoruba, they are unrefined etc. That no Igbo cheats or beat his wife. So on he even said Yoruba's are fraudsters that they like using big cars at their early life. Anyway I kept my cool thru all the torture. And finally after the dinner, we were chatting while watching nat geo wild and he asked about my family. I told him am from a broken home and my dad z late. Upon hearing that again he said you see that's what am saying Yoruba men are so so.

I won't say more but that night was worst than the day I saw my dad dying in the sick bed yesterday night. After it all I was going and obviously he didn't like me because of this Ada my long time gf could even see me to the gate. D gate man just open up and I drive out. Since then HV not contacted ada and she haven't contacted me.



PS. I love this lady a lot. Shes my first and only gf. Pls mature nairalanders wah do u advise. Her father is too tribalistic and is a racist. Buh am stuck and torn BTW two worlds. Giving up on her or staying attached nd defiling the eccentric father.alas I can't tell my mum. Trust Yoruba women them both go gree that lady go commit the ring the day she hears



Pls I need advise. From mature mind only.....

This mods lalasticlala help me out

The story is too long.

Brb let me put sugar in a glass of water to have energy to read it.

Brb.

Just walk away. Under no circumstance should you try to force things like these.

I recently dated an igbo chick as well.... Well, actually I've only dated igbo girls my whole life. Why that is? I have no idea, but the point here is: before I ghosted her, she'd been stylishly trying to bring marriage talks into our conversations on the regular.
I normally avoid meeting family members of anyone I'm involved with unless it is absolutely necessary...... So, I just decided to scope out this girl's parents, Guage and see the type material they're made of. She only introduced me as her friend to her parents but still, The mum nearly spat out her food when I mentioned that I was fulani.


Fula-wetin? I mean, I'm a Christian and all and I barely even look or sound like any fulani person you know but it didn't matter. Bit by bit the conversation started turning hostile and I had to check out of there fast else I'd have said something nasty. The babe was so embarrassed she went into her room and locked herself.

There are open-minded folks everywhere you turn and there are those that just can't see beyond their noses when it comes to tribal/religious matters.....sadly, you ran into one of them.
My point: MOVE ON! I'm a bit of a rolling stone so it wasn't hard for me to do in my case but move on you must.
You're young and there is a whole world out there to explore....time is on your side, make use of it. You don't know when you're going to get your legs blown off by a landmine in Chibok/Konduga/Baga/Sambisa.

One fúçking sentence to reply your fúçking epistle...



Move the fûçk on! Man up!



Her fúçking family don't like yo tribe.....WELL GUESS WHAT?........FÚCK THEM!



The fúçking sad part of this blöödyfûçkiñg tale is.....you didn't fúçk their daughter's pússy and to me.....That's so blöödyfûçkiñg terrible

Too long abegi! anaconda story

I take my time to read your story, my advice is talk to your mother -in-law , she is the only one that can convince your father -in-law otherwise

First of, congratulations on your POP bro may God give you the strenght to serve our nation well.

Back to the issue, the tin hard small oh... maybe your future father in law is just watching out for his only daughter.

Issues of inter tribal marriages can be difficult somehow but you need to man up and show the man that all his perceptions about your tribe is wrong, because that seem to be the only issue he has with you.

You can talk to the mother also to convince her husband.

As long as what you guys feel for each other is true, the man will come around at somepoint, he no get choice.

Although, you guys are young, you both need to be mature about the issue.

Permit me to ask, where does Ada and her family stay?

But if na me wey just pass out for NDA and if the man wan form stronghead, i go release anaconda or shey python make the tin twerk in his compound (na joke i deh oh)

This adds to many confirmations I've had that Igbo girls remain the hottest cake in Nigerian marital circles.

The only person that can convince her dad is your babe. You not contacting her is foolish cos she'll even start doubting if you're man enough to do the needful.

Also, wanting to start life at 24 is a bit too early to me and the babe is still in school, why not let her graduate?

Never be in too much hurry in life and don't think you can't meet someone as lovely as your current babe.

Get to work, give her family some space but keep the relationship going. It's your persistence with her when the family is ready to give her out that'll make her insist on having you as her husband no matter what.




PS: truth is even three of my close friends are Yoruba and all of their homes are broken. It seems many yorubas do not attach so much value to family as much as Igbos so don't blame that man okay? If not that I've developed myself mentally and emotionally to see beyond tribe, it'll be hard to convince me that Yorubas actually take marriage and family values seriously.


My two cents bro.

At last!!! I reach the end, i advice u follow ur mind, if the father will make the marriage bitter, bros, girls plenty o, but i thnk u should try again.

long episode but I enjoyed reading it all the way...all I can say is that,look for a means to see Ada then confirm from her what the situation is like with her dad about the two of you..if she sound willing to join hands with you to fight for the love,then you are good to go,at least from your storry the mum is on your side that's an added advantage. but if Ada is seeing reasons with her dad,there is nothing you can do..your amour in such situation is her support...

This your story s so long

D question is how does Ada feel?
N how does her mother feel about you?
As long as Ada still loves u n her mother is in support, they'll work n her father n his attitude towards u will change but if d mother is not in support or says she cannot go against her husband jus take it its over n move on, even if Ada still wants d relationship.
Her mother is a crucial factor even almost more important dan Ada cos she alone knows where her husbands mumu button is n knows how n wen to press it to get wat she wants.

This is the main reason I've made up my mind to marry a Yoruba girl to avoid stories that touches, since I'm Yoruba.

BTW, tribal bigotry is everywhere.

IamLEGEND1:
[b]Just walk away. Under no circumstance should you try to force things like these.

I recently dated an igbo chick as well.... Well, actually I've only dated igbo girls my whole life. Why that is? I have no idea, but the point here is: before I ghosted her, she'd been stylishly trying to bring marriage talks into our conversations on the regular.
I normally avoid meeting family members of anyone I'm involved with unless it is absolutely necessary...... So, I just decided to scope out this girl's parents, Guage and see the type material they're made of. She only introduced me as her friend to her parents but still, The mum nearly spit out her food when I mentioned that I was fulani.
Fula-wetin? I mean, I'm a Christian and all and I barely even look or sound like any fulani person you know but it didn't matter. Bit by bit the conversation started turning hostile and I had to check out of there fast else I'd have said something nasty. The babe was so embarrassed she went into her room and locked herself.
There are open-minded folks everywhere you turn and there are those that just can't see beyond their noses when it comes to tribal/religious matters.....sadly, you ran into one of them.
My point: MOVE ON! I'm a bit of a rolling stone so it wasn't hard for me to do in my case but move on you must.
You're young and there is a whole world out there to explore....time is on your side, make use of it. You don't know when you're going to get your legs blown off by a landmine in Chibok/Konduga/Baga/Sambisa. [/b]

Moving in will be so hard coz I mentioned she's my first and only gf. And apart I hardly relate with ladies. Nda wahala and the little 2 weeks break they do gv me as a cadet z not enough to know anyone like that.

And apart its hard to know who likes u wen u r smfin. The car z dia the respect his there so any slay queen won't mind disguising as home made just to suck one in. I would HV asked for a little advise on what I can do about the dad

aktolly54:
I take my time to read your story, my advice is talk to your mother -in-law , she is the only one that can convince your father -in-law otherwise

OK fnz. But with what I saw that dad that man HV gotten no respect for z wife even when he was flaring off d woman was trying to calm her buh. The man was just like. Ngozi biko. And so other tongue speaking. And apart her health z failing her. My problem should not add up

Hmmm

Hmmm

longjohnsilver:
First of, congratulations on your POP bro may God give you the strenght to serve our nation well.

Back to the issue, the tin hard small oh... maybe your future father in law is just watching out for his only daughter.

Issues of inter tribal marriages can be difficult somehow but you need to man up and show the man that all his perceptions about your tribe is wrong, because that seem to be the only issue he has with you.

You can talk to the mother also to convince her husband.

As long as what you guys feel for each other is true, the man will come around at somepoint, he no get choice.

Although, you guys are young, you both need to be mature about the issue.

Permit me to ask, where does Ada and her family stay?

But if na me wey just pass out for NDA and if the man wan form stronghead, i go release anaconda or shey python make the tin twerk in his compound (na joke i deh oh)

Lolzz anaconda python U guys forgot we are govern by law too. Anyway they stay in Kaduna....... Am not so young o. By December I go dey enter my late 20s.

TheRealestGuy:


This adds to many confirmations I've had that Igbo girls remain the hottest cake in Nigerian marital circles.

The only person that can convince her dad is your babe. You not contacting her is foolish cos she'll even start doubting if you're man enough to do the needful.

Also, wanting to start life at 24 is a bit too early to me and the babe is still in school, why not let her graduate?

Never be in too much hurry in life and don't think you can't meet someone as lovely as your current babe.

Get to work, give her family some space but keep the relationship going. It's your persistence with her when the family is ready to give her out that'll make her insist on having you as her husband no matter what.




PS: truth is even three of my close friends are Yoruba and all of their homes are broken. It seems many yorubas do not attach so much value to family as much as Igbos so don't blame that man okay? If not that I've developed myself mentally and emotionally to see beyond tribe, it'll be hard to convince me that Yorubas actually take marriage and family values seriously.


My two cents bro.

Tnx buh am not starting life at 24. Just proposed. Marriage might be any time even 6 years.


I believe u made a valid point by saying I shud keep my distance and keep d distance going. And about ur thoughts about Igbo girls. Toor me no know o

Will read and comment later..

Lol... Funny op. You have a lot ahead of you.

IamLEGEND1:
Easy solution? Don't be a show off.
Na so you go take rope in oloshoz & gold miners.
Try to work the mother & daughter if you can, but you'll find that convincing a man that was raised on strong traditional values otherwise isn't a feasible outcome.
People like that can be very petty and will seek to undermine your efforts every chance they get..... Even if he allows you to marry his daughter.

She's your first and only girlfriend. So fucking_what? Someone had to be your first girlfriend and she just happened to be the one. Don't try to read meaning into it like she's your one true love and you guys were meant to be or some shit_like that.
Be pragmatic, play as many of the scenarios you can think of in your head and weigh the possibilities.
Love can only burn so bright when you have her father breathing down your neck every second.

Toor tnx for d wisdom. Will digest and see a way out

Op, dis gonna b a real battle. D day I told my uncle I ws relocating to lag, d only advice he gave me ws dat if I dare bring home a yoruba guy as my husband, dat he wl wash his hands off me and wl neva see me as his blood. Dis is indeed real bad. She being d only child, it's nt gonna b easy at al, dis one don pass human level, na only prayer fit solve dis one

Gracesofar:



Lolzz anaconda python U guys forgot we are govern by law too. Anyway they stay in Kaduna....... Am not so young o. By December I go dey enter my late 20s.

Kaduna!!! d man suppose deh open minded oh...i thought maybe he is even based in the east.

Give it ur best shot for some time and if the man is not willing to bend because as someone rightly pointed out the man will always undermine your effort.

Just move on...it will hurt and you will probably feel like dying.

But guess what? you wont die, u will meet someone much better, that is life, we cannot have everything.

TINALETC3:
Op, dis gonna b a real battle. D day I told my uncle I ws relocating to lag, d only advice he gave me ws dat if I dare bring home a yoruba guy as my husband, dat he wl wash his hands off me and wl neva see me as his blood. Dis is indeed real bad. She being d only child, it's nt gonna b easy at al, dis one don pass human level, na only prayer fit solve dis one

Wah seriously wah do u HV against Yoruba pple. Hmmmmm. Nawa o

Adaumunocha:
Lol... Funny op. You have a lot ahead of you.

Sorry whatz hilarious?

longjohnsilver:


Kaduna!!! d man suppose deh open minded oh...i thought maybe he is even based in the east.

Give it ur best shot for some time and if the man is not willing to bend because as someone rightly pointed out the man will always undermine your effort.

Just move on...it will hurt and you will probably feel like dying.

But guess what? you wont die, u will meet someone much better, that is life, we cannot have everything.

Hmm obviously u r direct on down to earth with ur comment. Will gv it a shot

Gracesofar:



Sorry whatz hilarious?

The girl's father.

Hmmmn, this tribal hate is really deep. will suggest u dnt give up. give it your best shot in convincing ur gels dad. he will come around. it just a matter of time.

Ladyjumong:
Hmmmn, this tribal hate is really deep. will suggest u dnt give up. give it your best shot in convincing ur gels dad. he will come around. it just a matter of time.

Seriously jokes apart, I dnt wanna experience that man again. I can't stand insults and I'd rather avoid trouble than start with someone I love her daughter.........


The way he spoke that day z enough for me to get annoyed and if not on the ground it was and as per he's elderly. The man won't forget my name. But. That man. I gotta just avoid him