Lack of communication on the guys part but the girl's lack of communication was even worse.

for all I care, after a long relationship the next step is usually marriage, from the guy's point of view,

I believe he's a simple guy who must have been pondering on how to deliver the message.

I don't think he must have had the intention of dissing the lady in anyway. The lady should have

simply corrected him or maybe stylishly reject the proposal passing the message that she's still interested

but the guy should put more effort. Anyhow sha Different Strokes for different Folks.

"Look beyond HIS words and try to understand that proposing marriage is a scary thing", this is what some people are saying. Okay then, I guess it's safe to say, the poor girl, so overwhelmed by the idea of accepting his marriage proposal (Yeah, contrary to what some people think, the decision does not come easy for women either) blurted the first thing that came into her head (just like the guy when he said I've finally decided to marry you) so he should also look beyond her words and understand that what she really meant to say was  "Thank you, oh thank you for finally deciding to marry me, if you hadn't, come tomorrow morning, they would be dragging my dead body from bar beach"

Aisha2, in my haste to post my thoughts, I forgot to ask you to tell your friend, BRAVO. It's nice to see women who know her self-worth and won't fi ori gbe anything just for the sake of being married. If you don't mind, also tell her man that he is very LUCKY.

I also want to point out that men aren't the enemy here, women ARE there own worst enemies. It is truly the saddest thing.

It's all about communication and getting the message.
Men and women pass across and receive messages in different ways.
Understanding and appreciating these ways and how they differ remains an on-going task in any successful relationship.

'I have finally decided to marry you'. This guy it seems is thinking in native language while expressing self in English. Considering the impressive educational credentials of the girl he has dated for 4 years it makes this scenario unlikely.

More likely he is a deep thinking highly introspective individual who has been humiliated by a girl who ought to be appreciative of his committment and devotion to her. Those of you who think they have kissed and made-up forget it because his tolerance level has just been lowered on account of her unbecoming act. Her rope just got shorter and thinner. Some say the guy is proud.Pride is good cause a guy without pride is one without shame. Run from him.

Blacklion, you and AJ have brought home the finer points of should I say peri-marital relationship to some of our dreamy-eyed young and not so young gu rls.

Windywendy always right on the mark with stock choices, but you missed this one by a loooooooong shot.

@Yemivictor

Hmmm . . . i can see almondjoy is just raking up one lover after the other with each post!

AJ, abeg talk true o!

You sure say you never sneak come naija come collect black soap for agenebode wey you dey take baff for nevada!?

Abi na wetin con be all this converts you're making out of your sworn enemies ke!?

You ought to know that agenebode and Fugar axis produce some of the finest broods in the country. Tall, thin wrist and ankles raging feminine hormones clearly evident, so easy to love them. No wonder many visiting corp members end up getting hitched. Recommending them for all bachelors on nairaland.

well me i think sey wedding proposal no be our thing for here, i don see where guy do everything to make the tin look, sound romantic.
the guy really try he go for silverbird cinema, as we dey watch oyinbo film, dem come do interlude abi wetin be dat tin in between movie self i beg na understaning mata like lagbaja talk.
they com show the bros for screen dey do the marriage proposal tin. come asked the girl if she go fit marry am, she just answer casually say yes, the only tin wey she like be say people dey around to witness the tin if no i sure say she go just tell the guy say before nko.
naija gils believe say if you do date them na automatic wedding be dat, but bros and sis no be so.
abeg, i believe say i don miss yan, but i no fit retype this tin, make na manage am like dat.

u no miss yan, u yan correct correct. naija babe think say once u don dey date am na automatic marriage bi that.

bukiboy:

well me i think sey wedding proposal no be our thing for here, i don see where guy do everything to make the tin look, sound romantic.
the guy really try he go for silverbird cinema, as we dey watch oyinbo film, them come do interlude abi wetin be that tin in between movie self i beg na understaning mata like lagbaja talk.
they com show the bros for screen dey do the marriage proposal tin. come asked the girl if she go fit marry am, she just answer casually say yes, the only tin wey she like be say people dey around to witness the tin if no i sure say she go just tell the guy say before nko.
naija gils believe say if you do date them na automatic wedding be that, but bros and sis no be so.
abeg, i believe say i don miss yan, but i no fit retype this tin, make na manage am like that.

abi ooooo, na 2 much tv dey worry them

osegwu:

Guys to avoid this proposal bruhaha, I think it is better you send your Parents

to better her Parents. In that way, Aromatic Schnapp will do the talking. Bended

knees ko bended knee ni, you think say BOYS 11 MEN na Nigerians?[/color][color=#990000]

Personally, i think the guy thought that was the right thing to say(as in he didnt mean any harm/hurt).
The lady would have looked for a better way to correct him if she didnt like how he said it.
U know we all learn everyday.

It's not too late for her to correct her guy.

Abi she wan waste 4 years of courtship?

Hello,
are sure this story is true?
Please further butress its uthenticity.

finebabe:

Personally, i think the guy thought that was the right thing to say(as in he didnt mean any harm/hurt).
The lady would have looked for a better way to correct him if she didnt like how he said it.
You know we all learn everyday.

It's not too late for her to correct her guy.

Abi she wan waste 4 years of courtship?

maybe you should actuallty read thru the thread. guy apologize for lack of tact, girl apologized for overrracting. couple back together now. C'est Fini.

@ Re-loaded and other women:

@ Re-loaded and other women: The guy worded the thing in mind he is

doing the woman a favor. Big one sef. Imagine after a divorce, he

loses all he has labored for and if he survives divorce, death takes

him in say 3-4 years' time. Check rate of men dying after marriages.

Young widows everywhere!!! Some married watch other men shag their

wives but thesedays married men are into shagging young spinsters.

Secondly the guy used the

am-dying-tomorrow-leaving-everything-for-you (most of time with

loads) word because the Government, economy and poverty have

crippled his sense of humor and good judgement.

Thirdly, that is what men learn from their Moms. How does your mom

treat ur Dad? Be honest here!

Pennywise:


Windywendy always right on the mark with stock choices, but you missed this one by a loooooooong shot.

Naaa, I did not. Re-read my posts on the subject again -- the aspects where I was serious as opposed to just yabbing. The problem with most guys is that they're quick to dismiss the things that appeal to a lady's senses as flimsy, and are also quick to pull out the "it's not in our culture" card. And yet they expect the woman to do those things that are pleasing to a man. It don't work that way. Introspective or not, the bottom line is that he needs to communicate with her in a way that she understands and appreciates. Same applies to her. It's all about the other person in the relationship and how we can please them to the best of our ability. That's how successful marriages are made out. We can all be any personality-type we want, but the bottomline remains that in relating with someone else, you need to keep your audience in mind. In the case of the marriage relationship, one needs to keep the spouse's needs at the forefront of their thinking in delivering whatever message needs to be delivered -- in a way that the other person understands and appreciates. That's how it works -- at least from my own experience. As long as the other person cannot read your mind, some effort should at least be put into how you deliver what's on your mind. No point delivering in such a way as to elicit a negative reaction, especially not when all you had were positive intentions. The guy goofed on that proposal if you ask me. He could have got a much better and infinitely more pleasant reaction if he had at least paid some attention to the packaging. Needless to say, he would also have saved himself the aggravation that followed .

Lol the guy funny die.

So na him dey decide when to marry the girl, him no even ask whether the girl won really marry am or whether the girl don ready to marry am. But the girl self Bleep up for her statement. ask me how?

Naaa, I did not. Re-read my posts on the subject again -- the aspects where I was serious as opposed to just yabbing. The problem with most guys is that they're quick to dismiss the things that appeal to a lady's senses as flimsy, and are also quick to pull out the "it's not in our culture" card. And  yet they expect the woman to do those things that are pleasing to a man. It don't work that way. Introspective or not, the bottom line is that he needs to communicate with her in a way that she understands and appreciates. Same applies to her. It's all about the other person in the relationship and how we can please

them to the best of our ability. That's how successful marriages are made out. We can all be any personality-type we want, but the bottomline remains that in relating with someone else, you need to keep your audience in mind. In the case of the marriage relationship, one needs to keep the spouse's needs at the forefront of their thinking in delivering whatever message needs to be delivered -- in a way that the other person understands and appreciates. That's how it works -- at least from my own experience. As long as the other person cannot read your mind, some effort should at least be put into how you deliver what's on your mind. No point delivering in such a way as to elicit a negative reaction, especially not when all you had were positive intentions. The guy goofed on that proposal if you ask me. He could have got a much better and infinitely more pleasant reaction if he had at least paid some attention to the packaging. Needless to say, he would also have saved himself the aggravation that followed  

madam windy
na u everything u sabi ni? ehn?
stock, na u, now na marriage proposal
Ok o, my friend dey tell me say u be pwC product sef
alabajo

tkb417:


madam windy
na u everything u sabi ni? ehn?
stock, na u, now na marriage proposal
Ok o, my friend dey tell me say u be pwC product sef
alabajo

PwC wetin? na you talk am o, no be me. Besides what are you still doing here? oya quick, go back to stock class na na. We need to figure out the cico stocks for next week.

Sisikill:

"Look beyond HIS words and try to understand that proposing marriage is a scary thing", this is what some people are saying. Okay then, I guess it's safe to say, the poor girl, so overwhelmed by the idea of accepting his marriage proposal (Yeah, contrary to what some people think, the decision does not come easy for women either) blurted the first thing that came into her head (just like the guy when he said I've finally decided to marry you) so he should also look beyond her words and understand that what she really meant to say was  "Thank you, oh thank you for finally deciding to marry me, if you hadn't, come tomorrow morning, they would be dragging my dead body from bar beach"

Aisha2, in my haste to post my thoughts, I forgot to ask you to tell your friend, BRAVO. It's nice to see women who know her self-worth and won't fi ori gbe anything just for the sake of being married. If you don't mind, also tell her man that he is very LUCKY.

I also want to point out that men aren't the enemy here, women ARE there own worst enemies. It is truly the saddest thing.

Jeez girlfriend, i didn't know there are still ladies out there like you. After reading lot of replies from other ladies here, i have decided most ladies deserved being taken for a ride (use and dump). They are so worthless that men see them as toys. If u were a man, would u want a worthless woman for a wife, longtime? NAH if u ask me.

@sisikill
U are my girl anytime any day. Thumbs up. Your type helps us keep our heads up.

@aisha2
Keep the spirit up and ur head up higher. And say a big congrats 2 ur friend for me. She is one in a million. Knows her worth despite the odds.

PwC wetin? na you talk am o, no be me. Besides what are you still doing here? oya quick, go back to stock class na na. We need to figure out the cico stocks for next week.

ok madam, i don run go back class. . .
serious CICO analysis has taken place already.trust a silent reader like me

But Windy, plss o, i'll need ur help o, cos all the gurus are hoarding stuffs from us
plsss abeg. I hope the gurus wont come and see this.

[flash=200,200][/flash][color=#000099][/color] d guy is not wrong saying " I have finally decided to marry you" because taking the decision alone is not easy since it is a life time decision.

I don't understand why the guy's way of proposal is still causing this wahala.
especially for the ladies who are overeacting on this issue.
after all this is a decision taken by the guy alone,after taken into consideration
some certain things,"HE FINALY DECIDE TO MARRY THE POOR GIRL''
Or did both of took the decision NO the guy decide on his own

why dont her reject the proposal
Hm, see shakara.

Windy

Re-read my posts on the subject again -- the aspects where I was serious as opposed to just yabbing

This is a serious matter you don't joke over. You should know some people look up to you. I don't mean the get rich quick sycophantic young men at any time ready to excavate raw dung with their head for killer stocks but responsible young ladies looking soon to get married.

The problem with most guys is that they're quick to dismiss the things that appeal to a lady's senses as flimsy, and are also quick to pull out the "it's not in our culture" card

Thank God for the education, fashion, technology etc the west has brought. But we need to have the common sense to take what is good and leave or ignore aspects of their culture that is undesireable. A situation where a lady who is not even 35yrs has been married and divorced 3 times all for frivolous reasons like he is a control freak, insensitive to my needs, caught him cheating etc. I had to use divorce to bring the point home but it can happen as it does in relationships and the girl goes through life not knowing what quite happened when she attains 40.

Introspective or not, the bottom line is that he needs to communicate with her in a way that she understands and appreciates. Same applies to her. It's all about the other person in the relationship and how we can please them to the best of our ability. That's how successful marriages are made out. We can all be any personality-type we want, but the bottomline remains that in relating with someone else, you need to keep your audience in mind. In the case of the marriage relationship, one needs to keep the spouse's needs at the forefront of their thinking in delivering whatever message needs to be delivered -- in a way that the other person understands and appreciates.

Look, this guy has been understanding pleasing and selfless enough to sustain a 4 year relationship while the girl spent time dreaming of a fabulous proposal she read up or aisha her friend may have intimated her of. The guy should have deferred the m-word another 4 years.

Lesson? Keep it natural and sensible.

that guy aint a gentleman at all, i'd expect the lady to have done more than just walking away, maybe pour a hard gin over his face, wat does he talk a lady for?, an asset?, some men really needs to grow up.

just laughing; i ve finally decided to marry u

windywendy:

The problem with most guys is that they're quick to dismiss the things that appeal to a lady's senses as flimsy, and are also quick to pull out the "it's not in our culture" card. And yet they expect the woman to do those things that are pleasing to a man. It don't work that way. Introspective or not, the bottom line is that he needs to communicate with her in a way that she understands and appreciates. Same applies to her. It's all about the other person in the relationship and how we can please them to the best of our ability. That's how successful marriages are made out. We can all be any personality-type we want, but the bottomline remains that in relating with someone else, you need to keep your audience in mind. In the case of the marriage relationship, one needs to keep the spouse's needs at the forefront of their thinking in delivering whatever message needs to be delivered -- in a way that the other person understands and appreciates. That's how it works -- at least from my own experience. As long as the other person cannot read your mind, some effort should at least be put into how you deliver what's on your mind. No point delivering in such a way as to elicit a negative reaction, especially not when all you had were positive intentions. The guy goofed on that proposal if you ask me. He could have got a much better and infinitely more pleasant reaction if he had at least paid some attention to the packaging. Needless to say, he would also have saved himself the aggravation that followed .

It's because most of them are retarded wendy, it's not that hard to understand. "not my language, not mu culture", dont know who they fooling with such lame excuses

Pennywise:

Thank God for the education, fashion, technology etc the west has brought. But we need to have the common sense to take what is good and leave or ignore aspects of their culture that is undesireable. [b]A situation where a lady who is not even 35yrs has been married and divorced 3 times all for frivolous reasons like he is a control freak, insensitive to my needs, caught him cheating etc. [/b]I had to use divorce to bring the point home but it can happen as it does in relationships and the girl goes through life not knowing what quite happened when she attains 40.

You are a scary person. How are those frivolous "reasons", who are you to say what is or isnt frivolous to a man or infact to anyone. Just because you dont think they are important doesnt mean you should go around yelling that such are to other people. Control freaks are usually absuive, same for an insensitive person and a cheater can pass on STDs and break up homes, how are any of those "frivolous" reasons? some marriedf men on here have made threads complaining about their wives not "attending to their needs", it's usually your kind that tell them to get a girl on the side. If it were a womn, you'd call it frivolous and tell her to bear with it obviously

Why do you even care? If a woman gets married at 45 or never gets married, how is that any of your business? I really dont understand guys like you that care so much about what other people esp women do with their lives. How is it affecting yours? If they dont want to get married, oit's none of your own, same if they decide to leave a marriage for whatever reason they have, still doesnt affect your life. Deal with your own life instead of sitting and throwing out numbers for when a woman should have done this and that. To think people think "gbegborun-ism" is just a woman thing.

@reloaded,

The only thing I want to know other than gbegboru-ism is what you fantasize your marriage proposal to be.

A girl should know how much she is worth and try not to accept anything less.
The guy is insensitive unless the girl doesn't deserve him and he his proposing out of pity for her. I know how much i'm worth and wont accept a man who doesn't appreciate me. Ask your friend to check her attitude

Pennywise:

Look, this guy has been understanding pleasing and selfless enough to sustain a 4 year relationship while the girl spent time dreaming of a fabulous proposal she read up or aisha her friend may have intimated her of. The guy should have deferred the m-word another 4 years.
Lesson? Keep it natural and sensible.

And THAT up there is why women should get on their knees and thank the almighty God for having a relationship that lasts more than six months because it shows they have an "understanding, pleasing and SELFLESS man, SELFLESS oh, SELFLESS for being in a relationship. Yeah, that's what a man's commitment to a woman is now called - A selfless act.  I guess it comes after giving your kidney to stranger and before laying down your life for someone else.

Thank you jare, Mr, Pennywise, for bringing all of these home, sometimes women don't get it, God knows what selfish things these men could have be doing, instead they chose to be in a relationship. Bravo to all the SELFLESS MEN out there.


In case you missed it, I was being sacarstic!!!!

good one. ROFLMAO!

he he , real good one from Sisikill.

well. well, well,
different strokes 4 different folks. but which way u really honestly appraise the language n message expressed its certainly deprissing. how can one feel n express that said feeling insulting.

i wouldnt take that if i were a babe, n i'd also advise a friend whose female 2 watch that kind of guy, he's just plain sore. shhhhuuuuuuussss.

he could read up man.

@ poster very funny indeed!!!  "finally decided"

Pennywise:

WindyThis is a serious matter you don't joke over. You should know some people look up to you. I don't mean the get rich quick sycophantic young men at any time ready to excavate raw dung with their head for killer stocks but responsible young ladies looking soon to get married.

Sorry sir! I didn’t know we were supposed to lose our sense of humor over something as "SERIOUS" as this. The guy’s proposal was a joke, and so were many of the responses that I read. I wouldn’t miss a chance to get a good laugh or engage in light-hearted banter over such haplessness now would I  ? Some of us do like to take life a little less seriously, and the last time I checked, it wasn’t a crime.

Pennywise:

Thank God for the education, fashion, technology etc the west has brought. But we need to have the common sense to take what is good and leave or ignore aspects of their culture that is undesireable. A situation where a lady who is not even 35yrs has been married and divorced 3 times all for frivolous reasons like he is a control freak, insensitive to my needs, caught him cheating etc. I had to use divorce to bring the point home but it can happen as it does in relationships and the girl goes through life not knowing what quite happened when she attains 40.

Listen, this is not about undesirable culture, it’s about doing what is pleasing to the other person in a relationship. Like you’ve said, common sense is required to take what is good. Anyone who uses the so-called culture as an excuse to be unimaginative and boring in a relationship is not sensible. What’s wrong with expecting a decent proposal, especially if it’s pleasing to the other person in the relationship? Is there anything undesirable about spicing up a relationship by doing things that will please the other party in the relationship? It’s not in the culture, but could potentially spice up the relationship. Why hold on to the so-called culture then? Don't make sense to me at all.

Think of it this way: most people like to add spice (including salt) to food. Bland food never killed anyone, but we all know how a little spice in food could go a long way in exciting the taste buds. Of course one can keep a relationship bland if one wants to, but a little extra spice does go a long way in cementing a couple’s relationship. If he were proposing to another man, then a statement like “I’ve finally decided to marry you” might be received as exceptional. But to a woman it speaks volumes, none of which will elicit the type of response that the guy was hoping to get. No one is saying that the proposal needs to involve anything extra ordinary, it just needs to come out in a way that will be pleasurable to her senses. You just go back for a moment and check out the consistency in the responses of most of the female posters -- most think the proposal is terrible. Why the consistency, especially when it’s not like we all got together in a quick meeting to decide what to post in response to the topic?. The fact is that certain things do matter to a woman, and any man who wants to live blissfully in a relationship with his wife (or wife-to-be) will do well to understand what those things are and pay good attention to them.  Like I said in one of my earlier posts, one can’t continually dismiss as flimsy and irrelevant the things that are important to the other person in a relationship and expect that relationship to be blissful. Tactlessness can be very costly. Abi, after all the supposed agonizing, introspection, and jumping through countless hoops and loops to come to that decision, why spoil the final moments with such tactless delivery that only leaves a sour taste in the woman's mouth? That's not very smart now, is it? 

With regard to the issue of divorces, etc I’m not sure I understand what you’re advocating here. Marriage in my opinion should be a mutually rewarding experience. The covenant on which marriage is based contains vows made by both parties to love, cherish, honor etc etc each other until death do them part. So I’m not sure why you would class serious issues as infidelity, control-freakiness or insensitivity to the other person’s needs as frivolous. I’m shocked and seriously at a loss for words here. If, as you seem to suggest, these things are indeed frivolous, is it then safe to assume that if your wife was an adulteress, a control-freak, and at the same time insensitive to your needs, you would still be FAITHFULLY (and note the emphasis on “faithfully” here) married to her? I’m really curious to know what your answer to this question would be.

As for your references to the ages of women, etc etc., well what can I say? She's 35, she's 40, who cares? Like I implied in one of my earlier responses to Mr. Feminazi, we can't use other people's experiences as an excuse to accept the unacceptable in our own relationships. So she's thrice divorced at 35, does that mean the rest of us should lower our standards when it comes to choosing a marriage partner? There are people who live under the bridge everyday, does that mean the rest of us shouldn't live in aesthetically pleasing and tastefully furnished houses? Again, don't make sense.

Pennywise:

Look, this guy has been understanding pleasing and selfless enough to sustain a 4 year relationship while the girl spent time dreaming of a fabulous proposal she read up or aisha her friend may have intimated her of. The guy should have deferred the m-word another 4 years.

Lesson? Keep it natural and sensible.

When you say the guy has been understanding, pleasing and selfless enough to sustain a 4-year relationship, you make it sound like he was doing the lady a favor by doing what basically needs to be done to sustain a relationship. What options did he have? Of course he could have been irresponsible, uncommitted, impatient and selfish but chances are that the relationship would not have lasted more than a few days or weeks at best – at least not if the other party is someone with any amount of self-esteem. He got into the relationship voluntarily, so doing what needs to be done to make it work is the least he could have done.

If it was indeed true that the girl only spent time dreaming while the guy was working hard to sustain the relationship, then the guy must be really obtuse to not have terminated the relationship within the first few months, absolutely mugu-ish to have allowed it to go on for 4years and just plain completely senseless to have proposed marriage. What was he thinking Was he that desperate to get married?? Anyway, I don’t believe anyone is all of those things combined, so I suspect that your statement is just an exaggeration. (although I do detect a bit of frustration as well . . .)

I don’t know the couple, so I’m not in a position to tell exactly what was happening during their 4year relationship. But I can safely say that the fact that the guy proposed marriage shows that he believed he had found the ideal marriage partner. You say he should have deferred another 4years? Of course you’re making the BIG assumption that the lady would be waiting around for another 4years right? Perhaps you’re from a generation where things were done very differently, but the truth is that if you’re dating a woman who knows what she wants out of a marriage relationship, she won’t enter into a marriage relationship with you based solely on your own terms, especially not if those terms are unfavorable to her. It has to be a win-win situation for both parties under such circumstances, therefore all that arrogance can be very costly. Did you notice where the original poster said that the lady in question had been through thick and thin with the guy for 4years? Do you think women like that are common, especially when it’s not like she’s desperate to get married or that the guy has loads of money that she’s after? No sensible guy will be quick to lose a woman like that, especially not over something as simple as the way she responded to one of his goof-ball moments. Of course, I wasn’t surprised to read that the guy later went back to set the record straight.

You say the lesson is to keep it natural and simple, and I agree. However simplicity to me means keeping the relationship as stress-free as possible. Part of what that translates to is being tactful – learning how to communicate with the other person in a way that he/she can relate to and appreciate. Tactlessness can be very costly indeed.