windywendy:

Abeg leave that matter. Husband scarce ko, husband scarce ni . Of course I don't agree with the girl's reaction, but let's leave that matter for a moment. Why would a guy come and say "i've finally decided to marry you"? That would totally freak me out. Does he think he's doing me a favor or what? And if that's his thinking, then I better run for my dear life. What woman wants to marry a man who thinks he's doing her a favor by marrying her? Is that same man going to be the father of her kids? or the same one she's going to be spending the rest of her life with? God forbid bad thing! A lot of the responses i've seen here seem to suggest that the woman should count herself lucky that a man is proposing. Is that anything serious? Just as he's looking for a woman that meet his ideals of a good wife, she's also looking for a man that'll meet her ideals of a good husband. I don't suscribe to using scare tactics (such as "better accept now otherwise you'll become an old maid" to con people into doing something as serious as getting into a marriage relationship. That's silly. What happens after the wedding? Then one day he'll get up and say "i've finally decided we move to the village". Then after the kids come, it'll be "i've finally decided that this one should study criminal justice or that one should become a mechanic". Then what next? "i've finally decided bla bla bla" Who wants to live with a husband like that OMG, just thinking about it is giving me a headache already

OK let me get serious. If I were in the girls shoes, considering that the relationship has been going on for 4years, I would first put that statement in the context of the guy's behavior. If hitherto he's been a control freak, this statement would definitely be the last straw that'll shatter the camel's back. I'll be out of that relationship in a hurry. If I consider that it's just a matter of tactlessness on the guy's part, then we'll certainly be having a discussion. I'll certainly want to know what had been going through his mind -- was he having doubts, or struggling with the idea of marriage? I certainly wouldn't want to tie the knot with someone who's having second thoughts. It's better to give him time to make up his mind. Conversely I certainly wouldn't want to marry someone I'm having second thoughts about either and I'll take all the time I need to make up my mind too.

To all you guys who like to deceive people into believing that men are scarce, abeg shut it for now. That statement is the oldest trick most gullible folks have used to try and get a cheap commitment out a of woman they desperately want to marry. It doesn't work -- at least not for those women who know what they want in a husband. So let's hear word abeg.

"i've finally decided to marry you" who says that chei, sounds really wierd walahi.

Abeg, make we hear word, Madam Feminazi. E don tey wey we dey see your type.

Na so una dey front now when your bobby still dey tanda attention! By 35 when e don fall reach ya waist, na so una go dey harass any man wey even greet u 'gud morn' to 'pls define where this relationship is heading, ', "you have not said anything concrete, " etc, etc

Look, Aisha's friend does not deserve her BF. So the guy's English is wooden or clumsy - therefore she had the audacity to tell him to shove his proposal. The guy must be a real mugu to even go back to beg the stupid girl. Na those kin bobo nice wey dey give naija men bad rep.

In fact, I suspect Aisha is not giving us the real gist of what happened afterwards; she has 'adjusted' the real story to please the feminazi brigade on nairaland. I'm sure like the true naija man he is, the bobo carry him proposal waka.

Nonsense and ingredient! The yeye girl no even thank her stars say she manage see husband. She for tanda till 35 with flat boobs, saggy nyash and gray pubic hairs make we see who go marry am.

wendy is actually married

now clean the egg off your face.

ariblaze, mostj women dont do that cos knowing you guys anytime there's a fight she'll always hear "arent you the one that begged me to marry you, I didnt ask you to marry me anyway etc"

The funniest aspect is - how many married women in naija ever received any sort of formal proposal?


True true, Mills and Boon and Hollywood don spoil some women head sotey dem no fit reason well again.

Abeg, leave wetin dem write for motor, enter motor - is it mode of proposal that determines the future of the marriage?

D-reloaded:

wendy is actually married

now clean the egg off your face.

Thank you o! I been wan tell am but you beat me to it. It's obvious the guy is under-aged.

yea most of his posts are pretty childish.

who gives a f@#$ about anyone's marital status here? this is the internet. a mouse can claim to be an elephant. a frustrated veteran spinster can claim to be married with 20 kids.

ah don talk am bifor - all of una wey dey yarn nonsense here na under 18. una neva see life.

blacklion:

The funniest aspect is - how many married women in naija ever received any sort of formal proposal?


True true, Mills and Boon and Hollywood don spoil some women head sotey them no fit reason well again.

Abeg, leave wetin them write for motor, enter motor - is it mode of proposal that determines the future of the marriage?

O boy e come be like say you dey dense small sha. The issue here is not the way the guy proposed, and no one is saying that the way he proposes determines how the marriage is going to be. It's the weight of the words "i've finally decided to marry you" that's the issue. A simple "would you marry me" would be far more appropriate, as opposed to using a sentence that gives the impression that he's doing her a favor. No one is saying it has to be elaborate, it just needs to come out right. And if "i've finally decided to marry you" is the best that could come out, then we have a problem o, because that says a lot, seriously!

sorry o! u aint winding me up

u don go bring out all your various handles and IDs for nairaland, abi?

nice try!!!

small pikin sense

blacklion:

who gives a f@#$ about anyone's marital status here? this is the internet. a mouse can claim to be an elephant. a frustrated veteran spinster can claim to be married with 20 kids.

ah don talk am bifor - all of una wey dey yarn nonsense here na under 18. una never see life.

chei, and I thought I was talking to person wey get small sense. E be like say you be under-age true true. We'll give you another 10 or so years until you're ready to get married. Until then, let's leave this matter alone.

u neva begin - go and bring out all the rest of your cyber-handles. I dey ready to service all of una tonight. Na fire for fire TDB!

Hmm! Windywendy, how u deh? Long time Good to see you again

Assuming I have a girl, and for one reason or the other, I have had reason to question her love and intensions, maybe somekind phone calls or I dey travel go see my uncle and I come catch am with somebody for eatery ("HER UNCLE". I no know watin to believe and she don dey worry me to define the relationship. When I wan propose to am wetin I go talk

windywendy:

Thank you o! I been wan tell am but you beat me to it. It's obvious the guy is under-aged.

Even if somebody batter somebody to marry, marriage na marriage
Only one illicit gin (shnap) under the iroko tree too na marriage

Radiant:

Hmm! Windywendy, how u deh? Long time Good to see you again

How na? I dey o. I Usually post on the business section mainly but just couldn't help clicking on this thread when I saw it in the front page.  . Very funny topic.

blacklion:

The funniest aspect is - how many married women in naija ever received any sort of formal proposal?


True true, Mills and Boon and Hollywood don spoil some women head sotey them no fit reason well again.

Abeg, leave wetin them write for motor, enter motor - is it mode of proposal that determines the future of the marriage?

hmm, I was about to comment on the bolded then noticed you're gearing up for a fight.

I used to think you were a peaceful person? I guess I thought wrong.

anyway, why must we Nigerians/Africans constantly denigrate ourselves and feel we're not worthy of anything good? We should always confirm the Tarzan stereotype while swinging from our trees. That's what I'm reading from your comment.

windywendy:

How na? I dey o. I Usually post on the business section mainly but just couldn't help clicking on this thread when I saw it in the front page. . Very funny topic.

Very funny and funny replies too. I wonder what woman in her right senses will think a man is doing her a favor by proposing. Women sometimes make me sick with their esteem. Gosh!

edit.

Dalby:

Assuming I have a girl, and for one reason or the other, I have had reason to question her love and intensions, maybe somekind phone calls or I dey travel go see my uncle and I come catch am with somebody for eatery ("HER UNCLE". I no know watin to believe and she don dey worry me to define the relationship. When I wan propose to am wetin I go talk

 

Why would you want to propose marriage to a woman whose love and intentions toward you are in question? You be mugu? Is that the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? I'll say "don't propose marriage", at least not until you've cleared up all your doubts _{chei, i'm beginning to feel like a marriage counsellor already}

Dalby:

Even if somebody batter somebody to marry, marriage na marriage
Only one illicit gin (shnap) under the iroko tree too na marriage

 

LOL!! Anyway you have a point there. I guess we don't all have the same objectives when it comes to marriage. With some people, marriage by batter is the bomb! But to others, it has to be a rewarding experience o, and so a lot of emphasis is placed on choosing the right person. Different strokes, I'ld say. . .

Dalby:

Assuming I have a girl, and for one reason or the other, I have had reason to question her love and intensions, maybe somekind phone calls or I dey travel go see my uncle and I come catch am with somebody for eatery ("HER UNCLE". I no know watin to believe and she don dey worry me to define the relationship. When I wan propose to am wetin I go talk

Even if somebody batter somebody to marry, marriage na marriage
Only one illicit gin (shnap) under the iroko tree too na marriage

Even if you had doubts but still insisted on marrying the girl, why put it "I've finally bla bla"? If you don't want to marry her then move. Save me all this jab of "Even if somebody batter somebody to marry, bla bla"

There's marriage and there's marriage. Wake up and leave that "shnap" for once

tpia:

hmm, I was about to comment on the bolded then noticed you're gearing up for a fight.

I used to think you were a peaceful person? I guess I thought wrong.

anyway, why must we Nigerians/Africans constantly denigrate ourselves and feel we're not Worthy of anything good? We should always confirm the Tarzan stereotype while swinging from our trees. That's what I'm reading from your comment.

Chief wetin you wan add
I can also claim to be out of the country, so nobody is intimidated
Lets assume you are out, our grand parents were forcefully taken to the west, some  of all after evaluating situations force our self, by ship, land or air(very few) to go increase the number over there dey post 1 every payday dey make so much noise. You no dey here, person when e dey here, dey tell you wetin dey happen back home you dey argue

windywendy:

 

Why would you want to propose marriage to a woman whose love and intentions toward you are in question? You be mugu? Is that the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? I'll say "don't propose marriage", at least not until you've cleared up all your doubts _{chei, i'm beginning to feel like a marriage counsellor already}
 

LOL!! Anyway you have a point there. I guess we don't all have the same objectives when it comes to marriage. With some people, marriage by batter is the bomb! But to others, it has to be a rewarding experience o, and so a lot of emphasis is placed on choosing the right person. Different strokes, I'ld say. . .

Wendy so this is where you are hiding.

So now you be desperate lady wey never marry wey just dey yarn tori  ?! God catch you that is what happens to stock gurus leave business section  go love section

dollyp1cute:

Wendy so this is where you are hiding.

So now you be desperate lady wey never marry wey just dey yarn tori ?! God catch you that is what happens to stock gurus leave business section go love section

Chei, your secret don reveal o! Me think say you been dey busy for church Either that or that valium+milk combo still dey work im magic

Me no go love section o. Na for front page I see the topic come click, and needless to say, the topic and responses I saw were nothing short of hilarious. So things like these still happen

I have been reading many comments that say the girl over reacted and dat us girls are blinded by the movies we see and books we read.
Why, for goodness sake, would anyone propose to a person in that manner? We aren't talking about romantic gestures here but about a PERSON's insensitivity to another. That cannot even be considered as a proposal (more like his personal musings) and as such, deserves no answer.

To all the people saying the girl should count herself lucky, men are scarce and other blah blah blah, I say to you: if the only way I would get married is by being 'managed' by a man, I'll rather stay single.
Having a man is important but not compulsory.

tollu:

I have been reading many comments that say the girl over reacted and that us girls are blinded by the movies we see and books we read.
Why, for goodness sake, would anyone propose to a person in that manner? We aren't talking about romantic gestures here but about a PERSON's insensitivity to another. That cannot even be considered as a proposal (more like his personal musings) and as such, deserves no answer.

To all the people saying the girl should count herself lucky, men are scarce and other blah blah blah, I say to you: if the only way I would get married is by being 'managed' by a man, I'll rather stay single.
Having a man is important but not compulsory.

No go talk the one wey go hunt you for future

Radiant:

Even if you had doubts but still insisted on marrying the girl, why put it "I've finally bla bla"?

What if the guy is clumsy with words?

What is his command of English is dodgy?

What if his choice of words was affected by the elliptical Nigerian syntax?


Is the use of 'I have finally decided, ' sufficient to justify the GF's asking him to shove his proposal?

Some peeps here are fixated with the guy being supposedly domineering or rude or perceiving himself as doing the lady a 'favour'; but few ladies have stopped to consider how hurt this guy must have been to have his marriage proposal thrown back at him in such a brusque manner?

As AJ pointed out, a more appropriate response could have been to do the usual Nigerian woman coy act e.g. 'I need to think about it, ' or 'lets pray over it, ' and then later point out to him that his choice of language was poor to say the least and possibly rude. After the guy re-formulates the proposal, the lady can then swoon in accepting his proposal to the violins and the fragrance of roses,

Two wrongs don't make a right!

blacklion:


As AJ pointed out, a more appropriate response could have been to do the usual Nigerian woman coy act e.g. 'I need to think about it, ' or 'lets pray over it, ' and then later point out to him that his choice of language was poor to say the least and possibly rude. After the guy re-formulates the proposal, the lady can then swoon in accepting his proposal to the violins and the fragrance of roses,

Two wrongs don't make a right!

Blacky, the way the dude put it kind of says a lot but on the other hand it's not me. The good news is that they've made up and kissed us goodbye

Like Debo, said, some people deh propose for on top bike so, at the end of the day, it's my choice and life too

Only a myopic woman will think marriage is everything. Count me out

tpia:

hmm, I was about to comment on the bolded then noticed you're gearing up for a fight.

I used to think you were a peaceful person? I guess I thought wrong.

anyway, why must we Nigerians/Africans constantly denigrate ourselves and feel we're not worthy of anything good? We should always confirm the Tarzan stereotype while swinging from our trees. That's what I'm reading from your comment.

Fight ke?! Me with these eaglets? No min dem. Ah dey talk my own jeje na im all the feminazi for nairaland surface thinkng sey they can intimidate the black lion himself with their usual tactics of crude abuse and snide comments.

Its truly a tragedy to see a black man invoke Tarzan stereotypes in the 21st century. You have a lot of reading up to do. What next? If I invoke naija culture, you will dredge up rituals and cannibalism, abi?

Western society is afflicted by feminazi ideology and liberal stupidity - unfortunately too many African females swallow the Western worldview wholesale without looking at the downsides e.g. to see what has become of marriage and the family in the West especially among black Americans.

I repeat Mills and Boon plus Hollywood have a lot to answer for - they've created unrealistic expectations of romantic love - in fact, more or less created a new human right to romantic love which is simply unrealistic. It is these unrealistic notions and expectations that have destroyed marriage and the family in America.

Never judge a man by his actions, but by the intent
Thats why it can be classified that I have sinned looking at a woman lostfully

In Nigeria's ornate brand of English, Victorian words dance with African grammar
By Edward Harris
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Tucson, Arizona | Published: 03.03.2008

LAGOS, Nigeria — In Nigeria, people felicitate the successful, police open cans of worms on cutlass-brandishing miscreants, and the criminal rascals meet their Waterloo.

Touts, urchins, and heaps of calumny: Nigerian English melds Victorian-era vocabulary inherited from long-gone British colonialists with the grammatical structures and syntax that underpin indigenous languages in Africa's most populous nation.

The results can be ornate, oddly understated, or remarkably apt. But in a rapidly globalizing world, some worry that Nigerians will be handicapped by an English that differs from the language of board rooms and Internet bulletin boards.

For Adeyemi Daramola, an English professor at University of Lagos, it's a quandary: As an academic, he finds Nigerian usage fascinating and indicative of rich and varied influences. But he worries that it's undermining local languages, leaving younger generations unable to speak their parents' native tongue and conversant only in an argot not easily understood outside Nigeria.

"As a teacher, we want to see these differences. We're pleased with our geographical difference, and our semantic differences," he says.

"But we're at a crossroads now where some people don't understand standard English, and also not their indigenous tongue," he says. "And that's a tragedy because then you don't belong anywhere."

As a colony, Nigeria was very lightly settled by Europeans. A few hundred administrators came, along with Christian missionaries who taught English so that converts could read the Bible. When Nigeria became independent in 1960, it adopted English as the language of instruction and administration.

Within borders drawn in colonial times, Nigeria's 140 million people speak hundreds of languages, and "English is the language of national unity," says Daramola. "In a multilingual situation, it serves the people."

Others disagree, saying English is a colonial import whose widespread usage excludes the rural and less educated.

It has developed over the years with a Nigerian twist. For example, a TV isn't switched on or off — it's "on-ed" or "off-ed."

A Nigerian congratulating someone on a success or victory will likely "felicitate" him rather than offer felicitations. Similarly, people are invited to "jubilate," or celebrate, a triumph.

Sentence structure often reflects local languages, says Daramola. In the Yoruba language, adjectives can be altered by repeating them. So in Nigerian English a very small boy would be a "small, small boy."

Also, Yoruba English speakers may "smell" soup, rather than taste it, because the words are similar in Yoruba.

"The influence of native languages have combined to make performance a little peculiar," says the introduction to the textbook "Nigerian English," published in 2004. "The Nigerian variant of English seems to have emerged since there are so many influences impinging on its acquisition and use in its new home."

Many words are simply holdovers from the colonial era. Eateries are called "Chop Houses" — once popular but now all but vanished from Britain.

Upset stomach? Take "gripe water." Puncture? Take the tire to the "vulcanizer."

Street children are "urchins," and police often brand criminals as "touts," "rascals," or "miscreants" who carry "cutlasses" — machetes.

In reporting crime, Nigerian newspapers say police open a can of worms when raiding criminal hideouts. A dead or jailed robber is often said to meet his Waterloo. Politicians "heap calumny" on those they accuse of corruption.

In another influence of Nigerian languages, no letter is missed when speaking English. Fuel is FOO-el. A receipt is a "re-seeped," and yacht frequently rhymes with hatched. Wednesday is pronounced exactly as written — Wed-nes-day — and a leopard rhymes with leotard.

In many areas of southern Nigeria where the Yoruba predominate, an "o" is added to the end of a word to add emphasis, a practice in the Yoruba language. Most noticeable is a shout of "Sorry-o!" to someone who trips or suffers another misfortune.

While Internet and satellite TV access exposes ever greater numbers of Africans to standard English, Nigerians are fusing the lingo of the World Wide Web with their own patois.

Who's behind those infamous e-mails promising lucrative payoffs for hiding an African potentate's ill-gotten gains? In Nigeria, the press is filled with the exploits of the "Yahoo-Yahoo boys," from the e-mail and search-engine company used by many of the scammers.

"I entered the Yahoo business just to survive after I was robbed of all my money," one man explained. "There is money in Yahoo but one is not always lucky. Sometimes in two months you can make $200 — but we pray for a big catch."

Dalby:

Chief wetin you wan add
I can also claim to be out of the country, so nobody is intimidated
Lets assume you are out, our grand parents were forcefully taken to the west, some  of all after evaluating situations force our self, by ship, land or air(very few) to go increase the number over there dey post 1 every payday dey make so much noise. You no dey here, person when e dey here, dey tell you wetin dey happen back home you dey argue

you're not making any sense at all.

if you get visa, travel out of the country. abi na me dey delay ya emigration?

blacklion tell you say im dey inside country? or what are you going on about?

comot for road abeg make I hear word.

blacklion:

What if the guy is clumsy with words?

What is his command of English is dodgy?

What if his choice of words was affected by the elliptical Nigerian syntax?


Is the use of 'I have finally decided, ' sufficient to justify the GF's asking him to shove his proposal?

Some peeps here are fixated with the guy being supposedly domineering or rude or perceiving himself as doing the lady a 'favour'; but few ladies have stopped to consider how hurt this guy must have been to have his marriage proposal thrown back at him in such a brusque manner?

As AJ pointed out, a more appropriate response could have been to do the usual Nigerian woman coy act e.g. 'I need to think about it, ' or 'lets pray over it, ' and then later point out to him that his choice of language was poor to say the least and possibly rude. After the guy re-formulates the proposal, the lady can then swoon in accepting his proposal to the violins and the fragrance of roses,

Two wrongs don't make a right!

the OP has said the guy himself explained his reason for proposing in that manner.He himself accepted that he didnt do it right the first time. So why are you weeping louder than him? the girl's reaction was based on his action. She may have overreacted, but that still doesnt excuse the guy. AJ pointed out that she ought to be used to the way Nigerian men do their own things- in that kind of frightening manner. So you're saying, that's how Nigerian males should continue proposing marriage -like club the woman over the head and drag her off kicking and screaming? The guy would have benefitted from reading a couple of mills and boon and watching a few hollywood movies along that line, in my opinion.

Assuming the girl even wanted to refuse the marriage proposal or delay her decision, how do you respond to someone who tells you " I have decided to marry you?" as if she'd been begging and hounding him to marry her in the first place?

Anyway, the real issue here is the couple had a fight, both of them offended each other, but they've been able to kiss, make up and put their differences behind them. At least the guy was man enough to accept his mistake and apologize, which I highly commend him for. Shows he loves the woman enough not to want to lose her. Says volumes about his character, by the way.

and I repeat- why must some of you feel like Nigerians deserve nothing good in their lives? Is it written somewhere that Nigerians are cursed forever?We always have to settle for being the underdog? If you believe that then its a pity.

I have to say I was so shocked by your comment.

blacklion:

Fight ke?! Me with these eaglets? No min them. Ah dey talk my own jeje na im all the feminazi for nairaland surface thinkng sey they can intimidate the black lion himself with their usual tactics of crude abuse and snide comments.

Its truly a tragedy to see a black man invoke Tarzan stereotypes in the 21st century. You have a lot of reading up to do. What next? If I invoke naija culture, you will dredge up rituals and cannibalism, abi?

Western society is afflicted by feminazi ideology and liberal stupidity - unfortunately too many African females swallow the Western worldview wholesale without looking at the downsides e.g. to see what has become of marriage and the family in the West especially among black Americans.

I repeat Mills and Boon plus Hollywood have a lot to answer for - they've created unrealistic expectations of romantic love - in fact, more or less created a new human right to romantic love which is simply unrealistic. It is these unrealistic notions and expectations that have destroyed marriage and the family in America.

What are you whining about? You can't control the world or what people choose to believe or imbibe. It's a free world. If you think women have unrealistic expectations of romantic love, then stay away from them! All your complaints and unnecessary musings about feminazi etc etc will not change a thing. All this one wey you dey yarn na old story. The fact remains that most people develop expectations of what they want out of a marriage relationship, and will pursue those expectations. If you don't like the expectations set by one person, then find yourself someone who has the same expectations as you. It's way better than all the complaining and "trying to save the marriage institution" mentality you're adopting.