Greetings Dear NLs,
I am in big confussion right now!

My spouse and I have been dating since 2008, at the end of 2011 he went to see my parents to let them know his intention. after 2010 we had a misunderstanding which was his fault; that led to seperation. This kept me in a very tight heartbreak it took Gods grace for me to get on with my life again, without any relationship. He came begging, saying he has realize his faults so on and so forth, that I should forgive and give him a second chance that he is a change Person. 2012 November I decided to give him that second chance because of the Love I had for him. Jan 2013 He went for my introduction and traditional and white has been plan for April 27th cards has been distributed (All expenses 70% from my side, 15% from my parents,10% from my spouse). febraury fell ill seriously after, after treatment I discovered I was already 8weeks pregnant, I told my spouse, his response was not encouraging.

Just yesterday he called me and said he is no longer interested, that no tradition/wedding till after i deliver the baby. And that he want to inform me that he has relocated to the village to stay(I confirm this morning and it is true), and that I should have it in mind that i can not seperate him from his mum. even his mum called to confirm dat.

My mum called his mum last night and she told her the same story. She even went ahead to tell my mum that i am lucky they did my introduction before the pregnacy, that what about girls that gets pregnant without see who's is responsible.

I am totally confussed: this pregnacy is just my major concerned as it is almost ten weeks.
what should i do? advise

keep it

What was his reason for relocating to the village? what about his job here in the town? does he want you to join him in the village? did he accept the pregnancy? is the wedding cancelled because of finance or because of the pregnancy? Are you ready to move in with him in the village, if that is what he want?

My elders will say "it is from the ears of maize that we know if it is ripe"
My elders will also say "Ti ori eni ba ma buru, eyin ese ni a ti'n mo" meaning if someone is to going to be unfortunate in future, we know from their present life.

I guess you can deduce my opinion from the two quotes

@op, sorry dear, the Lord is your strength, he will surely take charge of your problem.

From your story,I can see that your fiance is not mentally and financially ready for the marriage. Sound as if you and your family trying to force him while he's not ready for such a thing. Since he has done what's right(introduction), you can keep the pregnant and hope he come back to his sense one day.

Lastly,don't forget to find out whether he has another wife in the village.

Peelove, please revisit this link and find solutions to your problems. I wish this thread would make front page so people would learn from your case.
https://www.nairaland.com/518745/he-really-luv-me-plz

Mynd_44: My elders will say "it is from the ears of maize that we know if it is ripe"
My elders will also say "Ti ori eni ba ma buru, eyin ese ni a ti'n mo" meaning if someone is to going to be unfortunate in future, we know from their present life.

I guess you can deduce my opinion from the two quotes

As well as this link.
https://www.nairaland.com/518745/he-really-luv-me-plz

Mynd_44: My elders will say "it is from the ears of maize that we know if it is ripe"
My elders will also say "Ti ori eni ba ma buru, eyin ese ni a ti'n mo" meaning if someone is to going to be unfortunate in future, we know from their present life.

I guess you can deduce my opinion from the two quotes

As well as this link.
https://www.nairaland.com/518745/he-really-luv-me-plz

obyrich:
As well as this link.
https://www.nairaland.com/518745/he-really-luv-me-plz

Must you spam everywhere with it? Why quote me when you don't have anything(good or bad) to say?

greatgod2012: What was his reason for relocating to the village? what about his job here in the town? does he want you to join him in the village? did he accept the pregnancy? is the wedding cancelled because of finance or because of the pregnancy? Are you ready to move in with him in the village, if that is what he want?

Many thanks dear
House rent has expired 6 months ago, and the mum has refused to give him money. cos the meeting she enter has refused to lend her money based on her request.

He has been feeding me with lies and fake identity card, the mum just had to open up that he lost his job since 2006 when he fell into critical illness.

Yes he accepted the pregnacy. He has just refuse to say why he is no longer interested.

D sage: @op, sorry dear, the Lord is your strength, he will surely take charge of your problem.

From your story,I can see that your fiance is not mentally and financially ready for the marriage. Sound as if you and your family trying to force him while he's not ready for such a thing. Since he has done what's right(introduction), you can keep the pregnant and hope he come back to his sense one day.

Lastly,don't forget to find out whether he has another wife in the village.

Many Thanks,

peelovee: Greetings Dear NLs,
I am in big confussion right now!

My spouse and I have been dating since 2008, at the end of 2011 he went to see my parents to let them know his intention. after 2010 we had a misunderstanding which was his fault; that led to seperation. This kept me in a very tight heartbreak it took Gods grace for me to get on with my life again, without any relationship. He came begging, saying he has realize his faults so on and so forth, that I should forgive and give him a second chance that he is a change Person. 2012 November I decided to give him that second chance because of the Love I had for him. Jan 2013 He went for my introduction and traditional and white has been plan for April 27th cards has been distributed (All expenses 70% from my side, 15% from my parents,10% from my spouse). febraury fell ill seriously after, after treatment I discovered I was already 8weeks pregnant, I told my spouse, his response was not encouraging.

Just yesterday he called me and said he is no longer interested, that no tradition/wedding till after i deliver the baby. And that he want to inform me that he has relocated to the village to stay(I confirm this morning and it is true), and that I should have it in mind that i can not seperate him from his mum. even his mum called to confirm dat.

My mum called his mum last night and she told her the same story. She even went ahead to tell my mum that i am lucky they did my introduction before the pregnacy, that what about girls that gets pregnant without see who's is responsible.

I am totally confussed: this pregnacy is just my major concerned as it is almost ten weeks.
what should i do? advise

.


Were is dis ur guy from abeg?Which kind of separation from his mum?What kind of life are they living?Beware of the everlasting mistake u mite encounter if u eventually go into this marriage my dear.

peelovee:

Many thanks dear
House rent has expired 6 months ago, and the mum has refused to give him money. cos the meeting she enter has refused to lend her money based on her request.

He has been feeding me with lies and fake identity card, the mum just had to open up that he lost his job since 2006 when he fell into critical illness.

Yes he accepted the pregnacy. He has just refuse to say why he is no longer interested.

Wait he lost his job 7 years ago and has been lying since? And even his mum has been lying for him too. You need to cut your loses and leave sis. This is the right time to walk

I dont know what to do with this pregnacy.....
My fears: Its ten weeks and I dont know if it will be safe for termination
What about my life
What about My future


As for the marriage I have decided to let go..

advise pls

do u love him enuf to relocate to the village wit him? enuf to marry a guy who is married to his mum? enuf to provide for a man who ll pay u back by mouthing off and refusing to tell u his plans?

if u don't, keep the baby and leave the man.

peelovee: I dont know what to do with this pregnacy.....
My fears: Its ten weeks and I dont know if it will be safe for termination
What about my life
What about My future


As for the marriage I have decided to let go..

advise pls

Lemme say this before the "Jesus crew" comes.

You have decided to let the marriage gi hence you are starring single parenting in the face. You have a choice to make and it is simple: are you ready and willing to be a single mother? Do you have the strenght to do it.

In the answer to those two questions lies the answer to your problem ma'am. You can terminate it if you really want to just don't do it in a quack hospital and I an sure you will be good or you can have the baby and deal with the man who will of course come back to demand for "His child"

I wonder when ladies will be wise and begin to use their senses.is it not obvious that pregnancy before marriage puts this men on the edge over you and makes them misbehave because they have turned you to after one.when will you learn to know that marriage goes beyond s3x and making babies.now the man has abandoned a responsibility that is supposed to be for two of you for only you.one of my mothers always say courtship and pre wedding periods is for establishing friendship and boundaries between you and your partner and also your prospective inlaws,it is not a time for making babies.anyway,obe ge omo lowo,aso obe nu,obe sha ti shey nkan to fe shey.i will advice you to go and meet your s3x partner's mother and beg her,because you have given your night food to the cat.in the first place,they should be the one petting you and carrying you like egg but the reverse is the case because you have sold your birth right for 2 minutes pleasure.go and meet her and beg her very well that you have taken in and have made plans for the wedding that she should allow you to marry her son and you dont mind if she lives with your son after wedding...smh.i hope this will be a lesson to other dumb ladies like you that pregnancy does not make a man responsible neither does it make him change.a mummys hand bag will always be a mummys hand bag.tufiaaaa

I wonder when ladies will be wise and begin to use their senses.is it not obvious that pregnancy before marriage puts this men on the edge over you and makes them misbehave because they have turned you to after one.when will you learn to know that marriage goes beyond s3x and making babies.now the man has abandoned a responsibility that is supposed to be for two of you for only you.one of my mothers always say courtship and pre wedding periods is for establishing friendship and boundaries and also ensuring compatibility in all ramifications between you and your partner and also your prospective inlaws,it is not a time for making babies and having intercourse.anyway,obe ge omo lowo,aso obe nu,obe sha ti shey nkan to fe shey.i will advice you to go and meet your s3x partner's mother and beg her,because you have given your night food to the cat.in the first place,they should be the one petting you and carrying you like egg but the reverse is the case because you have sold your birth right for 2 minutes pleasure.go and meet her and beg her very well that you have taken in and have made plans for the wedding that she should allow you to marry her son and you dont mind if she lives with her son after wedding...smh.i hope this will be a lesson to other dumb ladies like you that pregnancy does not make a man responsible neither does it make him change.a mummys hand bag will always be a mummys hand bag.tufiaaaa

nneka.esther@gm:
keep it

and whose surname will a product from two fornicators bear especially when the partner has decided to turn his mom into his wife and abandoned the lady

I think Kulyie was smoking pot when he typed that load of crap. Beg who? So they can turn her to a slave?

Better be a single mother than that

kulyie: and whose surname will a product from two fornicators bear especially when the partner has decided to turn his mom into his wife and abandoned the lady

The child can have the surname of his/her mother. What is so evil about that?

Mynd_44:
Lemme say this before the "Jesus crew" comes.

You have decided to let the marriage gi hence you are starring single parenting in the face. You have a choice to make and it is simple: are you ready and willing to be a single mother? Do you have the strenght to do it.

In the answer to those two questions lies the answer to your problem ma'am. You can terminate it if you really want to just don't do it in a quack hospital and I an sure you will be good or you can have the baby and deal with the man who will of course come back to demand for "His child"

she should deal with the man when he comes back for his child? O so he is even aware that he has a child and he decided to marry mummy,@ op when you give birth to that child,i will suggest two options.its either you take it to a motherless babies home on the premise that you cant be a single mom or your s3x partner abandoned you and the baby OR take the baby to any of your s3x partners relation.afterall na dem get pikin

Mynd_44:
The child can have the surname of his/her mother. What is so evil about that?

keep encouraging fornicators and multiplication of bastards.afterall we see products of kids abandoned by their fathers that are either street urchins,hooligans,prostitutes and rapists in nigeria

Mynd_44: I think Kulyie was smoking pot when he typed that load of crap. Beg who? So they can turn her to a slave?

Better be a single mother than that

the truth is usually unpleasant,i know you ladies dont like the truth thats why men keep taking undue advantage of you pees,the truth is never sweet but that doesnt stop it from being told.motimope eni gbo oro.mshewwww.smh.so if she becomes a single mom,can she single handedly take care of the child,even if she does,every child deserves a father and the child lacks a father from the womb,the man is only a s3x partner of the mom and not a father in every sense of the word

Mynd_44: I think Kulyie was smoking pot when he typed that load of crap. Beg who? So they can turn her to a slave?

Better be a single mother than that

Abi o! Go and beg them for wot?
Poster its obvious dat his family doesnt want u so forget all of them. what dey actually expect you to do now is terminate dat pregancy. If u keep it, dey wil come one day to claim dat child even if u travel abroad wit d baby. Since dey knw ur family very well, dey wil find u out.
Like some1 said dat dey shld b d one petting u cos u r carrying dir grandchild but reverse is d case.
i can see you r d one dat has even been pushing d wedding cos u took up 70%b of d responsibilities.
i think his mum has called him to order since he doesnt even have a job to feed u and ur child.
Dnt think of going b ack to dem abeg.
Single parenthood is not dat easy but its when u get dre u will no but if u have conscience and u r financially sound, pls keep dat child.

kulyie: keep encouraging fornicators and multiplication of bastards.afterall we see products of kids abandoned by their fathers that are either street urchins,hooligans,prostitutes and rapists in nigeria

So the people who do the above are those raised by a single mother/parent? I weep for Nairaland

Mynd_44:
So the people who do the above are those raised by a single mother/parent? I weep for Nairaland

yes,majority of them except for divine intervention quote me anywhere,kulyie said so.they lack fatherly love and discipline,that is why they are animalistic in nature moreover the reason why i said the lady should go back and beg them is to save herself the embarassment and shame of cancellation of wedding and now single motherhood,no how people will know the reason for the break up sooner or later.in actual sense,all things been equal,it is the family of the man that should be petting her,carrying her with so much respect and if per adventure she decides one day to break up,its them that should be running to beg her but since she has sold her dignity,she has no choice.its either she begs him to marry her and when they marry,cover up and bury the shame than expose her shame for the whole world to see,take it or live it,people gossip a lot especially women.neighbours are there,they will point fingers at her at her back,if she goes to the saloon,the same thing,church the same thing.mshewww

Wasnt there a story recently about a man who left his wife-to-be because she was not pregnant prior to the wedding? This is just bonkers

I dont think an abortion should be advised at that stage unless you use a reliable doctor.

Is it possible to repair things? Do you still want to go ahead with the marriage if he is keen?

peelovee: I dont know what to do with this pregnacy.....
My fears: Its ten weeks and I dont know if it will be safe for termination
What about my life
What about My future


As for the marriage I have decided to let go..

advise pls

OP, I really feel for you, this is surely a dilemma no one wishes to be in. If you had known d first time round, u wud not have given him a second chance to ruin u like this, u wud have just counted ur loss that time and I'm sure by now, u wud have been healed of any heartbreak u felt then. Well dear, we know its too late for what ifs, so lets tackle the problem we have at hand.

Based on my personal opinion, I won't advice you to go into marriage with that fella, except u choose to sha for the sake of ur unborn child, but for ur sake u may be entering a life of continuous heartbreak/lies in the hands of this man and his mother. Whatever u choose to do, pls have that baby. If that baby was to speak to u from ur womb, I'm sure it wud plead mercilessly for its life like every human wud if their life is being snatched from them, and wish to be given the chance to live through life (school, work, raise its own family etc). I'm sure this child wud b grateful to u for sparing it. Nevertheless, I'm sure u have family to support u but if for any reason u cannot or do want the child, there's always the option of adoption, u can even arrange for the right family to adopt your child or better still in a way that u could always come back for the child when u r ready. Good luck dear.


P:S- Why did the fella say u can't separate him from his mother? I'm just curious cuz it's too serious for just a random statement

kulyie: yes,quote me anywhere,kulyie said so.they lack fatherly love and discipline,that is why they are animalistic in nature

You really need to catch up on reality and stop watching em Black American movies

Mynd_44:
You really need to catch up on reality and stop watching em Black American movies

i am being real,there is nothing more real than what i have said.i have advised the op on 2 options its either she drops the child with the motherless babies or the fathers family.as a matter of fact if i were in her shoes (which i know i cant because i dont allow unnecessary emotions becloud my sense of judgement) i will go and dump the baby on the foot step of any of his family members.moreover knowing that there is no social security services,no child support bills etc is that not enough reason for ladies to use their number 6 that if the man abandons her and the baby,she is on her own.miss,there is always a consequence for every action in this earth that we live in,foolish or wise action,every adult will live with it,period!

CocoSprinkles:




OP, I really feel for you, this is surely a dilemma no one wishes to be in. If you had known d first time round, u wud not have given him a second chance to ruin u like this, u wud have just counted ur loss that time and I'm sure by now, u wud have been healed of any heartbreak u felt then. Well dear, we know its too late for what ifs, so lets tackle the problem we have at hand.

Based on my personal opinion, I won't advice you to go into marriage with that fella, except u choose to sha for the sake of ur unborn child, but for ur sake u may be entering a life of continuous heartbreak/lies in the hands of this man and his mother. Whatever u choose to do, pls have that baby. If that baby was to speak to u from ur womb, I'm sure it wud plead mercilessly for its life like every human wud if their life is being snatched from them, and wish to be given the chance to live through life (school, work, raise its own family etc). I'm sure this child wud b grateful to u for sparing it. Nevertheless, I'm sure u have family to support u but if for any reason u cannot or do want the child, there's always the option of adoption, u can even arrange for the right family to adopt your child or better still in a way that u could always come back for the child when u r ready. Good luck dear.


P:S- Why did the fella say u can't separate him from his mother? I'm just curious cuz it's too serious for just a random statement

haven't you stopped to give a crtical and analytical observation that as single motherhood is increasing in many parts of the world,crime rates,unimaginable vices,mothers sleeping with sons,sons raping their grandmothers etc is increasing