pweeryambre:
The gal needs advice and not blames, if u don't have anythin nice to say then don't say at all. I don't like wen people digress. Meanwhile 60 percent of marriages dat occur in our country 2day is being sponsored by d bride if u don't know. even among the millionares, the richer side takes up the expenses, some do it not out of desperation but just to help out and mk things run well. Plus d unemployment rate and in economy were women earn jobs faster than men, I see no reason a wife to be shouldn't help out her husband to be if she is in a position to. So can u now suggest an advice for her.

In love with a grown up man that ran to the village to stay with his mother? Paying for wedding cost by her because she has money? This is an act of irresponsibility to me. Yes, a lady can help her guy stand and come up to actually act like a man and not the other way.
My point, If the the guy is responsible, he should have a home to stay before EVER planning for marriage and herself, investing on the marriage project goes to show that she was desperate to get married. Having to invest her money with her mother and the young man running to stay with his mother goes to show that the parties involved here are primary school children who got involved on a wrong act.

This is not an ordinary thing, u better start prayin so they dont tamper wit ur life and if u stil luv d guy you can extend prayers to him, but he doesn't deserve it. Have your baby and live your life.

dammytosh:

You messed up big time. What type of Man do you sponsor 70% of wedding for ? How will he take care of you.

Is it by force to Marry or you have not read how this jobless people turn violent ?

A man who can decide to go to the village without blinking is not worthy to be your 'spouse'.

I pray God will help you but my 'wicked' advice is that you do something about the baby and start your life afresh. That guy has no plan for you and you will live in misery associating with him in any form.

I don't know why abortion can not be legalized in this country..

abi o.desperation to marry is reeking all over her post

kulyie: abi o.desperation to marry is reeking all over her post

Gbam!!! You sef don see am

My simple, honest, true-to-God advice: HAVE THE BABY; BUT NEVER EVER MARRY THE BABY'S FATHER.
U have already had a glimpse of d kind of treatment awaiting u if u say 'i do' to him. U handed ur divinely-given edge to them on a platter of gold. It's rare for a man &his mother not to abuse it, except a real, strong man. I dont why ladies ditch d sane guys for these breed of weak, immature, deceptive &fornicative ones they blindly call 'happening guys.'

Do He Really Luv Me Or! Plz Advise by peelovee(f): 12:08pm On Sep 23, 2010

We will count 2 years by next month.
He proposed and I accepted!

The issue here is that he always collect a huge sum of cash from me(to solve family problem, settle issues, etc) all in the name of borrowing but will never pay back angry.

I never ask him, but expected he will pay as promised. Recently he said I should borrow him 20,000 that he must surely pay back once he recieved his salary. I refused, but later after he lamented I did borrowed him. When it was month end I ask him , he said first week, when it was first week I asked again!
he was shouting and telling me that since i have accepted his proposal that we are one and that i am suppose to take kia of him and his family to buy the familys mind so as they loved me.
I quietly left him and went to my place after 3 days he called that i should make sure i come to the house, I went reaching he said he missed me after he might have finished eating the food i prepared with his eyes gaze on my face (he wanted to make luv) to sex, which i refused.

Just this week, he called me and was lamenting that he need 30,000 to settle and important issue, which he is not ready to share with me, his telling me he will tell me after he might have settled it.

I told him I don't have any money with me not to talk of borrowing .
He said I should borrow from my friends, that he doesnt want to know how i get the money, his concerned is to solve the problem at hand.

Ever since this week i have been asking myself this questions, Is this guy really in luv with me to the extend of propossing and ready to marry me?
or cry cry cry

NLs Please I ned ur kind advice

If this Post above which you posted in 2010 referred to the same man, then need i say more.............

Dear friend, dont enslave yourself for life with someone who is wiser than your noble intentions, use your head this time and stick to it.

peelovee: Greetings Dear NLs,
I am in big confussion right now!

My spouse and I have been dating since 2008, at the end of 2011 he went to see my parents to let them know his intention. after 2010 we had a misunderstanding which was his fault; that led to seperation. This kept me in a very tight heartbreak it took Gods grace for me to get on with my life again, without any relationship. He came begging, saying he has realize his faults so on and so forth, that I should forgive and give him a second chance that he is a change Person. 2012 November I decided to give him that second chance because of the Love I had for him. Jan 2013 He went for my introduction and traditional and white has been plan for April 27th cards has been distributed (All expenses 70% from my side, 15% from my parents,10% from my spouse). febraury fell ill seriously after, after treatment I discovered I was already 8weeks pregnant, I told my spouse, his response was not encouraging.

Just yesterday he called me and said he is no longer interested, that no tradition/wedding till after i deliver the baby. And that he want to inform me that he has relocated to the village to stay(I confirm this morning and it is true), and that I should have it in mind that i can not seperate him from his mum. even his mum called to confirm dat.

My mum called his mum last night and she told her the same story. She even went ahead to tell my mum that i am lucky they did my introduction before the pregnacy, that what about girls that gets pregnant without see who's is responsible.

I am totally confussed: this pregnacy is just my major concerned as it is almost ten weeks.
what should i do? advise

Poster you kinda brought the whole of these down on yourself. You already knew that this man isn't financially ready to start a family yet you went on with him only contributing 10%, and you contributing 70%. I will not blame you too much, I know that you may be clamouring to just get married, there's nothing wrong with you supporting your fiance in the marriage but if he only has 10%--that shows that he isn't ready at all and you still went ahead with it. You are already pregnant and even 75% married to him having done the traditional marriage. It's only that no court marriage or church marriage has been done yet to make it legal and if I were you, I should be thankful and be thinking of how to return the bride price.

Don't throw away your baby, don't kill it either. Take care of your child, it isn't the end of the world. Forget every negative things being said about being a single mum---some days you will be glad that you did not do away with that child. Do yourself a favour and get over that baby-baby-man already. Don't tell me that you want to marry a boneless man that is quick to run to his momma and tell you "ntoo, mm-e-e"(as in give you the tongues) from there. . The wedding is on the 27th, it could be that the pressure(financial and otherwise) got too much for him and he ran. It seems like you overdid things dear but I am not blaming you too much.

kulyie: so who is marrying who then?the wife is marrying the husband abi.any woman that pays for her wedding means that she is the one marrying the man.jeez,self respect has vanished in this society o.many ladies are ready to thow their dignity away to be mrs somebody.smh.what a pity

Wen u attend a wedding, u don't go asking who did d sponsorship do u? u only find out unless someone tells u isn't it. My dear talking abt self respect, from the look of things d girl mite hav been in school studying all dis while and now she has the money to help out (call it wat u will) and why not? And befor a lady does dat, she must hav known d man for sometime u know.

The guy is under remote control ,imagine you spending 70% on the introduction and stuff, this just like Dejavu.Forget the guy and go and raise your child.It's God trying to save you.This was just how someone i know turned out.If you go to him : YOU WILL REGRET YOUR MARRIAGE To HIM.LEAVE HIM NOW...All you 'll suffer is shame and gossip at worst 6months or less.Please i am begging you.

Ok, I have gone through your post history, though I still believe there are some vital things you have left out
This is what I think
You have been foolish for a long time.
You've been dealing with an i..diot, who has stringed you with the marriage proposal to get cash from you.
I don't understand why he did an introduction if he wasn't ready to get married.
What I can say his reason is more like a payback for the insulting way you broke up with him , even when his mum was pleading.As some said earlier "shakara don end"
I can only deduce that both of you are not from an average family financially, but you tend to be more financially stable than he is.
You seem to have wanted the wedding more than the guy ( well most ladies do ) the error here is that you and your family are sponsoring the wedding by over 80%

Are you physically handicapped cos you did ask if someone could get married to such in your previous posts
I won't advise you to abort if you are a Christian, as no matter how we want to sugar coat it, it is murder

I cannot say that the life ahead would be easy, but you won't be the first to be in such situations
It is not what happens that matters, but it is what we do to that which has happened that matters

The fact you are down today, doesn't mean you will be down for the rest of your life.
You can always change your situation, just focus on you kid and yourself, and tell yourself that anything you are doing is to give him/her the best in life

peelovee: Greetings Dear NLs,
I am in big confussion right now!

I am totally confussed: this pregnacy is just my major concerned as it is almost ten weeks.
what should i do? advise

i will marry u and take care of d kid

OP, it's best to visit a few Doctors to get their opinions about terminating the pregnancy at this stage. Seems your family has been supportive and that's great. If finances aren't an issue for you and someone in your family can help you with taking care of the baby, keep him/her. Even if they can't, I would still encourage you to keep the pregnancy and then give the baby up for adoption. If you terminate the pregnancy, I imagine you would live with guilt and sadness for the rest of your life, which's no way to live. If you keep the pregnancy and then give him/her up for adoption, you would still feel some guilt and sadness, but it would be more comforting to you knowing your child is alive. Think about it, which one could you live with? At the end of the day, it's your decision and you have to find peace with whatever you decide.

In a way, you should be thankful this happened because you now see the type of man you were about to marry. He got sick in 2006, it's now 2013. Has anything been preventing him from working since he got better? From working now? Or he just wants to mooch off his mom? Him saying you can't take him away from his mom is just pathetic. He's not ready to be a man. It's unfortunate you've spent so much on the marriage preparations (70% from you, 15% from your family) and 10% from him, wow. This's why it's so important for people to not only make sure they're marrying the right person, but to make sure both of them are financially ready. Had you gone through with the marriage, you're going to be the one taking care of him financially. You should never marry someone who'll become a liability to you. It's difficult and unfair for one person to be providing all the needs, especially when the other isn't ready to do anything.

Ladies out there (I myself included) should learn from your story: NEVER EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, GET PREGNANT FOR A MAN YOU'RE NOT [YET] MARRIED TO. IF YOU'RE HAVING S-EX, USE PROTECTION. IN FACT, STAY AWAY FROM PRE-MARITAL S-EX; IT IS WRONG. ABSTINENCE IS ALWAYS THE BEST PROTECTION. IF HE CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE TO HAVE S-EX, SHOW HIM THE DOOR. THE RIGHT MAN FOR YOU WILL RESPECT YOU ENOUGH TO WAIT FOR YOU. AND IF YOU'RE THE ONE INITIATING THE S-EX OR JUST GOING ALONG WITH DOING IT, WELL, IT DEY FOR YOUR BODY.

We all make mistakes and when they happen, we have to face the consequences. But life (in this case, your pregnancy and your dreams) doesn't have to end because of them. Good luck with your decision and don't be discouraged with whatever you decide.

First, keep the baby, don't abort it. God has a reason for everything. The idiot is obviously not meant for you. Have the baby, pick up the pieces of your life and move on. Believe you me, God has better things for you in the offing. Finally, go give a thanksgiving offering in your church, for God has rescued you from a calamitous marriage. May God give you the strength and courage to carry on. Thx.

pweeryambre:
Wen u attend a wedding, u don't go asking who did d sponsorship do u? u only find out unless someone tells u isn't it. My dear talking abt self respect, from the look of things d girl mite hav been in school studying all dis while and now she has the money to help out (call it wat u will) and why not? And befor a lady does dat, she must hav known d man for sometime u know.

My dear, if you are a lady and a guy can not carry at least 60% of your wedding and can not stand his ground that you guys should soft pedal within his means and budget, run for your dear life, You are yet to get a husband.

I can understand the late 20s and early 30 syndrome but life is hell on its own than to live under the same roof with a beast and a bastard.

If not for the c*-u-m-m-i-n-g and h-o-r-n-y (better get a v*i*b*r*a*t*o*r) that does not allow most of you to think right. Don't u carefully observe that he is only sweet when he needs your money or when he is about to prepare you for sex ? Every other time, he is unnecessarily aggresive.

Think twice.

kulyie: so who is marrying who then?the wife is marrying the husband abi.any woman that pays for her wedding means that she is the one marrying the man.jeez,self respect has vanished in this society o.many ladies are ready to thow their dignity away to be mrs somebody.smh.what a pity

Read Isaiah 4.Bible don cover am all.Time for study, women dey use find men.And na yeye men for t

OP, You posted here on 12:08pm On Sep 23, 2010 about a relationship you were in then and how a guy kept collecting money from you for his family issues and never pay back. Also, you posted about " Can You Marry A Physical Challenge (lady Or Guy)"

I wouldn't know how to approach this issue and I am not against any person with physical disability. Not at all because God created us and has His reasons for doing so.
To the point, I believe same guy you mentioned in 2010 is same guy you are having problems with now.

Even if you are a physically challenged person, do not give yourself out to any man because God will choose a man for you. Never buy love, rather ask God for your partner because this issue has generated issues here and we are giving good and bad answers here and some blaming you like me.

Get your life together because you are a beauty to God and not to man. In this marriage, you cannot have peace rather, you have someone who wants to take advantage of you.

kulyie: so who is marrying who then?the wife is marrying the husband abi.any woman that pays for her wedding means that she is the one marrying the man.jeez,self respect has vanished in this society o.many ladies are ready to thow their dignity away to be mrs somebody.smh.what a pity

[b]Read Isaiah 4.[/b]Bible don cover am all.Time for study--women dey use find men.And na yeye men for that matter. They want to marry and give birth.

AVISENNA: The guy is under remote control ,imagine you spending 70% on the introduction and stuff, this just like Dejavu.Forget the guy and go and raise your child.It's God trying to save you.This was just how someone i know turned out.If you go to him : YOU WILL REGRET YOUR MARRIAGE To HIM.LEAVE HIM NOW...All you 'll suffer is shame and gossip at worst 6months or less.Please i am begging you.

My thoughts too, she is better off without that winer man that is busy clutching his momma's apron while his mother is defending him and throwing words at the girl's mother. Jeez! The same man that thought he was man enough when he was exciting her up with his d*cky. Now he is running away scared and making a fool of her. God may be trying to save her early enough from all the many drama that he and his momma may have had in the offing for her. Poster quickly go collect your bride price from them, have your child & dust up yourself.

peelovee: I dont know what to do with this pregnacy.....
My fears: Its ten weeks and I dont know if it will be safe for termination
What about my life
What about My future


As for the marriage I have decided to let go..

advise pls

Lol as a NL veteran, Im ready for those that will yell at me but I say remove it and move on.

No job since 2006..dont know how that passed over your head but whatever, the father is unstable so unless you wanna be stuck with that mess forever, better let it go.

Ivynwa:

My thoughts too, she is better off without that winer man that is busy clutching his momma's apron while his mother is defending him and throwing words at the girl's mother. Jeez! The same man that thought he was man enough when he was exciting her up with his d*cky. Now he is running away scared and making a fool of her. God may be trying to save her early enough from all the many drama that he and his momma may have had in the offing for her. Poster quickly go collect your bride price from them, have your child & dust up yourself.

I guess he's Yoruba.But how do u bring up a child with anything.

ferdimako:

I guess he's Yoruba.But how do u bring up a child with anything.

How can i help you back to your cell. These guards are too careless for my liking. Another tribal killer let loose.

Dat guy is a fraud as far as I'm concerned. As dey say "every disappointment is a blessing" dis might be ur divine intervention frm God. Don't! I repeat DONT ever return to such a weak man. I wish u d best...goodluck!

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If u r below 30 get rid of the pregnancy and start over. This is Naija o, single gal no see husband talk less of after one unless ur family are rich enough to take u abroad. Becos in Europe and America single mums are the hottest thing around

I went thru two of the poster's thread that may have links to this. The first one asking whether one can marry a physically challenged person" is not clear enough because she didn't elaborate clearly on whether she or the man is physically challenged. In the other thread she narrated how a man was fond of taking her money and not repaying her, she got good advise from nairalanders there. There's nothing wrong with helping a friend/fiance but falling mugu to a man that constantly borrows and does not repay is way too much. If it was this same man that she mentioned in that thread that is being talked about here then she has been on a long long thing. It looks like the case of a naive young girl that fell to the maga of the likes of yahoo yahoo boys. I so pity her.

ferdimako:

I guess he's Yoruba.But how do u bring up a child with anything.

Being Yoruba or Hausa has nothing to do with this. Thanks

kulyie: keep encouraging fornicators and multiplication of bastards.afterall we see products of kids abandoned by their fathers that are either street urchins,hooligans,prostitutes and rapists in nigeria

you are neither a saint, holy than thou. We have seeing many of you with all your holy than thou attitude still commit immortality in the dark.

Ivynwa: I went thru two of the poster's thread that may have links to this. The first one asking whether one can marry a physically challenged person" is not clear enough because she didn't elaborate clearly on whether she or the man is physically challenged. In the other thread she narrated how a man was fond of taking her money and not repaying her, she got good advise from nairalanders there. There's nothing wrong with helping a friend/fiance but falling mugu to a man that constantly borrows and does not repay is way too much. If it was this same man that she mentioned in that thread that is being talked about here then she has been on a long long thing. It looks like the case of a naive young girl that fell to the maga of the likes of yahoo yahoo boys. I so pity her.

Thanks

Two of her posts goes to show that she is coming from somewhere and I believe the poster must be sponsoring the guy and teh guy taking advantage of her as a result of her state of health.

Never ever force any man to marry you. If the man is not willing to marry you leave him to go u own your own happiness not for anyone. Life is too short to allow any man make u unhappy, u can be happy without a man. Also don't abort the pregnancy keep the baby,cause dats one of the best gift you can have and then prayerfully ask God to give u a man that sincerely love you and I bet you he will take care of the baby also. Pls pls never abort that baby another one may never come when u need it. My advise#hugs#

There are many reasons that might have caused the man to change his mind.
1)He might have a terminal illness and wanted to spare you of mourning him after
his demise
2)He might not have the financial wherewithal at this period and as such, at the
mercy of the mum whom he may have been hoping will finance the wedding
3)The family may be against the union or the have seen a rich/wealthy lady to marry
Now my humble opinion, keep the pregnancy, people will talk about you for a couple of
months and then they will be tired and find something else to talk about. Trust me,
that child will be your saving grace someday. It will be a difficult journey/task, but
you will sure pull through.

peelovee: Greetings Dear NLs,
I am in big confussion right now!

My spouse and I have been dating since 2008, at the end of 2011 he went to see my parents to let them know his intention. after 2010 we had a misunderstanding which was his fault; that led to seperation. This kept me in a very tight heartbreak it took Gods grace for me to get on with my life again, without any relationship. He came begging, saying he has realize his faults so on and so forth, that I should forgive and give him a second chance that he is a change Person. 2012 November I decided to give him that second chance because of the Love I had for him. Jan 2013 He went for my introduction and traditional and white has been plan for April 27th cards has been distributed ([size=28pt]All expenses 70% from my side, 15% from my parents,10% from my spouse). [/size] february fell ill seriously after, after treatment I discovered I was already 8weeks pregnant, I told my spouse, his response was not encouraging.

Just yesterday he called me and said he is no longer interested, that no tradition/wedding till after i deliver the baby. And that he want to inform me that he has relocated to the village to stay(I confirm this morning and it is true), and that I should have it in mind that i can not seperate him from his mum. even his mum called to confirm dat.

My mum called his mum last night and she told her the same story. She even went ahead to tell my mum that i am lucky they did my introduction before the pregnacy, that what about girls that gets pregnant without see who's is responsible.

I am totally confussed: this pregnacy is just my major concerned as it is almost ten weeks.
what should i do? advise

First and foremost,he is not your spouse
So please stop calling him your spouse Ok?
He is not even a man
Secondly,what in the world will possess you to pay expenses for your own marriage
Are you that desperate ?
Do your parents want to get rid of you?
Why in the world should you and your parents foot the bill for your marriage?
That is the point at which you should have fled from this hot mess

This is a lesson in disguise
He has shown you a shadow of things to come in this doomed union were it to happen
He will probably come begging again,I hope you will be wiser
Good luck with the baby ,carry it to term and have your baby
It is your baby not his
He abandoned you,he abandoned the baby
No ifs or buts
Hopefully your parents will support you
Do not make the foolish mistake of naming this child after this eediotic loser
Give it your last name and delete him from your memory fast
He is not worth it at all
There is nothing positive in this man from all you have said
Chickened out of a relationship dumping a pregnant fiancee ,Moved to the village with his mother,probably unemployed
An efulefu ,loafer extraordinaire
I wouldn't even hire him to walk my dog
Tufiakwa

Take the pregnancy as the only positive that came out of a 5 year wasted relationship with an eediot hopefully the innocent baby will not inherited his useless traits
I know it looks like a double negative now
Have the courage to hold your head up high and walk away,let the people say what they like,you did nothing wrong
Don't make the mistake of begging this eediot to marry you because you want him o take away the shame of the disappointment,you will regret it
When you look into the eyes of the baby,your sorrow will turn to joy
Wishing you all the best
This is not the end of your world

You be desperado?

[quote author=peelovee]

Obvioussly, ur spouse is financially irresponsible wchich u should have known havin bore 70percent of the wedding espences wc is y its easier for him to cancel or postpone it. I guess d mum has been d one feeding him all this while n knowing she can't be respinsible for her son, u n d baby is dir reason for calling d wedding off. So expt u are ready to be d sole provider n responsible for ur new family's upkeep for as long as it takes, I"ll advice u cancel d wedding hard as it may be and trust God for ur welfare n dt of ur baby. May God protect us from men of deceit

Try God.