debosky: Judgmental folk: get off your soap box for a moment and learn a lesson from the OP.

She isn't 'justifying' what she did. She is simply saying that - like many of you - she felt it would never happen to her. This is a very important lesson.

It can happen - that's the point of the thread, even to those who consider themselves 'above' such mistakes.

Even those holding on to virginity as a shield are not immune.

She's already broken off the relationship, as well as taking a break from the bf to clear her head. She cannot unphock the married man, so all your condemnation will not change a thing.

debosky: . . . the man who invented grammar

Aleovera:

Actually God already has! I just need to make sure to forgive myself and move on. As for the reasons you think the incident occurred, that's just silly.

continue to sin because grace abound!

e don do u? Then repent

Anti-Gbagaun:

Hehehe. . . .the break is still ongoing so taking is the correct tense to use.

You better not add me to your Gbagaun list.

Hold up, hold up though. . . .is the OP saying she gave her virginity to the married man?

hoe hoe hoe

Acidosis: The easiest way to die young is to give all your love to a woman...


While you're dating, make sure you face your business, family, career and future plans.. 7% attention to her; 90% attention to your job, religion, brothers, sisters, career etc...

Don't give her more than 10% lest you fall into a very big unamendable disaster....

I don talk my own.

this this Acidic

@op,wat u did was wrong by dating a married man bt d deed is done nd tank God nufin bad happened along d line...to correct ur mistakes,cut all ties btwn ursef nd d married man nd break up wth ur bf by giving him reasons which is u dnt love him cos if u did u won't av done wat u did. Move on nd luk for sumone else nd neva go bak to ANY married man

debosky: Judgmental folk: get off your soap box for a moment and learn a lesson from the OP.

She isn't 'justifying' what she did. She is simply saying that - like many of you - she felt it would never happen to her. This is a very important lesson.

It can happen - that's the point of the thread, even to those who consider themselves 'above' such mistakes.

Even those holding on to virginity as a shield are not immune.

She's already broken off the relationship, as well as taking a break from the bf to clear her head. She cannot unphock the married man, so all your condemnation will not change a thing.

But we don't need such sermons here..


Yes it can happen, it has been happening and it will surely happen..


Are you trying to say those with confidence should bring down their shoulders and act like a docile animal waiting for a married male lion to devour them?

Are you saying we should stop been confident in ourselves? as in, "I am going to fall someday" ?
Abegiiiiiii, make una carry una sermon comot..

I can bet anything on some ladies I know.

...and do we have to believe all the confidence shes trying to prove to us before she fell? I don't believe a "confident" woman/man will fall into such temptation.

And why the sooo much confidence in herself? She be Deeper Life Member
She dey cover all her body reach neck?

Acidosis:
Are you trying to say those with confidence should bring down their shoulders and act like a docile animal waiting for a married male lion to devour them?

No, I'm saying - check yourself again. Don't think you are immune - be on the look out.

Are you saying we should stop been confident in ourselves? as in, "I am going to fall someday" ?

No - I'm saying that overconfidence and pride is what leads to the greatest fall. The OP was so sure she could control her relationships with men that she dropped her guard.

I can bet anything on some ladies I know.

For all you know, the OP is one of them - you go dey boast you can bet x and y and a married man is already chopping them.

...and do we have to believe all the confidence shes trying to prove to us before she fell? I don't believe a "confident" woman/man will fall into such temptation.

And that shows how naive you are. Given the right circumstances anyone can fall. Abeg if you can't understand the message, go and look for some alkali to neutralise.

And why the sooo much confidence in herself? She be Deeper Life Member
She dey cover all her body reach neck?

Na those ones dem dey chop pass.

ogugua88: [size=13pt]I will NEVER sleep with a married man who isn't my husband.[/size]

Talk is cheap.

TEA esq™:

this this Acidic

awww baby TEA

How have you been?

ogugua88: [size=13pt]What I'm getting from this is that you once believed cheating was wrong, but because you're now a cheat yourself, your perspective has changed? Give me a break.

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is one of the worst forms of disrespect to a partner or spouse, and people who cheat are discontented and highly undisciplined human beings. There is such a thing as self-control. In your case, it's not that you lost control, but that you know what's right and wrong and have chosen to do wrong on more than one occasion. You are giving yourself to another woman's husband. What does marriage even mean to you, if anything at all? I'm assuming you want to get married one day. Isn't marriage a sacred union that people are supposed to hold at high regard? If you're disrespecting and desecrating another woman's union, what makes you think yours should even be average, let alone sweet?

How on earth could you even take a break with your boyfriend? If you loved him at all, you wouldn't even consider leaving him for another woman's husband. You told him you need a break as if you're the one that's being hurt. Add the word "selfish" along with discontented and highly undisciplined please.

You are not just wrong, but double wrong. If you have any ounce of morality left in you, come clean with your boyfriend and let him go. I wonder what he's done to deserve having an adulterer as a girlfriend.

And we wonder why STDs are rampant. Shey na 2013? Smh.[/size]

nice speech bro

First of all the op to me is a guy, from the manner in which the story was presented and just looking for a way to create a conversation. Even though cheating can happen depending on the choices we make, any body with the set of values as described cannot behave so let alone decides to ask for a break from the relationship. It's alien to me, my mind anyway or whateverrrrrrrrr.

Another attention seeker!!!

debosky:

No, I'm saying - check yourself again. Don't think you are immune - be on the look out.



No - I'm saying that overconfidence and pride is what leads to the greatest fall. The OP was so sure she could control her relationships with men that she dropped her guard.



For all you know, the OP is one of them - you go dey boast you can bet x and y and a married man is already chopping them.



And that shows how naive you are. Given the right circumstances anyone can fall. Abeg if you can't understand the message, go and look for some alkali to neutralise.



Na those ones dem dey chop pass.

hahahahahahahahahaha @the last statement
Not true sha


Anyway, the lesson is clear in her write-up, it could happen to anyone but it will not happen to everyone..
..& what will be will surely be

waste of space-80percent of girls do this for money-its normal.

[b]

Aleovera: Hello house,

I have been a consistent guest on this forum and decided to hop on to the next level by becoming a member.. yayy

Okay so, as regards the subject, let me start by giving a brief description of myself or the sort of person I used to be. I used to think of myself as really disciplined, principled and one who would never compromise her values or standards. Also, I used to be so quick to pass judgement. I never could understand why girls dated married men and deluded themselves into thinking they were in love! Not only did I find such circumstances disgustingly annoying but also judged the ladies as silly, stupid, gullible, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish and cruel!

I also had zero tolerance for people who cheat on their partners. I saw them as discontented and highly undisciplined individuals.

However, I have had reason to change my perspectives as a result of some recent happenings in my life!

I cheated on my partner with a married man! I am totally shocked at myself! The crazy part of this is that I think I fell in love with this married man! My boo and I are tight and have been together for well over 4years and I always thought I could never be attracted to any other man. I have tried to put an end to this craziness because it just ain't worth it but its so hard.

The purpose of this thread is to:
1) Let you all who think so highly of yourself to be careful lest you fall. Never say never! Never think you are too disciplined or smart or principled to fall for certain temptations. Those who know me will never believe me if I tell them I fell for adultery (I can't even believe myself)

2)Seek counsel from people who have gone through this kind of stuff. You had an affair you knew you had to get out of but just couldn't, how did you deal with it.

What I have been doing lately is praying and deliberately not contacting this married dude. (I still find myself thinking about him)I also told my boo I needed a break!

Please let's discuss maturely as I believe there are so many people going through this kinda stuff but cant share with anyone because of the fear of condemnation and peoples hypocritical and self righteous attitude!

What's all this rubbish about people knowing what they should expect yet asking for advice. This kind of rubbish not never make front page at all. Someone goes out there engages in self motivated and indecent pleasure, then comes to nairaland to seek advice. When the man was making advances on you why didn't you seek advice from NLders. You people should stop all these nonsense. Dumb heads.[/b]

This quote by Lao Tzu comes to mind after reading thru everyone's post

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.

I'm in no way cordoning her actions but from what i get from this story is that the OP truly didn't know herself as much as she claims she did.

I guess everyone should calm down and really take a moment to evaluate ourselves. How much do we really know ourselves. Again Never say Never.

Aleovera:

Your assumption is wrong.

Now let me make this clear, there is no intention to justify any wrong here

My dear......what you are doing is simply trying to justify your actions.

You are only trying to make yourself feel good after messing up.....and do not think that because you have failed to be faithful, then it is a lesser sin.

Why do I have a feeling that this story and it's teller is one of seun's moderators ? Having fun with the site ? Anyways ill still add to d topic .
@op I sense no remorse at all given ur entire write up and response to other NL contributors .Although you just might be but I do not sense it at all whcich makes me feel that you wd have anoda cheat session if care isn't taken because you have failed to admit that at the point which you cheated and even allowd your self fall in love with that married man you had no iota of feelings anymore for your boo other dan PITY.You were becoming bored with Your BOO's touch aswell (4+)years right ? Then again , if you were married wd you have let dis 'away match ' take place ?
@op you taking a break from your boo to me wsnt the best cos you leave an innocent man disturbed and worried for something he knows nothing about tinking he might have hurt u ... All u need do is to take time out withinyou and think from your write up u realise an affair with a married man wd lead no where meaningful let alone u have feelings for him. I understand d part that u cud be bored hence the infatuation u call love for the married man , u need to remind your self of the good times with ur boo ,what made u accept to date him in d first place , all d wonderful times u both shared and value them , ul see that a bird at hand is worth more than a mill at loose... Ul begin to appreciate ur boo again . As for telling him that is totally up to you.

Aleovera:

No use pointing out what I should or shouldn't have done seeing that it is a lil too late for that. Now, as regards coming clean, are you saying I don't have to tell him about my moment of weakness?

As noble as it sounds to tell your boyfriend it is a wrong move, reminds me of my ex girlfriend and her saying she told me cos of love, I forgave she still slept with the guy again,to me its like Hey I cheated and um.. I pity you.

Please don't try to appease your conscience, you cheated spare your bf the trauma because he will blame himself wonder where he went wrong what he didn't do right,Feel horrible for ur indiscretion,so please pity a brother and save him the stress.

As for me @d point I have gotten to,if my present gf sleeps even with my dad,I won't loose a wink of sleep.

At poster don't beat yourself up life goes on.

[quote author=Aleovera]Hello house,

I have been a consistent guest on this forum and decided to hop on to the next level by becoming a member.. yayy

Okay so, as regards the subject, let me start by giving a brief description of myself or the sort of person I used to be. I used to think of myself as really disciplined, principled and one who would never compromise her values or standards. Also, I used to be so quick to pass judgement. I never could understand why girls dated married men and deluded themselves into thinking they were in love! Not only did I find such circumstances disgustingly annoying but also judged the ladies as silly, stupid, gullible, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish and cruel!

I also had zero tolerance for people who cheat on their partners. I saw them as discontented and highly undisciplined individuals.

However, I have had reason to change my perspectives as a result of some recent happenings in my life!

I cheated on my partner with a married man! I am totally shocked at myself! The crazy part of this is that I think I fell in love with this married man! My boo and I are tight and have been together for well over 4years and I always thought I could never be attracted to any other man. I have tried to put an end to this craziness because it just ain't worth it but its so hard.

The purpose of this thread is to:
1) Let you all who think so highly of yourself to be careful lest you fall. Never say never! Never think you are too disciplined or smart or principled to fall for certain temptations. Those who know me will never believe me if I tell them I fell for adultery (I can't even believe myself)

2)Seek counsel from people who have gone through this kind of stuff.

Clap for yourself. I call this social engineering.

Please oh before we murder the OP...he without sin shpuld cast the first stone,

Being judgemental won't help.

Hello NLs, dis lady has made d mistake already. I don't think all dis grieviances wil help her out of d mess. She'$ here to seek advice on how to pul out I guess. My dear sista d word of God said dat anyone dat thinks he stand should take heed lest he fall. Nobody is above temtaption. Just be determined to pull out, tell d man in question dat u ar no more interested, delete his numba so u ar not tempted to call him again. Don't ever tel ur bf cos he won't trust n luv u again. Go to God in prayers for 4giveness. Neva go back to d man. Tnx

I am tired of reading these type of stories abeg.

The point is that whether you are just dating or married to anyone, expect heartbreak anytime. Trust nobody. LOVE DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS WORLD EXCEPT GOD'S TRUE LOVE.

Get married because it is necessary but expect any crazy act from your spouse at any time.

Lets be real. This thing called L.O.V.E is a facade.

Popowaa: Although what she did was bad i think u guys are been too harsh on her.As human beings sometimes we make mistakes and we learn from it.
@ Op u just want to throw 4yrs away just like dat?First regret what u did cos u seem to justify ur action although u were wrong.If u keep justifying it u will see it as the right thing and by the time u reaize sleeping with married men will be a habit.regret ur actions come clean and beg ur boo for forgiveness even if he walks away u will have a clear mind and it will always remind u the next time u want to cheat that u lost smthing valuable the last time u tried.

Dear Mrs Solicitor,
Rational and Normal Humans make simple mistakes, but costly and complex mistakes are made by the STUPID and HOPELESS Set of HUMAN. I've been cheated on and I haven't healed from the bruises. I can't even go into another relationship I'm fucking afraid, Opposite sex scares the shit out of ME.