mysticgal: i have heard of this types of marriage,seen them with my korokoro eye,i can't even dream of letting an insane mad man touch me,i will will definately tear his heart from his back and implant it on his chest lobatan

Hmmmm. Initial gra gra.
I blame women that want to marry made-men or established men by all means. They don't want to build from the scratch they just want to enter luxury. Can't imagine beating my wife that I met just after NYSC before getting a job,knows me in & out,when I was nothing,just because I feel have got something now feel I can beat someone that helped me up too. For women that are being abused u have only 2 options:
1. Be a zombie, don't alter a word to him,don't object to anything he says,let him be ur Lord or.
2 If u can't treat him like ur god even if he's acting like a beast. Pls kindly pack ur load & go while u're alive.simple!
U CAN'T CHANGE AN ABUSIVE MAN/WOMAN.

peggykorol: Once a man starts abusing the wife physically,he won't stop.it goes on and on.thats how mine started and I thought it would be the last.i know some people on NL feel am not real or I caused my problem myself but you are free to feel or think however you want
As am typing this now,I have some wounds on my back and hands.thats the recent beating I got from someone who claims to luv me very much.for every time I question his fidelity,I get beaten up seriously like a thief who stole in the market square.he sleeps with girls anywhere.ranging from his car to our matrimonial home to motels,
Now ask me how I knew all this

SO AS BIG AS YOU ARE,YOU DONT KNOW WHERE GUNS ARE SOLD.KAI U DEY FALL MY HAND OOOOO

mbulela:
i don't want to turn this into a religious battle but some pastors are nutcases. Some of them beat their wives.
My wife's friend complained to her pastor about her husband beating her. Do you know what he said?
"You too should be careful how you talk to your husband. You know he has a temper."
I just shook my head when my wife told me the story.

In the Nigerian context, I tend to agree with the pastor's advice. Little else for the woman to do really.
I say in the Nigerian context because, in a different society, the woman could have called the police, or filed for divorce. Both of which are usually not viable options down here. If she intends to stay in the marriage, she'd better watch how she speaks to the dude.

xy and zeelo believe me this is no story or igg,all the hustling about made men haha ok you mean i should marry begger before i would avoid violence research shows that poor men beat their wifes out of frustration

Donxavier:

Hmmmn .....Ok what do you want to do going forward?

I've already told my parents and they are supportive.I've started calling my contacts at CAC to send clients my way.my sister wants to send things from America that i can sell wholesale so I'm negotiating with managers of some supermarkets here.

My MIL and FIL say i shouldn't leave but um gonna bid time.at least to garner some money to take care of myself n the kids.

Tho some ladies deserves to be beaten but even at that, I can never and would never lay a finger on my woman.i rather leave that relationship if the woman is stressful. ...

Caracta:

Oh dear Lord, where are these people from? Are you for real?

Yeah we are very real as her problems are! She is very vulnerable and may fall into another trap.These days lesbians are even more desperate than men. Know a case of a lesbian General Overseer of a Church that kept female sex slaves in her house. She called them her special assistants! Special indeed! The girls main routine each day is to kneel down between her legs for hours tonguing her kinikon until she is satisfied. She was only exposed when one of the girls was bold enough to escape and told her story to a lawyer. So lesbian molesters in Nigeria is very real!

stay low n get urslf smthg doing nxt time he tries hitting u standup for urslf n let hm know dat u re a human being n not an animal even animals defend themself nt b scared of him evn if u are dnt let it show he has no d rite 2 treat u dat way

swag queen:


I've already told my parents and they are supportive. I've started calling my contacts at CAC to send clients my way.my sister wants to send things from America that i can sell wholesale so I'm negotiating with managers of some supermarkets here.

My MIL and FIL say i shouldn't leave but um gonna bid time.at least to garner some money to take care of myself n the kids.

Good @ highlighted portion.
In fact you can start working on helping people in similar situations as yours, once you get your self sorted out.

dowjones: sorrystories.com! I will not mind standing as the bad guy but i'll drop my 2 cents.

Any matured mind will know, it is wrong to listen to one side of a story, especially the WOMAN'S side. Laced with tears and self-righteousness, a woman WILL never say what REALLY triggered the abuse. I AM AGAINST ANY FORM FORM OF ABUSE but some men are not particularly diplomatic or patient. The woman must have seen these traits during courtship and early parts of the marriage yet they still dont know how to handle thier man.

Men who exhibit "abusive" traits are usually victims of extremely strict upbringing, where perfection is required at all times or they've been played by women (ex-girlfriends). Men like this will transfer this "discipline" or pain to his household if that part of him is triggered.

I grew up in a home where my Dad constantly abused my mom verbally,he'd leave the house for months but he made sure we had more than enough. I grew up hating him and this hate remains but even as a child i knew MY MOM WAS USUALLY THE CAUSE ! (RIP to her soul but she was the cause). She was forgetful and careless and he was a perfectionist. her carelessness caused a fire that burned our house and 2 houses on our street (and this is is one of the many things)
There must be days ur husband is sincerely loving and "normal". Ask him what you do that pisses him off and after that, tell him you will change but he has to stop the abuses for the sake of the kids. (asking what pisses him off works like magic)

I have talked too much..and its a sign of the end times!

completely agree with you

AjanleKoko:

In the Nigerian context, I tend to agree with the pastor's advice. Little else for the woman to do really.
I say in the Nigerian context because, in a different society, the woman could have called the police, or filed for divorce. Both of which are usually not viable options down here. If she intends to stay in the marriage, she'd better watch how she speaks to the dude.

Please tell me why filing for divorce is not a viable option. You assume every woman is from a very poor background and has no money of her own right?

Vincent 4:

FOOL

swag queen:


I've already told my parents and they are supportive.I've started calling my contacts at CAC to send clients my way.my sister wants to send things from America that i can sell wholesale so I'm negotiating with managers of some supermarkets here.

My MIL and FIL say i shouldn't leave but um gonna bid time.at least to garner some money to take care of myself n the kids.

Great. Good to know you are on the right path. In your own mind, do you still think your marriage is redeemable? Does your husband care about his kids?

Donjazzy12: FINALLY........THE TRUTH!

no truth, do you judge this case by what a family went through?? People are different, families differ, mentality differs. As a critical thinker, I'm yet to fault the op, if u have been able to spot any, let me know, but if you have not, stick to the problem at hand and stop looking for a complementary problem.



And the problem here is how to stop the op from being abused and not what she does that make her to be abused by her husband •

swag queen:
(he would call,complain about something and hang up on me.i never ever hang up on people.i see it as being disrespectful)...

Same for me too. Such attitude is highly disrespectful.

Les: no truth, do you judge this case by what a family went through?? People are different, families differ, mentality differs. As a critical thinker, I'm yet to fault the op, if u have been able to spot any, let me know, but if you have not, stick to the problem at hand and stop looking for a complementary problem.



And the problem here is how to stop the op from being abused and not what she does that make her to be abused by her husband •

and how do you get a solution to a problem without Knowing the cause?

oh God oh. God

Really, what kind of Man beats a defenceless, weaker feminine gender?

A Coward, I suppose! And a Beast too, considering the fragile and soft nature of the Feminine body structure...

Some Females can be so annoying though but I think the greatest punishment to mete out on such unruly Females is to simply ignore them!

They hate being ignored!

Nashville:

Please tell me why filing for divorce is not a viable option. You assume every woman is from a very poor background and has no money of her own right?

Not at all.
But there is a very distinct social stigma associated with divorced women in Nigeria. It has nothing to do with the woman's income.
And of course you are likely to not get any support from anybody if you report your husband to the police in Nigeria. Neither your family nor your husband's.

We women have to knw what we want in a marriage b4 we go in, nobody is too big 4 an abuse, my husband beat me once and he can say what he went tru to get me back, cos i ve always said that a man cannot beat me but when it happened i took a bold step and left d hux with my phones switch off i did not even tell anybody at home, but had to cos of my families concern. And when we where called to explain wht happened d only thing i could say was if he tried d rubbish again i wud leave his hux without coming back and i meant it cos i dont c any reason why i shd be at an abuSive marriage.

Ujujoan: Thunder fire the head of any man who dares abuse me . . . physically or emotionally.

Husband or no husband, older or younger . . . . me and am go put leg for inside one trousers.

@ Swag queen . .

You need to grow some balls and stand up for yourself for the sake of your children. Ahaaaan . .

Have you no shame at all . . . a Lawyer by training, and yet you roll back and take trash from a man . . . . . not God oh, ordinary man.

Your parents must be heart broken . . . all the money they spent on your education is being wasted . . . . all to answer mrs. 'jerk'! Men who abuse their wives, the mother of their kids, are the lowest of all scum. They should be stripped naked and flogged in the market square!

Please let me ask, does your husband have two heads? Is it not the same one head you were born with that he has himself?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I detest weak women . . . you are causing more problem for yourself and your innocent kids in the future than you can possibly imagine.

Either you grow some balls and force him to be a responsible father/husband . . . . or save your sanity and those of your kids and walk away!

To add to what she Ujuan says not only are you being weak but you're breeding another set of women abusers!

These women abusers came out of homes like that. Your son is learning and will carry this out on someone else in future.

I know you have a lot to contend with, but as long as you stay there add the above to the list!

Am sorry if my words will hurt but you are the cause of your problem.
You are hurt already but the truth has to be told.
Did you jst say your a lawyer?
He already voiced out his problem to you; u are only but a burden to him, you have not added and not even planning to add to him. All you bring out of him is the beast in him.
The way u present yourself,that is the way you will be addressed.

I wont advs u leave,get yourselve busy to secure a good future for yourself and kids. Men have a way of wanting to be identified with their wives success.

For any other facing abuse out there,its time to pick up and say no to it ones and for all. You are not complaining thats why they havent seen it as something wrong.

ajanaku2: Really, what kind of Man beats a defenceless, weaker feminine gender?

A Coward, I suppose! And a Beast too, considering the fragile and soft nature of the Feminine body structure...

Some Females can be so annoying though but I think the greatest punishment to mete out on such unruly Females is to simply ignore them!

They hate being ignored!

Really? Just hold let the aggressive feminists ( Ring leader Wu Zaitan aka Shollypopz )get hold of you, you'd rethink the above statement.

Btw I believe it.

Hettymoore:
and how do you get a solution to a problem without Knowing the cause?

sometimes, the cause of a problem can be a source of a mystery, in such cases, the solution is to look for an escape route and leave the problem behind. Her husband is not her problem, her problem is the abuse and if getting out of the marriage is the only solution, so be it.

Ema prince: Only slapped my sister once and that was like 11yrs ago.I was small anyway.she felt dizzy and i was filled with remorse.
since then,I have never beaten any woman and will never do!..But advising the abused to leave their marriage isn't the best.
If you are a Christian,talk to your pastor and he will tell you that it is not prudent to leave your marriage because,even if you get married to another,that first man is still your true husband.forget all these things we are learning from the white.

I'll advice that you pray harder to GOD over this.there is nothing impossible to him

Rubbish! Believe this at your own peril. True husband ko. It is very possible to marry wrongly.If a woman's husband dies and she remarries, does that mean the new husband isn't a 'true husband'?

Nashville:

Madam, this may hurt but your husband does not love you. You have been married for just for years and all of this has happened and his parents no get shame sef. I am a married man so I know what I am saying - that man does not love you and you have nothing to gain by staying in that marriage. I repeat, you have nothing to gain. He openly cheats and beats you for complaining, gives you no money etc. Now you feel worthless and you are still staying there. If I understand correctly, you are just 30 years old and a lawyer. Please do not end you life before it even starts.

Let me tell you the truth. You made a mistake by marrying that man, you better cut your loses and start afresh. The future of your marriage is bleak and I just cant see how he will change. At 30 you can still get a job, how can you just give up like that. Send me your CV, I know partners in top law firms and I will forward to them for real. No joking here. You need to get yourself a job asap. Now if he says you cant work, then its time to tell him goodbye.

I know a woman who was divorced, without a job, heavily in debt and with two children at age 30. She started afresh and by age 40 she was a multi-millionare in dollars. You know how she did it. She gave herself a chance in life by starting over. You need to give yourself another chance. You are just 30 and you want to end your life in some marriage. Some of your mates sef never marry and they will still marry and enjoy life. Please, in fact I am so angry that I will start blaming you if I continue!

At OP, you want to whom that woman is? JK Rowling, arthor of the Harry Potter franchise. Today she's a billioniare. She was abused and ran for it. She was homeless but she had her dignity and the love of her child. The love of your child would make you do the impossible, it will motivate you, give you ideas and make you work harder.

I'm really pained by this, this is happening in 2013? And not to anyone but to a Lawyer ! You see how we all keep harping about your profession? There's a reason, if you qualified from Law School means you at least used your brain, you worked hard and had determination. Why wouldn't you use all these qualities in real life?
You don't have to actual practice law but all these soft skills you developed at school have equipped you for life life situations like this.

I'm pained, angry at the world and disappionted in you, because 6 years ago I gave this same advice to a married woman who didn't have SSCE qualifications. I really should NOT have to be telling this to a lawyer.

Get out now whislt you aren't broken yet. Because from your posts you still have some spirit - get out before this spirit is broken too. Because once your spirit to fight is gone. . . it's gone !

jay bee:
How did you handle it?

please read the story on page 3. Thanks.

Les: sometimes, the cause of a problem can be a source of a mystery, in such cases, the solution is to look for an escape route and leave the problem behind. Her husband is not her problem, her problem is the abuse and if getting out of the marriage is the only solution, so be it.

why look for escape route when u can address the cause and enjoy a happy life?

Nashville: Unfortunately, I have nothing to share but an advice to young people still dating.

Dont be blinded by love, money, sway etc. Background is very important. Most abusive men come from abusive homes. The first marriage we all know and see is our parents and the way our parents conduct themselves in marriage would have a strong influence in how we conduct ourselves in marriage. We are their offspring. So young people should research family background before saying "I do". He might be sounding all romantic and all that. But the day you offend him after marriage, all he will remember is how his dad beat the hell out of his mum for the same offense some years back. Then he begins to ask himself why he should not do the same to you.

My advice also goes to guys. Abuse no get gender. Some girls go about verbally abusing their husbands because that was what they also saw. And some even go physical. Shine ya eye before marriage, because after marriage na prayer remain o!

very true about the background thing. all these love nd romantic stuffs sometimes blinds U from his real person. Until you see the way people handle emotions like anger, frustration, excitement etc. U know almost nothing about them