When a man commits a crime,the writeup is SPECIFIC but when a woman commits a crite the Phrases are GENERALIZED to make it sound subtle...

For Example....."My Boyfriend is a brute. He 'kicks me',punches me' and at times 'bangs my head' on the wall"

Buh when a Woman is reporting herself, she says 'I Hit my Boyfriend'. Where as, Bros is in a Hospital Somewhere...

Take note people...

@OP ,Be nice to say i slapped him back, not ONLY that buh also punched n kicked him tooo.....

My advice is simple....Run(like some cohorts would advice) and spare bros some beatings later on in life

bukatyne: @OP:

Had to reread after reading all the comments

Me thinks that the bobo would have beaten you to a pulp if he is an abuser (but again, I do not have the manual of all abusers)

Him begging after you retaliated means he was shocked to his sense and remorseful OR he did not know you have in you (Peak milk things) and his brain went to default settings though I am more inclined to go with the former

I will say you givr him another chance and see how it does. He might truly be repentant.

You should also discuss with an unbiased adult and let him/her advise both of you together

God be with you

These are my exact thoughts...

I would also say are there other red flags I.e controlling manipulative tendencies, emotional blackmail,quick to temper, attitudes towards others esp those less in stature or position etc.I would have said RUN but you retaliating with violence kinda means you both need anger management.Self defence could have stopped at you also giving one slap back impulsively but you doing more was more a retaliatory action.

In all search yourself deeply to see if prior to this there have been red flags that culminated in that slap.

jessybarbie: Before now, I have already made up my mind not to have anything to do with any man that lays his hand on me and he knows this. I have being dating him for two years now and just in the middle of a big quarrel two days ago he slapped me. I reacted immediately and hit him as much as I could but he did not retaliate but felt really bad and started begging me immediately to forgive him.

I have sworn to him that it is over between us. He is begging, pleading, crying, asking our friends to intercede and loads of other stuffs that I can not put down here just to have me at least forgive him and be his friend again but I have declined because I believe that this can happen again.

I want to know if there is a way that it can work again between us? We have gotten to a stage that we are more than just bf and gf. We had great plans for the future if things turns out well but this singular act have altered everything and we are both hurting.

Is there any way to remedy this relationship or is it truly over forever?

After 2yrs of dating, u must ve rly angered him wit words and provoked him to do so (I knw how girls can be so harsh wit words) and wen he slapped u, u dealt serious blows on him in retaliation (as u be heavy weight champion for man beating) and he did not respond; a true gentle man he must ve been and that shows he felt remorseful...jst forgive him and hope he forgives u too cus you were both wrong and I won't give u any credit as being the innocent one here cus we haven't even heard his side of the story

bukatyne: @OP:

Had to reread after reading all the comments

Me thinks that the bobo would have beaten you to a pulp if he is an abuser (but again, I do not have the manual of all abusers)

Him begging after you retaliated means he was shocked to his sense and remorseful OR he did not know you have in you (Peak milk things) and his brain went to default settings though I am more inclined to go with the former

I will say you givr him another chance and see how it does. He might truly be repentant.

You should also discuss with an unbiased adult and let him/her advise both of you together

God be with you

@bukatyne If after two years he can slap me, do you think we have made enough progress to continue together?

jessybarbie:

@bukatyne If after two years he can slap me, do you think we have made enough progress to continue together?

Babe you are putting me on the spot

Two years is both long and short. You cannot everything about your guy and vice versa and different suitations will come up.

Ok, has any of your quarrells in the last 2yrs been as heated as this? And I want you to know you both are growing and the other party as to study continually to on top.

I dated/courted my husband for 7years before marrying in the 8th year so dear, 2yrs is just warming up the car.

angela98: women have soft hands they dont slap a man aggressively they give men a sexy slap..ha ha ha. Joke apart. Even if he slaps him, as a man he wouldn't have retaliated. He is suppose to calm her

what in the world is wrong wit u ladies.everytin is wrong wen a man slaps a lady but wen d lady does same, u expect him as a so called gentle man to take it in good faith.sorry but ur line of thought is flawed.@op what did u tell ur man dat has never attempted slaping u for over two years to nw do it.its obvious u said something so nasty to have made him lose control.

The girl na Jamie bond but then I like it more than a girl crying like a wimp and coming to NL.

I doubt there is any manipulative anything for the girl to have the mind to slap him back.

damiso:

These are my exact thoughts...

I would also say are there other red flags I.e controlling manipulative tendencies, emotional blackmail,quick to temper, attitudes towards others esp those less in stature or position etc.I would have said RUN but you retaliating with violence kinda means you both need anger management.Self defence could have stopped at you also giving one slap back impulsively but you doing more was more a retaliatory action.

In all search yourself deeply to see if prior to this there have been red flags that culminated in that slap.

bukatyne:
Ok, has any of your quarrells in the last 2yrs been as heated as this? And I want you to know you both are growing and the other party as to study continually to on top..

I think op should answer this question SINCERELY!
slapping the other in a relationship signifies a big absence of respect in that relationship.
For God's sake, you hit a man that you want to call HUSBAND one day

alutacontinua:


I think op should answer this question SINCERELY!
slapping the other in a relationship signifies a big absence of respect in that relationship.
For God's sake, you hit a man that you want to call HUSBAND one day

And the man also hit a woman he wants to call Wife one day

Let us not sensationalize issues

bukatyne:

And the man also hit a woman he wants to call Wife one day

yes, of course!
Something is wrong with that relationship-and it goes both ways

The fact that you retaliated also shows you are violent and should equally be dreaded, both of you are guilty of one and same offence. EOD!

My submission, stick to him!

NB: You haven't told us the sh1t you did to warrant a slap (not justifying the slap thou) even thou it may well be justified afterall

It is not always black and white

This is the first time na o

alutacontinua:

yes, of course!
Something is wrong with that relationship-and it goes both ways

@op if you take him back and maybe marry him,expect more slaps and more,and if that happens please do not complain because all the signs were there from the get-go..

A word is enough for the wise.

Ngokafor:

@op if you take him back and maybe marry him,expect more slaps and more,and if that happens please do not complain because all the signs were there from the get-go..

A word is enough for the wise.

You don't seem interested in knowing what she did in the first place huh..

For those saying after 2 years of dating she must have annoyed him she must have really annoyed him n all.. people hide o.. my ex husband n I dated for 2 years, no slap wtsoeva!! Immediately bride price was paid, 3 slaps 1day, with my belle o.. he read bible, cried, begged dt it won't happen again, against my better judgement, I forgave him.. d next time he tried to choke me, n d next he threw a plate on my leg, n d next he beat me while I was breastfeeding, I had 2 bend 2 cover my baby, Dts wen it finally clicked in my head, I had 2 leave.. pls o, if u stay, be careful sha.. i'm not saying he's not remorseful enough it's just dt from my experience I doubt!

angela98: its mindset like mine that protect vulnerable women. Relationship is not by force. na small small rat dey chop bag. From slap it will enter punch and the next thing strangle. There are many good men out there who do not hit a woman. She should be patient she would find one. She can love again.

Aunty pls no insults intended but I think u re one of those furstrated women who out of shakara and over puffing of chest wasted away their marriage oppurtunity now u re bent on destroying young girls relationships so as to make them end up like you @ op 2 years relationship nd the guy hasn't hit u b/4? Well considering how women talk u might have said something bad sha if u like follow this home wreckers advise nd throw way ur 2yrs b/4 imara u go don reach 38 I jst dey advise oh

theLORDreigns:

Where she goes is secondary... right now, the smart thing to do is to walk out.



She isn't, it was self-defence.



She isn't the abusive type...



Lol...stop being sarcastic!

Thank u for ur sincere answer. Some guys here are saying d Op is also abusive. Mtschewww! The Op slapping him back is in self defence. The natural thing that comes to mind when someone hits u is to hit back,be u a man or a woman.atimes it's even involuntary.
Now as for my opinion, Op, the likelihood that ur boyfriend will slap u again is very high. Once it starts it has started. A have a gut feeling u want to forgive him and u want supporters. Finally the decision is urs to take.

kakakent:

Aunty pls no insults intended but I think u re one of those furstrated women who out of shakara and over puffing of chest wasted away their marriage oppurtunity now u re bent on destroying young girls relationships so as to make them end up like you @ op 2 years relationship nd the guy hasn't hit u b/4? Well considering how women talk u might have said something bad sha if u like follow this home wreckers advise nd throw way ur 2yrs b/4 imara u go don reach 38 I jst dey advise oh

Is this kind of talk that get women into trouble. This is relationship o not marriage. If Op finally marries him n he continues slapping her,they will ask if she didnt see it b4 marrying him. If she's 38 and alive there's still hope than marrying at 20 and being in an abusive marriage or worse stil dead. Men are not that scarce that u will see danger and still plunge headlong.
He may or may not repeat it but d probability is higher on him repeating it

Funny people

soonest:
Is this kind of talk that get women into trouble. This is relationship o not marriage. If Op finally marries him n he continues slapping her,they will ask if she didnt see it b4 marrying him. If she's 38 and alive there's still hope than marrying at 20 and being in an abusive marriage or worse stil dead. Men are not that scarce that u will see danger and still plunge headlong.
He may or may not repeat it but d probability is higher on him repeating it

Men are not scarce?

He he he... I pity you and anyone who believes in your statements

Mynd44: All these people looking for faceless people to back them up sef....

You intend to forgive him and go back to him you have made that choice before opening this thread so why bother us by asking?

. Abii o.

Watching a real life drama on domestic violence on the BBC and it shows so many traits that need to be picked on that I touched on earlier Some people are just psychos.

you know what I think I will backtrack on my intial post...its mostly starts with one slap .Relationship sure needs reassesment.

RoyalRoy:

Men are not scarce?

He he he... I pity you and anyone who believes in your statements

He he he
so, una scarce?





Seriously, it takes a lot of 'see-finish' (like my people will say) to be landing slaps on each other.
if he's done it once, high probability he'll do it again
but again, op has failed to address the important questions asked,

damiso: Watching a real life drama on domestic violence on the BBC and it shows so many traits that need to be picked on that I touched on earlier Some people are just psychos.
you know what I think I will backtrack on my intial post...its mostly starts with one slap .Relationship sure needs reassesment.

Murdered by my boyfriend is the title
Chills running down my spine!

I hope the igbaju you gave him was igbaju aiye. That is the real way to shock potential abuser's that you are just as violent when they attempt to hit you. It will force the person to seek alternative conflict resolution strategies. As for if he will change, one cannot predict these things. If you know he is a good guy, watch him very closely before marrying him. A lion cannot hide it's nature for too long. A lot of abusive men can cry for Nigeria. So don't let the tears move you. Use your head in making such life long decisions

Jessybarbie..... I see you reading this right now!!!

What did u say to him before he slapped you?

Answer Us please!!!

soonest:
Is this kind of talk that get women into trouble. This is relationship o not marriage. If Op finally marries him n he continues slapping her,they will ask if she didnt see it b4 marrying him. If she's 38 and alive there's still hope than marrying at 20 and being in an abusive marriage or worse stil dead. Men are not that scarce that u will see danger and still plunge headlong.
He may or may not repeat it but d probability is higher on him repeating it

thank u my sister .please tell him. God bless

I once hit my wife very hard. Dat was before we got married. Nothing seriously happened. I still remember it was drizling outside. I talked to her harshly. I liked to dramatize my anger once in a while then. I pushed her out d door, she told me she was sorry. I retorted more firmly" i dont want to hear yur voice!" She said somthing like "no one is above mistake" i lept up and landed a heavy slap on her face.she triped and had a bruise on d frame. Some women would have hit me back or cursed me and walk away. She was one of d 3 ladies i had an affair wid then. I knew from time there are three types of ladies-the good, the better the bad. I had to summon courage to put them to all kinds of test. She was d only one that displayed an uncommon trait of patience, simplicity, respect, unconditional love and understanding. I cannot write what d other 2 did and said in response to my fake momentary show of slapping.i cry when i look back on dat day i hit my lady-now my beloved wife... It became one of my inspirations to work and sacrifice anything and love her more. For a lady so beautiful, from a moderate home and into a professional course to be dat humble and forgiving! stil Strike me with awe my love for her increasesd in geometric progression since then and now spilled to my kids! I love them so much and they dont lack anything; trouble is i cant touch any of my kids let alone my wife,even if they commited the worst crime! If i travell widout them and it means i wouldnt see them a whole day my heart would ache like a lovelorn that is dying of heartreak! If not for my wife's spare d rod and spoil d child policy she uses in d house my kids would hav been really stuborn i suppose. I always retreat to my room during such time of discipline cos it breaks my heart when ever i see them cry irrespective of d cause... And they would cry, those my kids, even if u use dunlop cane on them or even only talk about cane esp wen dady is around! just like thier mum. My wife is very meek and mild wid me. But she is harsh a bit outside and suprisingly authoritative and firm. Am not saying u should go back to d man nor am i saying u should depart from him. Am saying if u want to go becos he slapped u, do it respectfully by telling him humbly u cant stand dat kind of his behaviour. With dat atleast he would have somthin to remember and respect u for, tho yur retaliatory slap speaks volumes of u already. As for me, i wanted d best, and thatz exzactly what i got that d world is now envying.. . Esp those other girls, who are now still in status quo ante, with thier eyes darting here and there. I dont advice ladies to break up with thier partners, except u didnt love yur man much or he didnt love u. The naturaly inherent manly aura dat he is dealing with a younger person makes d man always want to discilne d hard way for seemingly quicker repentance from bad manners. It doesnt generate hate in those who are normal and modest.U can use soft words and GOOD behaviour to change d majority of men, except he was a kind of possessed weirdo without remedy.

^^
I reject this sort of testimony IJN.
Test of wifely qualities by beating ? TUEH

@OP
The evil part of me rejoices that you gave back as good as you got BUT
It wouldve been best not to hit back as you have put yourself on the same level with the slapper and being a man he's stronger,what if it degenerated to a serious fight and you got seriously injured or you inflicted a serious injury on him?.If you both bring out violence in eachother,its best to quit now while you are ahead.More challenges will arise in the course of your relationship or marriage,angry words and accusations will fly around,what then will you both do?Stab eachother?

Will he do it again?Maybe,maybe not.Are you ready to take the chance?It normally starts with a slap..Maybe you both are just not good for eachother..If you both marry,you will likely be 'that couple who always fight and exchange blows'..
Marraige is so complicated,what's the point in getting hitched when there's a huge possibility that you will be beating eachother up?NOT worth it IMO.

@Nairalife2013 that's some helluva story you get there.

Different strokes .....different folks

nairalife2013: I once hit my wife very hard. Dat was before we got married. Nothing seriously happened. I still remember it was drizling outside. I talked to hashly. I liked to dramatize my anger once in a while then. I pushed her out d door, she told me she was sorry. I retorted more firmly" i dont want to hear yur voice!" She said somthing like "no one is above mistake" i lept up and landed a heavy slap on her face.she triped and had a bruise on d frame. Some women would have cursed me and walk away. She was one of d 3 ladies i had and affair wid then. I knew from time there are three types of ladies-the good, the better the bad. I had to summon courage to put them to all kinds of test. She was d only one that displayed an uncommon trait of patience, simplicity, respect, unconditional love and understanding. I cannot write what d other 2 did and said in response to my fake momentary show of slapping.i cry when i look back on dat day i hit my lady-now my beloved wife... It became one of my inspirations to work and sacrifice anything and love her more. D love i have for her increasesd in geometric progression since then and now affects all my kids! I love them so much and they dont lack anything; worst is dat i cant touch any of my kids even if they commited the worst crime! If i travell widout them and it means i wouldnt see them a whole day my heart would ache like a lovelorn that want to die of heartreak! If not for my wife's spare d rod and spoil d child policy she uses in d house my kids would hav been really stuborn i suppose. I always retreat to my room during such time cos it breaks my heart when ever i see them cry irrespective of d cause... And they would cry, those my kids, even if u use dunlop cane on them or even only talk about cane esp wen dady is around! just like thier mum. My wife is very meek and mild wid me. But she is harsh a bit outside and suprisingly authoritative and firm. Am not saying u should go back to d man nor am i saying u should depart from him. Am saying if u want to go becos he slapped u, do it respectfully by telling him humbly u cant stand dat kind of his behaviour. With dat atleast he would have somthin to remember and respect u for, tho yur retaliatory slap speaks volumes of u already. As for me, i wanted d best, and thatz exzactly what i got, that d world is now envying.. . Esp those other girls, who are now still in status quo ante, with thier eyes darting here and there.

Yimu#
If I hear that you don't give her slap morning, afternoon and night when that skoin skoin grip you. So you are testing a woman before you marry her. Hahahahahha. Men must think women are dumb. A desperate woman will pass any test with flying colors. That does not mean she was the best choice for you or loved you most. Anyway sha, there is someone for everyone. Only an insane person will stay with a man who slaps her whenever he enters a trance. Your story is fraudulent. I bet she also knew about the 2 others you were swapping STD's with. The fact that she stayed may just mean she was the most desperate without choice. Not an insult please.

RoyalRoy:

Men are not scarce?

He he he... I pity you and anyone who believes in your statements

Tell that to desperate and insecure girls. I repeat MEN ARE NOT SCARCE! Go ahead and have a fit. I'm not here to stroke ur ego.