majekdom2:
The same way if OP is really into her suitors , she will not be on here asking for advices . cant you guys see this. the ops heart does not go with her suitors

Is it because you may have a girl you have tied down that is patiently waiting you that you won't allow us hear any other argument?
Haba

the question I ask people often is, if love is enough for marriage?

Love is still a fantasy world in this our part of the world. Some think if he loves her, he will not admire another woman, that's in the US!!

How many of our Mothers married their husband out of love, its often out of a duty. And they focus on the duty while the love grows up.

These days, things are different. love is essential, first and the final safety valve to succour with when the crisis 'center' comes in. however, love is not enough to guarantee a lasting marriage anymore: Commitment, duty and hold on against the odd is now essential, even if the other partner don't love you enough, you will sustain.

BUT... don't drop your guy because someone is better, richer or prettier. You may go to who else you like, if he loves you, commits to take care of you for life, serious to marry you as you cant wait for this guy. You can always reiterate your reason any day 'You were not ready'.
The reason is simple and does not hold regrets.

All said, what does God say? Have prayed and let God's angel make it happen? What has God told you? Remember you don't know the future

@Op
The challenge with many people is that
they believe once some people are chyking them for marriage then they are ready. The question u should be asking is whether you OP is ready for marriage. No matter how you see it marriage will always be different from Boyfriend Girlfriend relationship. Its also possible ur bf is still watching to see if you are his partner for life.
Yes! your asking him about the marriage thingy is truly pressurizing him. If a man wants to marry u, he doesn't need some reminder / subtle threat. So relax ! That those 5 suitors are on board doesn't truly mean you are ready for marriage.

FavourGee:


Na that wasting of years be my fears my dear o.

I think I will break up with him before I enter another one because I don't know how to double date.

*clearsthroat* did I hear u dunno how 2 double date Hmmmm, I don't advice u brk up with him, I'd only advice u even learn how 2 tetradate,(mind u dating dem doesn't mean u must have intimacy with dem, love doesn't av anything to do with fornication), no one brings it from heaven, we all got 2 learn in dis life, just like u learnt how 2 singledate, because putting ur eggs in one basket isn't a nice one especially when u aint sure if the basket is sligthly tore and will eventually break ur eggs. #urchoicethough #justsaying

Elgaxton:
@Op
The challenge with many people is that
they believe once some people are chyking them for marriage then they are ready. The question u should be asking is whether you OP is ready for marriage. No matter how you see it marriage will always be different from Boyfriend Girlfriend relationship. Its also possible ur bf is still watching to see if you are his partner for life.
Yes! your asking him about the marriage thingy is truly pressurizing him. If a man wants to marry u, he doesn't need some reminder / subtle threat. So relax ! That those 5 suitors are on board doesn't truly mean you are ready for marriage.

Try reading all her posts
I believe she is pretty clear on what she wants and he isn't
This is not a one way thing
He is checking if she is the one,how long does that take?
She has already checked and figured out he will fit the bill
Is she obliged to wait till his checking period is over?
She isn't IMHO

for d.person shouting wen d lady mentioned 5 suitors as if it's too much, some ladies have more than that number asking for their hand in marriage. n for u to say while others don't even hv one toaster, na lie, all those ladies ask them well, if they're r truthful they will tell u that they had people coming too but atimes they believe d person is not up to their standard until maybe wen it's too late. or maybe they're waiting for a particular person n then miss their opportunities. but if any lady shld tell u she has never had toasters or suitors then it's either she is cursed or maybe has spiritual husband. aside that if u see a lady in her 30s crying for husband n u think she has never had suitors, na lie, she was doing guy then in her 20s or foolishly hoping on a time waster

FavourGee:


I understand perfectly what you are saying, I just gave you one year based on the question you asked me which I know I can never tell him with my mouth.

I am in my late 20's so it's not really that I'm rushing/pushing per say, I'm seeking for advice here to avoid 'had I known'

Did u say late 20's? Pls just oblige to one of ur suitor's proposal, na beg I dey beg, na so some people do wey dem remain single till 35, just because dey didn't consider dem selves old enof for games, I even hear say husby don finish for Niger, so for pple like u wey get five suitors, count urself lucky ooo, u even av d opportunity of choosing among dem, @least ders no way one of dem will not possess almost evrytin u want in a man

missphumby:


Did u say late 20's? Pls just oblige to one of ur suitor's proposal, na beg I dey beg, na so some people do wey dem remain single till 35, just because dey didn't consider dem selves old enof for games, I even hear say husby don finish for Niger, so for pple like u wey get five suitors, count urself lucky ooo, u even av d opportunity of choosing among dem, @least ders no way one of dem will not possess almost evrytin u want in a man

The same people telling her to be patient will complain that their brother came home with a 35 year old girl that has chopped life and won't conceive
We need to be real.
Go to nigerian churches and see beautiful girls over thirty doing prayer and fasting for husbands,not because they want to be desperate but because the reality is that most nigerian men marry in their 30s and they are not looking for their age mates
Some will be waiting for a man that can afford them luxury and wake up in their late 30s having passed up good guys still getting stuff together.

My dear , its simple and clear, move on with Ur suitors, Ur current bf has his own plans of marrying another lady not u. The greatest mistake u will ever make is to wait for him. Pls be wise

chronique:
So this is all our miss NL can offer? She should date other guys while with him? Smh. Pls give me back my vote(the one I casted for u during the competition). I want to make use of it now.

lol

samflexxy:
He's not ready to settle down I think you should accept one of your suitors your current boy friend might be a play boy you know

if dey ask u, u go say u don give advice Sheeh? All dis little boys wey never reach to de use Internet.

Not using myself as a standard but I passed over serious suitors with cars and well furnished flats to marry a man I hopped on molue Bus with
My both parents had cars of their own but I married a man without a car and was just beginning life from a humble beginning
I had an aunt that thought I was nuts
To the young girls reading,the potential and the zeal to succeed in man is more important that what he possesses at the time you met him
I guarantee you,a man with a drive will stand the test of time
Of course you must love him too but let the love not be because of what he can do financially


I had a childhood friend that was once a beauty queen in Nigeria and she married a money bag and never looked at any regular guys
She is how eating konkiri somewhere in Imo state
Selling this and that to survive,I even heard she was cooking Kai Kai at a time and doing beer parlour
A girl that was a beauty to behold when we were twenty,you couldn't pass her without turning a head

Look for substance in a man

1one:


I couldn't have said it any better.

GBAM!!!

Na u we dey copy na

Babymama1:


Is it because you may have a girl you have tied down that is patiently waiting you that you won't allow us hear any other argument?
Haba

Babymama1:


Is it because you may have a girl you have tied down that is patiently waiting you that you won't allow us hear any other argument?
Haba

No , because I have actually been dumped by a girl I truly wanted to spend my whole life with who thought I may have a hard time settling down and went for a guy who actually thought her parents would give him an upper hand in life in addition to what he had. sadly , it didnt take long before "dumped guy" had thing sorted out but it was too late and also because I have been with a chic who I was not into because the only thing she had on her mind was marriage instead of planning her own life first and even threatened me that there was one man in jos that was ready to marry her , after a month I figured out we didnt see life the same way and I actually quit , her wedding is today somewhere in delta , I am still a happy single , yes very happy ... It would have been somthng else if I ended up with her... so you see , the truth is if the " suitors" as claimed by OP are her dream men she will not be on here . The boyfriend in question is who she desires to be with obviously.

majekdom2:
No , because I have actually been dumped by a girl I truly wanted to spend my whole life with who thought I may have a hard time settling down and went for a guy who actually thought her parents would give him an upper hand in life in addition to what he had. sadly , it didnt take long before "dumped guy" had thing sorted out but it was too late and also because I have been with a chic who I was not into because the only thing she had on her mind was marriage instead of planning her own life first and even threatened me that there was one man in jos that was ready to marry her , after a month I figured out we didnt see life the same way and I actually quit , her wedding is today somewhere in delta , I am still a happy single , yes very happy ... It would have been somthng else if I ended up with her... so you see , the truth is if the " suitors" as claimed by OP are her dream men she will not be on here . The boyfriend in question is who she desires to be with obviously.

Obviously the boyfriend is who she truly wants now because she knows him better than those others not because the others are not good enough
If she decides from today to give another person a chance she may realize like aisha2 that she wasted a full year with the man
I have written this about me here,I was actually engaged to marry someone else before I met my husband
I had changed my mind along the way and then gave one of my many suitors a chance and I am glad I did
No regrets whatsoever
The fact that she is asking these questions tells me she is considering jumping ship and I am with her on that
She has done all the necessary things and asked the necessary questions and the man is clearly not ready
Not because he is a bad person but because he is just not ready to settle at the moment and it's his prerogative
She is also free just like your former girl to seek out a serving relationship that meets her needs

Babymama1:
Not using myself as a standard but I passed over serious suitors with cars and well furnished flats to marry a man I hopped on molue Bus with
My both parents had cars of their own but I married a man without a car and was just beginning life from a humble beginning
I had an aunt that thought I was nuts
To the young girls reading,the potential and the zeal to succeed in man is more important that what he possesses at the time you met him
I guarantee you,a man with a drive will stand the test of time
Of course you must love him too but let the love not be because of what he can do financially


I had a childhood friend that was once a beauty queen in Nigeria and she married a money bag and never looked at any regular guys
She is how eating konkiri somewhere in Imo state
Selling this and that to survive,I even heard she was cooking Kai Kai at a time and doing beer parlour
A girl that was a beauty to behold when we were twenty,you couldn't pass her without turning a head

Look for substance in a man

Thank you for this , I told you I have been dumped by a chic whom I truly thought would make me happy for the rest of my life ... why , she was talking with a guy who was in america thinking her father will help better his life , same way some one is suggesting not to put all egs in a basket . this was a chic that knew my parents , spent the yuletide periods in my family house, talked to my families when I mess up . the story is different now . majority of the babes are like this and that was why I said if the suitors are ops dream men who may actually not be in the real sense, she would have moved . she is actually scared to face what she had perhaps faced before , may be she left a dude for another one thinking it will go well and it did not . the ops case is not something we can just give her an advice without understanding the op and her bf and where they are coming from .

majekdom2:
Thank you for this , I told you I have been dumped by a chic whom I truly thought would make me happy for the rest of my life ... why , she was talking with a guy who was in america thinking her father will help better his life , the story is different now . majority of the babes are like this and that was why I said if the suitors are ops dream man , she would have moved . she is actually scared to face what she had perhaps faced before , may be she left a dude for another one thinking it will go well and it did not . the ops case is not something we can just give her an advice without understanding the op and her bf and where they are coming from .

There are five suitors not one so it can be confusing to choose na,it will take time to separate the sheep from the goats
You think a girl will just do tum bom tum bom and pick one

Lol
One of my suitors then used to come and visit me on campus ,his father was my dad's friend and his sister in the same hostel will tell me he was coming,and I will be like hiya!,let him come now which one is my own
I thought he was coming to see his younger sis
Not knowing I was the reason he was driving from Lagos every month ,it took the third visit for me to catch on
One day I went home to see my parents and they told me Emeka came to see them,it was only then it dawned on me say na Ije love o
Fine man like this
Incidentally my cousin ended up marrying his younger sis

AgapeCharis:
Na u we dey copy na

Babymama1:
Not using myself as a standard but I passed over serious suitors with cars and well furnished flats to marry a man I hopped on molue Bus with
My both parents had cars of their own but I married a man without a car and was just beginning life from a humble beginning
I had an aunt that thought I was nuts
To the young girls reading,the potential and the zeal to succeed in man is more important that what he possesses at the time you met him
I guarantee you,a man with a drive will stand the test of time
Of course you must love him too but let the love not be because of what he can do financially


I had a childhood friend that was once a beauty queen in Nigeria and she married a money bag and never looked at any regular guys
She is how eating konkiri somewhere in Imo state
Selling this and that to survive,I even heard she was cooking Kai Kai at a time and doing beer parlour
A girl that was a beauty to behold when we were twenty,you couldn't pass her without turning a head

Look for substance in a man

Tell them!

Sleekyshuga:
Wow... Quite an eye opener, and a whole lot to learn ..

@FavourGee, it's quite glaring that you and your boyfriend aren't on the same pace.. In relationships, we should learn to watch out for its 'Success/Growth/Appreciation or its Failures/Depreciation'..

Also, note that LOVE alone is not enough to build up a home.. Sacrifices, Commitments, Communications, etc are also KEYS that'll stand the test of time in marriages when love begins to wear out..

I consider you lucky, that in your late 20's, you still have 5 suitors trying to get your attention ...

Women are like flowers, and @ a point in time fades aways..

18-22years: The guys starts making advances but Nkechi still wants to flex, and catch her fun to the fullest..

22-24years: Nkechi becomes very choosy.. 'He must be tall, fair, stinking rich'... 'He must be a prince, dark, have abs', etc..

25-27years: No man looks @ Nkechi again, and everyday, she keeps praying for just a 'Hi' 4rm a brother...

27-30's: Nkechi starts soaking her chaplet in water, disturbing God with prayers , and wishing for anyone, whether short or tall, as long as he is ready..

In all, what I am trying to say is: Search your heart... Make a firm decision, and stand by it.. "Love with your HEAD, and carry your HEART along"..


#My candid opinion...

wow excellent...

Where is the OP favourGee,can you please can you tell us about each of the suitors briefly

A friend of mine told me a story that still makes me laugh till this day

When men were all over her and asking to marry her,some going straight to her parents,her father brought out an exercise book to write the pros and cons of all the suitors

The columns will have their names,age,occupation,family background and culture

Her husband was the least rated lol

Under occupation her father wrote " no specified means of livelihood " because he was a businessman
And under culture he wrote " strange practices" because the hubby's area of Igboland has certain cultural practices not common in other areas
Then one day her father called her and brought out his exercise book and she was shocked at his writings
And after reading out the whole thing,he asked her who she thought was the likely one she will go with and she chose the man with no specified means of livelihood with a strange culture.

Youngpo413:
wow excellent...

Tnxs .

Fxwarrior:


Desperate ko, desperate ni.
As a guy I can tell you that guys know when they have found the one and they will not only run to the aisle with her but fly as well.

The truth which am the only guy bold enough to tell you is that he is still weighing his options to know if you are one.

U tink so abi.... U aint u d guys mind... It might nt b wot u r tinkin...

chucky234:
Seriously suitors on fb ?

lol

1one:


Exactly... Ladies see this relationship/marriage thing like walking into a shop to buy Milo.. If there's no Milo, they would buy Bournvita, if there's no Bournvita, they would buy Ovaltine.. Even though Milo tastes better!!!

says you. Ovaltine tastes better. Personally, I drink all three beverages depending on my mood.
You obviously havent tasted the new 'cocoa' bournvita...

whitemosquito:
says you. Ovaltine tastes better. Personally, I drink all three beverages depending on my mood.
You obviously havent tasted the new 'cocoa' bournvita...

Lol.


That cocoa bournvita, is it that one with a purple sachet?... If it is, then yeah.. truly it's wow!!!

By the way, I just used the beverage situation as an analogy to buttress my point.


But Milo rocks sha

Who still drinks ovaltine

very interesting thread.

davide470:

Op,
You have a wealth of knowledge to choose from here. So, the blue pill, the red pill...

Choose wisely.

justanotherme:
very interesting thread.

Well in my own Case am A Guy in love with my best friend, am a year older than her, we met in our University days @UNIBEN and we are both currently Serving (NYSC)

The problem thus is She is everything i want in a wife but i wont likely be ready for marriage till the next three years @ least. Need to get a good job make savings in other to fend for a family.

But currenly She is on with the marriage game with lots of suitors around her, both far and near, and she's also faced with marriage pressures from home.

I really wish to marry her and build a future together but everything seems not to favor this sweet relationship of ours, as she may not be able to wait for me to find my feet before marriage.

What Should i do? Nairalanders

Start your own thread

coogar:


what if he's broke?
some guys genuinely want to take the leap but they have no funds to carry out their desires thus the wait......

guys are not always at fault in this. sometimes, you women often date your agemates thus the disconnect. at 25, most nigerian women are ripe for marriage. 90% of nigerian men aren't ready to marry at 25 cos they are still struggling.

You do not need to have funds.I tell you nigerians need a big paradigm shift. If you want to get married, just fukin get married! You do not need a big wedding. You can just do court. who says you must do a 3 million naira wedding?

I know a man 27 and his wife 23, the man is $12,000 in debt. Yet they are happily married.

nigerians need to snap out of this $$$ mentality, seems I will marry white.