Truckpusher:
Some men are just constantly falling our hands anyhow.
How would one even go after a girl for marriage that is in love with another guy?
Some boys are just making these girls to feel important.

You ehn....

Jamean:
You couldn't have said it any better. At 22, I won't start dating a guy of even 23 even if he has a prospective means of living, when I know my time view for marriage.

Waiting and long relationships doesn't work for everyone, know what works you. I don't wish for someone to marry me out of pity.

but if he is 23 and his father is dangote , you will date him , just as many in their late 20s are ready to date davido . fight to be the successful person before you choose your suitor , it will do you good . some dudes marry as early as 22. its about the parties involved .

kika23:


You ehn....

what I do?

Truckpusher:
what I do?

You know na.....

kika23:

You know na.....

I'm innocent of all accusations.

C'mon, show me a dude here in modern Nigeria that is not from the north that married at 22.

Talking about his father's wealth sounds like marrying for money. Well, it may interest you that I'm a proponent of 'marry around your level' though with future prospects to avoid intimidation, and a reasonable age gap.

Those chicks will date Davido because them no see where fall put. Within them they know it's fantasy..the relationship or marriage won't work. I want an affair that will work.

majekdom2:
but if he is 23 and his father is dangote , you will date him , just as many in their late 20s are ready to date davido . fight to be the successful person before you choose your suitor , it will do you good . some dudes marry as early as 22. its about the parties involved .

Op u r at ur peak of time with 5 suitors on d line. It ll nt b lik this in d next two yrs, make d best use of it. Ur bf is nt ready let him b he ll easily find a wife wen he is ready. Wish him well n try to find love with one of ur five suitors.

Many women misused this kinda stage in their lives n remained single forever with bitter regrets so shine ur eyes.

aisha2:


I cooked heaven, hell and earth for one, learned all his village dishes lol, at the end of the day he married one babe who doesn't cook hired a cook for her.
Like you said sisters dont listen, what I thank God for till today was I never got into that main chick side chick rubbish. Na that one dey scatter my head, the mumu level is too much, two or more of you will be dragging one pen- is and sisters will be consoling themselves that they are main chicks. Even if you fight the rest off and marry him it will never stop then you will create different monikers on nairaland and be repeating the same issue.. Worse is they turn bitter and attack those who attempt to post that they have a good marriage and call them fake and liars.

One was ready to marry but wanted me to accept cheating as a man thing, his argument was every man does it bla bla bla, I no gree oh, he wanted me to be content with the fact that he " chose" me. I left, he was still begging till I got married even pretended to change but I saw through him. A man with a mindset like that hardly changes, it was up to me to decide without fear what I wanted. My dear fear is what keeps most sisters in prison. " if i leave this one will i get anything better" my friend taught me that i should never sell myself short leaving or staying should be dependent on what nakes me happy and not fear.

As a divorved woman she had more toasters than me because of her carriage and remarried while I was still busy forming acting " patient wife' in the making" na there my eye open. Na how you place your wares them go value am buy and if you yourself dont value it no one else would

@OP, ignore every advice from me and listen to this elder state woman. She is got so much tales from the trenches and she is not afraid to share them in order to help others take a safe route.

If you are a true child of God,wait on the Lord for a deeper revelation concerning him.

FavourGee:


Na that wasting of years be my fears my dear o.

I think I will break up with him before I enter another one because I don't know how to double date.

I respect you just for the last part of your post. Their are very few ladies in Nigeria that would break up with their current boy friends before dating another. Rather, they'd double date both trying to eat their cakes and have it.

Jamean:
C'mon, show me a dude here in modern Nigeria that is not from the north that married at 22.

Talking about his father's wealth sounds like marrying for money. Well, it may interest you that I'm a proponent of 'marry around your level' though with future prospects to avoid intimidation, and a reasonable age gap.

Those chicks will date Davido because them no see where fall put. Within them they know it's fantasy..the relationship or marriage won't work. I want an affair that will work.

yea people do dear , the trade and technical people , seen them all around . I know perhaps you are still a student , you will want to end up with a graduate hence the reason for you saying 23 . the truth is there are nice guys who are very young and successful , ready to be serious with a lady but a reason many will give is he got no degree bla bla . so you see , you are only looking at your own prerequisites to draw conclusions.

Truckpusher:
I'm innocent of all accusations.

Sure?

FavourGee:
Hello everyone!

I have been dating this guy for a year now, both of us have jobs so I don't ask him for any financial assistance.
for sometime now I have been getting suitors, they are five in number now asking for my hand in marriage but I keep turning them down because I am hoping on my present relationship though the stuborn ones are still disturbing me with marriage proposals.

I decided to let my boyfriend know about them, the response I got from him wasn't satisfactory. From my own understanding he's not ready to settle down any time soon neither did he tell me to wait for him nor propose to me.

I am confused right now, I don't know if I should wait
for him till when he's ready but my fear is what if he never propose. I really love him and I know he loves me too.

Matured advice please.

"Please don't mind my typing skills I am typing through one kpalasa phone"

At the "initial gragra period" what was the agreement between you and your boyfriend where the relationship should head to??

In your late twenties and you are committed to a guy who is neither ready nor committed to you. Do not waste your time but find someone of your suitors who you can love and respect and is also at the same point as you are.

I graduated a couple of years ago from one of the most prestigous federal universities in Nigeria (with a good degree and grade too ).

No matter how fantasic a man is, you must have a degree for me to marry you, I don't want all that inferiority complex issue. I know a number of people who don't mind (despite the disconnection in their marriage), but it's a big turn off for me.

majekdom2:
yea people do dear , the trade and technical people , seen them all around . I know perhaps you are still a student , you will want to end up with a graduate hence the reason for you saying 23 . the truth is there are nice guys who are very young and successful , ready to be serious with a lady but a reason many will give is he got no degree bla bla . so you see , you are only looking at your own prerequisites to draw conclusions.

Jennimma:
Sweetheart,i understand your plight. I do....my advice is this If there is no commitment,keep dating other guys. You can't continue keeping yourself for a guy who is not ready thereby wasting precious years.

If he is serious about you,no one would tell him to see your parents quickly.

Some questions for you miss....(Commitment)

**Please describe the word "commitment" in relation to "love relationship"

**what and what should a guy do before we can say he is committed??

My advise is for you to have a frank and open discussion with him about each others plans for next few years. I had such a conversation a few years ago with an only gf who had suitors coming her way....I wasn't ready for marriage, didn't know when I would be and couldn't guarantee it would be her when I become ready. She left for one of the suitors and from what I hear they are happy....and so am I having found and marriednsomebody I was sure from day one that this is the one.

Babymama1 and Aish2, thank you for sharing. Thank you once again. If only people go beyond the will to step up.

Jamean:
I graduated a couple of years ago from one of the most prestigous federal universities in Nigeria (with a good degree and grade too ).

No matter how fantasic a man is, you must have a degree for me to marry you, I don't want all that inferiority complex issue. I know a number of people who don't mind (despite the disconnection in their marriage), but it's a big turn off for me.

like I said , thats your own requirements . its all about what makes one happy .our thinking is a reason for our present state ... and so can I ask you ,lets assume you are single as I dont know if you are married .... what happens if overtime , no degree holder wishes to marry you and you have well to do trades/technical man asking you out. inferiority complex is not as a result of one's exposure , educational qualification or back ground mosttimes . it is as a result of one's thinking and perspective about life. you may marry a degree holder and yet he may still feel inferior, or you think this isnt possible?

Babymama1:


Good girl
You tell women they won't listen
I always say that any girl that wants to marry and is ready should not spend more than 3 months with any man
Within 1-3 months you can tell a man who is ready,you don't have to do a thing to make him come to that conclusion
From the first few dates,my hubby was already talking about us and a future with me in it
People think it is when you wash clothes and clean house and play wife that he will wake up one day and have a change of heart
No way
You could sit and gist all day without boiling him an egg ,if you are the one you are the one
I didn't even know how to cook till I was married,that's how pathetic I was n the kitchen department
He taught me how to cook many things
Even till this day,I ask him questions regarding kitchen stuff
I cooked with water leaf for the first time a few weeks ago
He was the person that told me it needed to be sliced and to lay easy on the water while boiling the meat/ have all the water dried up or the soup will be very watery

Hmmmm........this ur advice sha. Truth be told, men know what they want and are easy to make up their mind but you saying that 3 months is very much enough to come to a conclusion is somewhat an overkill. I know it's wrong to string a good sister along but has it ever occurred to you that some good guys can also be very picky when it comes to picking a partner? You make it seem like it's only women that have all the rights or get played. My dear some guys also have tales. E be like say your guy is a yes man (no offence).

That your husband married you not minding that you are a bad cook is not a guarantee that it will work for others. If anything, the real worthy guys make sure the package's exterior is in tandem with the content before they say I do. I grade guys who see a lady immediately and start talking about marriage as foolish and tasteless. What happened to taking time to know someone better. What if the babe is pretending like most women do when they sense you are coming for marriage? A MAN HAS EQUAL RIGHTS TO ENTERTAIN DOUBTS UNLESS HE IS OPEN TO DIVORCE IN THE FUTURE!. On the other hand, I believe 6 months to 12 months is enough for any serious dude to really make his decision. Some of the advices being bandied about here are clearly from newlyweds. When your marriage has crossed at least 5 years and above, your advice may start being an authority, as for now lets take them as they come and move on. Many of you women don't know how hard it is for a man to plan and execute a wedding amidst it's attendant challenges.
BTW: I feel like you call the shots in the marriage, hope am wrong?

FavourGee:


Thanks but I tried making him give me definite answer, he began to talk as if I'm lying and pressurizing him to get married to me.

favour if that is wat he thinks.....plzzzZzzzzzzz i beg u leave im immediately......yo nt getn younger.....if he tinks like dat definitely his wasting ur tym nd e mite end up nt marrying u......abi if business no yield positive quit am sharp sharp

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coogar:


what if he's broke?
some guys genuinely want to take the leap but they have no funds to carry out their desires thus the wait......

guys are not always at fault in this. sometimes, you women often date your agemates thus the disconnect. at 25, most nigerian women are ripe for marriage. 90% of nigerian men aren't ready to marry at 25 cos they are still struggling.

yo making real SENSE.......bt atleast a #1500....ring should do d deal evn if e will still replace it with anoda.........jst to make her rest assured.....OR WAT DO TINK.

hahahaha. Impossican't! Somethings are better discussed in person.

To a large extent, there is no stereotype with these things. The bottom-line is "know what works for youDon't worry, before you're caught in a web.

majekdom2:
like I said , thats your own requirements . its all about what makes one happy .our thinking is a reason for our present state ... and so can I ask you ,lets assume you are single as I dont know if you are married .... what happens if overtime , no degree holder wishes to marry you and you have well to do trades/technical man asking you out. inferiority complex is not as a result of one's exposure , educational qualification or back ground mosttimes . it is as a result of one's thinking and perspective about life. you may marry a degree holder and yet he may still feel inferior, or you think this isnt possible?

You ladies can be funny... and by funny, that's just putting it mildly. You make this whole relationship thing seem so mechanical... It's like a business plan that if one fails you can easily develop another business plan or while you're working on one business plan, you have your eyes and ears open for another business plan.

It makes one think that a relationship to you ladies is just another desired feather to your cap... Maybe I don't just understand the psyche of a female... If it's so easy to consider 5 propositions from 5 suitors, then Where's the room for love.. For growth, for understanding, for romance, for purpose... How can you be with one guy for 3years or more and suddenly you're accepting to consider marrying in less than 6months someone you've not shared life, love, time, pain, peace, happiness, hurt etc with.

Ladies are just funny!

Shout out to all d ladies who left their boyfriends cos d new guy promised to marry them in 2014.... you have 3 Saturdays left oo- AgapeCharis

FavourGee:
Hello everyone!

I have been dating this guy for a year now, both of us have jobs so I don't ask him for any financial assistance.
for sometime now I have been getting suitors, they are five in number now asking for my hand in marriage but I keep turning them down because I am hoping on my present relationship though the stuborn ones are still disturbing me with marriage proposals.

I decided to let my boyfriend know about them, the response I got from him wasn't satisfactory. From my own understanding he's not ready to settle down any time soon neither did he tell me to wait for him nor propose to me.

I am confused right now, I don't know if I should wait
for him till when he's ready but my fear is what if he never propose. I really love him and I know he loves me too.

Matured advice please.

"Please don't mind my typing skills I am typing through one kpalasa phone"

well, only u can know whats best for u cos Ur d one in d situation so take a step back, Think it thru long and hard and be ready to accept whatever conséquence of whatever choice u make. Do not get yourself confused with the multitude of advises Ur being given here. The way i see it, There are no right or wrong options here. Every choice u make Is a gamble. Just be brave enough to make a choice and then Hope n pray for d best.

Vesuvius:
Hmmmm........this ur advice sha. Truth be told, men know what they want and are easy to make up their mind but you saying that 3 months is very much enough to come to a conclusion is somewhat an overkill. I know it's wrong to string a good sister along but has it ever occurred to you that some good guys can also be very picky when it comes to picking a partner? You make it seem like it's only women that have all the rights or get played. My dear some guys also have tales. E be like say your guy is a yes man (no offence).

That your husband married you not minding that you are a bad cook is not a guarantee that it will work for others. If anything, the real worthy guys make sure the package's exterior is in tandem with the content before they say I do. I grade guys who see a lady immediately and start talking about marriage as foolish and tasteless. What happened to taking time to know someone better. What if the babe is pretending like most women do when they sense you are coming for marriage? A MAN HAS EQUAL RIGHTS TO ENTERTAIN DOUBTS UNLESS HE IS OPEN TO DIVORCE IN THE FUTURE!. On the hand, I believe 6 months to 12 months is enough for any serious dude to really make his decision. Some of the advice being bandied about here are clearly from newlyweds. When your marriage has crossed at least 5 years amd above, your advice may start being an authority, but as for now lets take them as they come and move on. Many of you women don't know how hard it is for a man to plan and execute a wedding amidst it's attendant challenges.
BTW: I feel like you call the shots in the marriage, hope am wrong?

oh , thank you . this is a public forum where people will like to sweeteen their present experiences over the bad ones they had just to make themselves feel good.if you are a good psychologist , you will understand they wish they got married to one of their exes , because I dont see reasons why I would badmouth my past to praise the present if the present is really what I want , but as humans, since I cannot be with the past and am hurt, I have to say bad about it at all times.it will be wise for the op to follow her instincts so she would not blame anyone for her future woes. no advice is even an authority in this situation as people are different . what this lady can take from her hubby , the op may not be willing to take .

Jamean:
hahahaha. Impossican't! Somethings are better discussed in person.

To a large extent, there is no stereotype with these things. The bottom-line is "know what works for youDon't worry, before you're caught in a web.

you didnt answer the other part of my question , do you think a degree holder cant feel inferior too ? you may be earning more than him , I know you may so no to this , he may loose his job , he may get duped in his business , things can turn the other way . do you think he wont feel inferior in these situations.

coogar:


what if he's broke?
some guys genuinely want to take the leap but they have no funds to carry out their desires thus the wait......

guys are not always at fault in this. sometimes, you women often date your agemates thus the disconnect. at 25, most nigerian women are ripe for marriage. 90% of nigerian men aren't ready to marry at 25 cos they are still struggling.

This, my people, is the n*ked truth!

...

lifeisshort1:
[color=#990000][/color
Guy no be only u o, me self dey d same situation, I work with the state government nd the pay is barely enouf for me self, ma babe don they talk marriage and says her pastor wants to see me. I don make up ma mind sha , I no dey see any pastor.

Hahaha my brother Nigeria Economy is not favourable to graduate except u r into politics or secret society.But i strongly believe in the Almighty God and that when it is ur time;it is ur time no power can stop it.

compujyde:


Sister, the bolded gives you my regard. No wonder you have 5 guys wanting to marry you? By the way, it's not about the soap you are using, rather it's about the sweet virtue you've got in you

Boys marry beauty. Real men may date beauty but they marry virtue.

Guess what, I can't remember the year I logged in to comment on NL despite being a daily follower for years but your virtue got me to and that just proves to me that your story is true and you seek good counsel. I'm not toasting you ooo, I already got mine - permanent site sef

Well, I believe you've got lots of advice (as viewed on the first page) but let me give you my "little" suggestion:

1. Don't toy or compromise on what you've got - I mean your guy. Sister, money or properties is not equivalent to soul understanding, love and appreciation (quality relationship). That is where real happiness and prosperity in marriage comes from after Christ.

2. I believe he wants you from your description and I dare say if he wants you, him getting married to you is a small matter so don't fret.

3. While you are thinking about the present - him just sealing the relationship with marriage, I dare say that so many future issues are battling his mind - majority should be based on finances (despite the fact that he his working).

4. So what should you do? Don't continue to tell him that x-no of suitors are after you. It will produce a negative result in him. He should know that they should. I mean, no one takes beauty (virtue) out and not expect admiration from many. I'm sorry to say this but most likely that's the truth: that virtuous "admiration" is primarily what your suitors are after and would love to pay for via marriage but when some ugly part of you shows up (which your boyfriend accommodates and maybe work on regularly to eradicate), they will get so turned off from you. And don't be surprised when they manifest this in ways that might disappoint or shock you (whether you eventually got married to either of them or not).

5. I believe what you guys have now is what is needed in marriage. Wedding is just the door to lead you guys fully into it so start by telling your guy that you appreciate his love and commitment to you; and that you know he wants the best for both of you. Tell him you are sorry for being self-minded. Give him room to share his heart because he will tell you lots from there afterwards.

6. Listen deeply (not selfishly or hastily) and take good note to all he has to say. Then hold his hands (addressing him with whichever lovely name you fondly call him) and tell him that you heard all he said and appreciate his openness and truthfulness.

7. You might be tempted to respond to several aspect of his deep talk but please don't. Let his talk talk end the conversation. This will cause a reset mode on him and funny enough make him to begin to deeply consider and work out settling down with you. Now that he is on the same page with you, you can now give him your reply (counsel/assurances/whatever) to his deep talk. That is if you still have any reply to give.

8. Now that he is the one leading what is uppermost on your mind, don't surprised if your wedding take place in the next few months rather than the 1 year you have in mind. And as he leads the whole arrangement, sister abeg co-operate fully and submissively with him all the way and use this same guide/template whenever you want him do what is on your mind even after the wedding. Just let those things be good things oo because na remote control you hold so

Wow! Never knew my "little" suggestion will be this long. Well, I'm sorry. Back to my shell on NL

wow , nice , very matured, filled with wisdom . I love this " boys marry beauty, men marry virtues" . so what do girls and women marry ...Please I need to visit you in your shell .