@IyaKadijat

I don't blame you, not even for a moment for being played. The guy is player, he played his game very well(they all does).
Let me take down to my story. I was also dating a yoruba guy. We were staying in different cities that made it a
long distance r/s. We used to see each other every month or two. I had a gut feeling telling me that he was doing
something but no proof. And I used to convince myself that maybe I was being paranoid coz he always wanted me to
come visit him and when I do I would stay with him for maybe 3-4 weeks when I'm on holiday at school. And I never
saw any girl in his house or any proof that there is a lady who maybe come & visit(not even a hair pin). The guy wasn't
even scared of being caught, he was taking me every where he was going to when I was with him.


To cut a long story short. We were very close even though we stayed far from each other and I was close to everybody
he was close to(like his siblings and friends) and obviously they knew what he was doing but decided to mind their own
businesses. He decided to relocate to my city to be close to me. It was suppose to be the best time of my life but instead
I started getting strange calls. Finally the person who was calling me decided to tell me that she has been dating also
after started by insulting or sometimes don't speak or sometimes just laugh on the phone. So I went through his phone &
guess what I found out. About 4 or 5 different ladies who sent him smses begging him not leave before he relocated.
So he also made them believe that they had a r/s with him. Now that left me with these quest(which I dnt evn wana knw d ansa),
why didn't they come visit him when I was @ his house or bump into one maybe in the street, mall or something(this is kinda big no
to hide from)? Why didn't anyone tell me something? Why did he kept paying for my fare to come to him when he had a lot to satisfy himself?
So he also played his game pretty well.

But you see I had a gut feeling which I should have listened to. Or I should have paged that phone of his long time ago(which
he was kinda protective ova it). You see that's why I say there are always "hints". Anyway its history now, move on, his loss.

for a second i thot i was on another thread was ready to type
"and wats the aim of coming on here?"

true talk

*Hauwa*:

Iya K, wouldn't it be fun being the 2nd wifey to 'Baba'?
you cook okra and stew with amala today, the other one rice and beans tmr.
he eats with satisfaction and stroke his gamu (bear bear) even in america i can have it both ways, he'd say to himself

true talk oh!!!!!!

I want that kind of priviledge too Eating my cake and having it I mean

bluespice:

iya K has modified the new oga's specs

I still remember them. No job, claiming not to hve a chick, blah blah

If she likes let her get herself in a jam again. Hopefully the mods will clean it up if we see another "Egbami" thread again

lol

How do you Iyak,

I have read your story with keen interest and it's come up during one or two of my discussion with friends.It's emotionally draining and sapping losing all what you assumed is an "impregnable fortress".

Worse still is the recuperating period,no one feels the pain more than you yourself.But one thing though,it is NEVER TOO LATE to turn back from a wrong road.

That said,i think two things merged to constitute your archille's heel.

You are as open as the page of a book and you are kind of gullible.

Any man will capitalize on these to "work the sole of their freaking shoes trampling on you".

For now i think any relationship or date you dabble into will be "score settling" and you still hurt,no matter how much you try to hide it.

Using the next reationship as a leeway out of your emotional labyrinth will only lead to one more "hurtful" farce.

Be sure of your next step before you do anything,if i were you,men will be secondary now.

Be good and let your brain,not your emotions lead you in your next endeavor,that is KEY.

sexybabes:

Let me take down to my story. I was also dating a yoruba guy. We were staying in different cities that made it a
long distance r/s. We used to see each other every month or two. I had a gut feeling telling me that he was doing
something but no proof. And I used to convince myself that maybe I was being paranoid coz he always wanted me to
come visit him and when I do I would stay with him for maybe 3-4 weeks when I'm on holiday at school. And I never
saw any girl in his house or any proof that there is a lady who maybe come & visit(not even a hair pin). The guy wasn't
even scared of being caught, he was taking me every where he was going to when I was with him.


To cut a long story short. We were very close even though we stayed far from each other and I was close to everybody
he was close to(like his siblings and friends) and obviously they knew what he was doing but decided to mind their own
businesses.  

speaking as someone in the 'know', staying with your guy during school vacations is always a risk. More often than not you'll get the exact scenario you outlined here. The other women and all.

I feel your pain however. Its always a shock to find out what went on.

God help us!!

@Iyakadijat: I hope you will consider my earlier advice and resist the temptation to date so soon. Please, date yourself right now. Spend time knowing you right now. I bid you peace in heart, mind and spirit.

prittigrrr:

@Iyakadijat: I hope you will consider my earlier advice and resist the temptation to date so soon. Please, date yourself right now. Spend time knowing you right now. I bid you peace in heart, mind and spirit.

I truly thank you for your concern but I am already in-tuned with myself. I've always been confident-damn near on the verge of conceit-and I won't stop being me just because he was an asshole! I realize now that this break-up with me and the Ex has been a long time coming and I agree with you guys that I was just too blind to see it(that and the fact that I was afraid of being a single mom).

I may have made him sound like God in my first thread, but that's because I was still in love with his stupid behind when I wrote it. But he really was a jerk almost the entire 8 years we were together, and I prayed to God daily to give me the strength to either leave his behind or change his nasty ways to keep us together-you see how the Lord gives you what you need and not what you want? I really am enjoying dating! It is sooo fun! And I think the main reason I'm feeling it so much is because it's helping me realize what I've been missing out on all this time.

*singing* I can see clearly now the rain is gone, It's gonna be a bright, bright, briiiight, sun-shiny day!

@Iyakadijat, So you now resulted in calling "Baba" an asshole.
Please don't get too tough on him, that could only results in more pain.
Listen to some of the post that earlier that says"Dating is no, no NO for u rite now"
When are you going to have time for reflection on your past mistakes ?



NB:
You remain most strong Lady on NL.

Sweetheart, my advice to refrain from dating was not an attack on your self esteem. Also, be not deceived by feelings of arrogance and inflated self esteem "bordering on conceit." Don't drink your own Kool-Aid. If your Kool-Aid could really be trusted, you wouldn't have spent 8 years with an unworthy man. All I am saying to you is to let the dust settle from this car accident before you step into the next car.

FADAKA:

@Iyakadijat, So you now resulted in calling "Baba" an asshole.
Please don't get too tough on him, that could only results in more pain.
Listen to some of the post that earlier that says"Dating is no, no NO for u rite now"
When are you going to have time for reflection on your past mistakes ?

If you've read my previous posts on this thread and the last, you would know that this isn't the 1st time I've called him an asshole-and definitely not the last. In fact, since this whole situation went down, I even changed his ringtone to a funny one that says "ASSHOLE CALLING! THERE IS AN ASSHOLE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LINE! HURRY UP AND PICK UP SO YOU CAN TALK TO THE BIG ASSHOLE!"    LOL!

How can me seeing him for who he really is "only result in more pain"? If anything, it's keeping me grounded. And I have had plenty of time for reflection on my past mistakes, yes, the wife got here only on March 30th-but Asshole had his big confession to me on March 1st-which brings me to my next reply:

prittigrrr:

Sweetheart, my advice to refrain from dating was not an attack on your self esteem. Also, be not deceived by feelings of arrogance and inflated self esteem "bordering on conceit." Don't drink your own Kool-Aid. If your Kool-Aid could really be trusted, you wouldn't have spent 8 years with an unworthy man. All I am saying to you is to let the dust settle from this car accident before you step into the next car.

I didn't feel like you were attacking my self esteem-I was just being honest about how I was feeling. And my so-called "feelings of arrogance" didn't just start when I started feeling better about my situation-I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY-and as long as the Lord gives me another day to wake up and correct the wrongs I've done yesterday and improve on my rights today, I will always feel like He has shown His gracious favor upon me.

And my Kool-Aid is OH SO GOOD! [b]Come on, give me a break-I've just made a major confession here- that I did what scores of women AND men do everyday-tried to stay together for the sake of the child. [/b]I'm not saying it was right, but it felt right at the time. That was why we had those major arguments regarding marriage all the time because I was like "I'm putting up with all your B.S. for what? What's my pay-off in the end?" Now I'm glad that marriage never ensued-it just would have been costly and tiresome to have the inevitable divorce.

I had been with the man from a very young and impressionable age and I know that he took advantage of my naivety. But over the years I had began to see the forest for the trees-even though it had more to do with his emotional and personality instabilities than me knowing he had a secret life somewhere. Like I said before-this break-up had been a LONG time coming and I'm just making up for lost time.

And for all of you saying I shouldn't date as of yet-what would be my alternative? After going to work, school and playing with my daughter-should I be sitting at home reading books and watching re-runs? How about hanging out with my VERY married friends? I'm only 29 for God sakes! I will begin living the life of an old-maid when I get there, lol! I waited 2 whole trying, emotional months since my life had been flipped upside down before I went on a date. This has more to do with me having fun than me trying to find a new hubby-I admit I ain't ready for that yet, and I'm honest with whoever comes into my life about that fact.

Wow! How appropriate is my horoscope for today, 5/10/09?

Sagittarius:


Overview

Let go of negative things today -- it will be easier than ever before, because your mind is eager to move on to more positive endeavors. One way is to release yourself from being responsible for other people's happiness -- you have to let them take care of their own issues. Instead, start focusing more on the new opportunities coming your way soon. Have faith and hope that things are only going to get better, and they will.


P.S.(*singing* Can't nobody break my stride/can't nobody hold me down, oh no! I GOT TO KEEP ON MOVING!) lol!

@Iyakadijat, I understand your dilemma as to what to do after a major breakup. I was 33 when I divorced after a horrible marriage and this experience is what I have based my advice to you upon, that, and my work experience. Yes, have fun. Yes, go out. Yes re-learn who you are and pursue your passions and hearts desires. It is just very easy to attach our desires to those of others and to lose ourselves in the desires and ambitions of others. I only hope the absolute best for you. Keep your head up and keep smiling!

@Iyakadijat: happy mother's day