DOUBLE-O-H:

(nd I will admit, although I can do without this negative attention, it does make me feel kind of good that he is suffering just a little after what he did to me. [size=8pt]Good-let him suffer.[/size])

and you busy yourself checking out his every move? both of una no sabi wetin deh do una sef.

Are you kidding me? I loathe even seeing him at all. We had a big argument just last week because I didn't want to have to drop my daughter off at his house-opting instead to drop her off at her babysitter's and have him pick her up from there.

amebo no1.:

ok on a serious note,if he comes to you when u r Hot,and turns u on,or u get turned on by d sight of him,r u telling me u wont have sex with him?

That's a fair enough question. I honestly am much stronger now than a few weeks ago. Just the thought that he's been sticking his d_ck in another woman is a serious turn-off for me. He totally disgusts me now so there is no way in hell that's going down. lol!

IyaKadijat:

After my date last night, it kind of made me happy that I'm now single. It showed me that there's so much more out there for me and I can't wait to start enjoying single life for real. I am not vulnerable to him anymore because I realize that he is a confused somebody and I don't want a confused man. Not to be crass or anything, but although I get Hot sometimes, I did go out and invest in some, ahem, toys to help me get over. I'll be ok, o! LOL!

And I will admit, although I can do without this negative attention, it does make me feel kind of good that he is suffering just a little after what he did to me. Good-let him suffer.


P.s.-I hope that corrected you Double-O.

                                                                                                                                                                            U can't wait 2 enjoy single life.---------------this's where u have 2 be very careful,dont hurt urself.

dae:

ay bay bay --- also dont you forget to tell him how you had a wonderful tym with the new "guy" and also  that his name is not written on you P@#$y, so why's he asking?!?! then combine what ThiefOfHearts and St☆rStruck said: something like;
ohhh,  i had an amazing timewith him! cant wait for the next time and yeah, by the way shuouldnt you be with your Wife?!?! why are you stalking me, you're my baby daddy not husband so quit the stalking cos im sure you know 911 is easy to dial  

Dae-I love your advice the best so far-girl, you are ruthless! LOL!

IyaKadijat:

Dae-I love your advice the best so far-girl, you are ruthless! LOL!

confirmation

didnt i just say u lack attention ,dats why u did wat u did?and u r very much enjoying the reaction from ur ex,u wanna be noticed right,ok uve been noticed, go get ur medal

brutal:

                                                                                                                                                                            U can't wait 2 enjoy single life.---------------this's where u have 2 be very careful,dont hurt urself.

Trust me, I am not trying to go through any more pain if I don't have to. This aint the 1970's any more-there's stuff out now that a visit to the doctor and a pill won't take away. Besides, the next guy will have to take a lot of cold showers for a long time dealing with me-I am definitely worth waiting for, and more importantly, I want to get to know them for real before I get to "know" them in a Biblical sense, na mean?

amebo no1.:

confirmation

didnt i just say u lack attention ,dats why u did wat u did?and u r very much enjoying the reaction from ur ex,u wanna be noticed right,ok uve been noticed, go get ur medal

I went out on a date that not even my closest friends knew about because I wanted attention from baby daddy? How could I have been yearning for attention from him when I had no idea he'd find out about it? The attention I was yearning for I got it from the man I went on the date with last night.

I liked dae's answer because it was cut-to-the-chase and the 911 part was hilarious.

If you want to hand me a medal, give it to me for being strong enough to get through this without driving myself batty.

Dear Iyakadijat: Please be very careful at this time. You are still very vulnerable and that is to be expected. But please make sure you do not look for affirmation in a new guy b/c it can result in a false sense of security 4 u. After all is over it can condemn you to repeat past patterns and cycles. Take time for you and learn to do your loving from the inside out and not outside in. See this time as a time for convalescence and rehab. Enjoy it but eeep you first. Other guys take time from you. Be selfish about loving you right now. Treat yourself like you are dating/marrying yourself. If you do this you will never accept less again. It is a learning process. Best wishes!

prittigrrr:

Dear Iyakadijat: Please be very careful at this time. You are still very vulnerable and that is to be expected. But please make sure you do not look for affirmation in a new guy b/c it can result in a false sense of security 4 u. After all is over it can condemn you to repeat past patterns and cycles. Take time for you and learn to do your loving from the inside out and not outside in. See this time as a time for convalescence and rehab. Enjoy it but eeep you first. Other guys take time from you. Be selfish about loving you right now. Treat yourself like you are dating/marrying yourself. If you do this you will never accept less again. It is a learning process. Best wishes!

You're right. Luckily, the guy I went out with was my high school sweetheart and he has been a good friend throughout this whole ordeal-especially because I have cursed all men in his presence quite a few times since this has happened, lol. He wanted to take me out last night because he said he thought it wasn't healthy for me to just be working all the time just to come home and sit in the house sad all the time. I didn't want to go but he pretty much dragged me out, and I was surprised that I actually had a really good time. He has been talking about serious things with me but I have let him know I'm not ready yet, and honestly I don't know when I'll be ready(or if he is the one I'll be ready for-girl, I'm single-the sky's the limit! LOL). In the meantime, I was just grateful that he was cool and didn't try to push up on me at all-I just might have slapped him if he did that.

Girl, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection and this is only the beginning for me. I am definitely taking heed to your words.

I am really happy with your strength.

Regarding dealing with his stalking I would:

Write down when it happens and keep those notes
I would simply respond to his voicemail and text messages calmly and w/o sarcasm.
I would save any nasty text messages or voicemail if you need to get a protection order.
I would not give him any information on what or who you were with last night, a simple "oh that is what your friends said, Ok is there anything that you need to discuss regarding our child because my personal life is off limits"
Set the tone for the r/s going forward.
Dont get personal with your responses because that will cause a fight and conflict.

Most importantly. . .

He knows, like any man, that your child is your life force and that to get to you all they have to do is get to the child.

Dont i repeat DONT give him anything that can be used to get custody of your child.

Hold your temper and get your child home in the next couple of weeks when school finishes.

As I tell my children when someone is attacking us from the outside (and he is attacking you). . . We have to close shop, pull ranks and bring it in. Meaning what happens here stays here and no one from the outside needs to know. Only have conversations with him regarding your child, if he tries to go personal repeat the above.

agreed. all that juevnile nonsense of dae's will just hurt YOU in the end

he also wants 2 have his cake, lol
wat kinda a man is dat? i pity any body with him sef. stop texting him bk and calling him bk or even picking his call and maybe he will get the gist (idea) that u r moving on.
he wants to be enjoying 2 places and dont want 2 leave u alone, infac,t if possible u can move, move

Have you returned his bride price? If not you dont have the right to play outside.

Um they were never married

Even if he had married her, this joker probably would never have paid the bride price. He would have gone to the courthouse to marry.

invisible!:

Have you returned his bride price? If not you dont have the right to play outside.

Seriously, they [i]still [/i]do that?

Hotstepper:

he also wants 2 have his cake, lol
wat kinda a man is dat? i pity any body with him sef. stop texting him bk and calling him bk or even picking his call and maybe he will get the gist (idea) that u r moving on.
he wants to be enjoying 2 places and dont want 2 leave u alone, infac,t if possible u[b] can move, move[/b]

Just bought a house-I'm not going anywhere. And what's more unfortunate than a failed marriage is having a child with someone-you really are with this person for better or worse. In other words, you have to deal with them at least for the 1st 18 years of your child's life. He gets the gist that I'm moving on and I think that scares him because he realizes he missed out on someone special-whatever. Like Erykah Badu said-I guess I'll see him next lifetime-and I only pray that I'm blessed enough to not have to deal with someone like him next lifetime.

sistawoman:

I am really happy with your strength.

Regarding dealing with his stalking I would:

Write down when it happens and keep those notes
I would simply respond to his voicemail and text messages calmly and w/o sarcasm.
I would save any nasty text messages or voicemail if you need to get a protection order.
I would not give him any information on what or who you were with last night, a simple "oh that is what your friends said, Ok is there anything that you need to discuss regarding our child because my personal life is off limits"
Set the tone for the r/s going forward.
Dont get personal with your responses because that will cause a fight and conflict.

Most importantly. . .

He knows, like any man, that your child is your life force and that to get to you all they have to do is get to the child.

Dont i repeat DONT give him anything that can be used to get custody of your child.

Hold your temper and get your child home in the next couple of weeks when school finishes.

As I tell my children when someone is attacking us from the outside (and he is attacking you). . . We have to close shop, pull ranks and bring it in.  Meaning what happens here stays here and no one from the outside needs to know.  Only have conversations with him regarding your child, if he tries to go personal repeat the above.

Thank you sistawoman. Believe it or not, I've garnered most of my strength through reading what you guys have had to say about this. I really did post up the most encouraging stuff on my refrigerator and read it everyday until it was etched in my memory.

He called me and gave me the sob story today about how he really messed up and he now realizes he made a mistake in bringing her here and knows the children would have been better off in my care(apparently, he just discovered his 10 year old daughter is illiterate too-her illiterate mother raised her. His 14 year old son however was the best in his school in Nigeria, but was pretty much in his grandmother's care). Anyway, he went on and on-and although I felt sorry for the children in this situation, I felt nothing for him. He brought this on himself and just like you guys say, it's his own wahala now.

I suggested he find a literacy and/or summer school program for his daughter and refused to answer questions about my date last night. And he asked me every question in the book and it was hard not to gloat about how much fun I had, but I just told him "why are you worried about me? I'm fine, I just want to make sure my baby is ok and what time can I pick her up?"

He silently threatened any guy that comes near me saying "huh! You don't know me o. I feel sorry for them-you don't know what I'm capable of. Just watch. Put it in your left hand."

Now that I've heard what you have to say sista, I think I am going to start writing all of this stuff down because I've never seen this part of him before and frankly it's starting to scare me.

the best advice is from sistawoman
its even a surprise she hasnt commented on ur case b4 this

bluespice:

the best advice is from sistawoman
its even a surprise she hasnt commented on ur case b4 this

she tried though, towards the end of the other thread. She wanted me to contact her on yahoo, but I had to work that day. From what I've seen so far, she's very mature and has some really good advice. I'd love to hear from her again.

she's def one of the best to talk to abt this . . .

@ Iyakadijat: The things he is saying now is what I alluded to on the other thread. You don't know this guy and child custody issues, at least in my state, can be serious. Please, never turn your back on this guy and get your baby asap.

prittigrrr:

@ Iyakadijat: The things he is saying now is what I alluded to on the other thread. You don't know this guy and child custody issues, at least in my state, can be serious. Please, never turn your back on this guy and get your baby asap.

At the risk of sounding really stupid, do you really think he would do anything to stop me from having my child just because of jealousy? He has always been an excellent dad to her and I really don't think he would try to take her from me. This is scaring me, o!

wait lemme get this ryt. . . . .u living so close 2 ur ex. . . . .and ur current bf in nigeria is jealous? y not?

what's it like to get it all wrong?

hahahahhahahah i thought so. . . . .i had a feeling i was getting it wrong

acidrop:

wait lemme get this ryt. . . . .u living so close 2 ur ex. . . . .and ur current bf in nigeria is jealous? y not?

No my ex is Nigerian and we live in the same neighborhood and now he's acting jealous because I've started dating.

IyaKadijat:

No my ex is Nigerian and we live in the same neighborhood and now he's acting jealous because I've started dating.

ohhhhhhhhhh, LOL WTF is his prob? maybe he wants u bak? wiat did u say u have his child? now that is scary

dont answer his calls anymore.

Dude's Naija Muslim. Hmm i don say my own. when you see a beheaded present of your date on your porch, dont say i didnt warn you.

ThiefOfHearts:

dont answer his calls anymore.

Dude's Naija Muslim. Hmm i don say my own. when you see a b[b]eheaded present of your date on your porch[/b], dont say i didnt warn you.

lol

@ Iya

Is the guy a muslim?

acid see her name nau

ThiefOfHearts:

dont answer his calls anymore.

Dude's Naija Muslim. Hmm i don say my own. when you see a beheaded present of your date on your porch, dont say i didnt warn you.

Maybe I'm weird, but that just made me laugh. I'll pray for you, crazy lady! LOL!

Uche2nna:

lol

@ Iya

Is the guy a muslim?

Yes, he is Muslim.

bluespice:

acid see her name nau

yeah but am not yoruba now, abi wateva d lang is. . . .bt i jst found out now it mean moma. . . . .wow

well i think u should listen to blue, stop taking his calls, make the boundaries, and always discuss hw much u love ur current bf with him n he will get the drift