opsydudu:

8yrs

that is a long time for any game to be up.

i bet you dated this guy with your eyes closed and i believe you have strong feelings for him no matter what he did to you. Try not be too desperate, you may learn one or more things about him.

the major things is take a tough and good decision, then you can move on with your life.

marriage no be by force

Yup-I dated him with my eyes closed by asking silly questions all the time like, "what's up with your children's mother?" "Are you still with her?" "Let me talk to your Mom and see what she has to say?"

And since I have started ignoring him, I have learned quite a few things about him. He is an insanely jealous psychopath. Constantly calling asking if "I have company", if I'm "giving his p_ssy away", ending all of his voice mail messages with "mo ni fe, o".

I think all the people on here defending his actions are just as psychotic as he is.

I am moving on and have begun to date. He disgusts me, and I really mean that with every ounce of my soul.

@iyakhadijat

Moving on won't be that easy if you don't let the strong feelings you have him go. I believe and i repeat that you 'love' this same guy. Love is always hard to let go but you have to be tough and the next guy you date, be very sure you know what you want and put that act of being too desperate away.

learn, alway learn fast. that will get you out of trouble and it will also prevent you from making too many mistakes.

your emotions and feelings are important so you have to protect them with your brain and not your heart.

with your hearts you can make mistakes but with the brain you can always see clearly before taking any decision.


get rid of that guy and do something good with your life.

opsydudu:

@iyakhadijat

Moving on won't be that easy if you don't let the strong feelings you have him go. I believe and i repeat that you 'love' this same guy. Love is always hard to let go but you have to be tough and the next guy you date, be very sure you know what you want and put that act of being too desperate away.

learn, alway learn fast. that will get you out of trouble and it will also prevent you from making too many mistakes.

your emotions and feelings are important so you have to protect them with your brain and not your heart.

with your hearts you can make mistakes but with the brain you can always see clearly before taking any decision.


get rid of that guy and do something good with your life.

Maybe you missed it-but I've gotten rid of him already. The only reason we still speak is because of our daughter.

And what "desperation" do you speak of? I am not nor will I ever be that type of woman. Even my child's father and I were friends first before we were lovers(or so I thought). I do not put myself out there as some desperate female that needs a man. Men come to me everyday-does that mean I should date them all? Absolutely not. I am content with who I am and I don't need a man to complete me-now ask me do I want a man, and that's a whole different story, lol!

Do something good with my life like what? Buy a house? Work diligently? Go to school and get my degree? Give to charity? The things I've named is what I have done already or what I'm currently doing, so I don't know what you mean by that.

@opsy-and the fact that I'll always have love for him is a given-he IS the father of my child after all. I love him kinda in the way that I don't wish anything bad on him or want him to get injured. But am I still in love with him? No. Not in the least-I mean it when I say I am sooo closing that chapter of my life. Amen.

@IyaKadijat

I'm glad you finally closing this chapter on your life, you have to for the your sake as well as your daughter's sake.
I've been following your story since, just didn't want to say anything cause I'm still hurting myself. I also broke up
with my bf a month ago, mine is better though(no kid an only 2 years of dating) but still a break up is a break up.

Do you want to know what keeps me going?
1. I cutted all the contacts with him(deleted him on my friends list on FB, YIM, GTalk,
    even blocked his number on my phone), offcoz to you its gonna be different
    coz you share a child together, but that's all it is now and get him used to it. Only talk
    to him when it concerns her only. Make boundaries. Be firm with the guy, you don't owe
    him shit.

2. I convinced myself that he never loved me(he used me 4 his selfish reasons and I don't care what he
    says now), cause if I believe that he did or he still does that will make me to keep thinking about him
    or maybe end up going back to him. So the sooner you can stop defending him the better,
    stop saying he is a good father coz good fathers don't treat their baby mama like the way he has
    treated you. He wouldn't have hurt you the way he did. Imagine if someone who claims to love you
    can do that to you what will your enemies do.

3. Every time he comes to my mind, I immediately think about our last argument when I was
   confronting him about a call I got from the girl he was cheating on me with and he was denying it
   and things got pretty bad.   

4. I try very hard not to think of the good time we had and focus rather on thinking about those fights and
    arguments we had just to make sure that instead of ending up missing him I end up being angry at him.
   
No need crying over a split milk, put your head up and keep on moving. You knew this shit was gonna happen.
And if you didn't know, then you are a _______ for not noticing. Believe me the are always hints, if you can look
back and recall each and everything that was happening in your relationship you will find them coz now your eyes
have been opened, you were blind then. Go out with friends, have lots fun. Don't let his being jealous deceive you again
into thinking he loves you coz he doesn't and he never did if he did he would have came clean with you from the beginning,
he even had the whole 8 years to come clean and he chose not to, he is done with you and also be done with him.
You can't erase the fact that you once loved him(probably still do), so don't even try.

Throw his ass away. The pictures(you can keep those for your daughter maybe) but believe me now you don't wana see them,
put them away. Messages. Val post cards. any reminder of him is the reminder of your love for him. Now, hate him.

So you see how we gonna be fine without them? Lol!! good luck!

@sexybabes(it feels weird calling another woman that, lol)-I am so sorry for your hurt and it just confirms that old adage-we can't live without men and we can't kill 'em, lol.

Now just to quell everyone's thoughts about whether I can think back to where there were "clues" to tell me what was going on during those 8 tiresome years-NO-except for a weird gut feeling I had which is why I constantly peppered him with questions about this so-called "baby-mother" he hardly spoke of. But he would insist I had nothing to worry about and so would his family and since there was no physical evidence to go on, I had to take his word for it. The letters and pictures he received from Nigeria were always that of his Mom and the kids and the letters were written in English, mostly from his son, with no mention of his wife or anything. Trust me, I've had lots of time recently to reflect upon the past 8 years and review whether there was something I naively missed, and I keep coming up with the same answer-NOT AT ALL.

He was a good liar, player, whatever the choice word of the season is. What I have reflected upon and wondered about repeatedly, was how many times I had given him the chance to pack up and leave. How many times when I had that weird feeling had I said "hey, if this isn't what you want, you know where the door is". How many times have I said to him-even just 12 months ago- "I've heard the stories, Baba-if what you plan to do is bring her to this country and leave me, you should just leave now. No hard feelings-we'll still be cool. But don't be so selfish as to waste my time and yours by lying". And he would always assure me that there was no one else for him-and last anniversary when I kept threatening to leave him because of the strange feeling I had and the fact that after 7 years he still "wasn't ready" for marriage, he cried like a baby(I'm soo serious, snot and all, lol), begged me not to go and went out and bought me a 1/2 carat diamond ring-saying that he would marry me in the next "2-3 years"-he just wanted to get his money right first.

Crying over spilled milk I'm not. At least not anymore. I am using this as a learning experience and just being way more aware. For example-I just met a FINE Nigerian man who I swear to goodness looks just like Idris Elba and has the sexiest accent. He just came to the US 7 months ago from the UK(London) and admits although he was born in NG, he was raised in the UK-but the more I got to know him, the more red flags went up:



Hey, he may just be an upstanding guy-but my experience has made it truly hard to find any trust in a man that has a situation such as his.

Ya see, I'm learning, I'm learning! LOL!

follypimpi:


But of what achievement is this action of HIS

I'm sorry Folly-I'm not understanding what you mean?

*sighs* I can smell Yoruba in the dude IyaK just mentioned

what's his name?

ThiefOfHearts:

*sighs* I can smell Yoruba in the dude IyaK just mentioned

what's his name?

LOL! How'd you know?

another one?

I hope I dont attract these kinds of people sha.

My nasty expression must be scaring them away. Fear _{of me} is the beginning of wisdom as far as I'm concerned, when it comes to things like that

Lmao Kazeem? Another Muslim?

abeg IyaK you need to avoid Naija dudes for a while

ThiefOfHearts:

Lmao Kazeem? Another Muslim?

abeg IyaK you need to avoid Naija dudes for a while

Well he's Mum and Dad were muslim,He got converted thats if his the guy in question.

follypimpi:


Bolaji,I think i know him,is He tall,dark lived in East London and also with the name Kazeem??

Flatline------------I'm not talking to you anymore, Folly, lol!

ThiefOfHearts:

Lmao Kazeem? Another Muslim?

abeg IyaK you need to avoid Naija dudes for a while

OMG-I attract them like bees to honey. I really am trying to avoid them, but they keep coming after me!

The good ones dont seem to be.

Bet Kazeem has a wife if not two already.

ThiefOfHearts:

Lmao Kazeem? Another Muslim?

So wats wrong with muslim brodas? Generalisation is certainly not the way to go sista

IyaKadijat:

Flatline------------I'm not talking to you anymore, Folly, lol!

Well if his the same person his my Uncle.Is his cell # thus 678-949-0xxxx

He wants to play the polygamous mumu with an enlightened woman like you.   Cheiiii!

jay bee:

So wats wrong with muslim brodas? Generalisation is certainly not the way to go sista

or what will happen?  

follypimpi:


Well @least playas go out for girls to get Laid,He choose to have a baby with you and after 8yr's still didnt tie the Knot with ya,so what did he achieve doing all these

I tell you no lie, I honestly think he just wanted to not be alone all these years. The only thing he achieved was having a companion. I told him countless times since this all happened that he could have had what he wanted (maybe out of another woman-not me), if you just told the truth and let the chick know what the business was rather than toying with human emotions that way. I swear I feel like I was his Psych 101 project.

ThiefOfHearts:

or what will happen?

Ain't nothing happening for sure. Just saying

afi bee.

follypimpi:

Well if his the same person his my Uncle.Is his cell # thus 678-949-0xxxx

No-not the same guy. You were scaring me for a minute, lol,

follypimpi:


I doubt that,he could have had booty calls,there's something missing somewhere,there's absolutely no Way you can be with sum1 for 8yrs and not have a plan or a goal

He had a goal: not getting serious. I guess the child wasn't even planned.

michelin89:

He had a goal: not getting serious. I guess the child wasn't even planned.

No-our child was not planned-but when he found out I was pregnant, embraced the situation wholeheartedly. And the child I miscarried last year was planned. He constantly told me he wanted another baby with me-and until this day still says it. And as of last month, was still trying to get me pregnant-on purpose. I don't think he is ok, o!

follypimpi:


You sure your name aint Dionne ??

No it isn't-but if it was, I'd be mad you calling out my government like that, lol.