Harbosede02:
did you even read what she wrote?? Dating someone without having d mind set of marriage with them is a total waste of time....relationships is a preliminary stage to marriage.....if its leads to marriage...fine bt if it doesnt...no shii


work on ur comprehension skill b4 attacking someone with insults next time.

2dugged:
People self, this is why it's better to ask for terms and conditions of a relationship before going into it to avoid stories that touch,by the way she seems like someone above 25 and you expect her to date without having marriage in sight?, the op sounds wicked,these are the the time wasters we keep advising ladies to stay away from

solasoulmusic:


So true sis who wants to be doing Lord of the Rings in this economy lol

Charlentine:
If what u stated here were the reality, and you tried to put your puny hands on me, I'd immediately have you fleeced, and then dried in the sun. Next time you'd avoid a guy who moving on his rights!

Obiwannn:


I guess you conveniently ignored the part where the OP said he told her of the status quo which she voluntarily agreed to ba?

Charlentine:
I think their problem is that when their emotions come onto the picture, EVERYTHING ELSE disappears. But not all are like that though; I know a girl who's not like that at all...and if you observe this thread you'd notice one or two sensible comments from ladies that would PROPERLY address the issue. Those are the rare exceptions. But the majority of female commenters would just straight away Label you, jump to conclusions without even reading the op, accuse u of something unrelated, etc. Most of their opinions are baseless and emotional- thats the problem right there! Marriage is a sacred thing to most ladies so if they FEEL like you're against it in any way, they're automatically against you.

2dugged:
I tire for the op o

Charlentine:
well then i guess the best thing to do is exactly what I did; stay straightforward and prepare to take cover when the hostility bombs drop if she's the hostile type shey? Atleast I'd have a very clear conscience. Better than deceiving her.

ToriBlue:
I don't know why guys keep dating women they can't marry. Its sheer wickedness.

TheGreatIYANU:
I closed your thread after reading not wanting to reply, but for posterity sake and other guys out there who date girls 'for fun', you are a FOOL if you engage another human being emotionally only to dump her along the way.
My friend if it was your plan from the start to dump her as soon as you get what you wanted (whatever it is) YOU ARE A BIG FOOL!
Seun can ban me now.
Relationships are meant to be HONOURED! Every type of relationship is meant to be honoured and if you cannot honour a relationship that is supposed to lead to a final destination, again, YOU ARE A FOOL!
You are the type of guys who make ladies unecessarily insecure and leave wounds in their hearts, the brunts of which their husbands and children will deal with in the future.
My guy, once again, with the Spirit of God upon me, I tell you this, YOU ARE A FOOL! It is not an insult, it is a FACT.
REPENT!

horciglowri:
Well my candid advice is
You better call ur family members to prepare ur coffin coz u cnt eat yo cake nd av it.

Nd tnk God no b person like me u dey form daddy yo 4 coz d romantic way u will join yo ancestors eeehn, it will b lyk neva b4

LordAdam16:


I think I have a valid point to make on this topic because I'm a moderate alexes. I'm not a complete alexes like this guy, but I'm a guy who reads and watch movies about love, but never gets it. Marriage sounds like a sh*tty arrangement (no offense to married folks), and I scoff when I see pre-wedding photos. I'm like this man laughing with glee with his wife-to-be could be her killer tomorrow. The majority of females in the US who die are killed by guys they're in a relationship with (as a gf or as a wife).

Alexithymia does have it's good sides, I'm a pragmatic humanist and a brutal realist. But it can be an awful curse in a sea of emotional no-holds-barred homo sapiens.

And that brings me to my main point. No matter how many times you tell a lady you don't want to marry her, it wouldn't stop her from falling in love and getting hostile when you remind her of your existing agreement. It doesn't matter if she's intelligent or dumb, a NASA scientist or a marketwoman, a 70 yr old or a 15 yr old, an introvert or an extrovert, a mel or a san.

Your ex was an exception not the rule.

And I'll know because I've NEVER being in a romantic relationship with anyone. I haven't dated anyone, and right now, wouldn't even if I had a gun to my head. Ladies, regardless of age, intelligence, or personality, are as fickle as the wind. They are only as reliable as a speck of dust in a hurricane. Which is evident by the fact that more than 80% of the ladies who read your account (most of them def educated), didn't even care to understand your position.

F*ck a lady more than once, and if you are cool, with good looks, and a bit of cash, she'll already be imagining her wedding night with you. You don't even have to date her. I know because it has happened to me severally. Before I said, you know what, f*ck this, I don't have the time, energy or will to pander to people whose self-confidence and decision-making ability are about the size of a pea.

Maybe it's the Nigerian factor, maybe it is a female thing. But I don't have reason to believe that it's either of those things. Marriage doesn't need to be a ceremony for the whites, so yeah the girl could ask you to just wife her on the road with an eligible clergyman, court person or JP on a lunch break. And clearly, the majority of males on this thread too have shown to not have simple comprehension abilities too.

Being honest and straightforward in all ramifications is worthless. That's why the Yoruba demons don't care. Convince her she's the only one and break her heart when you're done with her. Because whether you are honest with her from the start, she'll still see an expected end as a messy breakup. So, why bother yourself?

For me tho', I can't go through that hoop. Sounds like taking a flight from Lagos to London, then from London to Abuja, when I could just take a direct ticket from Lagos to Abuja. And I like to respect ladies even tho' they evidently don't respect themselves enough.

So, I'm not going to tell you what to do. You're an adult. But I'm going to tell you this for a fact.

Even if you gist a girl. Tell her there's no chance in hell that the relationship will end in marriage. And she agrees. Weeks or months down the line, she'll still fall in love (I don't know how to explain this, the closest I can get is that humans like to have what they can't get) and hope she can change your mind to marry her. And every time you tell her no (basically reiterating what you've told her since day 1), you'll just make her more desperate and hostile. And God help you the day she snaps. She could destroy your house or worse maim/kill you (whether it's an acid or a knife to the chest).

I'm incapable of loving a lady, so I don't NEED to maintain relationships whether platonic or romantic. It's physiologic, so I have it easy. For you and several other guys, all I can say is, be careful.

This is one instance where HONESTY IS A BAD POLICY THAT CAN POTENTIALLY RUIN YOUR LIFE. Unless you find an exceptionally lady, which as you've probably figured out is rare and there's no way of knowing if she'll be an exception before you go all in.



There is a huge difference between what people read and what they understand. It is actually a phenomenon. Read this BBC future article on the spread of ignorance. That article is just a foundation.

The majority of humans are zombies. I don't mean post-apocalyptic zombies in the movies. I mean healthy, educated zombies with jobs and families. And politicians, social engineers, advertisers, and marketers know this is the world's best kept secret.

The person you quoted def read the OP, but s/he comprehended something different. What s/he read was interpreted differently in her brain.

And even if it was interpreted correctly, it doesn't stop s/he from still having a distorted view point. It could very well be that s/he doesn't care if the OP said it pointedly clear that he wasn't interested in marriage from the get-go. S/he is probably disillusioned that it is not possible for anyone to say that or for anyone to really mean that, and that maybe it was a ploy by the OP to eat his cake and have it. And that the lady in the OP was manipulated, basically a victim of circumstance (despite her being a full healthy and educated adult capable of even co-managing a business with the OP).

The human brain is a marvel really, a bloody sick twisted marvel.

To your other post about ladies virtually painting something bad despite several good references simply because they did not have her way, that is another FACT. Have you looked at the divorce stats in the Western world? Or the near divorces that people call "happy marriages" in Nigeria with regular third-party mediation.

Most ladies want to have their way or raise hell. They'd change the narrative, do anything humanly possible to make sure they f*ck you over if you don't let them have their way. And if that includes tagging a beautiful relationship with terrific history as a mistake on a whim, then so be it.

There are exceptions, but everyone has a limit. A girl who you think is understanding you may just be piling it all up, waiting for that perfect moment to pounce on you with the favorite--I've been managing... (don't need to finish it, you get the point).

Seriously, you look at the female gender and if you're a creationist, you ask the question, why did God even bother? Like did Adam complain that he was lonely? There are animals that can reproduce without mating. So the reproduction reason does not fly. God created women to f*ck men up, and they've done a pretty good job, starting from the Apple.

-Lord

Charlentine:
So here's the problem, I do love this lady to a degree, but I ain't going for that marriage stuff. Not yet, and definitely not with her. I told her my plans from the day we officially started dating and she was totally cool with it. only to suddenly go mafia and change everything and become super possessive and pester me for marriage after some months, in a "If u won't marry me then ENEMY mode activated!" kind of way. That's unfair na! I've not dated much but my last gf wasn't unreasonable na, she even loved me for being straightforward with her and we dated exclusively until I had to travel. Then i adviced her to move on with her life (tho it was a very hard decision cos she's an awesome person, beautiful too) but we're friends till date.


Anyway, so Im letting this lady go so she can find a proper husband, but I don't want her beef (she gets very hostile and vengeful whenever she feels slighted even for the best of reasons, no matter how much u try to reason with her) cos I still have some unfinished business with her and don't want her to ruin it. Shes the type that, if something isn't going her way then it is BAD no matter how great it has been. She has potential husbands (ex'es) and has quickly resorted to hooking up with one for marriage. I wish her well, but don't need the hostility now.


How does one deal with this? Wud it have been better to give her false hope, and then bail once I get my stuff out? Won't that be unfair to her? Are the majority of ladies selfish like this cos I always hear ladies cry "he jilted me bla bla bla"? because guys have learnt to be dishonest with them? Is there another way? Like Ive confessed, I haven't dated much, but I want to believe we don't all have to be bad.

luminouz:

Like u can do shiiit!

TheGreatIYANU:
I closed your thread after reading not wanting to reply, but for posterity sake and other guys out there who date girls 'for fun', you are a FOOL if you engage another human being emotionally only to dump her along the way.
My friend if it was your plan from the start to dump her as soon as you get what you wanted (whatever it is) YOU ARE A BIG FOOL!
Seun can ban me now.
Relationships are meant to be HONOURED! Every type of relationship is meant to be honoured and if you cannot honour a relationship that is supposed to lead to a final destination, again, YOU ARE A FOOL!
You are the type of guys who make ladies unecessarily insecure and leave wounds in their hearts, the brunts of which their husbands and children will deal with in the future.
My guy, once again, with the Spirit of God upon me, I tell you this, YOU ARE A FOOL! It is not an insult, it is a FACT.
REPENT!

soberdrunk:
Some people dont fear "Acid" sha!!! Oga it seems you dont know that "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", be here forming 'its your boy wizzy" "baba for the girls them", if she refer your case to the 'marine unit' or "Airforce unit' your life may never be the same again, for your own good its either you "enter fully" or "eject carefully" and stop trying to eat your cake and have it!!

TheGreatIYANU:
I closed your thread after reading not wanting to reply, but for posterity sake and other guys out there who date girls 'for fun', you are a FOOL if you engage another human being emotionally only to dump her along the way.
My friend if it was your plan from the start to dump her as soon as you get what you wanted (whatever it is) YOU ARE A BIG FOOL!
Seun can ban me now.
Relationships are meant to be HONOURED! Every type of relationship is meant to be honoured and if you cannot honour a relationship that is supposed to lead to a final destination, again, YOU ARE A FOOL!
You are the type of guys who make ladies unecessarily insecure and leave wounds in their hearts, the brunts of which their husbands and children will deal with in the future.
My guy, once again, with the Spirit of God upon me, I tell you this, YOU ARE A FOOL! It is not an insult, it is a FACT.
REPENT!

Seenyo:
I pulled same d.umb stunt on a ''marine'' lady & guess what?....

My being alive today is by the special grace of d almighty!

Charlentine:
I knw. Already done that. Just don't want hostility 4 now. But wait, I really want to know, are a lot of ladies like this? As in, Can't respect agreement? Why shud there be HOSTILITY at all. That's what I don't get. Hostility is for when someone plays u, not when they respect u and are completely honest with u all the way. C'mon.

LordAdam16:


So a guy walks up to you. Tells you he isn't ready for marriage but wants to date you (note he didn't say, let's date and see where this goes, he was straightforward from the start). You had the option to say no (if you felt like finishing 12 rounds from an M-16 on him) or yes (if you agreed). Then you said YES.

Then some weeks or months later, you start pestering him to marrying you. Then he reminds you of what you agreed to, and tells you you're free to go if the relationship no longer works for you. And then you threaten to raise hell. What the f*ck are you, if not a complete unstable lunatic?

Let me tell you what it sounds like.

It sounds like you and one of your numerous platonic male friends agreeing from the get-go that a romantic relationship wasn't on the cards. Then over time, this guy gets so mesmerized by you that he starts disturbing you to date him. But you'd made it and keep making it clear that you aren't willing to go down that route. Then instead of the guy putting a kibosh on his interest and deciding if he still wants to maintain the platonic relationship or give you the cold shoulder, he resorts to HOSTILITY. What would you call the guy?

I know. A stalker, a weirdo, a psycho, an unstable sh*thead or some other creative term you ladies are great at conjuring up.

If you guys want to be treated as adults or to be respected for who you are (and not to be seen as a weaker sex/gender), then you guys have to start acting like it.

If you can't imagine dating a guy who isn't ready for marriage. Don't date him. If he says he isn't ready for marriage and wouldn't be in the foreseeable future, don't tell him yes when you have a sinister plan of trying to rein on him later. That is EVIL.

Tell him NO. How hard is that to do? You guys do it every day to countless guys. There is no excuse for leading a guy on, on a false premise, basically lying from the get go, then turn around and play the victim card. That just plays into the "treat ladies as dirt" narrative, because clearly you guys don't even know or value respect and straightforwardness even if it's stapled on your foreheads.

You are more intelligent than this. From some other skirt, I'll not mind. But you? I wouldn't say it's unexpected, I'd just say it's a shame.

-Lord

ToriBlue:
I don't know why guys keep dating women they can't marry. Its sheer wickedness.

elyna:
its better you leave now if she finds out you were using here or the thing she had with you meant nothing but business to you eh guy, there will be serious problem. she will never be friends with you after you leave stamp that at the back of your mind.

luscioustrish:
Move on after the unfinished business.

rosalieene:
What advice exactly do you need.
Please just leave her alone to move on with her life irrespective of any unfinished business. You will only end up causing her more hurt.

prittygift114:
So you prefer wasting a ladies time and then advising her to go geh married when she must have been in love with you. Let worst guys like you treat your sisters same way!!! Animal