Adviseasister:


Thanks. It is a long distance relationship, I don't mean Lagos to Abuja, but different countries, continents. How do we see the counsellor? What do you think is wrong with him? I feel he has drifted.

seriously, I felt it when I read your stuff. It's really difficult to move on but considering the distance between you two, It was only a matter of time before you both severed the connection. But, there are few things you can do right now to help with the situation haven being in similar situation myself. And it is mostly logical than emotional.
First, you need to take a step back, and concentrate on your self for a while. How? Take 30mins everyday, seat still and cover ur eyes then concentrate on ur heartbeat. Stay on it no matter the distraction from around you.
Second, don't stalk the man. And don't expect so much. Step one will put you in this state if u were successful. It will help you focus. It is important because he has just created a vacuum in you and you are lost in the atmosphere of uncertainty. Fill d vacuum and let step one help you focus again.
Finally, assume this is one of those bad times every relationship will go through to come out strong. It is not always jolly. Focus on life after this phase, how beautiful and tolerant your future relationship is gonna be. Stay positive. If you are religious, listen to the soft voice, it's the voice of reason.
It will be fine

Biglittlelois:



People that fell in love with someone they met online will understand the feeling lol, I get you sis, chat him up on whatsapp and ask him point blank if he is no more interested, if he reads the chat and doesnt reply immediately, forget it, he's no more interested, if he later replies with one excuse or the other or trying to twist words or situations, forget him and move on, when he sees this thread and starts to chat you up bringing everything back to normal like before, he may be genuine or not, my guess is the later, but play along to see how it goes, but start to withdraw slowly, when the communication fades away once more, which will eventually happen, do not take it to heart, you will hurt but don't let it last long, remove your mind from it and take it as one of life's lessons when it comes to love, you will be fine

In your words "The heart doesn't always listen to what the brain says it will never do"

Adviseasister:
Good evening Nairalanders,

I had to create a new moniker for this, but I believe my guy will know this is for him.

Sometime last year I received a PM from a nlder. After going through his posts, I was pleased and we started talking. One thing led to another and we started a relationship. I must confess he is everything a woman wants in a man, he brought out this part of me I never knew existed and he did it so easily. We started seeing a future, I was happy.

Fast forward to February this year, I noticed a decline in communication. I complained and he blamed it on work. It continued and I had to ask what the problem is, he maintained it was work.

By March, things got worse and I have not been able to concentrate at work. I send him voice-notes and he responds hours later. I send
messages and he responds with one word. I must also add he doesn't pick my calls at night anymore, but his NL profile would be seen online, though he won't comment.

I do not know what to do as I can't bring myself to love someone else as I love him. It is a long distance relationship and I do not know what to do. Is it possible he is facing challenges there and doesn't want to share?

Should I wait for him to come around or move on? Has anyone been in this situation before, how did you manage it? I feel so heartbroken.

honestly my definition of love...is commitment and sacrifice.. going days without hearing from your love one or who you claim to love is a scam... indepth communication is the bedrock of lasting love..


as for me i will move on...but you can also wait if you wish





but wow so people still pm here and engaged in serious relationship on here... thats awesome

safarigirl:



Stop wasting your time.

I was ghosted by a Nairalander some months back. He equally seized communication after he had been talking to me for a period of time. Dude was cool as well, and I thought we were going somewhere .

I don't know what you thought you had, but you don't have a guy. Collect your L and move on, anybody that is too busy for you, is tired of you.

Anyway, his own might be different. No need to lump all NL guys together

How did you get over it?
When you see his username, what happens?

There is never always a true love in human

ojun50:
I think you should give him a surprise visit nd discuss tins with him befor you take that finer decision

He is outside the country.

Adviseasister:
Good evening Nairalanders,

I had to create a new moniker for this, but I believe my guy will know this is for him.

Sometime last year I received a PM from a nlder. After going through his posts, I was pleased and we started talking. One thing led to another and we started a relationship. I must confess he is everything a woman wants in a man, he brought out this part of me I never knew existed and he did it so easily. We started seeing a future, I was happy.

Fast forward to February this year, I noticed a decline in communication. I complained and he blamed it on work. It continued and I had to ask what the problem is, he maintained it was work.

By March, things got worse and I have not been able to concentrate at work. I send him voice-notes and he responds hours later. I send messages and he responds with one word. I must also add he doesn't pick my calls at night anymore, but his NL profile would be seen online, though he won't comment.

I do not know what to do as I can't bring myself to love someone else as I love him. It is a long distance relationship and I do not know what to do. Is it possible he is facing challenges there and doesn't want to share?

Should I wait for him to come around or move on? Has anyone been in this situation before, how did you manage it? I feel so heartbroken.

To start with, I'm not a fan of 'long distance relationships'. Maybe I can accept the same country but different states on the condition that we can see maybe twice in a month...

Again, COMMUNICATION is VERY VERY IMPORTANT in relationships and it can never be overemphasized. Once there's breakdown in communication, then every other things breaks down as well.
The beginning of every relationships is always very exciting, which partly depends on the mind set a person had going into it, but when the person gets or don't get what he/she thought he/would get, then the excitement dies off and. So what matters now is the PURPOSE of going into a relationship.

If only you could get him to be sincere and open up to you so you know your next step.

Here is my advice, if you are very sure that you have not told lies that he has got to know or done anything wrong and have tried severally to get him to talk to you and he is not responding, my dear you have to MOVE ON there is nothing you can do about it.

Finally, in relationships, if one partner isn't responding, most especially in communication, then there's absolutely nothing the other partner can do.

Predstan:


So I will travel from Europe to Nigeria to see a babe and she won’t give me cookie?? Lol u must be jokin

That is the advice I will give to my own younger sister

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Lemme tell you truth. He get girlfriend already. If una finally meet, he go knack you and that will be the end of Solomom Grondy. My sister, fave reality. Face your job or school and when you are really ready, better boy go show. Forget this online nonsense. The rate of success is low.

Adviseasister:
Good evening Nairalanders,

I had to create a new moniker for this, but I believe my guy will know this is for him.

Sometime last year I received a PM from a nlder. After going through his posts, I was pleased and we started talking. One thing led to another and we started a relationship. I must confess he is everything a woman wants in a man, he brought out this part of me I never knew existed and he did it so easily. We started seeing a future, I was happy.

Fast forward to February this year, I noticed a decline in communication. I complained and he blamed it on work. It continued and I had to ask what the problem is, he maintained it was work.

By March, things got worse and I have not been able to concentrate at work. I send him voice-notes and he responds hours later. I send messages and he responds with one word. I must also add he doesn't pick my calls at night anymore, but his NL profile would be seen online, though he won't comment.

I do not know what to do as I can't bring myself to love someone else as I love him. It is a long distance relationship and I do not know what to do. Is it possible he is facing challenges there and doesn't want to share?

Should I wait for him to come around or move on? Has anyone been in this situation before, how did you manage it? I feel so heartbroken.

I absolutely share in ur feelings. I'm experienced such from a lady recently. It shows u truly love him.
I love ur sense of reasoning, u never judge, despite how things were, u still consider that he might be passing through some challenges that he might doesn't want share.
Few ladies consider this under this circumstance.
You are a good woman.

I'd suggest you only have the truth at hand before u make ur decision. Try to know why he's acting such way.

This is the time situation would want to cloud our thinking and the voice of the situation would be echoing wrongly for wrong decision. Don't listen, listen to ur instinct to get the fact n proceed with ur decision.
Cheers.

I won't tell u what I found out when I did same.

iCauseTrouble:
Oh ye good people of Nairaland..... Should we tell her the truth?

honestly uou are not a nice person

Toks2008:


Don't move on yet but just ignore him for good and i mean stop texting or initiating conversation him.

If after like a month he does not wake up then it means he has moved on then you can move on too. Nobody is too busy to have time for the one h/she truly desires.

Adviseasister, I think this is an apt advice for you. If the guy truly loves and values you, he'll never dump you like that.

I started my relationship with my fiancée more or less the way yours started, in similar circumstances. The only difference is that we met on Facebook. It's been over 15 months, yet I can't go more than a day without at least chatting with her, except we both agreed on it for a particular reason. Despite the fact that she benefits from me much more than I can ever benefit from her (for now), I still Iove her beyond words. I can't even imagine being separated from her. If she goes silent for a whole day, I won't let her rest till she tells me what's wrong.

If the guy no longer communicates with you, then he has lost interest. It may be temporary or permanent.
The only modification I want to make to the advice I quoted is that you should try and discuss with him, if you haven't done so yet. If he doesn't grant you audience, then go ahead and ignore him. I know it's difficult, but you can do it. If I were you, I will delete all his contacts from my phone and move on with my life. If he comes back, well and good but if he doesn't, life goes on. It's painful to lose a relationship with someone you love very much, especially someone who lives abroad (in ur case), but nothing says you won't get a much better guy soon.

BleedTears:


Bab sorry but I have to tell you the truth. I don't know why everybody is shying away from it THE GUY IS GONE SO MOVE ON

he is a player, he got your attention and left you heartbroken and move to the next babe you said he is flirting with. When he eventually get that one attention he will still do the same thing, domp her and look for the next victim.

Get over it

This hurts. It is well...

I DID ADVICE YOU TO MOVE ON .....MOST TIME THE PEOPLE WHO WILL TRUELY LOVE DONT YOU BACK AND IT HURTS....I UNDERSTAND IT CAN BE HARD ...BUT SINCE YOU DONT CURRENTLY LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY ..I SUGGEST YOU LET HIM BE....THERE ARE A LOTS OF THINGS THAT CAN CAUSE DISTRACTION FOR PEOPLE LIVING ABROAD.

It is technically over. Stop bothering yourself especially due to the fact that he is not in Nigeria. He is online but doesn’t respond to your call at night. I would advise, kindly look for a man close to you.

Who still fall in dis days, forget him

Ishilove:

Truer words have never been spoken

I KNOW U CARRY SOME INFLUENCE HERE, EVEN THOUGH U ARE NO LONGER MOD AS THEY SAY.

SO DO THE NEEDFUL...

I WANT TO DISTURB U 2DAY.

Diamond23:
Luv for Nairaland .... no just give urself hearth attack. Let wot happen here ends here..... u even saw him flirting with oda females here while he ignored ur chat.Na partime lover probably looking for another replacement

asin ehn...nairaland love na error... It's only... If u guys have known each other before joining nairaland... But to meet guys online here... Na Confam error... I hardly even reply pms...i manage chat with 2...and from the way they even talk u will know that 70% of them are sex starved.. Looking for part-time gfs

MariaLavina:
Let him breathe....

One thing you must understand about guys is they are easily bored and love varieties. The more they get to know about you, the less interested they get. You as a lady must know how to remain intriguing, mysterious, attractive and enticing else you will lose him.

Now the question is who is worth the stress? A patient man who values you enough to stick around a little more hoping you will bring the fire back. Is your man worth it? I doubt that! The fact that he flirts with another woman knowing well that you will see his acts shows he has lost interest in you and no respect either. In as much as men love their freedom, they will never leave the women they love hanging.

My advice: Don't push it, focus on something else. If he is yours he will be back.

Right on point. You should be a relationship counselor.

Adviseasister:
Good evening Nairalanders,

I had to create a new moniker for this, but I believe my guy will know this is for him.

Sometime last year I received a PM from a nlder. After going through his posts, I was pleased and we started talking. One thing led to another and we started a relationship. I must confess he is everything a woman wants in a man, he brought out this part of me I never knew existed and he did it so easily. We started seeing a future, I was happy.

Fast forward to February this year, I noticed a decline in communication. I complained and he blamed it on work. It continued and I had to ask what the problem is, he maintained it was work.

By March, things got worse and I have not been able to concentrate at work. I send him voice-notes and he responds hours later. I send messages and he responds with one word. I must also add he doesn't pick my calls at night anymore, but his NL profile would be seen online, though he won't comment.

I do not know what to do as I can't bring myself to love someone else as I love him. It is a long distance relationship and I do not know what to do. Is it possible he is facing challenges there and doesn't want to share?

Should I wait for him to come around or move on? Has anyone been in this situation before, how did you manage it? I feel so heartbroken.

Give him space. That's all!

safarigirl:


How can you be traveling to Nigeria from Europe because of pussy?

Did they bury your destiny inside the poohsie that you will spend that kind of money for straff? Have hot babes finished in Europe that you will be traveling for intercontinental kpekus?

What is really your problem in life?

lol

Rozaytee:
asin ehn...nairaland love na error... It's only... If u guys have known each other before joining nairaland... But to meet guys online here... Na Confam error... I hardly even reply pms...i manage chat with 2...and from the way they even talk u will know that 70% of them are sex starved.. Looking for part-time gfs

He isn't sex starved. If he were, I would be long gone. He showed interest in my work. Taught me easier way of doing things. After a stressful day, I would send him voice notes, more of rant notes and he would calm me down, encourage me.

If he were in Nigeria, I may have said, he is looking for puna. There are good guys here. I think the distance got to him.

I rarely know of any long distant relationship that had a happy ending. And in this case, the relationship started online(never met before), different continents, different countries.

The only factor that keeps long distant relationship going is COMMUNICATION. Since the communication from one party is already declining, it shows lack of interest.

OP, this is a very clear case. Your mind is telling you the truth that it's over he is no more interested. But your heart is scared of accepting the truth.

PLEASE FREE THE GUY. He isn't worth the heartache.

Adviseasister:


I never rubbed it in their face. Normally I like to keep my relationship very private, but I couldn't hide those gifts you know. They may start mocking me behind my back, saying I wanted to go abroad.

Did you? If that’s not the issue it should not bother you.
Do the gifts HAVE to be delivered to your workplace? It’s hard do argue privacy from that perspective.
Sister girl there are so many more important things that one should be worried about in life. No one since mankind started to walk this Earth has died from being talked about. No one has cause of death listed as “being mocked behind her back”
You learn from experience
You have experienced it now, learn from it.

[quote author=czarina post=78494329]I don't think I'm interested in whatever it is but if it's really "important", call that number on my profile. [/quote
I want to be your friend even more than a friend
I'm damn serious about it..

Girl the guy is tired and wants to move on.
You should too.

I have been in a long distance relationship (different continents) for 5 years and all the while the guy never ever gave me an attitude or had a reason to ignore my calls. Despite being in different continents he would call very very often and check up on me and send me goodnight texts.

That guy doesn't rate you sis. All the best.

Adviseasister:


Thanks. It is a long distance relationship, I don't mean Lagos to Abuja, but different countries, continents. How do we see the counsellor? What do you think is wrong with him? I feel he has drifted.

MariaLavina:
Let him breathe....

One thing you must understand about guys is they are easily bored and love varieties. The more they get to know about you, the less interested they get. You as a lady must know how to remain intriguing, mysterious, attractive and enticing else you will lose him.

Now the question is who is worth the stress? A patient man who values you enough to stick around a little more hoping you will bring the fire back. Is your man worth it? I doubt that! The fact that he flirts with another woman knowing well that you will see his acts shows he has lost interest in you and no respect either. In as much as men love their freedom, they will never leave the women they love hanging.

My advice: Don't push it, focus on something else. If he is yours he will be back.

Sit down, read and digest this advice. It's the best I have read so far from the front page.

Nothing to add again...

From what you said, this relationship is a distant one. That means you both didn't visit any Babalawo and have your destinies tied to each other.

My sister if you've been faithful to this 'distant guy' (someone you probably haven't seen before), and he's now showing you some useless attitudes and treating you like a Trash Can, my dear you gotta treat him like the Garbage in it.

Jejely Waka your own comot for that kind relationship....U can't come and kill yourself for nothing

CAPSLOCKED:


I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY THIS.
DO YOU DO THIS BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IT'LL MAKE THE STORY MORE INTERESTING? OR IS THERE A SPECIAL AWARD PEOPLE RECEIVE WHEN THEY TRY TO STATE THEIR CASE BUT FIRST HAVE TO NOTIFY US THAT "THIS IS A NEW ACCOUNT TO HIDE MY IDENTITY"?



I'VE ALWAYS MAINTAINED THAT NAIRALAND BOASTS OF ABOUT TWO MILLION MEMBERS.

BUT IN THE REAL SENSE, THERE ARE JUST 43 OF US GENUINE MEMBERS. THE REST ARE ALTERNATES AFTER ALTERNATES.




I'M THE PATRON OF FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. ANY ADVICE FROM ME WILL ONLY CAUSE MORE DAMAGES AND LEAD YOU TO FAILURE. I'M SORRY.

As far as I'm concerned, sense has elude you since 80's. If you have nothing reasonable to contribute, why cant you just swerve and move on?

MariaLavina:
Let him breathe....

One thing you must understand about guys is they are easily bored and love varieties. The more they get to know about you, the less interested they get. You as a lady must know how to remain intriguing, mysterious, attractive and enticing else you will lose him.

Now the question is who is worth the stress? A patient man who values you enough to stick around a little more hoping you will bring the fire back. Is your man worth it? I doubt that! The fact that he flirts with another woman knowing well that you will see his acts shows he has lost interest in you and no respect either. In as much as men love their freedom, they will never leave the women they love hanging.

My advice: Don't push it, focus on something else. If he is yours he will be back.

You were making a lot of sense until your second paragraph.