Nairaland is not just the place to seek some kind of advice from as it will leave you more confused at the end end of the day.
The first issue I see here is you both that have same belief, note I do not mean you both are not Christians, while your wife is a born again christian who believes in the chastity of marriage, you on the other hand are probably just someone who goes to church and do not take Christian doctrines seriously, the Bible said "marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled". For someone who truly knows God and understand the scriptures, until your marriage is sealed in God's presence, you are not yet married.
My advice is, if u know you cannot continue to respect her faith in God, is better to find someone who does not see anything wrong with sex before marriage so she can also go to someone who believes exactly what she believes in. Mind you, if this is not sorted out properly and you go ahead with the wedding, issues like this will continue to arise, so is better you both handle it to your satisfaction before going ahead.
The singular fact that she told you from the very beginning should have made calm down
Truth is, not every girl who said am a virgin is scam at the end of the day.

peepydelano:
You are having a very good lady as your wife,count yourself very lucky.Why not fast forward your white wedding and have free access, and its not a big deal if she turns out not to be a virgin,appreciate the fact that she's God fearing. Respect her Godly wish and wait for the abundant blessings that follows,she is blessed amongst women

Very correct! I hope he goes for the true advice here. This place is full of deadly counsels! At times, I would want to cry for what our youths believe this days.

Op why are you acting like a swindler? You both struck a deal and you want to back out the last minute. People like you don't last in relationships and businesses. If you continue to force or blackmail her into submission, she may call off the wedding and if you are already wedded, I will give it 12 months for dissolution because she will resent you no matter what the Bible says about forgiveness
It is quite bafling that you saw other women that you are on the same pedestal, people who wouldn't bait an eyelid before compromising their standard. You left them to get yorked with a principled personality and you are complaining.
Please, kindly respect people that stand by their words without compromise. They
are rare.


For the kids asking about virginity and sh!ts, how shallow minded you lots are.

farady:
OP on the contrary, she seems to have entered a once chance with the way you have handled everything. You both are supposed to stand before the alter of God with bed undefiled. What's your problem sef? Sex abi? That's the reason you're ridiculing her and the God she serves? You have simply shown you're not principled. Marriage is much more than sex and I don't think you're matured enough and prepared psychologically and spiritually for it. I only pity the lady.

They are already married.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

I can't believe you cannot wait for few months till the church wedding is done.

Your wife is a virgin and that is a goldmine in the society today, appreciate that.

If you want to have a great sexual experience with your wife for the rest of your life, wait for the wedding night. If you coax her into doing it earlier it is tantamount to rape and she will never enjoy sex with you ever again. Do you want that?

Though I blame your wife for agreeing to marry someone that did not rigidly share her biblical views on premarital sex.

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

seconded

My wedding is in the next two weeks. I have always believe in no sex before marriage in all my relationships and I tell the guys very early and even tell them to leave if they feel they can't. My fiance respects that and to cut the long story short, we both can't wait for next 2 weeks to devour ourselves. Except there's something fishy in her character, you are joking with a good woman there guy.

I am much more afraid for you than I am for her. She was plain with you from the beginning but you weren't with her. She should be the one coming here. Don't make the lady feel she has made a mistake by marrying you please.

“She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with”—-You are aware of this so why complaining?

“When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious”—You agreed to her terms and conditions so you must play by the rules.


I will advise that you go ahead with the wedding if you truly loves her, trust me you will get tired of sex after sometime because wedding is more than just a sex.

Don’t allow sex to create a gap between you and her at this early stage because it will deprive you of knowing her better.Goodluck

Africa and our mentality na only God go help us. U would hv corrected that notion right from day one by telling ur woman that once traditional marriage is done, both of you becomes husband and wife, I don't think it's a religious thing, I think it's a mind set. The whites don't do traditional marriage, it's either court marriage or church wedding. But we do traditional marriage and we still copy them by doubling with church marriage. In all these, the most important thing is the exchange of marital vows btw the couple before both parents and available friends.
That's my view on it.

APOPTOSIS:
[s]The way AFRICANS denigrate their Traditional Institutions is second to none...

ONE DAY these stupid set of AFRICANS will wake up only to realize that WHITE WEDDING is someone's Traditional Wedding[/s]

deephy:
Africa and our mentality na only God go help us. U would hv corrected that notion right from day one by telling ur woman that once traditional marriage is done, both of you becomes husband and wife, I don't think it's a religious thing, I think it's a mind set. The whites don't do traditional marriage, it's either court marriage or church wedding. But we do traditional marriage and we still copy them by doubling with church marriage. In all these, the most important thing is the exchange of marital vows btw the couple before both parents and available friends.
That's my view on it.

Tradition my foot.
The girl is a good Christian, it's hard to see someone like her this days,
God only recognize White Wedding,
Traditional Wedding is not necessary in Christendom.
The Husband should have done the White Wedding first, he's foolish.
The WHITE GOWN is the symbol of virgin, purity.
The woman is not married as far as God is concern

I will tell you from my experience. This is what my wife told me when we first met and agreed to go into marriage but I agreed with her simply because of LOVE (No sex until our wedding night) but guess what I'M ENJOYING MY MARRIAGE till today.

1. She told you she want this kind of marriage before sex then if you are not ok with her you should have walk away before now.

2. If you truly love your wife you won't be fighting or put the wedding on hold because of sex (true love is missing here).

3. You need to see her decision/principle as a sacrifice you need to make to be her husband.

4. Think beyond sex aspect in marriage, think what you can gain from her that is more than sex, think about the qualities you like about her.

5. Seek counselling from Marriage Counselors and not on social media because some comments here will mislead you.

Best of luck husband-wife...

I wonder if she really love this guy, if she does she should not be rigid with such decision. I see a situation where she will take a decision in the house and no body will bend her. You don't want pre marital sex but has she not commitingany other sin since then.
The truth remains that the lady in question is her wife fully married. As far as the pride price has been paid. She has no right to refuse him sex. By the way is white wedding in the Bible simply white man invention but traditional marriage is the Bible. The lady is stubborn,, rigid.

It's no big deal my brother, my wife also did same.
I quickly fixed my church wedding and today, I'm enjoying the fruit of my labour.

Go ahead and fix hour date as quickly as possible.

....

Cjhans:
It's no big deal my brother, my wife also did same.
I quickly fixed my church wedding and today, I'm enjoying the fruit of my labour.

Go ahead and fix hour date as quickly as possible.

So what makes a good wife is not having sex.

The only marriage recognized by God is the traditional marriage,boldly written in the Bible.Well, the only mistake you made was by accepting her decision.This should be a lesson to all.Don't say yes when you don't mean it.Let your yes be yes and no be no.Don't force her for sex.My candid advise is to go to the registry, Let her rent a wedding gown, invite some church members, family and friends to reduce cost.After the registry,a small get together, that's all ! After that, go for thanks giving in your church for the pastors and congregaion to bless you.Some women just like the church wedding to show off,waste money etc.Most importantly, discuss that with her dad to convince her.

As far as I know white wedding is not in the Bible rather traditional marriage. A woman should not be rigid this way in fact she may give the guy time table for sex

Guy, you no try. A man you suppose to make a decision, I was in a similar mess. One day I told the girl that I have starved my self for long my device needs to be service so if she cannot do it I will go and look for somebody that is ready to do it but still keep her as my girl friend. It was not a small argument but she submit at the end, now she is enjoying it more than me. If I didn't do it to her satisfaction it turns to fight and we are not married yet.

Sorry dear, but I think the lady made a mistake by believing you to be a man of honour, which you have now proved not to be.

1. You had an agreement early enough in the relationship. Now you think that since you have boxed her to a tight conner by paying her bride price, you can change the terms at will. From your post, this was actually your initial plan. It shows that you lack honour and cannot be trusted.

2. A marriage relationship that is just beginning, you have reported this minor issue to her parents and pastor? Wow! You have no respect for her. You are not matured enough for marriage. You obviously can't handle a family, unless you change now.

3. That she agreed to go with you to your house after the traditional marriage shows she trusted you for all the things you said to her. Unfortunately, she is wrong. You are the opposite of what you say. Imagine you lying to her in your initial agreement that you will wait until after CHURCH marriage. Didn't you know that you weren't willing to do so? Didn't you deliberately plan to deceive her? You have no respect for yourself.

4. You are coming to a faceless forum like Nairaland with such a sensitive issue to seek counsel from people, most of who know nothing about marriage. You are insulting yourself and wife.

5. Imagine you talking of subjecting her to a virginity test. That's inhumane and a sign that you are not trustworthy. You think everyone is like you? You think all girls out there are the same and like the ones you have been defiling?

What exactly do you want to achieve by FORCING and BLACKMAILING her against your earlier stance now? If you find out that she's not a virgin, will be quit the relationship? If she's a virgin and not experienced in lovemaking so that she fails to satisfy you in bed, will you quit? What exactly do you want to achieve? Or you lack self control?

She's the one that needs someone to advise her to quickly run from you. Both of you are not on the same page of principles. You don't deserve such a godly lady.

My marriage is seven years now and I can tell you, I have been enjoying the best of marriages. None of us has complained about the other to ANYBODY. We waited until after CHURCH marriage before sex. That trust we built has been keeping us.

Drkeo:
She's hiding something from you....

"She" might be a "he" who is cleverly hiding his bedroom tackle until it is too late, and you are married. As a safety precaution to keep madness at bay, it is advisable that you do NOT kiss the bride, until you are 100% certain that "she" is anatomically female in all regards, and showing no evidence of surgical alteration that is so common these days.

Mommadd:
Nairaland is not just the place to seek some kind of advice from as it will leave you more confused at the end end of the day.
The first issue I see here is you both that have same belief, note I do not mean you both are not Christians, while your wife is a born again christian who believes in the chastity of marriage, you on the other hand are probably just someone who goes to church and do not take Christian doctrines seriously, the Bible said "marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled". For someone who truly knows God and understand the scriptures, until your marriage is sealed in God's presence, you are not yet married.
My advice is, if u know you cannot continue to respect her faith in God, is better to find someone who does not see anything wrong with sex before marriage so she can also go to someone who believes exactly what she believes in. Mind you, if this is not sorted out properly and you go ahead with the wedding, issues like this will continue to arise, so is better you both handle it to your satisfaction before going ahead.
The singular fact that she told you from the very beginning should have made calm down
Truth is, not every girl who said am a virgin is scam at the end of the day.

Neva wanted to comment till I saw ur post.

The only issue I have with the OP is that he agreed from the onset. (Deal is a deal)

According to ur post, so its when they do white wedding then u can call it presence of God. (Is this what the bible thought us or what our pastors said)

The only issue I see here is, this young man will hold this for long, he will eventually go for the wedding (but if any form of deception is found after her so called white wedding, trust me this guy won't forgive)

Lastly, he claimed the pastor have been brought to the issue(which he didn't mention what the pastor said)

I never saw where this so called white wedding was mentioned in the bible, marriage was never hosted in the church(temple) so who said this trash tradition we borrowed

Kapapa:
[s]As far as I know white wedding is not in the Bible rather traditional marriage. A woman should not be rigid this way in fact she may give the guy time table for sex[/s]

Do they preach the world of God in traditional wedding?
Is is pastors that unite the Husband and Wife?

Don't say what you don't know

Trust me, she does not love you or she is hiding something sinister.

Polyurethane:





Tradition my foot.
The girl is a good Christian, it's hard to see someone like her this days,
God only recognize White Wedding,
Traditional Wedding is not necessary in Christendom.
The Husband should have done the White Wedding first, he's foolish.
The WHITE GOWN is the symbol of virgin, purity.
The woman is not married as far as God is concern

Good Christian my ass.

Enculer:
Trust me, she does not love you or she is hiding something sinister.

Musiwa

That's all you could think,
Is sex Love?
Anyway, I know you know nothing about Agape Love

Enculer:


Good Christian my ass.

You're unbeliever, a worldly man, a candidate of Hell fire and enemy of Christ.

Sex is not everything, try to follow the commandment and keep the law.
May God have mercy on you

SirBrightoc:
Sorry dear, but I think the lady made a mistake by believing you to be a man of honour, which you have now proved not to be.

1. You had an agreement early enough in the relationship. Now you think that since you have boxed her to a tight conner by paying her bride price, you can change the terms at will. From your post, this was actually your initial plan. It shows that you lack honour and cannot be trusted.

2. A marriage relationship that is just beginning, you have reported this minor issue to her parents and pastor? Wow! You have no respect for her. You are not matured enough for marriage. You obviously can't handle a family, unless you change now.

3. That she agreed to go with you to your house after the traditional marriage shows she trusted you for all the things you said to her. Unfortunately, she is wrong. You are the opposite of what you say. Imagine you lying to her in your initial agreement that you will wait until after CHURCH marriage. Didn't you know that you weren't willing to do so? Didn't you deliberately plan to deceive her? You have no respect for yourself.

4. You are coming toa faceless forum like Nairaland with such a sensitive issue to seek counsel from people, most of who know nothing about marriage. You are insulting yourself and wife.

5. What exactly do you want to achieve by FORCING and BLACKMAILING her against your earlier stance now?

If you find out that she's not a virgin, will be quit the relationship?
If she's a virgin and not experienced in lovemaking so that she fails to satisfy you in bed, will you quit?
What exactly do you want to achieve?
Or you lack self control?

She's the one that needs someone to advise her to quickly run from you. Both of you are not on the same page of principles.

My marriage is seven years now and I can tell you, I have been enjoying the best of marriages. None of us has complained about the other to ANYBODY. We waited until after CHURCH marriage before sex. That trust we built has been keeping us.

Calm down bro, the only issue I see here is just the agreement from the onset which he is backing out from(to me deal is a deal)

Apart from that, what the hell is church wedding, and who enforced that trash, is it what the bible told us, is there any where in the temple marriage was carried out in the temple?

White wedding is a borrowed tradition.

The young man should calm down and follow the agreed plan. I just hope she is not trying to hide something, because this dude will hardly let go