it actually applies to some categories of marriage but not all.

from my own experience

I actually was an all provider guy from day 1 of my marriage, so in my down time and wife was ahead, it is now on her to watch what she does to me and arround d house.

in short she took to doing things the way I use to stock the house, diff is her pay might not allow it fully.

But in all, I think a man should lay that foundation , once the foundation is there ... if u fall later, I don't think your woman will go haywire on you unless she's gunning for divorce or separation

marriage is tough but I believe a man should remain tough all through marriage these times.

I'd love if you could come up with something for jobless wives too, it'll help alot.

naija4life247:


It is better to die of hunger and to be fed by a woman.

Not really. There are many supportive and understanding women out there. As long as the man is seen to be trying to get a job.

It's obvious you aren't married.

bukatyne:
How would the man actually work on getting another job if he is avoiding egg shells in the home?

If you both are one, you will navigate the challenge of the man's lack of employment together.

And if you are, God bless your marriage. You won't experience problem.

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bukatyne:
How would the man actually work on getting another job if he is avoiding egg shells in the home?

If you both are one, you will navigate the challenge of the man's lack of employment together.

It takes the Grace of God and a Very special Woman for a jobless man to have peace and respect at home.

I know of a friend who lost everything (millions) to scammers (bad business deal) it took his wife of 10 years just 3 months for her to start disrespecting and degrading him both verbally and emotionally. Before you know everyone in our Area knew she was the one feeding the family and paying bills.

It took a lot encouragement from friends and family for that man not to commit suicide.

When those scammers were arrested and 60% of his money recovered, the wife Automatically change to a loving wife and blamed village people for her wickedness.
She is forgiving but their marriage will never be the same again as my friend is planning to end the marriage when they travel for August meeting.

Snaagg:


Likewise men get irritated by househelp-employing, lazy, broke housewives

poor men.

Number 17 off me OP nice one

I swear this is the best piece I have read on Nairaland. No 16. 21-25 got me reeling with laughter.

IFNOTGOD:


u want add join ur troubles abi?

u want sleep outside by 12am abi?

u no dey want chop, my dear be humble as d op said, no too do.

though not married but I have seen these things play out.

There's no humility that is better than making yourself as scarce as possible to avoid issues and insults.

StubbornGENIUS:
Everytime I come across your post,I feel very sorry for the people around you.

Lol

boyjo:


This fit cause more quarel o.
Na "insensitive" she fit label you that time.

That's if she will see you to quarrel with.

Nice piece

It's sad to say that I grew up seeing me that were once providers but due to one situation or the other lost their means of income and their wives had to take over.
Mehn it's not easy at all oo.. Na so so katakata full those families
To add to op's point, one way men use to avoid much of the embarrassment is to travel out of town. Like relocate to another state and stay with a friend (who is a bachelor ooo) for the mean time.
Eheen even if it is to go and carry block, the man can go to site and carry to make ends meet.
He can then be sending small money for the wife and communicating with her via calls.
Through these periods he'll be searching for better opportunities till he is successful and can reunite with his family..

Life hard for broke men oo. God will help them
Op nice post

Number 4 and 27 really cracked me up

This thread is pure comedy.
Op did a great job putting humor to an important issue.

It is such a world we live in, my brother. It is baffling that there are no issues whatsoever when things are going fine for the man and he's doing his responsibility with or without a working wife. The table suddenly turns when a woman seems to be doing more in the family. My prayer for men in general is that in all that God will provide for us, comfort/wealth shall not be found wanting.

mrblessed:
Why not just tell an unemployed man to commit suicide instead of making an unrealistic list about things he should memorise and practice. But no one ever remembers to make such ridiculous list for stay-at-home moms. The best thing an unemployed husband should is to find a means to be employed, he should be able to any job that brings money to his pocket, including what we called menial job. That way, his dignity and self-esteem are protected, and he can get to have his say in the family, even if his wife earns more than he does.

Klinee:
The worst condition a man can fall in is when you're being fed by a woman

A man can feed, cloth, make financial sacrifices & provide for his wife for 20yrs & there will be peace, no internal quarrels & there be joy in the home.

But a wife can’t do the same for her husband for just 2months if the table where turned & there will be much insults, disgrace, ridicule, humiliation, no sex, very limited feeding etc.

In some countries a man looses half of his wealth, cash & assets to his wife in the case of divorce even if the wife only brought her clothings & personal effects into the marriage from day 1. The husband is even thrown out of his own house he bought with his hard earned money as he forfeits it to his wife.

It’s really a woman’s world but some people that are still living in ancient times still think it’s a man’s world which is 100% false

crackland:

There's no humility that is better than making yourself as scarce as possible to avoid issues and insults.

when you avoid your wife you are probably hanging with frineds or some people other than your immediate family...The trauma outside might end up worse for a broke man...waiting on friends to pay all the bills.

UjuJoan2:

Lots of ladies will like this thread & you will see them comment here

naija4life247:


It is better to die of hunger and to be fed by a woman.

This is one paradox women will never understand.
My woman works while I don't. I told her I don't feel comfortable eating when I don't provide money for the food. Babe sey, "why would you say such a thing like that?!". That day, I understand one thing, do not let a woman into the world of a man, they will never understand why men take certain decisions out of male ego.

I really don't see the funny side to this whole thing, if anything I feel repulsed by the idea of you thinking it's cool to make light of your current situation, he even littered his 28 points with numerous emojis - celebrating his emasculation.


Someone really needs to wipe that smirk off your damn face.

StubbornGENIUS:
OP you tried very much.I can't believe I read this without skipping a word.But a good wife won't allow her hubby keep those rules.

Good wife is as scarce as you can imagine

Chai... married men wey no get job dey enjoy oh... so they have to suffer all this..omg ... na wa oooo.... this life sha. Well if u marry the wrong partner sha & u lose ur job u go suffer oh. Just see as God wants to reveal to you the beast in ur so called wife. ..marriage is overhyped in Nigeria.

Essenza01:
Jobless husband diaries!!

Here are some guidelines for unemployed husbands with working wives., when you read through with an open mind, you would see it's not she looking down on you, it's just you being smart to be able to have your sanity and getting some advantages while praying for a change.. Hang in there guys, you are not alone, tables turn... you would be fine.

1 - Never discuss your predicament beyond the normal and never show weakness in front of your wife.. "she dont want to see hopelessness"..

2 - buy a lot of noodles, you would be needing it a lot, especially during your strong head periods, you dont win most fights, most fights end with "Oya buy it naa" that's usually when you add the convo to your lost battles ..

3 - your meals majorly come in two options if any
Rice or noodles?
Beans or noodles?
Eba or noodles?

Semo or pounds is too stressful, dont opt to make ... stress was only the surface reason given to you..

4 - sex is usually delayed, when ever you see one just accept and be ready for maybe max two position change, some styles may be banned..

5 - dont come home drunk, I repeat.. dont come home drunk..you remember the pictures of samloco playing "jobless old drunk" in movie scenes... you look exactly like them to her..

6 - some eatable and chewy chewy groceries stops being in the fridge because you are home most-times and eats to chase boredom.. there is always a secret stash in her room for groundnuts, sharp biscuits, cashew nuts, sweets, etc.. she knows you know, take reasonably

7 - you are at your lowest, dont bring friends doing well too close home, otherwise you might get depressed from comparison

8 - in your many many ideas, you know broke guys reason business ideas like Warren buffet , always sieve out the good ones, because telling her some kind stupid stupid ideas would make you look jobless and stupid also.

9 - the best way to dodge Bill's is to watch your words, avoid some topics, you need to be one step or two ahead everytime.. e.g TV shows, movies, food, clubs etc...
- TV shows - dstv bill comes up
- Movies - cinema bill comes up
- Food - restaurant and taking out comes up..

10 - Do house chores, pick mopping... it's easier, you only start when she is done sweeping and dusting, she goes to bath, you zig-zag and get back to watching (how do they do it) ... use water, avoid bubbles on tiles.. you would redo that work even if its next week..

11 - dont leave the sink messy, especially on work days when you are home job hunting and she is out hustling, bro it's an important rule from a man to a man..

12 - with your many insecurities and the devil trying to use you to bring out your alpha Male, pick your fights... yes they would come, but there is an extent to which a broke man fights and argues..

13 - you would owe her cash a lot, she knows deep down that money is not coming back, but be ready to be dragged about it to pay for essentials you cant do without.. she would pay eventually when you have curled away asking God why.. allow her have it, it's one of her high moments.

14 - in your midnight cries, yes "midnight cries" is most times once a week or twice sha, depending on the days activities... dont disturb her sleep...

15 - be transparent, remove password from your phone, laptops etc... if she is being faithful, infidelity is not something you want attached to "cheating jobless old man"... you cant be broke and cheating, they dont work together..

16 - read, read, read... you have to pass her in something, current affairs, global happenings, worlds economy etc... it is an edge when you throw small small insults inside conversations "so you dont know kyari is dead" those are one of your few high moments..

17 - early morning gisting with her while she baths and makes up, makes her happy.. you can lend some money during those hours.. those are your bankable hours, if you want some extra cash, offer to drop her at work, that's if it's not your duty already oo..

18 - at all, at all, try to provide for fuel for generator, darkness and a man being in the house dont usually go together.. you might start having complex..

19 - always use your car weekends, thats if you have not sold hers and she is using yours. When you use your car weekends for functions not personal waka, she chips or outrightly buys fuel that you can manage during the week for your job hunting activities..

20 - look good, work out and have your CV handy. you need to look the role she currently tells people you are doing.." Frank is okay, he is inbetween jobs, but trying out some ideas with friends".. if the friends ask for your CV, always have it handy, delay is dangerous...

21 - dont be gluttonous, eat moderately like a normal human being, if you finish your meals for the week by wednesday, be ready to fall back to your noodles (refer to rule 2) and yes you would come up with different flavours of home made seasonings only you can eat..

22 - try to curtail your mood swings, she is the only one entitled to it, you need to be happy with smiles when she is making conversations..

23 - make business calls or pretend to make business call.. it's important, it gives her hope you are connecting.. "my brother me and you know say na 10k you dey shout like that for"

24 - go grocery shopping with her, you get to use the opportunity to throw drinks into the cart and remove face immediately, if your eyes jam.. you would return that drink ooo..

25 - if she sends you a link from work, read, watch or chat her to discuss with her, otherwise "what are you doing, that you didn't reply my message follows" , what you were doing must have financial gains ooo never use "I was sleeping" as excuse... dont even try it..

26 - dont call her family, send text message if you can.. dont let them remember you ooo..

27 - during your few chances of sex, dont shoot in, "I repeat", dont shoot in... you may find yourself outside by 1am looking for postinol 2
. the stress in looking for the drug would surpass whatever you managed to enjoy.

28 - be ready for "mistakes" of giving you cash in front of people , it's not everytime she remembers to call you to the corner or give you her card.. it's one of those moments you want the ground to swallow you up.. but my brother "dem no dey use shame swallow spit".. it wont last forever.

Let's me rest here first and continue later... but in all, I love my wife... she is that woman that has your back 100%..

The table has turned for me and am back to my responsibilities, it was a tough period, I learnt a lot, from Anger management to laws of power, it's not a fun place to reside in for a long time....

Most especially:
Marry your friend,
marry your partner in crime,
Marry your day1 niga,
your Gee... when you do, no matter the circumstance, you have some level of peace, some room to pickup and some encouragement to guide you through.

Millenniumlady:
Me feed a man? not in this life

Typical 'mgbeke' mentality. You are one of the many Nigerians (both male and female) who do not understand what marriage really means.
Husbands and wives are supposed to support each other.
I would obviously avoid females like you like a plague.

Wow
You write well.

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