don't try to play a man-friday. .I still will not take u as my trumpet blower.

Efemena_xy:

Best thread by a mile in the Jokes Section

@ Lysaa vs Sledge

there's a saying:


If you venture into the seas and get bitten by a shark,

you don't blame the shark do you?

Not when you've been caught tresspassing

Spot on!

Three men were drinking at a bar - a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring."

As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet."

As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go f[i]uc[/i]k herself!"

Define Biology and Sociology?

When a new born baby looks like his father, it is Biology but when he looks like his neighbour, it is Sociology.

Na so Darwin n Karl Max teach u? Let Lee-sir b pls!

Sledge nice try jare no mind yinka

^^^

You better teach am some sense abi dem no tell her how to mingle or get person attention with respect?

yinkalink:

Na so Darwin n Karl Max teach u? Let Lee-sir b pls!

Are you dieing for my attention cos I'll give it to you just once unless you just want me to bring my wrath on you? Don't let me spoil your every mood in NL especially in the jokes section, okay?

Tell me where you saw it hot with me and Lysaa abi you wan make mountain out of mole hill?
Just enjoy the fun cos I believe that's what you came here for and if otherwise, you can do well to inform me so I know how to attend to you. Capish!

Teacher: What is the difference between Call Girl, Girlfriend and Wife?
Student: Prepaid, Postpaid, Unlimited

1^st boy: What did you do on mother’s day?
2^nd Boy: I tried to help few girls to become mothers.

I the P[i]en[/i]is, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

• I do physical labor.
• I work at great depths.
• I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
• I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
• I work in a damp environment.
• I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
• I work in high temperatures.
• My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response:

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

• You do not work 8 hours straight.
• You fall asleep after brief work periods.
• You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
• You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
• You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
• You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift!
• You don't always observe necessary safety regulations such as wearing the protective clothing!
• You will retire before you are 65.
• You are unable to work double shifts.
• You sometimes leave your designated work place before u have completed a task.
• As if that were not all, you have been seen constantly exiting and entering a work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Three preachers decided to take a day off and go fishing. While at it, they decided to confide in one another by sharing their secrets.

Preacher 1: My problem is lust. I can't seem to take my eyes off beautiful women. I have slept with virtually all the beautiful women in my church.

Preacher 2: My own problem is greed. I'm always stealing money from tithes and offering box.

All of a sudden, the third preacher's legs began to shake.

Preacher 3: My own problem is gossip. I can't seem to close my mouth whenever I hear a secret. I'm off to share this with my members.
(He dashed off leaving the other preachers in shock)

Roses are red violet are blue
You can do me in stall number two

Excellent Jokes!

More pls

Sledge Wsup? Where're u that this thread is gettin relegated?

Efemena_xy:

Excellent Jokes!

More pls

You've got 'em!

lysaa:

Sledge Wsup? Where're u that this thread is gettin relegated?

Missed me?

In school canteen, there was a basket of apples with a written note: “Don’t take more than 1, God is watching!”
A little further there was a box of chocolates, a naughty child wrote: “Take as many as you want. God is watching the apples."

Daughter: Mummy, that man gave me 100Naira to climb that tree.
Mother: Stupid! He wanted to see your panties.
Daughter: I am clever I didn't wear any of them.

Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell! And what's there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.

Word on the street is that Mallam Sule bought a new bullet proof jeep for N75M. While visiting Warri, he was attacked by armed robbers who rained bullets on his car. To Sule's amazement the car resisted all. So he started mouthing words at the bandits. One of them gestured that he could not hear him to which Mallam Sule wound down his window and shouted: ”shege danbura'uba, barawo banza, waka”

. . .Post-script: He was buried the following day according to the Muslim rites

Eyah! Too bad 4 malam sule.

Nice one sledge you just coming up with diffrent kind of jokes keep em coming jor bro

sledge406:

^^^

You better teach am some sense abi dem no tell her how to mingle or get person attention with respect?
Are you dieing for my attention cos I'll give it to you just once unless you just want me to bring my wrath on you? Don't let me spoil your every mood in NL especially in the jokes section, okay?

Tell me where you saw it hot with me and Lysaa abi you wan make mountain out of mole hill?
Just enjoy the fun cos I believe that's what you came here for and if otherwise, you can do well to inform me so I know how to attend to you. Capish!

i cant believe i didn't see this before. i was just kidding. is that why u con dey ran pari, and ur eyes are bulging with all ur veins pulsating. muscle pull lo pa bruce lee. Who has bin deceiving u that has given u d impression that u're something more than u are. i dont want to say much but i think u need to find a way to deflate your over-inflated ego.

yinkalink:

i cant believe i didn't see this before. i was just kidding. is that why u con dey ran pari, and your eyes are bulging with all your veins pulsating. muscle pull lo pa bruce lee. Who has bin deceiving u that has given u d impression that u're something more than u are. i dont want to say much but i think u need to find a way to deflate your over-inflated ego.

How young are you again? Just to pass a particular message, you've typed same sentences with various words. Anyway just grab ijoko or siddon for ground and learn.

Am listenin ma teacher since u'r obviously olda dan i am. My repeatin was to emphasize n to make undastand easily. Comprehende?

While a man was polishing his new car, his 6 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father, with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide.

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life. Things are to be used and people are to be loved but the problem in today's world is that, people are used and things are loved. During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved.

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

A notice in a factory for girl workers.
“If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work."

Thanks,i definitely learnd 4rm dat. But it applies to u too.

sledge i enjoy reading that

I just definitely can't get enough of these jokes

truly refreshing and each 1 makes complete sense

yinkalink:


i cant believe i didn't see this before. i was just kidding. is that why u con dey ran pari, and your eyes are bulging with all your veins pulsating. muscle pull lo pa bruce lee. Who has bin deceiving u that has given u d impression that u're something more than u are. i dont want to say much but i think u need to find a way to deflate your over-inflated ego.

and I say leave him alone girl!

nor bite more than u fit chew

bashy_demy:

sledge i enjoy reading that

me too

@Sledge - more! More!! MORE!!! pls. . .

Who says he's more dan i can chew? He's d 1 who blew tins out of proportn.i wasn't dissin him

yinkalink:

Who says he's more dan i can chew? He's d 1 who blew tins out of proportn.i wasn't dissin him

That's me laughing in Lebanese like if they gave you a million moves to make a point, it would ever be called dissing
Nor think am Yinka. E go hard you. Just siddon for back and enjoy the show and you fit see the reaction from below if you decide to match line o

Efemena_xy:

and I say leave him alone girl!

nor bite more than u fit chew

You dey read, Yinka? 


@Efe. . .Thank you wellu wellu 

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim, can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him?
Woman: Yes, my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!