Thanks All for your comment. I can now see life is not what you Plan but what you see, What hope and trust can I have in another woman in making her GREAT, I m just speechless and IN GOD I TRUST,

mr_chemist:

Thanks All for your comment. I can now see life is not what you Plan but what you see, What hope and trust can I have in another woman in making her GREAT, I m just speechless and IN GOD I TRUST,

dont waste time trying to figure out what you did wrong from what you told us you did nothing wrong

let that guide you, you did your best

@ poster
Life is a biatch isn't it?
hard to understand why some women would behave this way,mostly its out of total selfishness
i understand your anger and i feel your pain
i know that while you feel the pain and anger of what your wife has done,you feel utmost frustration at not having touched or seen your child.That pain alone is a killer
Like many have said,if your wife has fallen in love with someone else,there is little or nothing you can do,but you need to fight for your child. if you don't,you will have had a child that would never know you.
i would advise you call her and give her the ultimatum of bringing your child back to Nigeria,if she wants to move on with her life,so be it,but let her give you your child.
personally if i was in your situation,if she refused, i would bring her back to Nigeria by hook or crook and take my child.
I really think at this point that should be your focus of attention
Good luck and wishing you the best of God's strength and direction

^^^ man, its THEIR child not his, so as much as she doesn't want to be with him any longer, they have to figure out what's best FOR THE CHILD.
Telling poster to get his kids back at all cost is a bit immature.

Let them sit down and settle it like adults.

Kaiii, people are wicked oo --- @ OP, God is with you, I don't know what to say.

@ Drbrownjay

man, its THEIR child not his, so as much as she doesn't want to be with him any longer, they have to figure out what's best FOR THE CHILD.
Let them sit down and settle it like adults.

Are you being realistic here or what?
Of course its crystal clear that it's both their child!
but in this scenario there's only one person that is thinking of the child and the family front,and that's the man.
She's not thinking of the child when she's made the decision to end the marriage is she?
On the other hand, have you ever come across a woman who has fallen out of love and made that final decision?
what would you do? make her fall back in love?
Agreed that if they can sit and talk and settle things out,that would be the best solution,but in the absent of that what happens next?
The woman goes her way with a child who might grow up bearing another man's name and calling another man 'daddy' and the man is left with the pangs of knowing he has a child in US,but not knowing where
Try being realistic for once
I am just saying,when every form of reconciliation fails,there has to be plan B for the man,if he loses his wife,why does he have to lose his child too?

i

Bro, I am for real but these are just MY views and ultimately the poster is the one who will have to make the important decision.

Let's forget about FAMILY for a minute as we can clearly see that this one was built on shady grounds. What makes you think that the wife isn't thinking of the kid when she took that decision?

If it happened to me, I would accept that something went wrong somewhere and that this lady doesn't want to share her life with me THEN move on with my life while figure out how best to be a father for that child.

If they can't solve this problem amicably, then let the court of law handle it for them.
Stop focusing on the husband with your plan B and instead only focus on what's best for the child. The only thing poster is going to lose is a wife. . . . . no matter what happens next, he will still and always be the child's father.

@Drbrownjay

okay I feel a lot better having realised that you just put one foot in agreement with my opinion.

2 points of correction though,

1. I can not be a 'bros' kos i am female

and
2. courts of law huh? one party in US and the other in Nigeria,how do they intertwine?

so on a final note,it just got to be thots and thots and prayers for the family for now

Life Goes on Bro, Come to a reasonable compromise about your Kid and move on, No use crying over spilt milk.If Karma is real i guess she will be on top of her List

Mr Chemist<
Sorry to hear your marital wahala with your wife. Ross School of Business- UMICH is really an expensive school to be paid for from Naija. If her visa expires, there is a 1yr window called Graduate Optional Training that could allow her to stay and gain some working exprience. Within this period, she could be hired by a company that could legalise her work status. The kicker here is that her school ROSS, produces one of the most sought after MBA graduates in the world. So her chances of staying in the US are higher

@poster

If you are interested we can make her return in the Cele Way, she will just wake up one day and pack her things and tells you she is coming back, and she come asking for your forgiveness,

In addition to the above, Love has so carried you that you had to send your wife abroad for masters, I am sure there are brothers or sisters of your who have not even pass through the University Education here in Nigeria, and you refuse to help them, SEE YOUR LIFE>>>> any way, if want her to come back by force let me know,

This is so heart breaking. However, there is a rule every married man should hold on to in order to minimize such risks. Never be physically separated from your wife for more than 3 months. Otherwise, you risk losing her.

:ot
@ celeboi
Sorry for yr life.of all d advice out, there dats d advice u can give.cant beleive there are still pple like u .

Hi mr chemist,

Firstly, I felt sad after reading about what a woman you loved married and had only good intentions for did to you.

Please take heart and find away to get past her cruelty and move on with your life.

Secondly, I must let you know that I am not at all surprised by her actions.

You see, women are very selfish people. Their love for men is very conditional.

A woman can love you for the following reasons;

1. If you are very good with words

2. If you are rich or atleast more comfortable than she is.

3. If associating with you will increase her status and offer her what she does not have.

4. If her friends like you.

5. if her people (family) likes you.

6. If you will soon be rich.

7. If you know how to always make her laugh ( This is not as easy as you think)

99% of the time when a boy asks a girl out, they always tell us, "I will think about it"

What are they thinking about?,

They always want to discuss you with their friends to see what they will gain from you and if after checking you out and they find that you don't have what they need, the way there will reject you, you will only pity yourself.

But if you have any of the above qualities, she will agree to go out with you and you will think that she loves you for who you are, but most times, girls love you for what they can get from you.

If somewhere along the line, you are no longer able to do those things that she agreed to stay with you because of, she will quickly find someone else.

Women don't marry for love, they marry for convinience.

Most Men marry for lust.

Some men like you marry for love. (Big Mistake)

How can you love someone who has to calculate alot of things (personal gains) before saying yes.

There is no "better for worse" for women in marriage but you won't know this because we have very high family and traditional values in Nigeria.

One of the 48 laws of power by Robert Greene states,"Never teach a person so much, that he or she will not need you anymore"


Another law states, "when dealing with people, appeal to their self interest, and not their gratitude"


So as painful as what your wife did to you is, you caused it by over empowering her and adding salt to injury by sending her to USA, the land of

"Gender Equality Madness". See the result now.

Now you know that women with their emotions are just like fire, good servants but very very bad masters.



My advice to you is


1 Find a way to get her back to Nigeria, take your child and send her away. If she can do what she did to you then she does not love you at all.

2. Find your self another wife, but know this, women don't like other women's kids, so be careful.

3. Just treat women nice but never love them, cos they will break your heart and won't give a damn.

4. If you fall in love, you fall asleep and when this happens, you do things you will regret.

5. Move on with your life and better yourself.

Remember, life ain't FAIR

Elvis

@Mr Chemist,

I totally understand your pain here. But my brother, this is the time to be strong and have a clear thought. The only one that really matters to you right now is your son. Find a way to get your Son back to you, don't allow another man to raise your Son. It can never be the same as you raising him. Hold on for a while and let all the tension cool down cause trying to get your son right now will be hard. Wait for some time and go talk to her family, Coarse her Mother and Father and let them see the pain that you are going through by missing your son. Ask them to help you in seeing your, and if you have the Opportunity to see him take him with you! Let's face the truth here Brother, let this woman go. You do not want this woman again, she has changed and obviously in love with someone else. The only good thing to do with a woman like this is to let her go, trust me she will spend a lifetime paying for what she did to you. This is the reality with most of our Nigerian women today, once they start watching CNN or travel overseas, they feel liberated and think they are free to mess around whenever they want. Please Bro' the best punishment you can give her right now is to let her go. She will regret it, wayward women always do. It is sad that you are going through this but even if the families reconcile you guys, are you sure you want to spend a lifetime with a woman like that? The only that matters now is your son, but it will not be easy getting him because he's an American citizen.

MRbrownJAY:

^^^ man, its THEIR child not his, so as much as she doesn't want to be with him any longer, they have to figure out what's best FOR THE CHILD.
Telling poster to get his kids back at all cost is a bit immature.

Let them sit down and settle it like adults.

To get custody of the child will not be easy, if the child was born in the US -this makes the child a citizen. if you guys drag too much big brother will take the child and ship you your wife,

All this long drawn out advice u guys are giving will not hold water if that girl has made up her mind.

@ OP, forget the girl and concentrate on getting your child by whatever means necessary. Personally if the girl's parent or loved one is within my strike zone i will use my means to show her that her keeping my child away from me is tantamount to her not seeing her parents again. I fcukin hate women sometimes  

lol*******

tit_squeez:

All this long drawn out advice u guys are giving will not hold water if that girl has made up her mind.

@ OP, forget the girl and concentrate on getting your child by whatever means necessary. Personally if the girl's parent or loved one is within my strike zone i will use my means to show her that her keeping my child away from me is tantamount to her not seeing her parents again. I fcukin hate women sometimes  

i think the child is better with mum based on what american can offer better education, health care etc unless the mum is living in a ghetto

think what nigeria can offer to the child and compare to american

.

chaircover:

@poster sorry to hear what you are going through

Did your wife tell you the reason why she was no longer interested in being married to you?

Apart from her telling you that she wants out of the marriage, has either of you shifted the goal post in any way

to make her come to that conclusion?

most of the time the reason doesnt make sense to the one who is being told it makes sense to the one who is telling

mr_chemist:

Thanks All for your comment. I can now see life is not what you Plan but what you see, What hope and trust can I have in another woman in making her GREAT, I m just speechless and IN GOD I TRUST,

bros the most important line is the bolded. God will vindicate you as long as you are honest with Him and yourself. it is well.

ZIM DRILL:

i think the child is better with mum based on what american can offer better education, health care etc unless the mum is living in a ghetto

think what nigeria can offer to the child and compare to american

not necessarilty true. though america offers better education health care etc, one doesnt know the child's future. there are children who have grown up in nigeria and gotten to the top of their careers without stepping out of the airports, and other who grow up in diaspora and end up 'average'. only God knows the future.

ZIM DRILL:

i think the child is better with mum based on what american can offer better education, health care etc unless the mum is living in a ghetto

think what nigeria can offer to the child and compare to american

again its what the country can offer. what about what we can offer to the country? disapora didnt get that way by what the citizens want. its a symbiotic partnership.

We haven't heard the whole story. From the little I have heard things just do not add up. The first part is I have never heard of someone selling foodstuff sent from Nigeria to makes ends meet. That seems weird to me. The other thing is that while she is getting her masters degree and also raising an infant it would have been virtually impossible for her to be able to sustain herself. You never said anything about supporting her financially besides the foodstuff you sent her. If you were supporting her financially I would imagine that you would have posted it in the initial posts. So I guess my question is how did your wife who was getting her masters and raising an infant cope without your financial support for two years. I think the first step in moving on is for you to be honest with yourself on were you might have not stepped up to the plate. She has moved on I think you should try. The only part that I am really sad for you about is the child. He deserves to know his father and as it is now I don't think that that is very likely

look for 3 black kolanut
one black goat
and one male tortoise
and picture of ur wife, dont play this is serious

you cant lose ur money,ur wife and your child
even sango wont approve
contact me at sam@yahoo.com

.

@poster
What started all these growing apart between you two is the distance that separated you. How about bridging that distance and making effort to go meet her there and discuss things out,  that move may save the marriage or give you a clear direction of what to do instead of getting worked up about what she said on the phone.

Her reasons may be that she met somebody else or that the comfort of her present environment is giving her cold feet about returning home, if that is the case you two can discuss as man and wife and decide what is best for your family.
Take it easy, things may sort itself out for good you never know.

Ivynwa:

@poster
What started all these growing apart between you two is the distance that separated you. How about bridging that distance and making effort to go meet her there and discuss things out, that move may save the marriage or give you a clear direction of what to do instead of getting worked up about what she said on the phone. Take it easy, things may sort itself out for good you never know.

Do they give out Visas to stop marriages from breaking up? It's not as easy as that.

ok seriously now

1- a woman has needs other than sending her foodstuff to sell trans atlantic

2-the whole point of being a family is to 'live' together, its not a business venture,if u really love ur wife you will follow her to the masters program and hustle for her in the same town

3-in the interim how have you been coping, aahhha!!, na the same thing she self dey do,as you dont have children before she left why do you think she will come back to you, why not masters in nigeria?? you self go marry wife wey dey ambitious pass you!!!

4-man up and stop bitching in this forum,women havent finish, this time around marry the one wey don already get PhD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chaircover:

Zim, in most cases there are reasons, its just that one party is not hearing/listening until it is too late.

that i aint denying

but am saying reason will always make sense to the one saying them than the one who is being given them

not point to really ask them becoz if she wanted to show him where he was wrong she should have complained before ditching the hubby,

giving him time to reflect the reason not its too late to reflect becoz the has already ditched him

@ OP, A friend of mine had a similar experience. He married a young lady, got her pregnant and sent her to the UK for an MBA. Mind you, the guy is a business man and was into serious cash. Two months after she left, she called to tell him she had lost the baby. He believed and gave her the support she needed. A month later, while chatting with another friend in the UK, he mentioned he just got into the same MBA program the chic was in. I told her about my other friend's wife and surprisingly, he knew her and had even been "shining her congo" for two weeks as at then.

Summary: We confirm the story, my business man friend stops sending the girl money, and two months later, she returned begging.

Advice: She is gone and now that she is done with her masters, there is little or nothing you can do. Lure her to Nigeria, or find a way to get your backside over to the US and make sure you get your child! After that, she can go. If you let the child go, he/she will grow up calling another man daddy. Have you contacted her people?