Ladyhippolyta88:

I agree with you and pocohantas but the father never even married the mother and the OP himself did not tell us if the baby daddy's family is aware or contributing a dime to the boy's Life the father practically abandoned his son so what is the fuss there if the OP chooses to adopt him.

You don't clap with one hand neither do you judge a case by listening to one party. Infact they should both seat down and see eye to eye to discuss the matter. God forbid the child has a medical challenge that only the father could solve would that be the time they want make amends.

jackcanfield:

You don't clap with one hand neither do you judge a case by listening to one party.

Judging from what he said so is the OP lying what explanation or problem will make a man abandon his son.I don't think the OP is lying he must know the basic facts and from he said there is nothing stopping him from adopting that boy if the baby daddy has failed to be present in his life.

Ladyhippolyta88:

Judging from what he said so is the OP lying what explanation or problem will make a man abandon his son.I don't think the OP is lying he must know the basic facts and from he said there is nothing stopping him from adopting that boy if the baby daddy has failed to be present in his life.

They are one thousand and one reason.... A one night stand with a married or about to be wedded man, with no accessibility to do a DNA check . I am not saying the OP is lying, but I am saying you can't just take the woman's word to the Bank without seeing the man.

pocohantas:


It is foolhardy and against natural law and order to do such when the man is still alive, irrespective of how irresponsible she claims he is. I would even be very concerned that she suggested it and you considered it.

Th irresponsible man remains her child's father. She can get (sole) custody, but erasing the man’s name totally is WICKEDNESS.

DON’T DO IT!

For once you decided to use your sense organs. That's Good

jackcanfield:

They are one thousand and one reason.... A one night stand with a married or about to be wedded man, with no accessibility to do a DNA check . I am not saying the OP is lying, but I am saying you can't just take the woman's word to the Bank without seeing the man.

@bold this kind reason wey get K-leg Na enough reason to just consider the man sperm donor and allow the would be husband kukuma adopt the pikin this reason doesn't even help the father.
As far as she is the one with the kids and the 4 years of them dating he hasn't seen the man and her own family attest to what she has said he should go ahead if he wishes to he never even married her in the first place and they were not even divorced.The only claim he has to that child is if he acknowledged the child's existence and blood connections and if he can bring a logical explanation to his absence if it ever gets to court and whatever circumstances may follow but he is absent for how many years now.Assuming the son doesn't bear his name which could be likely because man did not marry the mom and man wey nor marry me my children nor go answer him name.EOD.

Ladyhippolyta88:

Do you actually think the boy is bearing the name of the irresponsible father when he didn't even marry the said lady in the first place.Nobody actually erased the father from the child's life the father did that by himself.I don't know why we give some people pass even when they are irresponsible the man is very aware he has a child somewhere but has abandoned the child for God knows who and will later come one day to come and reap the proceeds when the child is grown.God knows that if I were the child I will regard such a man as a mere sperm donor and not my father and will even reject his name this is not new as far as I am concerned.

It is a big decision nothing stops the OP from doing this but even if he doesn't he should try to be a father figure to the boy the child will grow up to appreciate and love him more than the sperm donor.

You are talking from a short sighted point of view, two wrongs never make a right, even if she erase the child father's name in as much as she can't change the child DNA it changes nothing. definitely the boy will appreciate the man who took care of him buh he can't love him more than his own father, never underestimate blood.
yorubas will say: ti o pa yaa omo ma mor baba é

Ladyhippolyta88:

@bold this kind reason wey get K-leg Na enough reason to just consider the man sperm donor and allow the would be husband kukuma adopt the pikin this reason doesn't even help the father.
As far as she is the one with the kids and the 4 years of them dating he hasn't seen the man and her own family attest to what she has said he should go ahead if he wishes to he never even married her in the first place and they were not even divorced.The only claim he has to that child is if he acknowledged the child's existence and blood connections and if he can bring a logical explanation to his absence if it ever gets to court and whatever circumstances may follow but he is absent for how many years now.Assuming the son doesn't bear his name which could be likely because man did not marry the mom and man wey nor marry me my children nor go answer him name.EOD.

Sperm Donor case close

larryjonze:




You are talking from a short sighted point of view, two wrongs never make a right, even if she erase the child father's name in as much as she can't change the child DNA it changes nothing. definitely the boy will appreciate the man who took care of him buh he can't love him more than his own father, never underestimate blood.
yorubas will say: ti o pa yaa omo ma mor baba é

Lol blood is overrated a child you raise will look like you more than a child you didn't raise because you think he is your blood.You may not have grown up with Foster siblings or an adopted home but many of us do know that Bond and Family love is beyond blood relationship.A man who raised me to be what I am and thought me what I know will take precedence in my life anyday anytime over a man who just donated sperm and shares blood with me.I will never be welcoming or loving to a parent that abandoned me
Many abandoned children can never love a parent that abandoned them lol it is in movies it happens reality is different it is one thing to birth a child it is another thing and most importantly to raise a child I cannot give a man or woman free pass after abandoning me all because we share the same blood no.I look more like the man and woman who raised me not the one that birthed me.

Ladyhippolyta88:

I agree with you and pocohantas but the father never even married the mother and the OP himself did not tell us if the baby daddy's family is aware or contributing a dime to the boy's Life the father practically abandoned his son so what is the fuss there if the OP chooses to adopt him.

....Very funny.As long as the said man is still alive and he didn't give a consent inrespect of the topic,op cannot adopt the child. Emotions doesnt win cases in court only logic and evidences.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Very funny.As long as the said man is still alive and he didn't give a consent inrespect of the topic,op cannot adopt the child. Emotions doesnt win cases in court only logic and evidences.

Actually he can if he wants to.
Actually there has to be a daddy involved if the daddy involved in no where to be found the child will be given to who is available to adopt the child.How do you think children are adopted in Nigeria or are the abandoned kids in orphanages are their parents consent sought before another family chooses to take such kids in.Your answer will give you an idea.
Emotions do win cases in court especially when a lawyer is good at what he/she does and is able to persuade the judge there is a law theory for that judges are human too and influenced by their environment.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Very funny.As long as the said man is still alive and he didn't give a consent inrespect of the topic,op cannot adopt the child. Emotions doesnt win cases in court only logic and evidences.

actually..... You’re wrong. When you abandon your child, you lose privileges to them. Maybe the naija system is different but we do it here all the time.
Kids who’s biological moms and dads are alive get adopted when the parents are deemed incompetent to take care of them. The parents’ permission is neither needed nor sought.

They give up the rights when they abandon the kids.

As for OPs case, I’m sure he has gotten varying advice amongst which there’s good advice

cococandy:
actually..... You’re wrong. When you abandon your child, you lose privileges to them. Maybe the naija system is different but we do it here all the time.
Kids who’s biological moms and dads are alive get adopted when the parents are deems incompetent to take care of them. The parents’ permission is neither needed nor sought.

They give up the rights when they abandon the kids.

As for OPs case, I’m sure he has gotten varying advice amongst which there’s good advice

It is applicable here too.Because there is a background check done on the person who wants to adopt the child and if the child is okay with it they look into the would be parents background, their job and means of taking kids.A lawyer in Nigeria can rightly argue before a judge that the child's father abandoned him and is not fit to take care of the child.The father would even be seen as irresponsible for abandoning his son and if the would be father is present in the child's life by virtue of being legally wedded to the mom he can be allowed.Infact this case favours the mother and him if they go ahead no judge will even stop it because the father is in absentia right now and is deemed irresponsible for abandoning his kin.The man didn't even marry the woman which doesn't even help his case and he is the one who is getting married to the child's mom so the boy's mother is with him.The father in absentia would be asked to give basic reasons as to his absence as at now judging from what the OP said if the father is unavailable and abandoned the child OP can go ahead but if the father is involved in his child's life despite not being married to the mother at the moment then that is a different scenario

Ladyhippolyta88:

Actually he can if he wants to.
Actually there has to be a daddy involved if the daddy involved in no where to be found the child will be given to who is available to adopt the child.How do you think children are adopted in Nigeria or are the abandoned kids in orphanages are their parents consent sought before another family chooses to take such kids in.Your answer will give you an idea.
Emotions do win cases in court especially when a lawyer is good at what he/she does and is able to persuade the judge there is a law theory for that judges are human too and influenced by their environment.

...You only heard from the lady that he abandoned the child. What if she lied?.
Kids in orphanage are different.As long as he is alive. His consent will be needed. The only way the op can achieve his aim is if the father of the child publicly denies him or her.

My sister,this things are not easy the way it seems. Even in a situation where the woman lied that the said man is no more,will still put them into a big problem once the man surfaces.

cococandy:
actually..... You’re wrong. When you abandon your child, you lose privileges to them. Maybe the naija system is different but we do it here all the time.
Kids who’s biological moms and dads are alive get adopted when the parents are deems incompetent to take care of them. The parents’ permission is neither needed nor sought.

They give up the rights when they abandon the kids.

As for OPs case, I’m sure he has gotten varying advice amongst which there’s good advice

...You are right in way but in this case,no one or any court of law has found the man wanting apart from the op and the said lady.
What if she had been denying him access to the child and he got evidences?

JONNYSPUTE:
...You only heard from the lady that he abandoned the child. What if she lied?.
Kids in orphanage are different.As long as he is alive. His consent will be needed. The only way the op can achieve his aim is if the father of the child publicly denies him or her.

My sister,this things are not easy the way it seems. Even in a situation where the woman lied that the said man is no more,will still put them into a big problem once the man surfaces.

Can you state where in Nigerian law that the consent is needed when the man is absent in the child's life so where do you expect the mother to find the father.She lied is not the issue when they get to court the OP himself did not say so.Kids in orphanages are not different because some of them adopted in this country have biological parents somewhere and the Law does not require their consent to be given when the child was clearly abandoned.

The man surfacing later on is not the issue neither will it be a problem we are talking of the facts on ground which will be what the adoption agency will act with.At the time the man surfaces the child could be an adult and will decide for himself what he wants no one drove the father out if the child's life of the first place.I am only talking based on the OP word you men are bringing in assumptions of what if she lied like as if we have not seen men abandon pregnancy and deny responsibility before.

Ladyhippolyta88:

Can you state where in Nigerian law that the consent is needed when the man is absent in the child's life so where do you expect the mother to find the father.She lied is not the issue when they get to court the OP himself did not say so.Kids in orphanages are not different because some of them adopted in this country have biological parents somewhere and the Law does not require their consent to be given when the child was clearly abandoned.

The man surfacing later on is not the issue neither will it be a problem we are talking of the facts on ground which will be what the adoption agency will act with.At the time the man surfaces the child could be an adult and will decide for himself what he wants no one drove the father out if the child's life of the first place

....Sorry my dear I'm not learned per say but the first question you wiill be asked In such situation will be "where is the father" After the bla bla bla answer,the next will be is he aware of what you are about to do? Yes or No, determines the way it will go.

Why I said kids in orphanages are different is because for a parent to take his or her child to such place means there's no hope.

Ladyhippolyta88:

Lol blood is overrated a child you raise will look like you more than a child you didn't raise because you think he is your blood.You may not have grown up with Foster siblings or an adopted home but many of us do know that Bond and Family love is beyond blood relationship.A man who raised me to be what I am and thought me what I know will take precedence in my life anyday anytime over a man who just donated sperm and shares blood with me.I will never be welcoming or loving to a parent that abandoned me
Many abandoned children can never love a parent that abandoned them lol it is in movies it happens reality is different it is one thing to birth a child it is another thing and most importantly to raise a child I cannot give a man or woman free pass after abandoning me all because we share the same blood no.I look more like the man and woman who raised me not the one that birthed me.

Really ! are you kidding a child's look & gender is solely determine by X & Y chromosomes not by care or living together. if kim kardishain adopts obasanjo grand daughter ko le fine,
children abandoned feel love for their foster parent till they meet there biological parent then it switches from love to indebtedness.
blood brings a natural bonding that even the heart is 2nd to. if a brother & sister are separated from birth the chances both will get intimate & marry IF they meet later in life not knowing is so high cos blood runs like magnet
You are making love & bond sound more like its a choice or something we can determine .. but the true ones are beyond us.

front page please. Urgent matter arising.

This brother is about to ruin his life.

Ladyhippolyta88:

Lol blood is overrated a child you raise will look like you more than a child you didn't raise because you think he is your blood.You may not have grown up with Foster siblings or an adopted home but many of us do know that Bond and Family love is beyond blood relationship.A man who raised me to be what I am and thought me what I know will take precedence in my life anyday anytime over a man who just donated sperm and shares blood with me.I will never be welcoming or loving to a parent that abandoned me
Many abandoned children can never love a parent that abandoned them lol it is in movies it happens reality is different it is one thing to birth a child it is another thing and most importantly to raise a child I cannot give a man or woman free pass after abandoning me all because we share the same blood no.I look more like the man and woman who raised me not the one that birthed me.

Na so. Supporting a stupid suggestion that will benefit the woman at the detriment of the man.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Sorry my dear I'm not learned per say but the first question you wiill be asked In such situation will be "where is the father" After the bla bla bla answer,the next will be is he aware of what you are about to do? Yes or No, determines the way it will go.

Why I said kids in orphanages are different is because for a parent to take his or her child to such place means there's no hope.

Same way these questions and facts surrounding the case will be asked if it finds its way in court.The fact that he is unavailable disqualifies any consideration to be given to him because he has played no part in the child's life and the would be father is legally married to the mother.

The boy's case may not be different from the kids in orphanages because the father may have been absent because there is no hope,no money and not ready for responsibility therefore abandoning the child.This child's case is no different from the kids in orphanages the only distinct factor here is that the mother did not put him there but chose to raise him alone and if she had followed in daddy's footstep she may have abandoned the child too and one Nigerian couple will adopt the child and the consent of both parents will not be needed in adopting the child so it is not different

Wickedfacts:


Na so. Supposing a stupid suggestion that will benefit the woman at the detriment of the man.

If you read this post carefully you will see that I used parents which is another word for father and mother so what is your point exactly?Why don't you hold the absentee father accountable

Ladyhippolyta88:

If you read this post carefully you will see that I used parents which is another word for father and mother so what is your point exactly?Why don't you hold the absentee father accountable

You think the father is absentee? Let the idiot of a man try to speak to the supposedly absentee father and hear his own side. He foolishly wants to adopt a child based on the one-sided testimony of the mother.

If he comes back, the supposed adoption will be reversed and the mumu guy will be left in lurch.

Wickedfacts:


You think the father is absentee? Let the idiot of a man try to speak to the supposedly absentee father and hear his own side. He foolishly wants to adopt a child based on the one-sided testimony of the mother.

If he comes back, the supposed adoption will be reversed and the mumu guy will be left in lurch.

Lol adoption reversed ke on what grounds?

You don't need to insult the OP if the father was available he would have met him and the little child will spill the beans stop talking like an illiterate.

Ladyhippolyta88:

Lol adoption reversed ke on what grounds?

You don't need to insult the OP if the father was available he would have met him and the little child will spill the beans stop talking like an illiterate.

So, you don't know that adoption is a legal process which can be overturned if obtained by fraud or misrepresentation of facts?
Let me even ask you. Have ave you ever processed an adoption before?

larryjonze:





Really ! are you kidding a child's look & gender is solely determine by X & Y chromosomes not by care or living together

I know this but you don't get my point asides physical attributes how a child is raised and the environment that child grew up in influences his behavior and so the values I instill on a foster child will be the way the child views life or the outlook he/she has and that will not be determined by the X & Y chromosome I have seen kids who share no blood relation to their parents but look like them and also as a result of the environment they were raised in.

if kim kardishain adopts obasanjo grand daughter ko le fine

The girl go fit fine because she grew up in a better environment and go kukuma get beauty creams wey go make her resemble Kim her attitude will even be a carbon copy of Kim self.So yes that is the point I am making.

children abandoned feel love for their foster parent till they meet there biological parent then it switches from love to indebtedness

This is not true human connection and bond is not cut because of biology it is actually the way around.No child forgets genuine love and care and runs to daddy or mommy because they birthed them it is not easy relationships will be built and such parents will start from the scratch if given a chance to be a part of such children's lives while the foster parent don already Bond with the pikin during their formative years so the parents have big work to do.If someone were to tell you that the man who raised you is not your biological father how you go take am will you just abandon him and switch the love to indebtedness.

blood brings a natural bonding that even the heart is 2nd to. if a brother & sister are separated from birth the chances both will get intimate & marry IF they meet later in life not knowing is so high cos blood runs like magnet

If blood brings Natural bonding why then do siblings,half siblings and parents in different families fight and hate one another some blood brothers and sisters don't even see eye to eye blood has no bond it is just blood.Human Bond is beyond blood communication, genuine love and relationships built for years is what forms bond not blood.As per your other statement I don't know if this is a fact because some people will leave this earth without meeting their families it is only in movies that happens it is not the case for everybody in such situations.

You are making love & bond sound more like its a choice or something we can determine .. but the true ones are beyond us.

I don't know if you see it as a choice that we determine but I see it as one and it is a deliberate effort we make to maintain relationships and it is not bought over or made useless because someone who abandoned me somewhere is my father or mother and you expect me to grow feelings overnight or have a sense of attachment because we share the same DNA.Lol it is easier said than done.God knows that if I raise someone else's child I will so love that child as my own too.I love children and I plan to adopt when the time is right whatever bond I build with that child no father or mother from Adam can break it.

Wickedfacts:


So, you don't know that adoption is a legal process which can be overturned if obtained by fraud or misrepresentation of facts?
Let me even ask you. Have ave you ever processed an adoption before?

The so called fraud and misrepresentation of facts will be a hectic work for the daddy to prove because he is currently not present to say his side of the story and as long as that can be established as truth during the time of the adoption process nobody is overturning anything the man is legally married to the mother.It is a legal process that is why the checks are done before the child is adopted.

JONNYSPUTE:
...You are right in way but in this case,no one or any court of law has found the man wanting apart from the op and the said lady.
What if she had been denying him access to the child and he got evidences ?

well then that would be an entirely different case.

cococandy:
well then that would be an entirely different case.

Exactly the opinion I gave is base on what the OP said but the men here are giving different scenarios making assumptions with 'if'

Wickedfacts:
Seun, Lalasticlala, Dominique, Obinoscopy, Mynd44, Mukina2, front page please. Urgent matter arising.

This brother is about to ruin his life.

All these ones are just pained that a single mother is finding love again. You neither care about the man nor the child. We see through you though.

Isn’t it sad that two people made a baby, one decided to be irresponsible and walk away but we choose to vilify the one who decided to stay and care for the child.

Ladyhippolyta88:

The so called fraud and misrepresentation of facts will be a hectic work for the daddy to prove because he is currently not present to say his side of the story and as long as that can be established as truth during the time of the adoption process nobody is overturning anything the man is legally married to the mother.It is a legal process that is why the checks are done before the child is adopted.

You are ignorant of how legal processes work, so let me educate you a bit.
When you obtain an order or an approval an such approval was obtained by fraudulent testimony or information, such order is void.

Provided that child's father is alive and he has a family, they will be factored into the decision for application for adoption.

There's a reason I asked if you've ever been involved in an adoption and you just showed you don't know anything about it.

cococandy:

All these ones are just pained that a single mother is finding love again. You neither care about the man nor the child. We see through you though.

Isn’t it sad that two people made a baby, one decided to be irresponsible and walk away but we choose to vilify the one who decided to stay and care for the child.

He can take care of the child but for him to adopt the child is a no-no.

As for finding love, I don't know where love was hiding before or if she misplaced love. By the time she has 5 kids for 5 men like one old haggard feminist writer on twitter, she will have sense.

Wickedfacts:


You are ignorant of how legal processes work, so let me educate you a bit.
When you obtain an order or an approval an such approval was obtained by fraudulent testimony or information, such order is void.

Provided that child's father is alive and he has a family, they will be factored into the decision for application for adoption.

There's a reason I asked if you've ever been involved in an adoption and you just showed you don't know anything about it.

@bold,relate this to the fact on ground what will you hold against the OP as fraud or misrepresentation of facts when the father is currently not present and it is not a lie.

From the OP case the father is absent and so is his family and if they cannot be reached they will not be factored into anything tell that to adopted children from orphanages whose parents may or may not be alive how they were adopted they were abandoned and their biological parents may never be reached anyway adoption is hard and hectic in Nigeria.
You are the one who doesn't know anything about it because if you did you will realise that the case painted by the OP is a different scenario from the one you were making if you know about adoption process you will consider the fact that the said father was not even legally married to the mother and whatever investigation is carried out is carried out on the would be father and wife not on an absentee father and family so the people in charge of adoption will work with that.