You've said it yourself OP.

Marriage is not about getting married to your lady but also her entire family.

And we all know how uncertain life is.

Let me explain...

Imagine you get married to this lady now and you're able to cater for yourself, your wife, your kids and her family including her lazy brothers then...

All of a sudden you develop kidney failure and all your funds have been used for treatments.

You don't have any other funds.

You can't work.

Your kids need to go to school.

And for them to go to school, they need to pay their school fees.

They also need to eat.

How will you go about it?

Will you want to be going to get a loan from the bank and doing gofund me?

Or will you want to have family members that you can always run to in situations like this without having to show your dirty linen in public?

Obviously I know which option I'll go for, it's left for you to choose.

Believe it or not even the rich go through financial distress.

But do you how they solve it fast and easy?

They have a good support system (family members) that has their back at the time they need them the most.

Pretty obvious, right?

Great!

Anyway, talk is cheap.

A word is enough for the wise.

Golden147:
Good afternoon everyone..
Please I'm kindly in need of advice... ignore my typing ERROR..
There's this girl I love and I want to settle down with her. She's still in school while I'm still in school too. She's 22 while I'm 24 nd also in final YR and we both love each other..my mum has supported me to marry her.
I proposed to her and she said yes...I plan going her house next month next to start official martial rites but I'm afraid.
Here is my reasons

She's the only girl and the last daughter in a family of 5boys. Ever since we started dating, she's in 100l then, all her school burdens are on me..I take care of her and mine own...with this people around who knows about our RELATIONSHIP ask me to marry her to avoid story that touches the heart..which he has accepted , her mum nd dad have accepted it too.
My major concern about this girl is that those his brothers are not willing to do anything, istead the came asking me for small small money when I'm back, knowing fully I'm just dating thier sis....most times the my girl always feel ashamed of her brothers nd keep cursing them. The can't even call her on phone unless she calls them...nd the will keep asking why she didn't call them all this while knowing fully thier sister is in school nd not working.

I have thought about this over and over again, how do I marry from a family that can't even assist in anything...I know marriage is not always Rosy, what if something happens tomorrow nd I needed thier financial support..the can't render to me.
I discussed with my mum nd she told me I'm marrying thier sister who is well trained nd not the brother..that I can decide not to give them money again... But I'm very sad over this.
It's only the father and mum that acknowledge I hay been trying to see their sister through school expenses, including food and wears.
I discussed with my woman, she started crying, saying she knows her brothers are such a disgrace, telling me how she may commite sucide if I didn't marry her... She cried that she can't visits her house again... that her only hope will be to start prostitution which she can't see herself do that nd that's why she is going to commite sucide if I eventually leave her, all her social media handle is full with my picture, including her profile pictures.

Please what advice do you have for me.... should I let go of this girl, I don't mind letting go all I have already spent...I just want to make sure I won't regret the marriage tomorrow...I have already discussed with my mom nd we plan on going her house officially by August ending..but I'm still very worried.

Matured advice please

Golden147:
Good afternoon everyone..
Please I'm kindly in need of advice... ignore my typing ERROR..
There's this girl I love and I want to settle down with her. She's still in school while I'm still in school too. She's 22 while I'm 24 nd also in final YR and we both love each other..my mum has supported me to marry her.
I proposed to her and she said yes...I plan going her house next month next to start official martial rites but I'm afraid.
Here is my reasons

She's the only girl and the last daughter in a family of 5boys. Ever since we started dating, she's in 100l then, all her school burdens are on me..I take care of her and mine own...with this people around who knows about our RELATIONSHIP ask me to marry her to avoid story that touches the heart..which he has accepted , her mum nd dad have accepted it too.
My major concern about this girl is that those his brothers are not willing to do anything, istead the came asking me for small small money when I'm back, knowing fully I'm just dating thier sis....most times the my girl always feel ashamed of her brothers nd keep cursing them. The can't even call her on phone unless she calls them...nd the will keep asking why she didn't call them all this while knowing fully thier sister is in school nd not working.

I have thought about this over and over again, how do I marry from a family that can't even assist in anything...I know marriage is not always Rosy, what if something happens tomorrow nd I needed thier financial support..the can't render to me.
I discussed with my mum nd she told me I'm marrying thier sister who is well trained nd not the brother..that I can decide not to give them money again... But I'm very sad over this.
It's only the father and mum that acknowledge I hay been trying to see their sister through school expenses, including food and wears.
I discussed with my woman, she started crying, saying she knows her brothers are such a disgrace, telling me how she may commite sucide if I didn't marry her... She cried that she can't visits her house again... that her only hope will be to start prostitution which she can't see herself do that nd that's why she is going to commite sucide if I eventually leave her, all her social media handle is full with my picture, including her profile pictures.

Please what advice do you have for me.... should I let go of this girl, I don't mind letting go all I have already spent...I just want to make sure I won't regret the marriage tomorrow...I have already discussed with my mom nd we plan on going her house officially by August ending..but I'm still very worried.

Matured advice please

I stand with your mother.

Torylanez:
- My brother you need to hustle more
- Move forward and achieve something
- Obviously you both aren't ripe for Marriage una just de do gra gra
- You both are marrying for the wrong reasons
- Anytime a man marries you marry all the good and bad of your wife family and she does the same with your family

Marriage is not about age neither is it about size
Marriage is more of a spiritual, mental and psychological move

You are not ready my bro

Take this as a golden advice from a married man

I'm not married but I was REALLY surprised to see people comment saying "Marry a good girl, don't leave a good girl" Lolz person wey never serve...has no freaking idea what the world has for him.

Make him face front hustle

Golden147:

Thank you, although I didn't see the sucide as anything....our relationship is has gone beyond...as a matter of fact she and her family has turned down 3 men because of me...the mother said I can't see her through her school finish nd another guy will marry her nd she won't allow such....I think that's why she talk about sucide when I discussed with her....thank you so much.

I don't know why you came here seeking advise when you've already made up your mind.

Life is a teacher.

Marry her. If it works out good for you.

But if not, you will have learnt your lessons.

Good luck learning on the "job".

Golden147:


Lol...I know this advice will eventually surface...but let me ask you.. How do you know a man who is ready for marriage, does age count too or it's because I added my age and her age??

Just your explanations show how immature you are. No offence. The excuses you gave for being confused and seeking advice is too flimsy of which a more mentality mature man would never give such as an excuse to get confused about marrying someone he loves.
Maturity comes when you know this world is full of risks and troubles and you try to manage yours without being confused or disorganised.

She is obviously a good person. Her brothers could be irresponsible but not her

Golden147:


Lol...I know this advice will eventually surface...but let me ask you.. How do you know a man who is ready for marriage, does age count too or it's because I added my age and her age??

It's like you are already very wise....the way you are responding to people giving you good candid advice with good intentions is surprising. Wondering why you are seeking the advice in the first place. Why did you add the age if you feel it's not relevant? Alot of things learnt in life comes with years of living except being if being a fool.

My own advice: you are both young for marriage, there's still alot to learn to prepare you. Am 38yrs, married at 36yrs and believe me, am now an advocate of marry early if opportunity comes (no pressure). Give yourself a few years with a goal of getting a good start. As for the lady, try to separate yourself from the family drama, make the lady move back to her parents, continue your relationship. Don't get involved in their family financial issues, assist the lady as best you can. Make her have her own financial independence, this is very important.

Golden147:
Good afternoon everyone..
Please I'm kindly in need of advice... ignore my typing ERROR..
There's this girl I love and I want to settle down with her. She's still in school while I'm still in school too. She's 22 while I'm 24 nd also in final YR and we both love each other..my mum has supported me to marry her.
I proposed to her and she said yes...I plan going her house next month next to start official martial rites but I'm afraid.
Here is my reasons

She's the only girl and the last daughter in a family of 5boys. Ever since we started dating, she's in 100l then, all her school burdens are on me..I take care of her and mine own...with this people around who knows about our RELATIONSHIP ask me to marry her to avoid story that touches the heart..which he has accepted , her mum nd dad have accepted it too.
My major concern about this girl is that those his brothers are not willing to do anything, istead the came asking me for small small money when I'm back, knowing fully I'm just dating thier sis....most times the my girl always feel ashamed of her brothers nd keep cursing them. The can't even call her on phone unless she calls them...nd the will keep asking why she didn't call them all this while knowing fully thier sister is in school nd not working.

I have thought about this over and over again, how do I marry from a family that can't even assist in anything...I know marriage is not always Rosy, what if something happens tomorrow nd I needed thier financial support..the can't render to me.
I discussed with my mum nd she told me I'm marrying thier sister who is well trained nd not the brother..that I can decide not to give them money again... But I'm very sad over this.
It's only the father and mum that acknowledge I hay been trying to see their sister through school expenses, including food and wears.
I discussed with my woman, she started crying, saying she knows her brothers are such a disgrace, telling me how she may commite sucide if I didn't marry her... She cried that she can't visits her house again... that her only hope will be to start prostitution which she can't see herself do that nd that's why she is going to commite sucide if I eventually leave her, all her social media handle is full with my picture, including her profile pictures.

Please what advice do you have for me.... should I let go of this girl, I don't mind letting go all I have already spent...I just want to make sure I won't regret the marriage tomorrow...I have already discussed with my mom nd we plan on going her house officially by August ending..but I'm still very worried.

Matured advice please

Three things you must ensure - You need to have a means of making money yourself, ensure she is also not just willing but she must start doing something to make money too so she can take care of her parents and whatever she can do for her brothers, ensure she talks to her parents about her brothers, let the parents be the ones that will curb their sons excesses. The parents disposition to this and her willingness to work and make money for herself and be willing to help too is what will make you know if you should go ahead or not.

hmmm...see this guy, do u think marriage is something u dabble into and dabble out at will...use wisdom oga...before u turn divorcee before 25...speaking from experience...take ur time, ammend those Bleep ups, the Ability to man up and take ur stand on what u want amd want not is an attribute of a man ready to settle down...don't rush...marriage don show me pepper

First of, big ups to you for taking this bold step
Some people on this platform are not family oriented and thus see marriage in a different light.
You found a good girl, MARRY HER. Age is not a factor to determine wether a person is matured enough to marry or not. All the maturity you need is you knowing you found a wife and also understanding that marriage is not a bed of roses.
If you wait till you are fifty before you marry, if you are not mentally prepared, that union will end up in disaster.
As for her brothers, it's not a law that you must take care of them. You giving them money is of your goodwill. The day you decide to stop, them no ho come fight you for house. Meanwhile, if you have the means you can support them.
And ignore anyone telling you that you are not ready. It's totally up to you. The girl is good and her brothers should not be the reason you leave her. You may leave her and meet someone with worse brothers or even meet a girl that will drag you down.
Feel free to invite me to the wedding. I go come.

Actually love they say is blind. If truely you love her, then ignore every other thing and marry her.

The button line, since your both parents are giving you their hands.

For the siblings, you can only do your best and what you wishes for them.

My humble opinion though!

OP, I do don’t even have to read your epistle to know that the answer is no.

Do both families a favor and move on.

Women are not a limited edition, you can find one that fits you.

Golden147:
Good afternoon everyone..
Please I'm kindly in need of advice... ignore my typing ERROR..
There's this girl I love and I want to settle down with her. She's still in school while I'm still in school too. She's 22 while I'm 24 nd also in final YR and we both love each other..my mum has supported me to marry her.
I proposed to her and she said yes...I plan going her house next month next to start official martial rites but I'm afraid.
Here is my reasons

She's the only girl and the last daughter in a family of 5boys. Ever since we started dating, she's in 100l then, all her school burdens are on me..I take care of her and mine own...with this people around who knows about our RELATIONSHIP ask me to marry her to avoid story that touches the heart..which he has accepted , her mum nd dad have accepted it too.
My major concern about this girl is that those his brothers are not willing to do anything, istead the came asking me for small small money when I'm back, knowing fully I'm just dating thier sis....most times the my girl always feel ashamed of her brothers nd keep cursing them. The can't even call her on phone unless she calls them...nd the will keep asking why she didn't call them all this while knowing fully thier sister is in school nd not working.

I have thought about this over and over again, how do I marry from a family that can't even assist in anything...I know marriage is not always Rosy, what if something happens tomorrow nd I needed thier financial support..the can't render to me.
I discussed with my mum nd she told me I'm marrying thier sister who is well trained nd not the brother..that I can decide not to give them money again... But I'm very sad over this.
It's only the father and mum that acknowledge I hay been trying to see their sister through school expenses, including food and wears.
I discussed with my woman, she started crying, saying she knows her brothers are such a disgrace, telling me how she may commite sucide if I didn't marry her... She cried that she can't visits her house again... that her only hope will be to start prostitution which she can't see herself do that nd that's why she is going to commite sucide if I eventually leave her, all her social media handle is full with my picture, including her profile pictures.

Please what advice do you have for me.... should I let go of this girl, I don't mind letting go all I have already spent...I just want to make sure I won't regret the marriage tomorrow...I have already discussed with my mom nd we plan on going her house officially by August ending..but I'm still very worried.

Matured advice please

What does marrying a girl have to do with begging brothers? Are you telling us you're not matured to say no a request if need be after youvyo married the girl?

Don't think you need any advice on this one though except you're still not matured

U are marrying her and not her brothers, after marriage she becomes your immediate family more closer to you than her brothers

My brother you are too young to marry, you still have like 5years to go to make that DECISION.....


The Lord is your STRENGTH....

Don't listen to most of these small boys here that aren't married yet ooo. Just go and meet with ur pastor or spiritual head and seek his advice yet.

Meanwhile, what u do(ur job) is it not sth that u can introduce ur in-laws to-be to, to help them start earning too and stop demanding from u?

Although, u guys need more understanding and orientation. Her word of "I will commit suicide" sounds immature. She needs some enlightenment.

However, does she go as far as discouraging u from rendering financial help to her brothers?

Yes defntly

Marry her for lOve that's if you love her marry her but don't marry out of pity you will regret it later she's to really caution her brothers against unnecessary demands on you she should make it obvious that she's not pleased with their not responsible attitude again t
That her statements about if you leave her she will go into prostitution does not make sense does she not have future goals before now!? Pray about your marriage and kids in before getting married youths please this is very important !

Just follow your intuition my brother, because what ever advice we shall give you here still depends on your own conclusion.

My people say na person when wear shoe know where he dey pain am!

Bro, marriage is deep, it has a lot of difficulties and also sweet memories as you go along with it. I see you said you have a stable job and your own personal house already. From the way you have analyze the matter, you seem matured. Only a matured person can put one plus one together and analyze this issue the way you deed. Take this from a old head, Nobody is too young to marry and nobody is too ready to marry. Even old people make terrible mistake in their marriage. Pastors make big mistakes too. rich , poor, old , young, we all make mistake. Your only prayer to your God must be: Father, never allow me to make mistakes in life that i can not correct. People boast about emotional maturity before marriage, na lie. The truth is: We all learn on the job. There is no amount of experience that will prepare you for what you are about to face. If you feel this lady loves you, her values align with ur values, above all, her plan for the future align with urs, go ahead and marry her. But i must tell u the truth about marriage, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH TO MARRY A WOMAN. I wish you the very best.

@Golden147 you understand the situation better than us, there are some non verbal information you must have gleaned from this situation of yours. Please be guided communicate with your God and he will guide your path.

Ashvik:
You've said it yourself OP.

Marriage is not about getting married to your lady but also her entire family.

And we all know how uncertain life is.

Let me explain...

Imagine you get married to this lady now and you're able to cater for yourself, your wife, your kids and her family including her lazy brothers then...

All of a sudden you develop kidney failure and all your funds have been used for treatments.

You don't have any other funds.

You can't work.

Your kids need to go to school.

And for them to go to school, they need to pay their school fees.

They also need to eat.

How will you go about it?

Will you want to be going to get a loan from the bank and doing gofund me?

Or will you want to have family members that you can always run to in situations like this without having to show your dirty linen in public?

Obviously I know which option I'll go for, it's left for you to choose.

Believe it or not even the rich go through financial distress.

But do you how they solve it fast and easy?

They have a good support system (family members) that has their back at the time they need them the most.

Pretty obvious, right?

Great!

Anyway, talk is cheap.

A word is enough for the wise.

Can u wish urself a kidney failure? If yes then, OP can start having this mindset of urs as well.

Nobody likes to patronize poverty, failure or unsuccessful. Love is good but best when every thing in life is balanced. Let's not manage words.

No lady would want to attach herself where she does not benefit. But guys, if she does not have big ass, she has big bress or something shaa is driving u crazy about her. U tend to forget the basis... Like financial uplift. Now the handwriting is boldly scaring u aware and u are forcing ya self into the affair.

Kwantinew.

By the time u enter fully, we will hope to read ur letter on how they want to kee u because u said u don't have.

Where is even your dad; you didnt mention about him.

OP @ Golden147 if you want to marry her that's your choice but be intentional with your financial decisions. You're still young, money does not always flow and you have a future to plan and lots of years ahead of you. Don't give people money just because they asked and you have it, invest in your future and only lend money you can afford to lose, and learn to say no when necessary.

Golden147:


Though I didn't add nobody should advice me to to hustle.... Even as a student, I have a stable income bro...

Truth is, those saying you're not ripe for marriage are most likely envying you for getting married early. The maturity you have today with how good you're faring, won't differ much with the maturity you'll have in the next 5 years.

You'll regret if you don't marry that girl now.

The brothers have already blocked their way by owing you, so before you can spend huge amount on them again, it'll be either that they have paid, or you've have more to give out to them.

If you ask me, I would've loved getting married at 25. My first love that I didn't marry at that age is still crying to my ears till this day even after she has married another man with 2 children.

Marry that girl.

My Brother Run for ur dear life, you have not even commit urself by seeing her parent and her brothers are pestering u like this. RED FLAG. Our society and economic now even though u have millions if ur wife is not hustling too, u may likely fall on the long run, talk more of adding her family problem. Many marriages clash today bcs of this thing u just said. It was not tag on ur head the day both of u were born that I must marry each other, so comiting suicide is not ur concern neither will police come and arrest u. My guy be wiseooooo

Golden147:
Good afternoon everyone..
Please I'm kindly in need of advice... ignore my typing ERROR..
There's this girl I love and I want to settle down with her. She's still in school while I'm still in school too. She's 22 while I'm 24 nd also in final YR and we both love each other..my mum has supported me to marry her.
I proposed to her and she said yes...I plan going her house next month next to start official martial rites but I'm afraid.
Here is my reasons

She's the only girl and the last daughter in a family of 5boys. Ever since we started dating, she's in 100l then, all her school burdens are on me..I take care of her and mine own...with this people around who knows about our RELATIONSHIP ask me to marry her to avoid story that touches the heart..which he has accepted , her mum nd dad have accepted it too.
My major concern about this girl is that those his brothers are not willing to do anything, istead the came asking me for small small money when I'm back, knowing fully I'm just dating thier sis....most times the my girl always feel ashamed of her brothers nd keep cursing them. The can't even call her on phone unless she calls them...nd the will keep asking why she didn't call them all this while knowing fully thier sister is in school nd not working.

I have thought about this over and over again, how do I marry from a family that can't even assist in anything...I know marriage is not always Rosy, what if something happens tomorrow nd I needed thier financial support..the can't render to me.
I discussed with my mum nd she told me I'm marrying thier sister who is well trained nd not the brother..that I can decide not to give them money again... But I'm very sad over this.
It's only the father and mum that acknowledge I hay been trying to see their sister through school expenses, including food and wears.
I discussed with my woman, she started crying, saying she knows her brothers are such a disgrace, telling me how she may commite sucide if I didn't marry her... She cried that she can't visits her house again... that her only hope will be to start prostitution which she can't see herself do that nd that's why she is going to commite sucide if I eventually leave her, all her social media handle is full with my picture, including her profile pictures.

Please what advice do you have for me.... should I let go of this girl, I don't mind letting go all I have already spent...I just want to make sure I won't regret the marriage tomorrow...I have already discussed with my mom nd we plan on going her house officially by August ending..but I'm still very worried.

Matured advice please

So babe love you like this and youre asking questions. Nonsense. Marry her sharply and change three things right now. 1. The fact that you spend money on her for food and wears is responsibility. Dont see yourself as her Dangote or cubana. Its normal, youre lucky she loves you even some spend x10 what youre spending and the babe don't even love them. 2. If you give out to her brothers or family member its out of goodwill, stop that nonsense mentality you are always giving them money, its poverty mentality, ask Cubana. 3. Stop looking at yourself like one kingkong, youre hardworking yes, you have some sense not to attach anything to what you've spent so far, Very good, however, you are not one king kong or Bill gates, you should see yourself as lucky the girl and her family likes you and has accepted you. Just stay responsible and keep giving. Trust me, God will always enrich you as long as you stay, humble, generous and hardworking.

Golden147:

It's a lie bro....if I add how much I have spent on the brothers you will pity me...the second son as I talk to you is oweing me 250k nd has refused to pay me...keep giving me excuses....she knows about it...
As a man, you can't endure all this, I have seek advice from different individual.. everyone conderms such act.... By the brothers..... anyways you won't know... match I spent 45k to make sure the last BRO was realized after involving in rubbish act...
Anyways..thank you for your advice.

Don't listen to this Baba abeg, do ur wish and move on. As for her brothers, after marriage try and relocate very far from them and restrict ur wife against unnecessarily visiting them. And pls don't marry d girl out of pity, marry her only if you know she is ur true love, If not, u will regret because alot of them do pretend to be good just to make sure they marry financially stable man.

Lastly, stop asking people about this issue, because they will think u are not psychologically fit to marry. D issue is so minor and u can deal with it maturely.