Kobojunkie:
I agree.... Humans are generally incapable of unconditional love.

Marriage is indeed a contract, an agreement between couples...not necessarily to show up the best they can since that depends on the terms and conditions agreed upon by the couple in the marriage.

Kobojunkie:
Even the love between a mother and child is conditional... we are generally too lazy to look deep to find the condition but there is always one.

Hathor5:
I agree but this is the kind of advice the couple in the series was given to repair their marriage, to give their best. And at the same time this is how the counselor defined the purpose of marriage, to bring out the best in people.

Klass99:
I agree with her and I love what she said about showing up the best you can. No contest, no debate on this matter.

When I see or hear people say that true love is unconditional or say different variations of it like, if you truly love me you will forget about the money (meaning the loan they took from you like Caryorday's ex ) I think to myself yeye and naivety is worrying this one.

Kobojunkie:
The idea or expectation of being at your best 24/7 spells "S-T-R-E-S-S". That shouldn't a part of what it means to be in a marriage and a family.

cayorday89:

Truly no unconditional love not even a parent child relationship, they love you because they don't want all their investment on you to go to waste, which you must in turn payback one way or the other and for some people it's the biggest debt that have drawn them back.. Some mothers will claim to have carried you in womb for 9months, na that carry gangan be the condition wey dey the love.

Hathor5:
Interesting point.

But what does it mean to be in a marriage and a family then?

pocohantas:


Some people believe they should just be loved the way they are. With their good and bad. Even when they can make conscious efforts to change, they refuse to. They call it self-love. Some compromises are healthy. He is not asking you to go from dark skin to fair skin, he is only asking you reduce the salt you put in food. You na say the man that loves you would enjoy your food like that. You want to damage his liver?

LordReed:


According to the Bible the god's love is conditional or else why would he need to forgive you your sins.

Hathor5:
Do you agree?

I am watching a series and in one of the episodes a couple goes to see a marriage counselor. She tells them that marriage is not about unconditional love but an agreement to show up the best we can. It is meant to challenge each spouse to bring out the best in them.

How useful is this kind of advice?

Iyaebe:
Best advice ever,it's best to study the flaws of a partner and see if you can cope with him/her than concentrating only on the good side.In marriage love should be secondary, marry who have sense and compatibility should be your top priority. Love will fade if you marry a stupid person and you'll begin to ask yourself if you were hypnotized.

Hathor5:


You and your examples.

But yeah, that's the point. The question is not whether there should be love or no love in a marriage/relationship but the emphasis lies on unconditional. Do we expect the other person to love us unconditionally? The good, the bad and the ugly or are we willing to work on ourselves and try and show them the best of us? The latter requires work and effort.

Kondomatic:
@Emboldened, that is selfishness nah.

No partner, even if he or she was specially made in heaven will tolerate their spouses bad character forever. They may ignore them initially(love) and give you time to improve but they will walk away when they get tired(common sense)


@OP, I personally don't believe there's anything like unconditional love and marriage isn't something you go into and stay like that; life generally.

Every sensible person should try to ID their flaws and work on them, keep improving.

Compatibility, unconditional love, these ain't things that make marriage work. Aside the fact that I don't believe in unconditional love, I also don't think there people anywhere that are compatible enough to live happily ever after marriage. That's why Adaptability is always better than compatibility.

Once the little perfections in the very flawed person you married are enough to make you stay with them, the next is to learn to live with them.

Gradually, you'd find yourself liking what they like, finding interest in their activities and hobbies and if they do same to you, the marriage don make sense be that.

People around go think say unah dey compatible.

cooooooks:
Poco has a way of painting mature things like this with the best analogies.

Biko, men, run from people who use this western take me as I am philosophy.

ogawisdom:


U only need to accept Jesus n he loves u unconditionally

bukatyne:


Dem full instagram.

That is the new rave in town: self-love and take me as I am

Magnoliaa:
Is showing up the best we can and bringing out the best in our partners not a part of unconditional love? I believe it is a part of it, and one does not necessarily preclude the other.

Love is important. Yes, the feelings, tingly kind I believe. One that makes your heart race and feel good just thinking about them, I believe. No, that is not all there is to it.

But unconditional love has imbued in it the works, the efforts, the commitment and the blindness as well.

To the usefulness of such advice, I feel it paints a dreary picture of marriage that I don't want to look forward to. Sounds drudgery. Like I must do things for my partner, just because. Not cheerily. Are there likely going to be times I feel that way? Possibly. But haba, for the most of the time and my marriage life?

I don't want that kind of organic, fulfilling-a-duty or filling-in-a-space love, tenkio.

bukatyne:


Does love fade?

bukatyne:


Nice piece especially on adaptability vs compatibility

I think love is all that is needed to make a marriage work.

Not the feeling of love; love as an action as defined in the Bible. 1 Cor 13: 4 - 7:

NLT version: 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

NKJV version: 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [a]puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, [b]thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

truthsayer009:


Quoting bible scriptures out of context, this is not love between a man and a woman (romantic love), this here is the love as defined as loving your neighbor as yourself. Being kind all humans.

1
If I speak in the tongues [1] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

Infact as far as I am concerned, Romantic Love is the least thing that keeps marriages together. If it was about Love, I would have married a long time ago.

bukatyne:


And the love between neighbors is different from the love expected between spouses?

truthsayer009:


Do you love your neighbor the same way you love your child or your spouse?

bukatyne:


Love is love displayed in different forms.

The passage I quoted applies to my family, neighbors, friends etc. within the scope of my relationship/role with them.

bukatyne:
Does love fade?

SweetVibe:

I understand your point….BUT dont you think we should embrace reality?

truthsayer009:
Do you love your neighbor the same way you love your child or your spouse?

Kobojunkie:
We are actually meant to do exactly that however, we choose to selfishly love one group more than the other where God never prescribed such a love to begin with.

truthsayer009:
Yes, which is why I asked because even parents don't love their kids the same way they love other people's kids. If not, all this house helps being maltreated will never happen.

Women don't love their husband's the way they love their children. A lot of women can die for their kids but not husband.

This love thing has levels.

Kobojunkie:
And what is this reality you speak of?

SweetVibe:

The reality of realising that the real world is not the fantasy we dream of