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Am I Not Making A Mistake? - Romance (10) - Nairaland

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Am I Not In A Toxic Relationship Like This? / Am I Making A Mistake? / I May Ruin My Girlfriend's Life, If I Make A Mistake (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by diogo23: 8:56am On Mar 08, 2022
Zonefree:

Africa has nothing to do with that foolishness!
Please tell that mumu girl, everything stupid thing they call Africa, even there own foolish mistakes they still blame Africa
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Drsnives(m): 9:05am On Mar 08, 2022
diogo23:

Where is she from? I have not heard such a thing before, if you pay for her mum pride price who will marry among them?
Question waiting for answers oo my brother
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 9:19am On Mar 08, 2022
Emperor88:


So If the wife marry without the mother being married what will happen?

Nothing will happen. They just found it improper especially for the father if he's still alive to receive bride price he didn't pay. That's unfair according to them. If you wan collect items for marriage as mother, them Don collect your own too?

1 Like

Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 9:20am On Mar 08, 2022
Ryan03:
this one is a lie my dear. A very big lie, my mother is from obiaruko too, it is her father that is suppose to pay that dowry else he will not be allowed to collect his daughters dowry too. If he fails to pay, his daughters dowry will be paid to her mother's family. The father wants to use the groom to be to pay for his wife's Dowry, which kind wicked and cunning family be that

Una go just carey phone type. Did i mention that I am from obiaruko in my comment?

If you don't know something then keep quiet.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by BUXOMEBONY(f): 9:21am On Mar 08, 2022
This is all shades of wrong.What if she does not have a daughter that will bring an inlaw ,how will she pay? Your mum knew all these and went on to get pregnant without the bride price being paid now passing her problems to you?

Someone in her own family shouydo that if she does not have a son,not one stranger from another family.

Is there no man in her own lineage?
His is totally wrong and in acceptable. You need to look more before you leP,there might still be more hidden charges....
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 9:22am On Mar 08, 2022
Verysmart101:


It is a serious matter.You fail to realise that the same tradition would hunt him if he wanna do trad.The mother's trad must be done before her daughter's.U didnt remember that abiiii? He should look before u leap

Doesn't affect it. Where I come from 15k will sort all this ones.. ion know about where his babe come from sha.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Neddyogu(m): 9:33am On Mar 08, 2022
RUN
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by umoslink(m): 9:39am On Mar 08, 2022
If you are very much interested in her carry out a proper inquiry to the payment of her late mum bride price it may not actually be what you are anticipating.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Albert0011(m): 9:43am On Mar 08, 2022
Drsnives:

Thanks sir
Is that payment not a trap?
For God sight it might be that am now legally married to the mum after paying that money
Not a trap bro
She even said that nothing concerns u with the girls mum and some times they just do it for doing sake, that its left for the ur girl's family (her uncles) and her mum to settle them selves.
And she even said that they maybe they are trying to extort money from u.
So my advice for u is to thread carefully, if u really love the girl then stand on ur ground that u can't do it.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by frozen70(f): 10:14am On Mar 08, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.

Well its not new, but I will suggest the family or she provides that amount needed and go to her mother's family to do the needful

You don't have to go with them because you are not their family members and you are not representing her husband, I short it's not your business its just an obstacle to your marriage plan

Her husband kinsmen will do that

Then you can start your wife marriage rites if you so wish
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by manchester4lyf: 10:19am On Mar 08, 2022
The solution is simple now



Pay ur babes bride price to her father , and den d father takes it to ur wife's family to pay her own bride price too , LOBATAN
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Verysmart101: 10:21am On Mar 08, 2022
McEphiks:


Doesn't affect it. Where I come from 15k will sort all this ones.. ion know about where his babe come from sha. Hi



Which 15k? I just dey laugh you sha.Just fall into their trap sha.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 10:35am On Mar 08, 2022
Verysmart101:


Which 15k? I just dey laugh you sha.Just fall into their trap sha.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 10:38am On Mar 08, 2022
Verysmart101:


Which 15k? I just dey laugh you sha.Just fall into their trap sha.


Na me and you deh share the tradition? Things have been modernised and people know this is keeping keeping away from marrying their daughters daughters they just sit in a small gathering, buy drink and pride bride Which is 120 naira. I've been in such meetings several times with my dad.

That's why I said I don't know where she hails from but as for my side, people Don get sense
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by galantjoe(m): 11:52am On Mar 08, 2022
same is applicable to our side. but it is not responsibility of her daughter suitor to pay bride price of her mother; it is a singular duty of husband of your mother in-laws to be or his kinsmen. is it after the payment the suitor go marry mother and daughter as wives?

it is a big shame to even mention to the suitor that the mother of his wife-to be was not married properly. Common sense suppose to tell her father or kinsmen to borrow money and do the needful on her mother head and then recoup it from proceeds from rites paid by you.

Run! Run!! Run!!!

Runaway now, it is a sign that your in-laws to be is very shameful and irresponsible.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by ACE1010: 12:02pm On Mar 08, 2022
I smell FRAUD here and you are the victim shocked shocked shocked shocked

Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Swaelyf(f): 12:12pm On Mar 08, 2022
exactly! paying her bride price automatically makes her your wife better dont enter one chance because she automatically becomes your responsibility and if anything happens to her you are the one to shoulder it incase of death you will bury her like your wife and in your village consider this before you venture
Favfables1:


Lemme take a wild guess...
She's from akwa Ibom undecided...

Doesn't matter Sha...
If you're comfortable with the whole tradition thingy, then go ahead, but if you're not, please work away...

And before you go into this matter, please make sure they're no other tradition of sort that could spring up surprises undecided...
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Ryan03(f): 12:21pm On Mar 08, 2022
McEphiks:


Una go just carey phone type. Did i mention that I am from obiaruko in my comment?

If you don't know something then keep quiet.
shut up, the poster said the girl is from obiaruko, na you know where you from come. State your tribe here and let's see if it is true. There is no tribe in Nigeria that will ask son in law to pay bride price for mother in law
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 1:04pm On Mar 08, 2022
Ryan03:
shut up, the poster said the girl is from obiaruko, na you know where you from come. State your tribe here and let's see if it is true. There is no tribe in Nigeria that will ask son in law to pay bride price for mother in law

English is not really hard, is it?

You don't even know about your own tradition how much more about other tribes tradition so shift
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by davealvaro: 1:09pm On Mar 08, 2022
well i have never heard of such
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Belleful: 1:14pm On Mar 08, 2022
@op, there is no Bride price to b paid for the mother. Since the father of the girl did not pay it, they were never married. either they were doing boyfriend & girlfriend relationship that resulted in pregnancy or they were just cohabiting. If the man was to be alive, he would have been the one, families would have advise to go pay its own first before collecting his daughter's own. U can collect from someone else when u haven't paid ur own. That is were u and d girl's father can decide on d way forward. The girls mother is single and free to marry.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Ryan03(f): 1:44pm On Mar 08, 2022
McEphiks:


English is not really hard, is it?

You don't even know about your own tradition how much more about other tribes tradition so shift
you cannot even drop the name of your tribe? Liar........ I know my tradition, drop yours, ekpa
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 2:04pm On Mar 08, 2022
Ryan03:
you cannot even drop the name of your tribe? Liar........ I know my tradition, drop yours, ekpa

I explained to those who cared to learn already.

No point educating you

You're the ekpa here and no one else
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by SIRTee15: 2:12pm On Mar 08, 2022
There's nothing traditional or culture about it. OP don't let them scam u.
The mum's family are just mad they didn't get to collect her bride price but her husband's family will collect from u. Like reaping where they didn't sow.

Tell the girl that her late dad's family should go and pay her mum's bride price. It has nothing to do with u.

All this culture bull.shit are just exploitation in disguise. Why should the mum's family be grumbling about a bride price that's already a past tense , if not the money involved. Assuming bride price has no financial incentive do u think anyone her mum's family will even bother about it.
There's nothing unique or special about African culture. It's the most retrogressive and oppressive culture in the world. It's very exploitative and archaic in culture.
Nigerian culture that can't build a prosperous society and instill good work ethic, that one na culture.
It's high time we Africans build a new culture for Africa, we should do away with all these primitive and non productive traditional way of thinking. It's not getting us anywhere.
Culture is dynamic not stagnant. African culture must move with time.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Kingd6th: 2:36pm On Mar 08, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.
bro honestly it's not a must u have to pay her mum's pride price according to Igbo tradition, since her dad is late , it's d responsibility of the 1st son to do so and if there is no son it falls to her dad's brother or brothers to do so. U can only assist them to ur capability.
Alternatively u can do what we call ipi akrika(dowry payment) ,u pay her dowry which is d most important part .
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by wirinet(m): 2:57pm On Mar 08, 2022
McEphiks:


Na me and you deh share the tradition? Things have been modernised and people know this is keeping keeping away from marrying their daughters daughters they just sit in a small gathering, buy drink and bride bride Which is 120 naira. I've been in such meetings several times with my dad.

That's why I said I don't know where she hails from but as for my side, people Don get sense

You still don't get it. It's not about the amount but about the principle. Paying and accepting bride price means a marriage has taken place. That has been the meaning of bride price by all cultures from time immemorial. That bride price is legally recognised in our laws.
Are you paying the bride price for yourself or her irresponsible father?
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by EduadorOSCA: 3:21pm On Mar 08, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.


It shouldn't be, when such issue occurs, depending on whom you talk to and their level of knowledge in the tradition of the land, the mother's people will come on the day the bride price is scheduled to be paid, payment will be made to the girls father for the girl, which the father will in turn hand over to his own in-law for his wife cos he cannot collect when he has not paid normally. All the necessary arrangements as regards to who and who to talk to should be finalized before fixing a date hence your event might be scattered; trust village people.

Another way is if the man is the reasonable type, you can delay your own and sort he settle his wife's kings men first then you can proceed with yours.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Drsnives(m): 4:24pm On Mar 08, 2022
EduadorOSCA:



It shouldn't be, when such issue occurs, depending on whom you talk to and their level of knowledge in the tradition of the land, the mother's people will come on the day the bride price is scheduled to be paid, payment will be made to the girls father for the girl, which the father will in turn hand over to his own in-law for his wife cos he cannot collect when he has not paid normally. All the necessary arrangements as regards to who and who to talk to should be finalized before fixing a date hence your event might be scattered; trust village people.

Another way is if the man is the reasonable type, you can delay your own and sort he settle his wife's kings men first then you can proceed with yours.
The father is late
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Drsnives(m): 4:26pm On Mar 08, 2022
Albert0011:

Not a trap bro
She even said that nothing concerns u with the girls mum and some times they just do it for doing sake, that its left for the ur girl's family (her uncles) and her mum to settle them selves.
And she even said that they maybe they are trying to extort money from u.
So my advice for u is to thread carefully, if u really love the girl then stand on ur ground that u can't do it.
Thanks bro
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by McEphiks(m): 5:19pm On Mar 08, 2022
wirinet:


You still don't get it. It's not about the amount but about the principle. Paying and accepting bride price means a marriage has taken place. That has been the meaning of bride price by all cultures from time immemorial. That bride price is legally recognised in our laws.
Are you paying the bride price for yourself or her irresponsible father?

I get it now. Well, it's not the husband or inlaw to be that's paying the bride price. In most cases where it happens like this, the father is financially inadequate hence the inlaw comes in to support by giving the daughter the money to support her dad or whoever is standing in place of the father in case he's late.

Your own na to drop small money to support the whole stuff when they're not capable. That's why I said no be big deal
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by babajero(m): 7:28pm On Mar 08, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.
If this your story is truth, then there is nothing wrong with it, if that is their tradition, because that your girlfriend is a bastard if going by the real sense, but when you pay the bride price on behalf of the girl and her late father, she automatically have a surname. And it is not every thing that must end up on social media, I believe you have elders.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Drsnives(m): 8:49pm On Mar 08, 2022
babajero:
If this your story is truth, then there is nothing wrong with it, if that is their tradition, because that your girlfriend is a bastard if going by the real sense, but when you pay the bride price on behalf of the girl and her late father, she automatically have a surname. And it is not every thing that must end up on social media, I believe you have elders.
Yes, dad is not around I'll seek his opinion once he comes to town

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