This is why it is good to very stubborn in some things. My people say 'if you throw away the knife that cuts your hand, the knife has done what it wants to do and throwing it away doesn't reverse that.'

And I admire the wife's liver sha; to ask for same thing you rejected that led to the person's death.

Anyways OP, if you are a Christian, there would be a lot of pressure to forgive & accommodate your MIL.

If (God forbid) anything happens to her while not in your house, you will have the burden of guilt.

Let her stay & support caring for her to the best of your ability.

Let this also open your eyes to the fact that your wife is a very entitled, selfish person who can't be 'gbekeled'.

Biko, someone should help me translate.

I haven’t said anything that indicates I have any problem with this sort of arrangement. It sounds ideal and I don’t see why not. as long as all the burden isn’t automatically shifted to the wife.

I’m just pointing out that in most cases most men leave all the physical labor of providing care to their wives. A factual statement that didn’t even warrant any argument. It’s a matter of yea you’re right and maybe we need to do better. Instead of all the needless back and forth

People on this forum just love to argue for the sake of it.

sharone21:


I see this as a good problem.... It is just like both of them have 2 mums each.... The woman out of love can help out including her son and a helper can also be employed for mama even in that house( teenager or mature woman).

Only time there should be doubt for the wife to take her mum( in law) into the house is only if the mum was evil.

Love comquereth all....Vanity upon vanity....

We too will grow old one day.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Shame on you for how you treated your mother. Shame on you. The woman that gave birth to you, you sent away at her moment of need because of a wife? You couldn’t put your foot down to protect your mother.

And so it is. To save your marriage tell your wife that you will not allow her mother in your house. She can send money to her as needed. Why? Because no matter what anyone tells you you will resent your wife if her mother lives with you. You already hold resentment for yourself, by how you let your mother down.

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

may God grant you long life and also the same daughter in-law as op.amin

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

just like his own mother can die for him too and his mother in-law can never do

Dottormentor:
Hey yah chief adviser, ani were no gbogbo eyin odo iwoyi. May the same thing happen to you as you are planning to destroy another person home. Amen amen
Did u bother to hear her own side of the story? Enibi.

what could have been her own side of the story?
Had the mother not taken care of the husband would she have married him. Let her mother go to stay with her daughter in-law too

2016easy2017:
just like his own mother can die for him too and his mother in-law can never do

exactly. That’s why it’s his responsibility not his wife. Glad we are on the same page

[quote author=kazyhm post=122156137]

You typed absolute nonsense!![/q You're not yet old sha, when you grow to a ripe old age you'll understand what the op's wife did

[quote author=2016easy2017 post=122187572][/quote]

Likewise you......when you become of age, you'll understand what the op wife did.

I'm currently divorcing my wife, and to be honest, I'm glad we agreed on Postnuptial Agreement. You can read more about this contract on the Internet, but I think it's especially important if there is joint property, real estate, children, and so on. Something like a guarantee of financial security for both parties.

It is a law she had applied, let same law apply to her too. Justice, equity and fairness is it; do not play the weak. Get a person employed to live with her mother and pay for it and praise will be there for ur mum in her rest. Law applied has nothing to do wt forgiveness. Nb.

Allowing your mother in-law to come live in your home is not a sign of weakness on your part after what your wife did to your own mother. Replay the Nollywood movie to your wife how she treated your mum and let her conscience do the rest.. remind her that she would be a mother in-law sometime in the future. And whatever she sow, she will reap.

donaldchidi:
Well am not saying this because of how your wife treated your mum and I don't want you to see it as such...

Normally it is not right for any parent or parents to stay with dia sons or daughters that is married, unless it is visiting which is not supposed to be beyond 3days or highest one week if the case is health wise or 3 months for omugwo for Igbos and those that have such tradition...
Anything higher than all this is not good and have tendency of submarging the peace in your home which is very bad in marriage.

Be wise my brother and don't let emotions rule your reasonings...
I was in your shoes

Let truth be told. You're not making any sense to me 😡😡😢😢🙁
Maybe you don't value your mother. Apologies to your mother !!!!

Are you in your right senses at all?? Am noy sure you re-read what you wrote at all. She can't take care of her MIL but can do for her own right? Common sense is not common at all.

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

Zaynmax:
and the man's mom won't be willing to die for him abi when I said y'all women thinks alike some would say i don't know what I'm talking about just read wetin you write again then siddon think am If na your son e go sweet you for where you dey life after😏

Leave those bitter genders alone. They will never reason like us. We should have followed the pattern of our forefathers by marring more than one woman. men of these days are becoming very weak, all thanks to this useless western culture of Christianity and the likes.

cococandy:


That’s exactly why it’s his responsibility not his wife’s

I pray you have only male children and your male children's ends up with wife of this mentality of yours, then you will come back here to preach this same sermon when you are old.

cococandy:
exactly. That’s why it’s his responsibility not his wife. Glad we are on the same page

So0 you are saying he is not going to have any commitment to her mother while she is in his house. is that what you are saying? Financially, emotionally abi. Your logic doesn't stand abeg. Some Nigerian women are plain evil. in the actually sense it is Nigerian who marries most of the Nigerian men away from their parents. because they always look for a way to cut you off from your relatives, so they can deal with you mercilessly. Fear Nigerian women, they are very jealous and selfish.

ACE1010:
Allowing your mother in-law to come live in your home is not a sign of weakness on your part after what your wife did to your own mother. Replay the Nollywood movie to your wife how she treated your mum and let her conscience do the rest.. remind her that she would be a mother in-law sometime in the future. And whatever she sow, she will reap.

Her conscience will not do her anything, rather she will feel she is smart and she has control over her man. I have met many uncivilized, selfish women in the past who boasted to me that when they get married they will separate their husband from his family to focus only on them, their children and their family. they say these things with all confidence and i wonder the planet they came from, and most of these women are the ones who start a fight with their own brothers wife, accusing her of trying to cut their brother from them, they are very evil i can tell you that. fear them.

Admin please ban this account.

Lindahandley:
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sandra50:
Who is this one?are you the wife in question?his mother would be so sad in her grave if she allows her wife's mother come live with them

Sharap! Do as I say!

summerflame:


The most useless comment of the month

From your useless mouth. I had to reply you before April to tell you your condition is worst!

Cowbell521:
Who be this mumu?

Ask your ancestors

Iamzik:


Do people still think like this?

Ask google

FlipModeSquade:
Furck your reverse psychology.
And Furck that daughter in law..
All of una should Furck off!

Fûck you, fûck your phone, fûck your N2K PC, fûck N2k data, fûck your life, fûck your existence, fûck you to hell!

jaxxy:


the wife's son inlaw will also send her away. The problem started from the wife not him.

Of cos I know

sandra50:
Your mother sharap

You don buy market

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

You are mad

IDERAWOLE:


I agree with the very first comment after your post.

Your revulsion is the reality of what you went through in the hands of your wife.

Can you genuinely say that your mum wasn't a pain in the neck whenever she came around to your place? If the answer is yes, and be frank in answering this! If the answer is yes, then you need to ask your wife if she's also asking that her mum comes stay in your house, after all marriage is for two people, and not three.

Whatever her response, remorseful or not, tell her to give you time to think about it! I pray she doesn't become nasty about your demand for time to think about it!

After about a week bring in your mother-in-law. If the old woman didn't open up the issue of why it took you time to accept her coming in, don't also talk about it, i also pray she doesn't. If she does, tell her the whole story and if she feels like going back to her home, fine with you!

I don't blame most of our young ladies who have been taught nonsense by most marriage counsellors and marriage motivational speakers, they've ruined marriages with their toxic nonsense they called teachings and seminars. All these talk about dont allow anybody to come in-between you and your husband nonsense teachings!

How can a spouse tell me he/she loves the partner and you don't love the mother of your partner? There are some nasty mothers -in-law no doubt, but if yours isn't such why have no love for her?

Just welcome her in as soon as you feel cool to do so.

The best way to punish your wife for what she did, is to take a good care of her mum! Pour the love you weren't allowed to give to your mum on her mum in a double manner and pray for the good health of that woman.

If your wife doesn't come around to beg you for the pains caused you, by pouring this love on her mum, then you need to give up on her! She's not a woman of substance, na just another woman.

All the best brother.

at this point the love died with his mother..what is applicable to bala should also apply to bulus period

summerflame:


U are just a waste of sperm.. ERANKO

No problem.

VTJN:
marriage is not a competition. You cannot continue like that because the woman was wrong so the man too should go wrong. If the man did not allow his mother inlaw then it becomes something else. It may lead to seperation or divorce because they'd harbour enemity within themselves. I'm sure you don't have a sister or brother for the man or woman right?

Please allow peace to reign

there should be justice even at the expense of peace

soles21:
the only reason I'd consider bringing my sick mother to my home is because I trust my wife to take good care of her just as she's doing for me. Not because she's female.

Plus if you truly love your husband you'd want to take care of his sick mother you won't see it as more work.

simple

Truth001:
Forgive her and let it slide, though it's painful but there is nothing you can do to bring back your mum. May her Soul continue to rest in peace.
Don't let her blame you if anything bad happens to her Mum, she will think you are taking revenge on her.

do not listen to this emotional blackmail..so who are you to blame for the bad thing that has already happened to your mum...

ozalogbo:
Again, I want to thank you all for your comments and reactions. Some of you are justifiably enraged that 'I sent my mother away". I perceive that the majority of this reaction is from men. However, it seems that many mostly ignored the further information that I supplied: That I did not send my mother away. No! When I insist that my mother goes nowhere, she says, no my son. Instead of you to have quarrels in your home because of my presence here, I better leave. And she would quietly go, against my vehement protests. In fact, one one occasion when she visited, before I came, she quietly left and later called me that something came up suddenly (not in my home anyway) and she had to leave to attend to it. But I perceived that my wife suffocated her away with attitude. I understand the kind of mother I had, a peace lover and a peacemaker. Years ago, something happened. That was before I got married. A guy was rude to my mum. She did not tell me or my siblings because she knew what my reaction would be. It was some days later that I heard of the event. I confronted the guy and if not for the people around who came between us, it would have resulted in serious blows. I did not bother to ask my mum before I accosted the guy because I knew she would strongly and firmly disapprove. Of course, when she heard what I did, she was not pleased with me.

Cried reading this. Oga no let dat woman bring her mother come ur house