MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Please ignore those bitter women and see the biological father. It's very important.
This will also enable you know the family you are getting into better.
That he might have been irresponsible doesn't take away his right as a father according to tradition and scripture. Don't allow those women push you into a pit.
See him. He's the rightful father and must be acknowledged as long as he is alive.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Bro, even in the Bible, we were admonished to give to czar what belongs to czar and to God what is God's. In the light of the ongoing, I'd advise you do the needful, that the mangrove dwelt long in the forest does not make it a crocodile or a monkey "WORD"
No matter how long the pseudo dad must have been in their life, the fact still remains that he didn't birth her "USE YOUR HEAD" and not your HEART.
Meanwhile, in my place of work, just last month here, a colleague whom happened to be married

Your desire to control things and do whatever you want is what is pushing you. Just continue to put your nose in what is none of your business. That thing you are looking for, you will soon find it

MetaBroadband:


I'm so sorry Ma, this is not the reason for this post. Yesterday we spoke she said the man is aware, that he does not have issues with it.

So why can't I meet this man as well if truly the man is aware that she's getting married?

Secondly, if they are in good terms then it should have been proper for me to meet him too.

I've seen and heard marriages like this that later required some attention in the future because of a step that was skipped in the past. So get this clear, this is not a fiction to castigate women.

satelliteDISH:


This is a very tough one.
The girls mother is very bitter. She has been nursing that bitterness all her life since she got pregnant. She doesn't want the man that got her pregnant and abandoned her to reap from the gains that come through the girl.
That is her revenge. To her, that is justice served.

To go see the biological father might not go down well with your mother in law and she will hate you for this.
Since your fiancee and her mother have disowned the man. They have acknowledged the step father as their father and husband, go and honour the step father with the necessary traditional items.

The biological father cannot come out of the blues and reap from where he didn't invest for over 20+ years of the girls life. It is an unfair trade.

I quite agree with you to some extent but your last paragraph got me thinking,what if what the mother- inlaw said was all lies. Wont it be nice to hear the other side of the story before judging the man?
Though if I have to advice op,he should talk to his babe to meet her father and iron things before marriage. The only business op has right now is with the girl he wants to marry. She should be able to do that for the sake of the guy and see things in the guy's perspective.
Things need to be done in a proper way,the problem the mother-inlaw had with the girl's father should have nothing to do with Op.
OP,should the right thing as a man.

Your fiancee determines who she wants as her father, biological or not. Rest.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

oga hear from the man oooo. Find am

Meet her biological father first okay to know the outcome

why pay step father bride price when the biological father alive?

Emaprince:
One day you go cry over women with this mentality.

It's like you want to dance to the tune of women just to please them.

Go and adopt another man's child to.make yourself feel good.

If u no fit train ur child give me mak I adopt am
What to regret there
That I raised up a soul which was neglected by the deadbeat dad

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Is there any proof of aduption? If yes, don't go to see anybody. if no, my brother, go n see him. U should no how women can paint things at times. It would hv been different if they told u he was dead, but here, he's alive, u not only know this but (from what I said) I can tell u also know where he is. Bros, this is marriage, u will hv to go see many pple including her uncles right? Why not take a few hrs to go see her biological father? He may not hv done anything in her life, but u owe him that much.... BCOZ OF TOMORROW!!

tiswell:
Flee from such family,the girl already has father issues,which will gradually transcend into your lineage.
I mean,she can't give what she doesn't have.
Girls like that doesn't know the importance of a man,and as her would-be husband, you will never ever enjoy her and soon ya children will be turned against you.

I repeat, flee!!!

Exactly my sentiment.

Her mum have already poisoned her mind and made her see fathers as not so important. Imagine how she dismissed the idea of the guy meeting her dad.

This OP will be in for a long ride in his marriage. By the time the wife treats him with what she learnt from her mum, his kids will see nothing good in him.

Try meet the real for marriage blessing since he is alive. Seek her daughter in marriage no matter what your babe or her mother say about the real father.. appreciate the both men in her life

Jovialjune1:
All of you will rest las las, keep typing from your imagination just to castigate women, even if we choose to believe your fiction, who do you think you are to want to meddle into what is not your concern?

Do you think the lady and her mother haven't thought of the traditional effect before deciding to go ahead with the wedding? The step dad that took care of her since childhood, is he a dunce to not know her dad abandoned them thereby marrying and taking care of them? The dead beat that remained a deadbeat all these years, why didn't he look for his daughter if he really wanted to be a part of her life? Did her mother's marriage to another man stop him from looking for her? The lady abi na fiancee that told you he abandoned them, do you think she wouldn't have made an effort to hear from him as a grown adult and still see that he's still the same?

It's not by force to marry her, she sees her step dad as her father, being a sperm donor doesn't automatically make one a father, if the step dad is not enough for you, move on to other ladies.

emotional attachments over issues doesn't allow sense of good reasoning.

How did you know that the father hadn't tried to see them?
.How do you believe the mother's version hook,line and sinker without being part of the story yourself ?

What if they are hiding the real truth from the OP,for him to later find out the real truth when it's rather too late?

Abeg rest,issues like these are very very complicated.

luminouz:


I know you will say something simpish like this. You NEVER disappoint me!!!

I'll be waiting for your breakfast story soon. E go sweet me die

So evil like a hater, why will you be expecting someone else's breakfast? A married man for that matter, check yourself, negativity and bitterness is already eating your soul slowly,

Only the biological father has the legal right to accept the bride price and give her to you as wife. If you proceed to pay the pride price to the step father when the father is still alive, I think you have actually not paid her pride price in the realm of the spirit.

Please ask the people from her town and understand how things are done. Above all, I think you should send your people to look for her true father and hear his side of the story. You may uncover some secrets that might make you to run for your dear life.

Are you not there with your kinsmen?

Aren’t they the ones to tell you what to do after due consultations with the other family and extended.

Abi na naira land be your kinsmen?
D play

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Bro, even in the Bible, we were admonished to give to czar what belongs to czar and to God what is God's. In the light of the ongoing, I'd advise you do the needful, that the mangrove dwelt long in the forest does not make it a crocodile or a monkey "WORD"
No matter how long the pseudo dad must have been in their life, the fact still remains that he didn't birth her "USE YOUR HEAD" and not your HEART.
Meanwhile, in my place of work, just last month here, a colleague whom happened to be happily married for years now with his wife, unknown to him that the man whom he paid her bride price to was not her biological father; fast forward to last two months, the wife took ill and passed on, that was when the original family that own the dead lady showed up and were Fermenting trouble; bottom line was that this guy was made to remarry the lady at death before they could perform her burial rights which the guy was not allowed to attend. The lady in question is from Esan descent from Edo state..... Please I advise you thread cautiously, this is TRADITION" and I know Akwaibomites as a great custodian of culture and tradition. Thanks

mrmislim:


I think you didn’t understand my question. In my culture, attention is on the parents of the couple, so I am asking you, you won’t want to wear same clothes with her but she will sha seat as the mother of the bride abi? Note that I am not referring to the general tent for families.

In your cousins case, the situation are not the same because the dad’s father brought her up and in one way or the other over the years they must have communicated a lot of times so that isn’t a suitable comparison.

Even if it were the case my cousin mother abandoned her, for the sake of the wedding, everybody is obliged to behave themselves before their inlaws that are also present at the wedding venue.

If the bride is insisting on having her way that the deadbeat father or his family side must not attend the wedding, it will look selfish of the bride , it will make her look like she will be controlling and stiff- minded after her marriage.

Words Will start going round among the guests, unnecessary gossiping during the wedding... It can even lead to quarrel on the wedding day between the groom family and the bride. All those stories of in-laws fighting over food on wedding day, it's not about food. There has been underlying grudges before. It's tensions like this that cause it.

The foundation of the marriage would already be affected by such negative perceptions right from the wedding day. It's not healthy for the marriage. Any disagreement the couple have later, people will now start referring back to the wedding day that it's because you did not do this or you did not do that, that is why this is happening now.

Don't give room or chance for that kind of future allegations. It's better to fulfill all righteousness, find a way to balance everything and be neutral.

After the wedding day, anyhow the bride want to do with her deadbeat father, that's her problem

In an emergency situation, like say, during childbirth complications or accidy, the bride need blood transfusion and only the father can donate blood for her , that is when the husband will now go and look for the father?

It doesn't work like that. It's better to be neutral and carry everyone along... Just formal recognitions here and there, that's all. After the wedding, anyhow the bride want to do, that's her wahala

No matter what, her biological father would always be her biological father.

MetaBroadband:


I'm so sorry Ma, this is not the reason for this post. Yesterday we spoke she said the man is aware, that he does not have issues with it.

So why can't I meet this man as well if truly the man is aware that she's getting married?

Secondly, if they are in good terms then it should have been proper for me to meet him too.

I've seen and heard marriages like this that later required some attention in the future because of a step that was skipped in the past. So get this clear, this is not a fiction to castigate women.

Ignore Nairaland feminists and be a man.

Their advice is always to defend a bad woman. It's your choice to be control by women or you stand up and be a man.

bukatyne:
It is things like this that give men the guts to mess up, be deadbeat dads and be assured that someone is coming to look for them tomorrow.

I have been waiting for this comment.

It's the patriarchal culture.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Mbok ka ke se ete awan mfo.
MMeh tang ake mi.

Please go and see your girl's biological father and ask him this important question, what happened to her grandmother (i.e your fiancee mothers mum) marriage. Did she also get divorced if the answer to this question is yes then please run run run. It's important to know that you are going to meet the father for your own future wellbeing

Some women can be so venomous. Did the mother of your wife to be and her daughter ever told you what the mother did bad to the man before he abandoned her? Was there a case of giving one pregnancy to 2 different men that made the man to leave her? Women are so manipulative and calculative. She must have filled your wife to be with lots of hate. Find out if you can before proceeding to do anything serious.

thinkmoney:

He tested the girls. It was the one that gave water that he chose. That is information gathering and that is also a kind of under ground investigation to get the character of the future wife

Stop lying! He didn't test anyone. He simply accepted the one who gave him and his animals drink! Make una no dey add una own delusions between the lines of what is written.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

H

Oga! Insist that you both visit her biological father. It's his blessings that will matter very much in your marriage.

Meet him first, let him bless his daughter. No matter what had happened between them, he is the authentic father of the girl, she came out from his loins. This is my advice for you.

What if your bride falls sick in the future and it is only her biological father that can donate blood for her health to be restored, is that when you would begin to look for the father??

Please, be neutral and don't take sides between them. Insist on visiting the father.

Here is the best advice you have received so far. Young people have no idea how potentially problematic it is to marry people raised by bitter parents in broken homes.

But if you ignore this advice then Of course, you should meet her biological father. When you get older anyway, you will learn to never believe one side of the story in marital disagreements.

xavuv:



If i were you,i would discard the lady and mother together. What bitterness!

They should let you go and see the biological father, just to show face and rub minds. Even the step father should come in and make them see reasons for you to go and see the real father.

Such a fiancee is full of bile, understandably implanted in her by her mother. That bile will still be there for you to wrestle with when your time comes.

She will show you shege.

It is not in your place to contact the Father, the mum is in the right position to do that if she wants to.

You are not in any position to hear anybody's side of the story. It's not your business, you want to hear which side yenyen yen.

What is your business is you can decide not to go ahead with the marriage if you feel you must meet the biological father and they are still saying no. It's not by force to marry her.


If she says the step father is the father that's the end.

How sure are you the girl even knows the father since they were abandoned with pregnancy.

No wonder men don't like raising children from their spouses, if it's not the child misbehaving it's the spouse from somewhere asking for a non existent papa.

No wonder men can Impregnante a girl deny the pregnancy or abandon them because they think they will be looked for.


You will break the heart of the mother and the man who raised that girl if you fight this fight that is not yours. Let them fight the fight and contact the man themselves.

Fined doesn't necessarily mean paying bride price, what's important is starting their marriage foundation on good note, what if the real Dad and stepdad are from different tribes and tradition, does it mean d fiancee will all of sudden practice different tradition diff from her real biological own? Unfortunate thing is na Church dem fit do white wedding yet the mother and daughter can't forgive the real father, if the father is the problem, are his family bad too? OP needs to do his independent investigation, marriage is no joke except he wants to marry two wives

sharone21:


Biko, if the man is fined and he pays her bride price which he would have done since if he wanted honor from the woman and her child, do we conclude that the woman married 2 husbands?..... We don't even know why the woman and child ran from him, some men can be wicked, deadly... Some don't even mind to wipe any trace that will make them look irresponsible in future incase he desires to seek one higher position or the other....

It will also be very embarrassing if the man doesn't fully welcome this man as inlaw. He is even creating future problems for himself especially if he wants him to be giving him things as in law and this oversabi gives it only to the stepdad, he may even start wishing them problems in the family unconsciously so that they must see him to resolve the issue and 'dash' him things.

I only accept good traditions, anyone that will not benefit me, I dump it.... Imagine bringing ex to matrimonial home of someone u never wished to be married.... He will even be surprised that the woman could get her life back and marry ( because this is NOT even a remarriage).

It is well

Put urself in the Biological father's shoes...
This shows you know little about women. You should really vet Ur partners mom

Emaprince:
Exactly my sentiment.

Her mum have already poisoned her mind and made her see fathers as not so important. Imagine how she dismissed the idea of the guy meeting her dad.

This OP will be in for a long ride in his marriage. By the time the wife treats him with what she learnt from her mum, his kids will see nothing good in him.

Exactly,I am talking from experience