MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Years from now, this scenario may repeat itself, your would be son in law may find himself asking your daughter in the future if he should come to see you or not. Be careful with bitter women and their daughters, lest you end up sharing their beef and enemies

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child
Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Your own family should insist on seeing the biological father. If you go on with the marriage, you should be ready to be treated as a scum because you will definitely dance to her mother's tunes

I don't know about your tradition. Where I come from step father no fit collect bride price on someone else pikin o...whether he trained her or not the biological father and his kin own the child...except if her biological father did not pay bride price for your mother-in-law.

Femi8586:


You're being so emotional
This kind of issue needs 80% logic, 20% emotions

Read the posts of Op very well, you'll sense Op's fiance is not telling him the whole truth. She's still hiding many things from him which only meeting the biological father can reveal the untold truth.
But you want Op to ignore the truth because you're emotional. Something that can hurt him later in future.

OP should see the biological father not because he owes him anything but just to know him and hear from him first..

Truth be told
Every human have bad side
You only ignore flaws due to love
Even if the man get something to say he no matter
The foster father is the real man here

Kobojunkie:
See this olodo! Servant's prayer now become investigation?

The passage says absolutely none of what you claim though as it clearly states that the servant made up his mind when the girl brought water out for him to drink.

Ok, ur intellectual capacity, comprehension ability and honesty have been clearly shown now. It will be unwise for me to continue with u again now

Ade1177:


Don't spend 1naira

For any girl

You are not sure you can hold for 30yrs atleast

Bro to be honest no be joke
My cousin sis mak marry last 6month don divorce because of her bad attitude
Forming posh with 0naira

Make sure she is not the type that il do same to u in future o!

I can never marry any idiot without meeting with the biological father, if the man is still alive, what ever been the situation, let me hear from both mouths.

Look, alot of things happens in life, if u dont want to be treated the way her mother may have treated that man, know the situations..

Dont even make any mistake all in the name of one useless love..

Dtruthspeaker:


It is actually not your fuc.king and unfucking business.

Your business is with the lady and the people who rule her (her family)

The burden is on her father to find how he can enter in if he wants.

But this shit, is not your business.

What is this one saying? You will grow old one day to understand

You must meet the Father. You don't need his opinion or story about what happened, but you need his blessings. You also need the step fathers blessings too. Avoid the too many versions of what happened. stay with your woman and build your own home.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

This topic or story is somehow touching and sensitive to me.

My simple advice for you brother is, no matter what transpired between the mother and father please try to see that man. Meet your fiance biological father before you pay bride price.

Iam so shocked by many people's comment here, I hardly comment but I have to do so cos this's a matter between life and death. In Akwa Ibom State, there's no amendment to custom and tradition, don't allow your fiancee or your future mother inlaw to lead you astray, for the sake of your fiancee's life. Listen very well, go and get the marriage list from your fiancee's biological father, the bride price and every other thing should be paid to him,
his kinsmen & your fiancee's mum alone. The marriage should be done in his hometown and he's the one to sit as a father that very day. Any amount of money you can afford, give it to the man that took care of your fiancee. If your fiancee and the mother refuse to accept it, please and please cancel the marriage. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE.

Curiosity killed the cat 🐈 leave matter wey no concern you and focus on your wife and the man she calls father is her father, forget about biology.

To raise that girl her foster father must have performed certain traditional rights granting him fatherhood over her and not her biological father.
In many cultures a child born out of wedlock belongs to the grandfather and he can give her to the man who later marries her mother to raise as his child after informing the community and performing the cultural rights.

The sperm donor is not the owner of the child but the man the family gave custody after marrying their daughter

Why marrying a lady from a complex background? Some men just see problem and put their head because of good sex experience. If you didn't visit the father, he may come for you spiritually.

I will never marry a lady that her parents are not together. You will have to fight that pattern for the lady to stay in your house.

bukatyne:


If you don't believe the lady and her mother, then end the relationship.

Is it so hard?

I'm not even surprised you are a lady so I know how you all do reason but I am not the one who needed the advice you can direct it to the man who is here seeking for opinions by telling him to end the relationship if he doesn't believe the story he was told by the mother and daughter.

IamMobisola:


From your write up you are saying the lady and her mother are lying, what’s to say the man wouldn’t also lie too? How would he know who is telling the truth ? Because the way you men castigate women is really irritating

Read OP's posts and response to people very well..he said his fiance told him her biological father is aware she's getting married and has consented to it already. When OP requested to see the man himself personally, she and her mother objected saying No.
Is she being truthful here to you?

Let's even assume she and her mother are not lying, OP has the right to see the man nevertheless, not because he's entitled to anything but to hear his side of the story(so far the man is alive)

thinkmoney:
■ Ok, ur intellectual capacity, comprehension ability and honesty have been clearly shown now. It will be unwise for me to continue with u again now

Liar!

IamMobisola:


Lol, can we also say orphans are red flags too since they didn’t grow up with their parents? Or guys who grow up with single mothers are also red flags?
How would the guy know who is telling the truth between the father and mother? Since when did he become a mind reader?

Orphans are not red flags.

But kids trained by single mothers are red flags...unless the woman is a true born again.

Women are very bad in instilling discipline in their kids when their is a father figure missing.

You are a woman so ofcourse yoo would support the lady from an emotional point.

Truth is any man that wants peace and wants to run his home very well should do a lot of background check on his wife to be...and it includes finding out her relationship with her dad, like in this case..and the actual cause of the break up.

Only a foolish man who have been pusssy whipped will accept that stupid advice from his fiance.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

the man did not abandone them /her. Tell her to tell you the full story. you might be shocked at what the real dad will tell you and why things happened the way it happened. try and hear the story from both side. tell the real dad you want to marry her daughter. I believe you are a man too, so do whats right when it comes to marriage issue. except if he not alive anymore, then you can pay to the step dad. but if he is alive, my brother go and meet him

IamMobisola:

Like I don’t understand them. He should go and look for another woman who lives with both biological parents

It is not that hard.

After all, there are plenty single ladies in Nigeria.

Joseph77200:


I'm not even surprised you are a lady so I know how you all do reason but I am not the one who needed the advice you can direct it to the man who is here seeking for opinions by telling him to end the relationship if he doesn't believe the story he was told by the mother and daughter.

Didn't you see the big bright F in front of my moniker before quoting me the first time?

Why would you be surprised that I am a lady?

Micheal56:
If am the gal I can hate u for this ur I too know attitude
Bro if u have anything to give Abeg give to the foster father good people need to be appreciated
The father never beleive any event like this will happen in the future
Indirectly she no beleive say the gal go be somebody

Rest

Solution to this matter is deeply rooted in the prevailing tradition of your fiancee's community.

As long as you know that the biological father is still alive and can be located, you cannot carry out marriage rites without his knowledge.

It is not entirely your fiancee's role to dictate who you see.
In fact, the biological stepfather should actually be the one to advise you to go see the girl's father.

After the marriage, you can decide which of the fathers you want to deal more with going forward.

Why would any man even consider marrying a woman who doesn't want him to meet her real dad.

The kind men that exist these days sef.

If you dump this girl, will anything happen to you?

AmazonTopaz:

I have been waiting for this comment.

It's the patriarchal culture.

By now, there should have been changes to it.

Even if anyone is to contact the deadbeat father or his family, it should be the girl's mother.

Interestingly, if it were the son getting married, the father is not needed enough to start hunting for him. (At least in Yoruba land)

Micheal56:

Truth be told
Every human have bad side
You only ignore flaws due to love
Even if the man get something to say he no matter
The foster father is the real man here

No one is writing off the foster father here..
Marriage is a delicate institution
Let him see the biological father first...it is not good to trust his fiance blindly on something that may come back to haunt him in future.
He should trust, but also verify

Why is she and her mother getting so angry with this?
If all they said were completely true and the man is a complete deadbeat father, they have nothing to be worried about.

Why is she becoming so bitter at any mention of her biological father?

MetaBroadband:


I'm so sorry Ma, this is not the reason for this post. Yesterday we spoke she said the man is aware, that he does not have issues with it.

So why can't I meet this man as well if truly the man is aware that she's getting married?

Secondly, if they are in good terms then it should have been proper for me to meet him too.


I've seen and heard marriages like this that later required some attention in the future because of a step that was skipped in the past. So get this clear, this is not a fiction to castigate women.

I’m a fellow guy like you, but if I’m the girl in question, I wouldn’t mind dumping you immediately because the way you reason is too stupid and naive.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

If you meet him or not he will still live, but trend with care, a girl that is against you meeting her biological father is a bad sign for me.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

If her mother has truly accept you as son in law to be, talk to your fiancee to see how both of you can, in agreement, convince the mother to temper justice with mercy so that she can allow you guys to meet the man and possibly get his blessings. That doesn't mean he now has right to cross his boundary but to fulfill certain things. The fact that she can't forget she has a biological father create a natural gap wide enough not to be ignored.
For everything we do on earth, there is a punishment or reward. God will handle the man for not take appreciate care of the girl and should the girl also refused to honor the father, she will get her own punishment too. God didn't say honor only your responsible father and mother so that your days will be long.

Nyceguy92:
Solution to this matter is deeply rooted in the prevailing tradition of your fiancee's community.
As long as you know that the biological father is still alive and can be located, you cannot carry out marriage rites without his knowledge. It is not entirely your fiancee's role to dictate who you see. In fact, the biological stepfather should actually be the one to advise you to go see the girl's father. After the marriage, you can decide which of the fathers you want to deal more with going forward.

Interesting claim! So in the case the mother got the girl from a sperm-bank donor, your tradition demands you locate the donor — who was probably paid for his sperm at the time — to hand over her bride price to him? Africans— you all need to heal yourselves of what is obvious cultural foolishness!

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Do as she wishes. Parenthood goes beyond being biological. It would be unfair of you not to acknowledge the "parents" who took good care of her. Most people think the natural father or mother has some sort of authority. That's not true. There are so many evil blood parents around. Listen to news.
Don't deprive her adopted parents of the honour they deserve.

bukatyne:


By now, there should have been changes to it.

Even if anyone is to contact the deadbeat father or his family, it should be the girl's mother.

Interestingly, if it were the son getting married, the father is not needed enough to start hunting for him. (At least in Yoruba land)

There would be no changes because it benefits men. It is their get-out-of-responsibility-free card.

The OP in my view is in no position to contact the biological father. It is illogical to do this and so I agree that it should be the mother of the girl and by reasons best known to her if she doesn't want to do it the OP should respect it he has no standing on this issue.

If I were the deadbeat father shame go catch me and you would not even see me there I will just be minding my business but men unfortunately are allowed to be shameless in this society.