bonnyhope:



All depends close to 100% but a long term investment

Dey dia. When dem return you to village with slippers and boxers ya eye go clear.

He is repaying loan and his take home is not taking him home. Better knee down and beg him. Tell him you are sorry for your errors both known and unknown . Ask him what you can do to help but not financially.

The change is economically induced.

Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they ask him for

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

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Tbh, I think that your family/father was a bit hash on him and you should have stepped in,but you didn’t,the marriage is for you two,your father trying to take over is unnecessary,however,be calm and your husband will soon come around.

That's the problems with some of you women the moment the list show up and you see some high price things you call your parents to other and amend the list. But b like Una dey fear to talk sense into Una parents head just because person won marry Una... If na person like me the moment I see the list and I ask you and your parents to amend things Una no gree I don waka b that oo

Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they ask him for

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Ok.

Wodu89:



Im surprised people are not mentioning the malice, sulking and the childish behavior he's using to start off. Only focusing on 150k. The husband isn't mature for marriage


How can one start the journey of marriage with such thick malice over such trivial matter. What if one now offends him, will this one be capable of forgiving anyone. What a nonsense. Nigeria raises very pathetic men. See his kinds supporting him all over the place turning side eyes to all his childish antics. I see no sign of maturity at all in the description of his behaviors. Let's hope the op didn't lie on the man but if the description is the husband's real attitude it's not apology he needs, he needs to be sent back to couples counseling sessions.

You are mad

Fatbam005:
You are mad

You are viewing it exactly how all poor men would view. So you won't understand it. Im hardly wrong. I checked your posts. You're a teacher bla bla bla. Your in-laws come and you can't feed them bla bla bla. You run around to feed them when they come bla bla bla. The lens of your soul thru which you interpret situations is poverty.

May God help you.

Ire o

Les:
He is most likely in debt. And if it's true, just pray he doesn't see you as the reason he is in debt, if not. Men can be like a brick when they are faced with unnecessary debt. If u have money, like 500k. Give him to pay his debt.

You are not the price alone, he's also the price. You should have fought for him the way he fought for you.

She get 500k na why her papa no foot the marriage bill😂

Wodu89:




You are viewing it exactly how all poor men would view. So you won't understand it. Im hardly wrong. I checked your posts. You're a teacher bla bla bla. Your in-laws come and you can't feed them bla bla bla. You run around to feed them when they come bla bla bla. The lens of your soul thru which you interpret situations is poverty.

May God help you.

Ire o

. It's very likely you enter road this month.

Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they ask him for

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Truth be told , your family indeed extorted him . Which one is if you love me , you should go extra mile to have me 😂😂. You are heartless and what if he is your brother , will you ever forgive such wife? You don’t even care if he went to steal cos on norms you should have asked him before now how he was able to sort the bills. Aswear if na me , your father no owe me 1 naira again cos he is heartless . Which one is its only once he will collect it , ain’t you eating in your house before so what has his own gift add to your family ? Meslf no go everly forgive your family and trust me , the love won’t be like befor me again. Even if you marry another man and still put up such attitude, he still won’t love you again like before because I just Dey imagine how you will know your husband income and still make him go through that . If it’s me Walahi I no go obtain 1 naira loan. For my wedding , I did not borrow 1 naira and I made it clear I’m planning with what I have personally and not even what my sibilings gave me to add . I no dey do pass myself ajeh cos nobody will help me pay loan oo. The guy is really going through a lot Aswear and I can imagine what could be going through his mind . Your family put him through hard times nd he won’t ever forget so it might be hard to forgive

Sure me say na that 50k support be your only contribution for that marriage. Make una sorry for men. If he was the only one working and planning for a wedding with a salary of 150k, the least you could have done is opt for a small wedding.
Just allow the bruh cool down ,make him chest the loan, if you get ,button am something to take argument too.
Finally don't allow your daughter pass a man through what your dad passed your husband through.

Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they ask him for

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

ibinaboonline:
Then why sulking after the wedding? Both of them need to work on themselves and their marriage.

Yes, you are right. It takes both parties to make the marriage work. Maybe that's the way he knows how to communicate his displeasure; not so many men can process their feelings or communicate at that. Most Nigerian men would rather act that way to "punish" the woman and to assert they are boss/head of the home. Moreover, from her post you can see that she's yet to see and understand from his point of view and would rather side with her birth family rather than cover him in the face of his family, that in it self is a no no and is bound to conyinue the friction between them.

This is his main problem with you: He expected you to advocate for him when it came to the bills he was facing, even if you weren't able to convince your dad. It seems like you didn't really try, and instead told him that if he truly loved you, he would find a way to make it work. I understand why this would be upsetting to him. Whether or not this marriage will last is going to depend on both of you.
Please pray for God's guidance and direction, if you believe in God. I hope things will work out for the best between the two of you. Wishing you all the best!

merits:



A childish behavior keeping malice with your wife so disgusting.But give him sometime and space his brain will reset to factory settings,I did same too but as times goes on everything stablise and the marriage going well till date.

You are not well, if this is all u can say.

Wodu89:



Im surprised people are not mentioning the malice, sulking and the childish behavior he's using to start off. Only focusing on 150k. The husband isn't mature for marriage


How can one start the journey of marriage with such thick malice over such trivial matter. What if one now offends him, will this one be capable of forgiving anyone. What a nonsense. Nigeria raises very pathetic men. See his kinds supporting him all over the place turning side eyes to all his childish antics. I see no sign of maturity at all in the description of his behaviors. Let's hope the op didn't lie on the man but if the description is the husband's real attitude it's not apology he needs, he needs to be sent back to couples counseling sessions.

Another weasel talking.

Wodu89:




Shut up. Una too dey dramatic. I disagree with your stance. Wedding na preparation. He had a choice to marry someone else. Poverty post

Will u shut up

okerekingsley90:


No make the mods ban me and you son of a bitch. Who are you to say he is immature. Must a man make millions before he settles down. Are you in his shoes to feel what he is been through. Don't you know how difficult it is in the country? Instead of saying at least the family could have been considerate. You called him immature. No make me swear for you from here and it must work. Stupid pussy

The fool is a woman.

ogbe88:
Another weasel talking.

1988 pikin. Na who be your mate ?

ogbe88:
You are not well, if this is all u can say.

Yes am not well like your generation lineage na.

Abolodje:

She get 500k na why her papa no foot the marriage bill😂

the fact she doesn't know she has to stand for her man too is making me depressed

Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they ask him for

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

The guy is annoyed because of the loan he took to marry you and now he's questioning whether you are worth the stress he's putting himself through

abimbola74:

Truth be told , your family indeed extorted him . Which one is if you love me , you should go extra mile to have me 😂😂. You are heartless and what if he is your brother , will you ever forgive such wife? You don’t even care if he went to steal cos on norms you should have asked him before now how he was able to sort the bills. Aswear if na me , your father no owe me 1 naira again cos he is heartless . Which one is its only once he will collect it , ain’t you eating in your house before so what has his own gift add to your family ? Meslf no go everly forgive your family and trust me , the love won’t be like befor me again. Even if you marry another man and still put up such attitude, he still won’t love you again like before because I just Dey imagine how you will know your husband income and still make him go through that . If it’s me Walahi I no go obtain 1 naira loan. For my wedding , I did not borrow 1 naira and I made it clear I’m planning with what I have personally and not even what my sibilings gave me to add . I no dey do pass myself ajeh cos nobody will help me pay loan oo. The guy is really going through a lot Aswear and I can imagine what could be going through his mind . Your family put him through hard times nd he won’t ever forget so it might be hard to forgive

Don't mind these women, they're all the same.

They won't contribute a Kobo but they will want to do a big wedding so that they can impress their friends!

Les:
the fact she doesn't know she has to stand for her man too is making me depressed

Women are just dumb entitled creatures

merits:



You see everything in life required stages,you can't jump a stage if you jump it will really affect so many in someone's life,for is own case he need to accept his responsibility as a man.The earlier he accepted it,the better for him.He need to grow up fast to meet up being a responsible man, it's just wedding 💍 expenses that make him muddy like this. what if the wife started given birth to his children he will finally park out of the house be that.Marriage come with alot of responsibility.

While I agree that he needs to grow up and stop sulking over bills he should have stamped his feet as well, regarding what he can afford and if she and her family are unwilling to accept or augment then he should have postponed the wedding

Negroid001:


Marriage is not by force. The man has exhausted all his resources in the name of marriage. Wedding is one thing, Marriage is another. They've mixed it up. After all the spending, who cares? People don come flex for the wedding. Who cares? Now the've left the poor couple alone after almost wrecking them with unecessary elaborate wedding party.

Think the wife also have a hand in the unnecessary elaborate wedding!! What pains me is despite all she said, there was nothing how can i help him with the loan he got maybe the poor guy will be relieved..

Eyya... The economy is hard, times are hard and as such the high level of anger in the land.

Please find a way to talk to him calmly, you are a woman you know. Tell him it's not the way he is taking it.

Support him in repaying if you have the means.

Lastly, be giving him that thing hot hot and I can assure you he will soon be calm. That thing have a way of changing the way men think

You will thank me later.

Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they ask him for

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

your marriage already ended

Pearl619:
You should have talked with your people to reduce the expenses, there is life after the party. The solution now is to sit your hubby down, apologize and ask him the amount of loan that was collected. You both can work together to pay off the loan

It’s too early to start your marriage with this type of atmosphere. The man might be passing through a lot financially. To be honest 150k in this economy is not really a big amount of money.

The fact she thinks its big makes me think she is the type that has no understanding of money.

Fhaze:
He's an intelligent man, he knew there's more to life tha a wedding

But he truly loves you so he had to get gimself in a shithole, now he's trying to get out but he thinks you dont get it

Probably why he doesn't converse with you

The fact that she is still confused as to WHY he is pissed, means its no longer about what he thinks.
She doesn't get it. Gbam.

And she might be too immature for marriage.

Let me give you a secret (if you sleep in the same room). Keep showing him love because if he doesn't love you he wouldn't go ahead with the loans to wed you.

Now to the secret.
1. Tell him you are sorry for everything (even though you may not mean it) but sorry can never be too much & it doesn't reduce our worth in anyway. But a lot of people find it hard to say because of pride

2. Make sure you never deny him of food.

3. Provided you share the same bed, aside of your regular prayer routine, wake up in the midnight to pray foy him that God should help him to offset all the loans he collected. He collected the loan to make you happy and please your parent, God in return should make him happy and restored more than everything he has lost during the wedding. Note: when saying this prayer, you dont need to shout but make sure he (your husband) hears this prayer you are saying.

Belief if or not, some may say its hypocritical prayer, but i can assure you, his heart will be so happy hearing those words coming from you.

Keep doing this for days and see how sorry he will be.

Wish you all the best sis

you said your dad won't back out ? if he knew he needed a hall, he should have rented one. the young man was pushed to do stuffs beyond his capacity, buy a cow and all that just for your dad to feel ok for his friends perhaps. allow the guy to chill abeg. if your dad had jammed some folks like us, he would understand what firmness means. if u no wan marry u stay in his house for now. what if the guy decided not to we'd him go force am? guys always be firm in your decisions .