I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. - Family (7)

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I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. - Family (7) - Nairaland

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40 Years Old, No Job, No Skill And Only Had SSCE / How Do I Get My Wife And Kid Back? I Really Love Her So Much / At 23 Years Old, I Have No Idea What I Am Doing With My Life (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Odani: 4:38pm On Nov 28, 2023

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

Confide in your mother whatever she advises you to do heed to her advice.

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by metro8032: 4:46pm On Nov 28, 2023

The same case with my wife but we have 2kids already,even my wife mother was surprised when she got pregnant.So they is chances of getting pregnant

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Danja: 4:49pm On Nov 28, 2023

I have been struggling with same issue for 13yrs now with no success. The choice is yours.

2 Likes

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Kukutenla: 4:49pm On Nov 28, 2023

Kobojunkie:
What a bloody heartless suggestion. Would you equally allow your own daughter or even sister to be used as a test dummy for fertility in such a way?

Would you allow your own daughter to be tested in such a way knowing the chances are equally there that the man would simply walk away and leave her with nothing after it all?

Sit her down my arse! Op should leave the relationship, not use the girl to wash his dick's fixation on her virginity before he then abandons her.

Kobojunkie:
That is a terrible question to ask. You don't shackle a partner because you fear the next person may not be able to satisfy you. That is not marriage but prison camp.

Wow!! You've been on attack mode since 4a.m. Isn't it time you give it a rest?!!
Did a man steal your virginity and leave you empty or you have PCOS and now looking to de-stigmatize? Give it a rest lass. You're not the subject of conversation here

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by zakkxx: 4:54pm On Nov 28, 2023

Craze de worry you ooo, 27 to 35 for a lady is good and perfect for child bearing. You want her to fornicate because of your useless agenda. Oga live her alone, look for olosho that will be sleeping with you and other men , carry another man belle nakam for your head.

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by josite: 4:54pm On Nov 28, 2023

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

When you want to take any step and you are troubled.put that step in kiv and seek counsel ,not from the public but persons with deep knowledge and above all pray to your own God.

Certainly do not go ahead with the marriage in this state of mind

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Padipadi(m): 4:54pm On Nov 28, 2023

CoronaVirusPro:
You can always adopt if truly you love her

Who dash monkey brain?
Oya take bread, 🍞 you v spoken well.

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Onyenku3(m): 4:58pm On Nov 28, 2023

I love it when people express their concerns in clear terms without pretense.
You need to check her family history. Do they have challenges with child birth? As a virgin, her case is either purely medical or hereditary or both. Seek professional medical opinions and advice. Discuss your concerns with her.
If you leave here, there's no guarantee that the next person you'll marry wouldn't struggle with conception. There's no clear cut,sure fire way to conceive. Just as you plant seeds and hope they germinate, so you plant your semen and pray conception happens.

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by virginchaser(m): 4:58pm On Nov 28, 2023

humilitypays:
What you suggested to the op is good theoretically but will lead to pain practically, how you may ask? By the time they are still trying to conceive in their 4th or 5th year in marriage, the little love he feels he has for her now will fly out of the window because he will be filled with regrets and had I know.

In life, if you want to be at the top and to get the best out of life, you must be ready to act selfish in most critical life decisions and also make some sacrifices that many people will hear and say you are not a good person but only you know why you took the actions you took, which are best for you and your life situation at the moment.

OP, sit her down and let her know that you love her and truly wish to marry her but scared of the fertility situation she is in. Suggest two options; you guys try having sex before marriage to see if she would get pregnant or you guys part ways. There is nothing on earth that one cannot let go. Many people do think that without their father or mother or a particular sibling or uncle or aunt that they will never survive, but when that person dies, 20 years later they are still alive and living a life far better than when that person was alive. So nobody is indispensable, and no human should ever think others cannot do without them.

In most families, the fertility issue there is beyond ordinary, some family's fertility issue have a spiritual tone and what activates most of the spiritual side of married couples fertility issue is the paying of bride price and taking of marriage vows to formalize the marriage traditionally and otherwise. Family altars don't recognize pregnancy out of wedlock, they only reign supreme when couples are trying to conceive after traditional marriage rites and wedding vows have been exchanged, so to outsmart them, get your fiance or girlfriend pregnant before marriage.

Virginity to me is not a big deal, most times its lack of opportunity or the lady haven't met a man that melts her heart, and in most cases today, the so called virgins are not real virgins but technical virgins carefully preserving their hymen to deceive a future husband into believing they are exceptional or too good whereas in reality, she has engaged in all manner of sexual acts, from kissing to sucking to necking, to petting to romancing to anal and whatnot. So true virginity is mostly about the purity of heart and soul, not really about the hymen that most virgins of today carefully preserve for wedding night glory.

If you have ever imagined having sex or thought of it, or looked at someone lustfully or engaged in any form of sexual act, according to Bible principles, you are no longer a virgin.

Your last paragraph, you tried. Angel you are, I guess?

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Executive729: 5:02pm On Nov 28, 2023

Lorazepam:
Because she has PCOS doesn't mean she won't be able to conceive. It just may be more difficult. PCOS is one of the most treatable causes of infertility. Most women with PCOS will eventually be able to carry and complete a pregnancy although some will need some medical help ranging from interventions like weight loss, ovulation induction meds, other meds, etc. It's good you already have a diagnosis now, that way, you're able to start working on it as soon as you marry, that's if you decide to proceed with the wedding. She's still in her 20s so age is on your side. I suggest you read up more about it to make an informed decision. At the end of the day sha, na your choice.

Listen, I am serious don't carry any woman's baggage, it's never worth it, if she is in your shoes she will dump you in the name 'na pikin I dey fine' let's say you have low sperm count she will, she knows time is not on her side. If you gave her comfort of marriage and she hasn't get pregnant on time she will go desperate and have an affairs to try someone else whilst she is still married to you that is if you still have something she desires, otherwise she will be gone. To summarize things up if you know you desires her i mean that you love her, SHE MUST ALLOW YOU TO DES VIRGIN HER, try for a baby in the next 2 years, if she is pregnant you can then go ahead to marry her. IF SHE IS NOT PREGNANT DON'T MARRY HER OOO, you will regret it oo

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Whatisurproblem(m): 5:06pm On Nov 28, 2023

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

how do you know she's a virgin? She told you that and you believe? Clap for ya sef, and more over, what kept you from marry all these while? So now you will be training your child in university at age 65 to 70 right? We should be discussing your own problems

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by tbliss22(m): 5:07pm On Nov 28, 2023

This world and problems sef.... undecided

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Montaque(m): 5:07pm On Nov 28, 2023

I understand your fear. I have been there and its not easy. We dated from University, graduated together and started work at the same time. Two years into that, marriage discussions came up. I feared the same thing you feared now. I have seen couples look for the fruit of the womb and I know what they went through. Some don't even see the end of it.

We had a discussion and I told her my fear - I doubt if she will conceive. We had no solution to it. Its either we go ahead with the marriage like that or we call it off. Our families know themselves and she already is at peace with my parents. I prayed a lot about this issue. One day, I had a dream that we were married, and still living in one room. She had a child in that dream. The house was leaking and rain was falling inside. The child was crying. Our living condition in that dream showed poverty.

I woke up and smiled. I knew our problem in the marriage won't be child bearing. The problem will be poverty and that has a solution - work hard and smart. I prayed some more. After like two months, I had a similar dream. We were still in the one room, she was carrying a child. This time, the room was well lit, no leaking roof and I was playing with my baby on the bed. Everyone was happy. I woke up and knew we are good to go. I asked her parents for her bridal list. We are married now with a son. Infact, she took in after about 4 months. During the 4 months, she was worried about pregnancy, but I wasn't. I already knew it wont be a problem. I knew what will be the problem and I am working very motivated to make more money for our comfort. We have moved to a bigger house, bought a car, sponsored her siblings, done deals together. If I had not married her, I would have missed out on a gem. No one could do the things she do for me now.

So my brother, get closer to God and ask him to show you what you don't know. You can't know tomorrow, no matter how you try. Leave things for God to handle. He will open your eyes to see what you need to know about your marriage. Peace.

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Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Kukutenla: 5:12pm On Nov 28, 2023

Adanambra1:

Not true ma. i married as a Virgin at 29years as a lady. my husband also was a virgin at 40years, he was born 1982 ....
after wedding we could not achieve penetrative sex for almost 3 weeks. my husband didnt even know where the vagina was located. he mistook it for the pee hole. each time he had a strong erection, its went flat as soon as he tried to insert the kings Rod, no entrace, i felt pains like hell. thank God for youtube videos, we even watched the messy irritating porn videos...it didnt help . until we jammed one doctor on youtube channel first time sex tutorial. my hubby started with one finger, graduate to two fingers...
we continue to mumu until week 3... the rest is history...
i got pregnant after 2 months of wedding.
sex still feels a little painful once in a while. as i am nursing a newborn

yeah i know some ladies are liars and manipulators. but not all
his fiancee might be or not
only GOD knows shall

Lienus. Welldone

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by AKWATGOLD1(m): 5:14pm On Nov 28, 2023

Take your case to God in prayer.

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Charly68: 5:14pm On Nov 28, 2023

beekind:

I love her but I want my own children, I have seen the kind of stress my elder brother has been through cos of trying for a child, I won't wish it on my enemy.
Besides, I dont want the only 2 children in the family struggling to have children.

Fear is what the devil uses to control your experience while God uses faith to determine what you experience in life. From the look of things you fear bareness too much than expected .Yout brother has his life to live while you have your own too... No matter how careful you try to be ,only God knows the outcome of our lives. Fear nothing brother ...

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Kukutenla: 5:15pm On Nov 28, 2023

Uyi168:
..
u just go about countering every post without making yours..

Sign of frustration if you ask me

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Bluette(f): 5:16pm On Nov 28, 2023

Please speak with your parents. This is one of the roles of our parents. We can give you all the advise you want but I tell you no one loves you more than your parents. Consult them. They are the one that can handle anything you decide.
And please prayerfully consider everything.

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by MrSmithy: 5:19pm On Nov 28, 2023

Create an adoption plan with her now should in case e no enter u can opt for adoption

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Allstream: 5:19pm On Nov 28, 2023

Please dont marry out of pity. i am talking to you from experience. if you must marry her, then the two of you must let your family be aware of this challenge and the two families must have clear understanding of the circumstance. This is important because should there be a delay in child birth, you will require the support of the two families to pull through the challenge. This matter is not for the church or Pastor to decide for you please. It is purely a family matter. I had a nasty emperience in my first marriage based on a similar situation, and my case was a case of well packaged half truth and it ended in a devastating divorce, and that is why i took time out of my busy schedule to drop you these few lines. If you want to hear from me over conversation, drop me a mail on justaboutchange@gmail.com

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Kukutenla: 5:20pm On Nov 28, 2023

Kobojunkie:
1. I should consider your parents because marriage is meant for the sake and comfort of one's parents?

2. What variables? You already stated outright that your love for procreation is far greater than this girl in your life so I am not certain why you wish for us to believe you are confused...simply set her free is what you ought to do.

You sound ridiculously ignorant of what marriage entails. Part of those who share in the joys of marriage is the couples' parents. Nothing woke kids like you can do to change that.
The main reason of marriage is procreation. Others come secondary so it is not out of place for Op to consider procreation more important than love. It shows he is a responsible man who thinks of others and not himself alone.

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by CoronaVirusPro: 5:24pm On Nov 28, 2023

Padipadi:

Who dash monkey brain?
Oya take bread, 🍞 you v spoken well.

Fvck you!

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by omotolly22(f): 5:27pm On Nov 28, 2023

Kukutenla:

This your story touch me sha.
But (if true and not just cruise), are you really sure she's a virgin?
You need to be careful and sure of who and what you're dating because PCOS does not just spring up out of the blue.
Part of the causative factors of PCOS are use of contraceptives and abortion.
Another one is poor hygiene and diet especially obesity and diabetes so if any of this is the cause then that means you have specific work to do on her before you marry her.
That said, at 27, PCOS is easier for her to manage.
There are so many curative drugs to help with conception and worst case, IVF.
But above all, be sure she's truly a virgin as PCOS in virgins is rare and might be a pointer to some emotionally destructive childhood/teenage years.
The bottom line is you need to find out more about your girlfriend.
Don't just swallow everything she has told you. Good luck

Nawa oh , people would just spill nonsense without been informed

Abortion causing pcos , haba ,do your research without posting false information

Even teenagers that just started menstration, suffer from pcos , it is a hormonal imbalance caused by excess androgen

Please stop misleading people

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Greenfaces: 5:36pm On Nov 28, 2023

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.

Let her agree that you can take another wife if birth becomes an issue

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Padipadi(m): 5:37pm On Nov 28, 2023

CoronaVirusPro:

Fvck you!

Fûck you too. I v collected back my bread 🍞

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Greenfaces: 5:40pm On Nov 28, 2023

Kobojunkie:
What is so confusing about the fact that your priority is fertility and not love. Nothing wrong with having such a priority. It becomes a problem of wickedness however when you try to get others to bend your way without a guarantee from you.

According to you, she is a virgin but you already perceive that she may have trouble producing children due to health issues she has been having. Why not take that as a red flag and leave her to go find yourself a woman who is fully fertile? Why are you considering taking away her virginity to test what you already doubt knowing fully well you will not commit to her if it turns out you were right all along?

See her free abeg so she can go find herself a man who loves her and has her as his priority abeg!

strange world we live. He can leave for another woman declared medically fit for pregnancy and still childbirth is an issue. The doctors and scientists don't know it all after all

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by drmorphine(m): 5:40pm On Nov 28, 2023

SIXTEENTH:

Since the relationship is still young and new please sit her down and have a lengthy discussion about the underlying health challenges your only brother is having, are you willing to fall into so too?
Sometimes we fall into a deep blue sea by only admiring it's beauty and color not minding what next.
They say if you see your brothers beard is on fire, you the next should use water before it's reached your turn
If only there's an aparatus or a device that can detect accident or deaths, I think some dead tolls might be reversed or control, you're privileged to see and hear about a pedigree or predicament then why can't you avert it.
Please think before conclusion and don't let emotions or ignorant have hold on you but if you to be with her and managed the issues on ground then good luck to you.

Best advice I can recommend. Heed before it's too late

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Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by VULCAN(m): 5:45pm On Nov 28, 2023

You are not thinking critically.

There are 22yr olds that are infertile.

So if you dump her and pick a 22yr old and marry; what happens if that one cannot get pregnant?

Only for you to meet your fiance 10yrs later and she has 3 kids.

The option you have is for her to do a fertility test.

But will she agree?

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Greenfaces: 5:46pm On Nov 28, 2023

humilitypays:
That was why I told you that life is brutal bro. You take it or leave it, how many men married their wives as virgins, and did heaven fall? How many women got deflowered by the man they love? Did heaven fall?

People get heartbroken everyday all over the world, has that stopped the world from existing?

Leaders and governments are ripping off their citizens and nations daily, has the world ended because of that?

Do you know how many people Buhari killed since he joined Nigerian army till he left office as President in 2023, isn't he still alive and living a life far better than that of some people we see as righteous and good? Life doesn't care about how you feel or what you think.

I am not here to preach being good or being bad, I am here to tell you the brutal truth about life that you must follow in order to get the best out of life for yourself first.

You think like Niccolo Machiaveli of The Prince.

1 Like

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by teewhyhomes: 5:48pm On Nov 28, 2023

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by zactunji(m): 5:48pm On Nov 28, 2023

Bros PCOS is treatable,if u love her go ahead and marry her ,put everything in god hand .your brother case is different.if u eventually marry another girl and after marriage and u discover she av terminal disease like cancer what will u do .

Re: I Love Her But At Almost 40 Years Old, I Cannot Ignore Her Fertility Issues. by Kukutenla: 5:54pm On Nov 28, 2023

omotolly22:

Nawa oh , people would just spill nonsense without been informed

Abortion causing pcos , haba ,do your research without posting false information

Even teenagers that just started menstration, suffer from pcos , it is a hormonal imbalance caused by excess androgen

Please stop misleading people

Keep quiet and stop arguing.
Abortion can lead to hormonal imbalance
Contraceptives can lead to hormonal imbalance
Psychological issues can lead to hormonal imbalance
Hygiene issues can lead to hormonal imbalance
Overwieght and underweight can lead to hormonal imbalance
PCOS is hormonal imbalance

1 Like

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