PoliteActivist:
*Politeness*
You know exactly what he is planning. He wants his son but not you. He has deviced a perfect way. If you allow this, trust me, you'll only be speaking to your son on the phone once in a while

He is not trying to dupe her. Remember they are divorced, hence he has no obligation towards the mother. He only has obligations towards their son. Think!

If the genders were switched, she wouldn't bring the father along and she would alienate the boy from the father. She is simply projecting herself on the father.

EEIA:

No use your bad belle spoil your son very bright future oh!

That son of yours will one day blame you for killing his bright future.

I tell you.

When the son does blame her, she won't accept any blame or responsibility. She will blame the son... and even the father.

@ BackfyreRebell

Madam l don't see what the problem is here.

The key words are consent and reunite.

A 10 year old is a minor and need your consent to travel just as he would have needed the dad's consent had you been the one oversee.

If you give your consent, then the only English word for what will happen as a result is REUNITING with his dad.

Madam, if you want your son to love, respect and cherish you forever, give him life in Europe.

But deny him that and he will despise, hate and forever remind you that you are the source of his woes and whatever ugly situation he might find himself tomorrow. Be warned, l am speaking from experience. I am 42 and still hold grudges for my dad.

Someone already reminded you how much dollar is. Do not let petty thoughts deprive your son of the best life possible.

That little boys success is your success. You will be sowing a seed you will reap from in 15-20 years to come. Sons are always sentimentally attached to their moms. My son is, while my daughter is attached to me the dad. No amount of brain washing will erase that. He will alway seek you.

Please be guided

Namaster:


You sound like a closeted demon.

A father is trying to guarantee a BETTER future for his kid and the only thing that crosses your mind is that he'd manipulate the kid against you?

Is that what you've been doing since the divorce?

You disgust me.

ALSO, the kid is still a MINOR. If you don't sign a consent form that states the kid is going to the European country to reunite with his father, what other explanation would you give for a 10-year old traveling across the ocean?

Realize this:

If you stop that kid from getting the citizenship of a country that works because of your own fear and insecurity, the kid will HATE you with an hatred that burns like a thousand suns when he becomes an adult.

You are the real Demon here.

1TrippleCee:

You are completely blind to not see what the father is doing here with such a comment

Sir/ma'am viz-a-viz do u think the OP would even seek the permission of the father to carry out the citizenship application process? Mr. Zonefree is right in his own submission.

1TrippleCee:



I have trained atleast six. The last has graduated from university.

And so what? Many of us have done so too.

And if you are the father of the boy, will you give the same advice to your wife?

The boy should be allowed to experience the better life available in Europe. His going there does not mean he will forget his mother. Mothers have strong hold on their children than their fathers.

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Please don't listen to most of the fo*ols telling you to allow the child go with his father. If your ex-husband had good intentions in the first place, he wouldn't lie and deceive you by telling you that he is only going to go there to aoply for citizenship, he would have told you about needing your consent to allow the boy come meet him. If you do so, you will loose your son forever.

Itooweak4una:



Don't mind the advise of this one. Your son needs the influence of strong father figure and if he can't get it from his biological father, i don't know where else he would get it. Besides, this is an opportunity for your son to get the hell out of this zoo called Nigeria. I'm quite certain he'd be grateful to you and his father in the future if he's successful. If you refuse, he might resent you in the future especially if he's not well to do in the future.

Dude, make you nor talk.
Soon, some women will come along and say how successfully they trained sons alone.

Sons without a proper male (dad, stepdad, grand dad, uncle, etc) influence struggle to be "men" in life. Some may have good jobs, be married etc but will most times not know how to be a good dad or hubby. Of course there are few exceptions/outliers.

How does OP expect embassy to process child's documents if the child is not go to be immersed into the culture of the said foreign country? Most countries grant citizenship to foreign born people on the ground you are going to or intend to live long term in that country and contribute. Of course you can do otherwise after obtaining it.

Since the man was not yet a citizen when the child was born, it takes some procedure and correct filling of documents.

If OP wishes to keep the child alone and deny him/father reunion, she should simply say so.

The child can try japa route 25 years from now.

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

If u did love ur son as u have said i will warn u not to listen to any advise frm some of these toxic feminist over here

BlackfyreRebell:

What of a motherly influence? he just under 10.
The fact that he is being deceitful is what I dont understand. What if he takes him there and cut all communication with me? what if he fills his head with things he resent about me and I lose my son's love and affection?

He's not deceitful.

Apparently, you have to consent to his leaving. So it won't look like he's kidnapping his son away from you.

It's mutual.

The consent means that you're aware that your boy is going to stay with his father.

Give that boy a future and get yourself a man and be free.

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

What did you feel you once did to him to warrant this thought to start with? The reason is if you couldn’t have done that if you were in his shoes, so need to worry.

Why not use plain mind ask him why there’s such a significant difference in what he told you from what you saw at the airport?

Why always taking action based on speculation not on what we confirmed.?

When you ask him , you can further fine tune your speculation from his response. If you want to get more about his intentions, ensure when you’re asking it’s via FaceTime.

Be an investigative romantic partner. It is a must skill required to win marriage game or any relationship game.

Martinez39s:
When the son does blame her, she won't accept any blame or responsibility. She will blame the son... and even the father.

Na so e the always wan be.

Tomorrow28:
@ BackfyreRebell

Madam l don't see what the problem is here.

The key words are consent and reunite.

A 10 year old is a minor and need your consent to travel just as he would have needed the dad's consent had you been the one oversee.

If you give your consent, then the only English word for what will happen as a result is REUNITING with his dad.

Madam, if you want your son to love, respect and cherish you forever, give him life in Europe.

But deny him that and he will despise, hate and forever remind you that you are the source of his woes and whatever ugly situation he might find himself tomorrow. Be warned, l am speaking from experience. I am 42 and still hold grudges for my dad.

Someone already reminded you how much dollar is. Do not let petty thoughts deprive your son of the best life possible.

That little boys success is your success. You will be sowing a seed you will reap from in 15-20 years to come. Sons are always sentimentally attached to their moms. My son is, while my daughter is attached to me the dad. No amount of brain washing will erase that. He will alway seek you.

Please be guided

The ex-husband should allow the child finish secondary with his mother, then atleast he would be 16years old and would have a mind of his own and decide if he wants to relocate or not. For bow, the ex-husband should keep visiting the son here in Nigeria till then.

You sound like a closeted demon.

A father is trying to guarantee a BETTER future for his kid and the only thing that crosses your mind is that he'd manipulate the kid against you?

Is that what you've been doing since the divorce?

You disgust me.

ALSO, the kid is still a MINOR. If you don't sign a consent form that states the kid is going to the European country to reunite with his father, what other explanation would you give for a 10-year old traveling across the ocean?

Realize this:

This is the best advise you could get here, wh

If you stop that kid from getting the citizenship of a country that works because of your own fear and insecurity, the kid will HATE you with an hatred that burns like a thousand suns when he becomes an adult.

This is the best advise you could get here, whoever told you that you shouldn't release the child is not helping you, you need to think out of the box, your child wasn't the cause of your failed marriage, so you shouldn't block any offer that comes His way

LeeSmart:

If u did love ur son as u have said i will warn u not to listen to any advise frm some of these toxic feminist over here

a word is enough for the wise.

let hate for a man jeopardize her sons future.

Dennisochampa:
......
Well, I think the father means well.... I say this because I'm In an almost similar situation....
I had a kid with a lady who almost turned me into a pauper...
We went our says.... I got married, moved to the UK with my new family...
Now I'm telling my first kid's mum that when she's 5...I'll love to bring her to the UK to live with me so I can give her a good life....
So If the man meant well for his son... The woman should allow him go... After all.... She said she has 6 kids already and are all grown... We don't know how many the man have or if he even have any apart from this kid in question.... I think it's only fair the woman le the child go.... She should go to a lawyer and draft an agreement... Whenever she can afford it.... She will be allowed to see her son at will... Failure for her ex husband to meet up with this term will lead to him forfeiting custody of the child... She must also know where the child is at all times..... This includes their current address and direct access to him Via a mobile phone...... I am sure this can be settled amicably

You keep making go back to read.....

The woman didn't say she has she has 6 children ooooo.

She only has one child.


It was another nairalander that said she has six children.

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Stop the process immediately or its the last time you will see your son. You are not being paranoid. It's all a trick o.

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

This is a two-edged sword. And yes, you’re right for being paranoid because you are on your way to handing over full custody to your ex husband since you are continents apart.

I believe you need to have a conversation with him and possibly get a lawyer to draft an agreement that you are not giving him the full custody of your son and that he spends a certain period of time with you, possibly every summer until he is 18 when he can make his own decisions. The agreement is your guarantee that you can eat your cake and still have it; have your son get citizenship since he is still a minor and easier while you are still present and active in his life. If anything goes wrong or he stops responding/gives million excuses as to why your son can’t visit, you can make claims of kidnap to the authorities of the country he lives in and then present the agreement as evidence. Just get a reputable law firm to draft the agreement and you’re good.

Martinez39s:
He is not trying to dupe her. Remember they are divorced, hence he has no obligation towards the mother. He only has obligations towards their son. Think!

If the genders were switched, she wouldn't bring the father along and she would alienate the boy from the father. She is simply projecting herself on the father.

*Politeness*
Kindly, you're the one not thinking. He wants sole custody of his son. He's in a society where he knows that is virtually impossible for a father without marathon court battles. He knows how lucky he'd be if he can get it without setting a foot in court.
OP, this is NOT about citizenship or such, it is about CUSTODY of a child!

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Don’t be selfish, let the boy go abeg.

You would know single mothers from the sort of advice they are giving OP.

For most of them, the child is just a meal ticket. They would gladly hinder him from a better future just to guarantee themselves leverage over the father, so he can send money.

Let the boy go, there is alot for him to gain. Better education, better quality of life etc.

flexyrule:


You keep making go back to read.....

The woman didn't say she has she has 6 children ooooo.

She only has one child.


It was another nairalander that said she has six children.

....
Oh my bad.... I thought she said she has trained 6 kids already and this one is the last one

BlackfyreRebell:

Thanks for stopping by, though you do not have to insult me to pass your point accross.

Exactly
Nigerians wirh insult is like 5&6

LilMissFavvy:
Don't release your child. You should only allow the boy to go when he's 18- 20yrs. If you release your child to him, he will definitely manipulate the boy and cut links with you. Keep your child. What stops him from taking you along? Be wise.

See the way your gender's evil minds work. I wonder how manipulation came into this talk. Both you and the OP are indeed paranoid! If she likes, she should hide the child, when he grows up in this hell hole and learns how his mum frustrated his father's attempt to take him out, I will see how he will like her. And did you say her ex husband should take her to Europe too? See your mouth! Will she do same for him in his shoes? We need her to fix Nigeria, she ain't going anywhere!

Itooweak4una:



Don't mind the advise of this one. Your son needs the influence of strong father figure and if he can't get it from his biological father, i don't know where else he would get it. Besides, this is an opportunity for your son to get the hell out of this zoo called Nigeria. I'm quite certain he'd be grateful to you and his father in the future if he's successful. If you refuse, he might resent you in the future especially if he's not well to do in the future.

The person you quoted said she has trained 6 children. The last one just graduated from the university.

You are just 26 years of age.

Nigeria might be bad, but there are plenty of Billionaires living in this same zoo with their families.

Sir,

at 26 and with your type of mentality, you are not qualified to speak on this subject.

Martinez39s:
When the son does blame her, [she won't accept any blame or responsibility. She will blame the son... and even the father.

This is perhaps the most unfortunate part. Perpetual children with no foresight nor sense of accountability.
The way I see it, this thread is to validate what she might already have in mind - any reasonable advice in regards to the wellbeing of the child first and foremost will be sidelined.

Sanchez01:

This is a two-edged sword. And yes, you’re right for being paranoid because you are on your way to handing over full custody to your ex husband since you are continents apart.

I believe you need to have a conversation with him and possibly get a lawyer to draft an agreement that you are not giving him the full custody of your son and that he spends a certain period of time with you, possibly every summer until he is 18 when he can make his own decisions. The agreement is your guarantee that you can eat your cake and still have it; have your son get citizenship since he is still a minor and easier while you are still present and active in his life. If anything goes wrong or he stops responding/gives million excuses as to why your son can’t visit, you can make claims of kidnap to the authorities of the country he lives in and then present the agreement as evidence. Just get a reputable law firm to draft the agreement and you’re good.

*Politeness*
OP don't listen to this advice. People abduct their children to another country even after court has awarded custody to the other parent, talkless of agreement. That agreement will be virtually worthless.
I'm sure he'll offer to sign agreement, knowing fully well he'd simply ignore it

LilMissFavvy:
Don't release your child. You should only allow the boy to go when he's 18- 20yrs. If you release your child to him, he will definitely manipulate the boy and cut links with you. Keep your child. What stops him from taking you along? Be wise.

18? Do you know anything about immigration laws?

It is obvious you don’t.

The best time for the father to file for him is now that he is still young. Everything gets more difficult the older he gets.

Stop giving rubbish advice based on sentimentality.

Just read your comment, it shows how evil minded you are. He will this and that, are you a witch. Can you see the future.

This is burning issue.

My dear. I understand your fear. However l am selfishly concerned about the little boy only at this stage.

Its easier to get citizenship as a 10 year old because you are a minor living off daddy. But tougher as a 16-18 year old, because you are considered an adult depending on the country.

There is a suggestion below mine to involve lawyer and sign that you re not giving away total custody. Thus can claim kidnap should anything go wrong.

50-50 or win-win. Her son gets citizenship while has has secured her insecurities as per any eventualities

Nobody in present day Nigeria need a mind of their own to know whether they should japa or not. Its the only sensible thing to do. Nija is gone


[qquote author=IamMobisola post=128035636]

The ex-husband should allow the child finish secondary with his mother, then atleast he would be 16years old and would have a mind of his own and decide if he wants to relocate or not. For bow, the ex-husband should keep visiting the son here in Nigeria till then.[/quote]

Klass99:


1. Anita divorced because her husband turned her into a punching bag and she was constantly lying to co-workers about her bruises. She didn't leave until her 4 or 5 year old son said to her one day, I will slap you ooo, I will slap you and beat you the way daddy used to beat you, when she tried to correct him for some misbehaviour.

2. Katherine left because her husband was becoming pushy and demanding about anal sex and she doesn't roll that way. I am glad she walked because the health issues associated with anal sex are not nice and he most likely would have dumped her down the road, if or when she developed such issues, because she was trying to please him.

3. Juliet left because her husband was a serial and unrepentant cheat. He started bringing women home whenever she was away on an official trip. Their two girls were seeing this, the older one asked Juliet, why do you allow or put up with what daddy does? It's like you are accepting his behaviour and saying to us that it's okay.

These are true life stories of real Naija women who opened up about their marriages. Will you also say they weren't godly because they chose to walk away from bad marriages?

This tendency to criticize and judge divorced women without having the full picture of their lives needs to stop. You Nigerian men are not perfect and most of you are not good husband material but I guess it's easier to castigate women for marriage breakdowns.

You still don't get the point, A Godly woman will marry a man that is also Godly.and divorce will be non existent.

It's standard in order for the application to sail through. He might eventually take advantage of the relocation though but the statement is standard in all applications of this nature. I have a case in hand too like this.

If you don't feel comfortable with him leaving with his father, there is no need submitting the letter. By the way, it's not paranoia, it's a natural maternal feeling.

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Timoleon:


Here's what you are ignoring in your quest to be correct. First, to get citizenship, the child has to live in Europe (the specific country). To justify a minor going from one country to the other, the child who is 10 has to have parental consent and a familial destination to arrive to. What better justification is there than to say the child is going to reunite with his father?

Anyone with working common sense wouldn't raise objections on this. If she has raises the child well so far and with respect for both his parents...the child will constantly keep her up to date with activities abroad. At ten, of the child has been raised right and does not have developmental issues, the child should definitely know how to reach his mother directly with a phone. The only reason she should fear is if she has been lying to her son and is afraid that when he gets there, he'll find a different reality.

Let me ask you one final question: did the man tell her the implication of the citizenship, that the boy will be living with him? Why would he not explain that? It may not be far from being deliberate.